need advice on fuck buddies

[soconfused2012]

There's a very strange consistency of all the men in your life being destructive cheaters, yet you willingly side with a married man when it springs to your benefit. It makes me play with the idea that perhaps you rationalize your own unfaithfulness as "Fair" as many people do. Therefore it's not hard for people to state "I've never cheated on anyone" as a true statement.

I'm all against cheating. Men should never cheat. Women should never cheat.

I have never cheated on anyone, EVER!... and I have not sided with a married man. I have on more than one occasion told him that if he is unhappy that he should do what he has to or make it work. Yes, I know sleeping with him is wrong...but it happened and I can not take it back now. And as messed up as this sounds, he seemed like the best option for a fuck buddy since my "consistent" cheaters have made me feel that I never want to be in a relationship again. And every thing seemed like it would go smoothly until he told me that he wishes he could spend the night with me, and that if it were possible he would be with me every day and I would be sick of him and have to tell him to stop coming over. I will be the first to admit that I am damaged from my past relationships...if you have ever been cheated on, you know the pain and I would never do that to someone. So yes, I guess also I feel guilty about what I have done and would regret the pain I have put his wife through if she were to ever find out. Again, maybe the fuck buddy thing is not for me.

 

[Raasyvibe]

I am 36 years old, and recently went through my second divorce. I was deeply in love with both men, but neither knew what the idea of marriage means. They both were cheaters. I personally do not, never have cheated and I dont lie. I am about as honest as you find in a relationship....but that leads me to today.

I have found myself with 2 fuck buddies. After being hurt for so long, by every man in my life....I truly don't know if ever want a relationship again. Because i always give myself to them 110% the heartache when it doesn't work is too bad. So now I have found myself with 2 fuck buddies! One is 25 and single, the other 37 and married. Both extremely sweet guys! I thought fuck buddies was the way to go because I don't have to have a relationship, I get what I want and that's that...but now, they stay and talk, we exchange life stories, talk about our kids etc. T

I don't know if I am doing the right thing for me. I have no problem being single. I enjoy my time with my children but the opportunity presented itself in both situations and I leapt at the chance. Just when I think the fuck buddy situation is the way to go...I find myself thinking about either of them, and wishing they were here with me. I can text either of them at anytime and they are available to talk etc, but that isn't the true idea of fuck buddies now is it? I don't want to see any of us hurt.

Damn what a horrible story. Didn't you ever find a soul-mate? Mutual care, understanding and that? you just seem to get involved with people who don't care about you. Seems to be what you go for.

 

[llama112]

I have never cheated on anyone, EVER!... and I have not sided with a married man.

But you just said in your post that you were sleeping with a married man. That IS cheating!!!!

 

[iheartthisthread]

it is by my way of thinking too.

Might be better asked in it's own thread, but what is it that makes people want to sleep with others. I get the physical atrraction and all that, but why do people choose to cheat on their sig-o ?
Boredom? Variety? Not getting any at home?

 

[soconfused2012]

Damn what a horrible story. Didn't you ever find a soul-mate? Mutual care, understanding and that? you just seem to get involved with people who don't care about you. Seems to be what you go for.

Unfortunately I think you are right. I dated both of my husbands for 4 years before getting married. I.thought they loved me, at least that is what they wanted me to think. Honestly, they loved me as their white picket fence....the wife to come home to...the one who took care of the kids, worked, made sure everyone had what they needed, etc.and then they went off and had sex with other women. My seconf husband has admitted that I did nothing wrong, and that it was his mistake...he says he screwed up. I am by no means perfect, but a soulmate, its what I.have always wanted and so far have never found.

Like I said, I am definitely damaged from what Ihave been through, and thought fuck buddies was the best way to go, but I may be wrong.

 

[soconfused2012]

I am not in a relationship, so no I am not cheating on anyone. Yes, he is cheating on his wife with me. There is no one in my life for me to be cheating on. I guess you are right, maybe that is a whole nother thread to be had?? When I have been in a relationship, I have never had sex with anyone else. I have always been faithful in MY relationships.

