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My brain can't handle psychedelics!

Flickering

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 11, 2011
Messages
1,118
I am sorry to bring this up again, for anyone who's followed it and found it annoying. The issue is that my brief career has been more than a little fucked. I have resigned myself to the prospect of probably never being able to use drugs again. I will have to resort to less powerful means such as lucid dreaming to achieve my goals. It's severely disappointing, but I want to consolidate, and to that end I'm putting this topic out there. Is there anyone who has had similar experiences, or knows someone who has? Does anyone know of a condition that might cause what I'm about to describe? I am going to see a neurologist about this, but until then I'm doing as much independent research as I can.

What makes it even more frustrating is that I've never heard of anything quite like this happening. As far as I know, I'm a unique case.

Here's how it went. My first two experiences with DXM went fine, exactly the way they were supposed to. The first was an allergy test, really, placing me in the first plateau. Nothing much happened. The second was a blissful plateau-two trip without hallucinations. I felt strongly inebriated and dissociated, but that was about the extent of it.

The third trip, however, went very badly. I took it to what was supposed to be the third plateau, and found myself in a state of mind so heavily spaced out, it was like seeing my life through a projection of a projection of a projection. Thought loops, major ego distortion, memory discontinuity, etc. All in all an absolutely awful night. When I woke next morning, I thought I'd imagined the whole thing, because it hadn't seemed real even while it was happening. And no hallucinations.

So okay, that's a typical enough bad DXM trip. I gave it some time, disavowed DXM use altogether, and eventually tried mushrooms. Two grams. First hour and a half was a normal psilocybin trip, nothing particularly intense, just very euphoric and beautiful. I got slight hallucinations during this 'good' period. Then once again, the trip took a nasty turn and I found myself in an indescribable state of psychosis. My thoughts turned to gibberish for several hours and I walked around my room in a state of extreme confusion. It was overwhelming and absolutely miserable. I awoke the next morning certain that my brain simply had not reacted to the drug as it was supposed to. And from the point where things got bad onward, there were no hallucinations.

Time passed and I talked myself back into it. It was just another bad trip. It was a potent species of mushroom. I've heard of pepole having experiences like that before. So I decided to smoke some weed. A light experience, almost nothing, I'd just laugh a bit and time would pass quickly. And when the time came, what happened? Nothing like that at all. I smoked four small hits, and ended up with a major distortion of the nervous system, unpleasant heavy sensations all across my body, feeling my tongue like it was in my nose, my chest like it was my stomach, etc. At the peak, I had to struggle not to slip into total insanity in my head. A dreamlike delirium, lunacy, it was a fight just to remember who and what I was. Nothing nearly as intense as the mushrooms. But still absolutely wrong.

Why did this happen? Why can't I use drugs? Is there anything that would explain this phenomenon? I'm so frustrated... I just wish it would work properly. Instead, every time I ingest something, it's a guaranteed ticket to an acute psychotic episode. And no hallucinations. What is wrong with my brain, for fuck's sake? I've been through the desert on a horse with no name, but the horse bucked. I've looked into experiences from people with mental conditions I might have - micropsia, depersonalisation disorder. No one describes anything like this. And considering how many other avenues I've taken to my goal, and how every one of them has fallen flat despite how they work for most people, I'm starting to think I'm simply cursed or something.

Again, anyone who knows of a condition like this, or knows someone with a similar adverse reaction, that's what I'm looking for... and please, don't tell me my experiences were normal; they weren't. Especially not on four hits of marijuana.
 
In isolation, none of these things sound particularly concerning. Together, they lean towards there being a constitutional problem, but given the unpredictability of mushrooms, and indeed weed, I'd still conclude that you've just been unlucky.

You may well have a lower tolerance threshold than some, but I'd encourage you to obtain a less emotional pyshcadelic (like 2cb for example), and try it at light dose; increasing gradually. Your experience with this will assist you and others define your problems more helpfully as the effects and dosage recommendations are well documented, and being a man-made molecule, there is no natural variation or other metabolites to worry about.
 
