This thread is 4 months old and I see some posts above that I hadn't seen before. I appreciate the responses. Somehow I missed notifications that there were replies.
I came here just now because I'm having a bad time and wanted to look over what was going on with me when I started this thread. I see that I was in the dumps back in August. Well, that somehow eased up starting in September. Then I was doing pretty good in October. Toward the end of October, I was doing quite well. I remember putting up Halloween/autumn decorations outside on my front patio and inside too. I had seasonal candles that I lit in the evening. I was into a pretty good daily routine and was cooking a good dinner for myself most eves.
By second week of November, that all went down the drain. I think I missed the gardening I had been doing while it was warm outside. It wasn't much, but it got me outside and I'ld talk to other tenants coming and going in my small apartment complex. I kept treats in my pockets for their dogs. My landlady had given me a free hand to work on the neglected rose bushes in our courtyard. I enjoyed that and tending to potted plants on my patio. Then it got cold, and I stopped going outside. Then I went way downhill. Inside all the time. Not seeing or talking to other humans. More and more depressed.
I started to pull out of it a few times, but only for brief spurts. I keep relapsing. I have Vicodin on hand. I got my month's supply recently, so I'm tempted to take extra doses to alleviate this depression somewhat. As the month goes on, I don't do that much because I worry about running short and having withdrawal. But right now I'm in a bad way with depression. One Vicodin (hydrocodone/Tylenol) doesn't do much, but 2 or 3 might give me a boost I could feel. It's awful to feel this forlorn and desperately want a break from it. I wish alcohol helped, but it would only make me feel worse, so I don't bother with it. I can't even describe how much I need a break from this and how trapped I feel. I just want to give up.
You sound a lot like me, though my depression seems to have eased up. But I’m referring to the choice to isolate yourself. I’m an agoraphobic and I have to work very hard at times just to get out of bed. 
I took an early retirement so I get a monthly pension that pays my mortgage and I live off the rest, and I have an Etsy shop where I sell jewelry. I have my groceries delivered. I have gone 2-3 weeks without venturing outdoors and not thought twice about it. It’s so easy to do in our world today 
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I think finding an online support group would be very beneficial for you. It would be of great benefit to me, as well. Please promise me that you’ll try to find a group with people experiencing similar issues. I am going to do this myself in January. I cannot continue to be a shut in who only goes out when my boyfriend is here. 
Feel free to send me a DM if you’d like to chat about this further.