 

[Pagey]

it is by my way of thinking too.

Might be better asked in it's own thread, but what is it that makes people want to sleep with others. I get the physical atrraction and all that, but why do people choose to cheat on their sig-o ?
Boredom? Variety? Not getting any at home?

My impression is that boredom & not getting any at home are usually the main issues.

 

[soconfused2012]

My impression is that boredom & not getting any at home are usually the main issues.

Yes, he told me it is boredom and not getting any at home!

 

[nooneanymore]

One thing that no one ever brings up about "fuck buddies" is that the sex is never that good because you know that they don't give two shits about you. A lot of times, after awhile its only a matter of time before someone gets disrepectful or says some bullshit. If fuck buddies are together long enough EVEN if people don't develop "feelings" for each other the sex is going to get boring or routine.

Anyway,

WHO would want to have sex with someone who doesn't give a shit about them??? It just plays into the fundamental dysfunctional nature of the "fuck buddy" relationship.

 

[Care]

As much as I like sex, I dont think I could ever have someone who is strictly a fuck buddy.

If I found someone attractive I would inevitably start to have feelings for them, and if I didnt I wouldn't have sex with them in the first place.

 

[soconfused2012]

As much as I like sex, I dont think I could ever have someone who is strictly a fuck buddy.

If I found someone attractive I would inevitably start to have feelings for them, and if I didnt I wouldn't have sex with them in the first place.

Great Point! Finding someone attractive is a feeling afterall! Like I said earlier in this thread, I have been devastated by cheating husbands and thought that maybe fuck buddies was the way to go.....but after getting involved and thinking more about it, Fuck Buddies is not all that drama-free. Both men did come on to me, I didn't go out looking for them.....but I am also not claiming to be guilt free. It seemed, at the time, like the best idea for me......but I'm realizing that is not the case. Someone is going to end up with more serious feelings, and it could be me, or them. Since this thread, I have cut off most of the contact with either of them. I didn't see both sides to this before.

 

[DOB]

I am 36 years old, and recently went through my second divorce. I was deeply in love with both men, but neither knew what the idea of marriage means. They both were cheaters. I personally do not, never have cheated and I dont lie. I am about as honest as you find in a relationship....but that leads me to today.

I have found myself with 2 fuck buddies. After being hurt for so long, by every man in my life....I truly don't know if ever want a relationship again. Because i always give myself to them 110% the heartache when it doesn't work is too bad. So now I have found myself with 2 fuck buddies! One is 25 and single, the other 37 and married. Both extremely sweet guys! I thought fuck buddies was the way to go because I don't have to have a relationship, I get what I want and that's that...but now, they stay and talk, we exchange life stories, talk about our kids etc. T

I don't know if I am doing the right thing for me. I have no problem being single. I enjoy my time with my children but the opportunity presented itself in both situations and I leapt at the chance. Just when I think the fuck buddy situation is the way to go...I find myself thinking about either of them, and wishing they were here with me. I can text either of them at anytime and they are available to talk etc, but that isn't the true idea of fuck buddies now is it? I don't want to see any of us hurt.

dont give up,there are men like me and many many other who hate cheating and want proper long term thing....

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

from your story - it is company you keep.

You like these guys - they are friends, acquaintances, lovers, confidantes.

It sounds great - I know how it is.

I don't see the problem - are you getting emotionally attached and thinking you shouldn't be? :/

 

[nooneanymore]

it is by my way of thinking too.

Might be better asked in it's own thread, but what is it that makes people want to sleep with others. I get the physical atrraction and all that, but why do people choose to cheat on their sig-o ?
Boredom? Variety? Not getting any at home?

You answered your own question. No need for a new thread. In reality, if they come back and apologized and didn't act all that different then I can understand if someone cheated on me. If they didn't do it often... if it was once or twice off kind of thing.... especially if we have been together for a long time and have a life (and possible kids together). I wouldn't throw years away over a quick cheat.

When they cheat, they usually change though...