Thanks for your advice. The shroom trip was what I'd call traumatising; it took a week or two to recover from what it did to my head. The weed trip was nothing by comparison, maybe a tenth as strong, and I was able to hold it together, even though it was very mentally and physically uncomfortable. I felt fine the next day. I've considered taking very small doses of MDMA, 2cb, or even one of the legal-high ecstasy substitutes since they're so readily available, at very low doses as you said. I suppose it couldn't hurt. I'll be in for a rough few hours if, as I predict, it has a similar warped effect, but I doubt a tiny dose would do any permanent damage.

However, before I do anything, I'm definitely going to see a neurologist and get an MRI scan. If I'm subtle enough, I might be able to get a professional to tell me why whatever's wrong with my brain is causing this to happen on hallucinogens.
 
I think mindset and setting are probably playing a large role, and certain drugs are harder for certain people to get along with(and some are easier for each of us).

"My thoughts turned to gibberish for several hours and I walked around my room in a state of extreme confusion."

Here's a tip, get out of your room. Tripping in a box is almost never fun for me.
 
as frightening as it may seem those are pretty standard experiences for me at least, except I don't find the effects you describe horrible. I think your ego has a big problem letting go and maybe you want to stay in control but you need to let go of all that shit. Your ego is not going to enjoy being ripped apart and you will feel like you are going crazy but rest assured you are not going crazy.

DXM is very intense and heavy, a third plateau trip will cause all of the effects you mention, whether you find it horrifying or not is up to you, some people enjoy going that far out. Mushrooms also seem to cause people some scary trips, that feeling that you're going to lose it is the feeling I get before ego loss, which is usually the goal of psychedelic experiences. Not saying it isn't scary, if you are pushing for strong experiences, this kind of stuff is bound to happen. You just have to learn to control it by letting go or not controlling it lol. You can't maintain your individuality and sense of self on a strong trip but that's the point for me, to feel that unity or oneness, transcendence.

As well lucid dreaming for me is far more intense/trippy than any psychedelic. Being able to completely manipulate everything in the dream world sometimes messes with me and I end up spinning around in a black void that reminds me of 5-meo-dmt (ego shattering drug). If you can only handle lucid dreaming, it's not so bad. The experience psychedelics give you are fleeting, but they do open a window that allows for enlightenment if you are ready for it.
Try something lighter and less dark, I first started out on dxm and when I tried traditional psychedelics I was surprised at how different they were, dxm is some dark shit and very intense. LSD is intense but in a less frightening way. Mushrooms aren't for everyone, I'd try some of the lighter tryptamines or something like low dose 2c-i or 2c-d, or shorter acting psychedelics, so if you have a rough time, it won't last long.

It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with you or your brain. The psychedelic experience is intense and not always a happy fun time, the difficult trips are often the most rewarding. If you are just looking to have fun there are plenty of less mind bending drugs out there. Also don't get too caught up in trying to diagnose yourself, unless you have some underlying issues I think your reactions aren't out of the ordinary, don't worry about losing control and you'll probably be fine.
 
Sound like some kind of Ego-loss, you just have tripping balls ! Happens to me sometimes. I'm tripping without hallucinations, just the whole atmosphere look different in my mind and bit confusing too but it's just a part of the trip i may guess. Or maybe it was anxiety in your case afterall. Just report incase of any news :)
 
I will report back once I get those results, and if I ever try another substance. I should stress though that these experiences I've been having, have me absolutely convinced that hallucinogens don't work for me. It's not something that's easy to convey - you'd have to experience what I'm talking about. There are a few things I can say, though...

1. The marijuana trip was very similar to the mushroom trip, only not nearly as intense.
2. In all three bad trips, things were going normally enough, until I passed a kind of threshold. Then hallucinations and all other typical experiences ceased, and I entered a psychotic episode.
3. Though the doses I took were mild, the experiences are the sort of thing you'd expect from a heavy deliriant. Major distortion of reality, hellish nihilism, complete scrambling of emotionals, thought patterns and sensory imput. Even on a light dose of weed, of all things.

I'm quite sure - and I was never more convinced than during and immediately after each experience - that my brain simply misfires in all directions when I hit it with a substance. I can't be sure this is what happens with all drugs, but it's certainly true of all the drugs I've tried. There were no characteristics of a marijuana experience, or a psilocybin experience, after a certain point. There was just my mind malfunctioning, big time. There was just my thoughts and emotions melting into total goop.

As well lucid dreaming for me is far more intense/trippy than any psychedelic. Being able to completely manipulate everything in the dream world sometimes messes with me and I end up spinning around in a black void that reminds me of 5-meo-dmt (ego shattering drug). If you can only handle lucid dreaming, it's not so bad. The experience psychedelics give you are fleeting, but they do open a window that allows for enlightenment if you are ready for it.

That's relieving to hear. :) I will hold on to that hope.

Funnily enough, last night I had a dream where I was thinking about lucid dreaming. (Didn't clue in that I was asleep, unfortunately.) I was thinking that being aware must surely take the fun out of the dream, because the whole magic of it is that you DO forget who or what you are for a few hours, and just go with these random experiences without thinking about them. Being aware and in yourself all the time even while asleep must, I reasoned, be tiring.

My psychotic episodes were a lot like falling asleep... into a deep waking nightmare.

It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong with you or your brain. The psychedelic experience is intense and not always a happy fun time, the difficult trips are often the most rewarding. If you are just looking to have fun there are plenty of less mind bending drugs out there. Also don't get too caught up in trying to diagnose yourself, unless you have some underlying issues I think your reactions aren't out of the ordinary, don't worry about losing control and you'll probably be fine.

Yeah... I was never doing it just for fun, there was a serious psychonautical reason to it. But they weren't difficult trips. They weren't really trips at all. They were just pure fucked-ness.
 
I don't mean to spam this but I think it's relevant to you and might help. Found originally at: http://www.erowid.org/psychoactives/writings/stolaroff_using.shtml

Using Psychedelics Wisely
A veteran researcher explains how psychedelics can be used to give beneficial results
by Myron Stolaroff
Gnosis, No. 26, Winter 1993
MY WIFE JEAN AND I had driven several miles up the mountain to an elevation of 6000 feet a few miles south of Mount Whitney in California. We were about to meet Franklin Merrell-Wolff, author of the book Pathways through to Space, an impressively articulate and detailed description of a person entering a state of enlightenment and savoring it over several months.

When we were ushered into his private office, we found ourselves before an outstanding personage who radiated a marvelous glow. When we had talked for a few minutes and I felt sufficiently at home, I spoke of our research work, telling him that we had spent three and a half years administering LSD, sometimes in conjunction with mescaline, to 350 research subjects and had published our findings in medical journals.

"My oh my!" he said, looking at us with consternation. "I hope you haven't used these drugs yourselves."

We admitted that we had. He continued, "According to X" (here he mentioned an Indian sage whose name I do not remember), "it will take you seven incarnations to recover from the damage of taking such substances!"

Naturally I was upset, but I didn't think of the appropriate reply until we were driving back down the hill: "Never underestimate the grace of God!"

There is no question that psychedelic substances are remarkable graces. The farther one can reach into the vastness to be explored, the more one realizes how powerful these materials are. There seems to be no end to the levels of awareness that can be realized by those who use them to explore their psyches with integrity and courage.

The great value in these chemicals is that, in some way still not scientifically explained, they dissolve the boundaries to the unconscious mind. They give us access to our repressed and forgotten material, to the Shadow that C.G. Jung so effectively dealt with, to the archetypes of humanity, to an enormous range of levels of thought, and to the wellspring of creativity and mystical experience that Jung called the collective unconscious.

At the heart of the unconscious is what many experience as the source of life itself, and which some call God. Those who have experienced this describe it as a wondrous, ineffable source of light and energy that infuses all of creation, embracing all wisdom and radiating a vast, unending, and ever-constant love. Immersion in this is the essence of the mystical experience and produces what the great mystics have described as the state of unity or oneness. Such union is the culmination of all seeking, all desire; it is the most cherished of all experiences of which man is capable.