 

[Raasyvibe]

Unfortunately I think you are right. I dated both of my husbands for 4 years before getting married. I.thought they loved me, at least that is what they wanted me to think. Honestly, they loved me as their white picket fence....the wife to come home to...the one who took care of the kids, worked, made sure everyone had what they needed, etc.and then they went off and had sex with other women. My seconf husband has admitted that I did nothing wrong, and that it was his mistake...he says he screwed up. I am by no means perfect, but a soulmate, its what I.have always wanted and so far have never found.

Like I said, I am definitely damaged from what Ihave been through, and thought fuck buddies was the best way to go, but I may be wrong.

Perhaps with these "fuck buddies" you are trying to replace something you are missing in your life. And it may well prove to be a very unhealthy alternative. Self-serving relationships tend to plummet downhill; if you're being used you cannot expect no loyalty. It is a mutual care in a relationship that tends to be more structurally successful and all your relationships seem void of genuine care.

Though I will add, as poetic as it sounds... finding the right person, .... well, seems more of a rarity these days more than anything else.

 

[IntimacyAddict]

You sound a lot like me OP, I recently got dumped from a 20 year relationship with someone who I thought was my soul mate. I was dumb for not seeing the writing on the wall earlier I guess but as you said, when you give 110 percent of yourself in a relationship you think the other will too I guess. Well anyway as you did, I tried fuck buddies as I felt so emotionally damaged I felt I couldn't go near a relationship again, so thought I'd find some women who would give me sex and intimacy but guess what, I did way too good a job of that and now have developed strong feelings for two women I can't have. The fuck buddy idea is great if you are the kind of person who can stay emotionally detached, but my guess is that neither of us can, and I love intimacy and it doesn't take long when it's given to me, for me to develop serious feeling for that person. Dam life's complicated

 

[soconfused2012]

You sound a lot like me OP, I recently got dumped from a 20 year relationship with someone who I thought was my soul mate. I was dumb for not seeing the writing on the wall earlier I guess but as you said, when you give 110 percent of yourself in a relationship you think the other will too I guess. Well anyway as you did, I tried fuck buddies as I felt so emotionally damaged I felt I couldn't go near a relationship again, so thought I'd find some women who would give me sex and intimacy but guess what, I did way too good a job of that and now have developed strong feelings for two women I can't have. The fuck buddy idea is great if you are the kind of person who can stay emotionally detached, but my guess is that neither of us can, and I love intimacy and it doesn't take long when it's given to me, for me to develop serious feeling for that person. Dam life's complicated

You have that right. I can not stay emotionally unattached! The fuck buddy thing seemed perfect until i started doing it...now I miss the intimacy, the holding each other, etc. Don't get me wrong, its been fun but just not me.

 

[dmtmate]

fuck buddies can only work if you don't mind losing a buddy....... stupid feelings ruin everything

 

[soconfused2012]

Well I am sure everyone would like to know that when we stopped seeing each other he told me that he was married and falling for me! 2 days later his wife found out he was cheating and although he said she would never find out, she did and he confessed. I never thought he would chose me over her, and he was very apologetic when it all happened, but tthen he was very nasty to be and told me he never meant anything he said to me all bdcause Itold him that Iwasnt keeping secrets for him anymore. See when he told his wife, he didn't tell her the whole story. He said it only happened once etc. I guess he did tell her that he initiated it but he didn't tell her its been going on for some time, or that he sent me naked pictures almost every day. I won't lie that it hurt when he started being nasty to me. But on the other hand I am glad that it is over. I lost a friend and someone that I cared about but the lies were killing me not to mention I was really missing the intimacy of a real relationship...obviously he couldn't come over whenever he wanted etc. I am hurt and I know that it is my own fault. But I guess I don't understand how someonecan be so cruel and say they didn't mean their words just because he got caught by his wife. He even went on to say that he was hammered most of the time which isn't true considering we talked while he had his 2 year old son and while he worked. All day everyday by text. I have certainly learned from this mistake although feelings were there for us both and it doesn't make the pain easier!

 

[sumit_kumar]

sleeping with married person is really too bad..