Not all who ingest these substances can count on such revelations. In fact, psychedelics are powerful agents and can be misused. It must be remembered that they help reveal the unconscious, and most of us have made its contents unconscious for very specific reasons. We may not welcome the appearance of repressed, painful feelings, or of evidence that our values and lifestyles might be considerably improved. Nor is it always easy to accept the spaciousness of our being, our immense potential, and the responsibility that these entail. We may also refuse to believe that we are entitled to so much beauty and joy without paying any price other than being ourselves!

To assure a rewarding outcome, let's look at some factors that should be taken into consideration when using these materials. I must add here that in no way am I encouraging the use of illegal substances. I do hope, however, that greater understanding of these materials will help restore an intelligent policy that will make further research possible. Here are some things that will help ensure beneficial results:

SET AND SETTING
Set and setting have been widely recognized as the two most important factors in undertaking a psychedelic experience. Of these, set has the greatest influence.

As the drug opens the door to the unconscious, huge spectrums of possibilities of experience present themselves. Just how one steers through this vast maze depends mostly upon set. Set includes the contents of the personal unconscious, which is essentially the record of all one's life experience. It also includes one's walls of conditioning, which determine the freedom with which one can move through various vistas. Another important aspect of set consists of one's values, attitudes, and aspirations. These will influence the direction of attention and determine how one will deal with the psychic material encountered.

In fact, one can learn a great deal by accepting and reconciling oneself with uncomfortable material. Resisting this discomfort, on the other hand, can greatly intensify the level of pain, leading to disturbing, unsatisfactory experiences, or even psychotic attempts at escape. This latter dynamic is largely responsible for the medical profession's view of these materials as psychotomimetic. On the other hand, surrender, acceptance, gratitude, and appreciation can result in continual opening, expansion, and fulfillment.

Setting, or the environment in which the experience takes place, can also greatly influence the experience, since subjects are often very suggestible under psychedelics. Inspiring ritual, a beautiful natural setting, stimulating artwork, and interesting objects to examine can focus one's attention on rewarding areas. Most important of all is an experienced, compassionate guide who is very familiar with the process. His mere presence establishes a stable energy field that helps the subject remain centered. The guide can be very helpful should the subject get stuck in uncomfortable places, and can ask intelligent questions that will help resolve difficulties, as well as suggesting fruitful directions of exploration that the subject might have otherwise overlooked. The user will also find that simply sharing what is happening with an understanding listener will produce greater clarity and comfort. Finally, a good companion knows that the best guide is one's own inner being, which should not be interfered with unless help is genuinely needed and sought.

MOTIVATION
This is extremely important. Those who earnestly seek knowledge and deeply appreciate life in all its forms will do well. Yet certain characteristics of psychedelics make them very popular for recreational use. The most attractive of these is their great enhancement of sensual responses, which offer heightened perception, amplification of beauty and meaning, and intensified sensual gratification. Psychedelics can also generate a great sense of closeness among participants, especially in a group setting. While I am convinced that one of the great cosmic commands is "Enjoy," there are traps in using these substances purely for recreation. The first is that a person seeking the delights of the senses may find himself overwhelmed by the eruption of repressed unconscious material without knowing how to deal with it. Another danger is that constant pleasure-seeking without giving anything back to life can distort the personality and ultimately produce more discomfort. The safe, sure way to rewarding outcomes with psychedelics is through intelligent, well-informed use.

HONESTY
For the serious spiritual seeker, or for that matter anyone seeking knowledge, the single most important characteristic is honesty. This means the courage to look at whatever is presented by the deep mind, the ability to admit one's shortcomings when they become apparent, and the determination to change one's behavior in line with the truth one has experienced.

ONGOING DISCIPLINE
Experts in the field now generally agree that it is wise to conduct psychedelic explorations within the framework of a spiritual discipline or growth program that will continually call attention to fundamental values and goals. A good discipline will outline a body of ethics for personal behavior that will support the changes required. Good ethics will also help us stay clear about our objectives, and will keep the door open to increasing depths of experience. Moreover, there is evidence to suggest that the more we are prepared to pass on to others whatever spiritual largess we have accumulated, the more we will be given.

For myself, I found training in Tibetan Buddhist meditation a potent adjunct to psychedelic exploration. In learning to hold my mind empty, I became aware that other levels of reality would more readily manifest. It was only in absolute stillness, accompanied by a special, highly developed quality of listening, that many subtle but extremely valuable nuances of reality appeared. While I achieved this to some extent in ordinary practice, I found this effect to be greatly amplified while under the influence of a psychedelic substance. This in turn intensified my daily meditation practice.

PSYCHEDELICS AS WAY-SHOWERS
The role of psychedelics is often misunderstood. Many feel that having had wonderful experiences, they now have the answers and are somehow changed. And no doubt in many respects they are. But users often overlook the fact that there are usually heavy walls of conditioning and ignorance separating the surface mind from the core of our being. It is a blessing that psychedelics can set aside these barriers and give access to our real Self. But unless one is committed to the changes indicated, old habits of personality can rapidly reestablish themselves.

At this point many feel that repeating the experience will maintain the exalted state. It may, but most often real change requires hard work and dedicated effort. Unfortunately this is not always clear during the experience itself; it has merely pointed the way and shown what is possible. If we like what we see, it is now up to us to bring about the changes indicated.

There is a grace period following profound psychedelic experiences when changes can be rapidly made. At this time one is infused with the wonder and power of the new information. Moreover--and this is an area where some valuable research can be done--the drug experience releases a great deal of bodily and psychic armoring that is tied to our neuroses. This rejuvenation is quite noticeable after a good psychedelic experience, when, without the dragging weight of physical habit patterns, behavior can be more readily changed.

On the other hand, if you make no effort to change, old habits rapidly reassert themselves, and you find yourself sliding back into your previous state. In fact, it can be worse than before, because now you know that things can be better and are disappointed to find yourself mucking around in the same old garbage.

Another factor makes this process even more uncomfortable. A lot of the energy formerly tied up in repressed material is now released. This energy may be used quite fruitfully to expand the boundaries of your being to the new dimensions you have experienced. But if you return to old patterns of behavior, you now have more energy to reinforce them, making life more difficult. For this reason, these experiences must not be taken lightly, but with serious intent.

DEALlNG WITH THE SHADOW
As Jung indicated, the Shadow holds all the material that we have pushed aside so we can hide from ourselves. Unfortunately, it also contains much of our energy, and as long as it is unconscious, it exerts a powerful influence on our behavior without our knowing it. Furthermore, Shadow material is responsible for most of the difficulties humans create in the world. We project our Shadow onto others, believe those others to be the source of our difficulties, and seek refuge from them rather than taking responsibility in our own hands. Consequently we must resolve Shadow material if we are to develop. If this were accomplished on a widespread basis, it would be a major benefit for the world.

Jung describes human development as the process of "making the unconscious conscious." Psychedelics, particularly in low doses, can be an extremely effective tool in this process. The bulk of my experience is with the phenethylamine compounds, which remained legal longer than the standard psychedelics such as LSD, mescaline, and psilocybin. Whereas a full dose of a phenethylamine like 2C-T-2 or 2C-T-7 might be 20 milligrams, a low dose would be ten or twelve milligrams, or roughly equivalent to 25-50 micrograms of LSD.

The most infallible guide to Shadow material is our uncomfortable feelings. Many do not like to use low doses because these feelings come to the surface. Rather than experience them, they use larger doses to transcend them. But these uncomfortable feelings are precisely what we must resolve to free ourselves from the Shadow, gain strength and energy, and function more comfortably and competently in the world. By using smaller amounts and being willing to focus our full attention on whatever feelings arise and breathe through them, we find that these feelings eventually dissolve, often with fresh insight and understanding of our personal dynamics. The release of such material permits an expansion of awareness and energy. If we work persistently to clear away repressed areas, we can enter the same sublime states that are available with larger doses--with an important additional gain. Having resolved our uncomfortable feelings, we are in a much better position to maintain a high state of clarity and functioning in day-to-day life.

I would also like to add a word about frequency: Individuals vary greatly in their frequency of use of these materials. Some are satisfied with an overwhelming experience which they feel is good for a lifetime. Others wish to renew their acquaintance with these areas once or twice a year. Still others are interested in frequent explorations to continually push their knowledge forward. Regardless of the frequency, it is wise to make sure that the previous experience has been well integrated before embarking on the next one. Early in one's contact with these substances, where there is a wealth of new experience, this may take several months. As one becomes more experienced, the integration time grows shorter, and the interval between trials may be shortened.

Many stop the use of psychedelics when they feel they have learned what they wished. But often it is likely that they halt because they have hit a deeply repressed, painful area that is heavily defended. The issue goes beyond purely personal material, however. One is unlikely to reach full realization without awareness, not merely of one's own pain and suffering, but of that of all mankind. This may help explain the Dark Night of the Soul, which is the final barrier to mystical union described by Evelyn Underhill in her classic book Mysticism. Since we are one, we must not only confront the personal Shadow, but the Shadow of all humanity. We can do this more readily when we discover the ample love that is available to dissolve all Shadow material.

FREElNG CONSTRlCTED AREAS
There is another way in which psychedelics can serve the serious seeker. It often happens that those pursuing rigorous spiritual disciplines achieve elevated states by pushing aside or walling off certain aspects of behavior. With honest use, psychedelics will not permit such areas to remain hidden, but will insist upon their surfacing. One then experiences the great relief of being in touch with all aspects of one's being. The joy and thrill of being totally alive come from having complete access to all of one's feelings.

THE TRAINED USER
There appears to be a cosmic law that says that giving our complete attention to an object, image, or idea with constancy, patience, and acceptance will allow its different attributes to unfold. Psychedelics greatly accelerate this process. To operate most effectively, the observer must have developed the ability to hold his mind steady so he can watch the process develop. Large doses can push one so hard that it is most difficult to do this. Therefore the best results are achieved by a "trained user"--a person who has learned to manage high doses of psychedelics, or who has learned to hold his mind steady enough to observe his inner process competently. As a user clears up his "inner stuff," he gains more freedom in directing his experience. At this stage, higher doses can be profitably used to penetrate deeper into the nature of Reality.

Interestingly, this concept of the trained user does not appear in the literature. But it is precisely the trained user who can best take advantage of the unfathomed range of wisdom and understanding contained in the far reaches of the mind. There seems to be no limit to the dimensions of understanding that can be experienced by the explorer who has the courage, integrity, and skill to navigate them. With integrity, and with the support of appropriate disciplines and friends, one can bring back a great deal for the betterment of oneself and mankind.

Are psychedelics necessary? Can't these same explorations be conducted by those who have mastered the skills of meditation? No doubt they can--with an enormous investment of time and effort. But it is unlikely that many Westerners will be willing to make such a commitment. For Western seekers, whose spiritual practice must usually be integrated with making a living, the proper use of psychedelics can considerably accelerate the process. However, it is not a path for everyone. Choice should be based on full knowledge of the factors involved.

Psychedelics are not a shortcut, as it is of little value to sidetrack important experiences. If enlightenment requires resolution of unconscious material (and my personal experience indicates that it does), those who aspire to such achievement must carefully consider the pace and intensity with which they are willing to encounter this vast range of dynamics. The psychedelic path, while much more intense than many other disciplines, is in a sense easier because it often provides an earlier and more profound contact with the numinous. Such contact inspires commitment and opens the door to more grace in surmounting uncomfortable material.

If our commitment is truly to the well-being and happiness of all sentient beings, then it is reasonable to study all useful tools for accomplishing these ends. Psychedelics, used with good motivation, skill, and integrity, can contribute much toward easing the pain and suffering of the world while giving access to wisdom and compassion for spiritual development.

The author has worked for many years in the field of psychedelic research. Between 1960 and 1970 he headed the International Foundation for Advanced Study, a research group conducting clinical studies with LSD and mescaline.
 
To be honest, this sounds normal for a psychedelic experience.

You said in your original post, 'you wished it would work properly'. Because you have this expectation about what's "proper" and what isn't, it will almost entirely never work properly because you've established an ideal of how you feel the experience should happen.. it will in-fact become the complete opposite; understand that you are dealing with aspects of yourself that you've either denied or repressed subconsciously all the while under the influence of sensory intense substance. It's going to get messy, but there's gems amongst the rough.
 
That's a good read. It encompasses the psychonautical discipline, which I believe to be equally valid as any form of meditation. It also irritates me when I read people pulling stuff out of their asses about psychedelics causing spiritual harm. "It will take your seven incarnations to recognise the damage!" Seriously, where do they get this stuff from? I briefly explored anthroposophy, only to find that the founder Rudolf Steiner made all sorts of crazy unfounded claims. Clairvoyent vision apparently allowed him to see that drugs in all forms are misleading satanic temptations. 8)

For my part: my set and setting, and motivation, were fine in all cases. The problem is most likely neurochemical.

To be honest, this sounds normal for a psychedelic experience.

But on four hits of weed? People don't start forgetting who they are (and all the other, much crazier thoughts I was dealing with) on small doses of marijuana. And what about the nervous system glitching out majorly? At times it was physically painful. All other times highly uncomfortable.
 
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I think the only thing wrong is how you view the experiences.

At least half of my trips have been difficult and probably my most difficult was on cannabis but I've always felt empowered after going through complete confusion, ego loss and certainty I died.

Even on the 3 trips I had a bad comedown the next day ( weed, mushrooms and mephedrone) I still was pleased with the experience.
 
To me it sounds like you just got tripped out and nothing more, the horrible effects you described sounds like normal effects from psychedelic drugs...

The problem is how you deal with them not the effects themself.... being confused and having gibberish in your head is a big part of doing psychs.

It almost sounds like you think visual hallucinations is the only effect from these drugs and that it should be all fun and games, well it aint like that.

Tripping is serious business and should be hard, that´s what makes it interesting and not as addictive as normal uppers, downers etc.


I think the next time you try tripping you should have a really good plan on dosing so you can gradually up the effects every time and get to know the substance you are using....



Like when i started tripping i had a hard but great time on one hit of soso lsd but now 4years later i can handle 5hits if i have the right set & setting...



So don´t rush stuff and always prepare for a hard time and accept it, it´s good for you to have a semi bad trip if you can learn from it.
 
But on four hits of weed? People don't start forgetting who they are (and all the other, much crazier thoughts I was dealing with) on small doses of marijuana. And what about the nervous system glitching out majorly? At times it was physically painful. All other times highly uncomfortable.

It's not uncommon for people to experience greater effects from marijuana after psychedelic use, especially if the psychedelic use was very recent. I've experience total ego-dissolution from 1 bowl of weed that had my whole body aching in physical pain as i felt a warm sensation rush up the back of my spine towards my head, i've probably experienced more states similar to psychosis on marijuana then anything else..

For alot of people, marijuana is never the same after psychedelics because there awareness is simply far greater then what it was before; so naturally there more sensitive to the effects.
 
Set & Setting ma brotha. Have a trusted friend with u in a place you feel comfortable. If this dont work id leave psychedelics; shit aint for everyone. Or go practice meditation for 20 years in the mountains of Nepal and you can start monk trippin :D
 
It did come across that I was only in it for the visuals, I suppose. But that's not it. The one proper trip I had that ever worked, 2nd plateau DXM (I don't consider 1st plateau a trip) involved no visuals, yet it was a beautiful altered state of mind, and I felt it was very much worth it. Rather, I'm pointing out that the visuals and other such effects either ceased at the point of psychosis, or never kicked in. This in itself seems strange to me. What's going on in my visual cortex, when it shifts from normal to bad? And why is it that no matter what the drug, it always seems to open up the exact same, insane, thought pattern?

I will try to get said thought pattern across.

An amorphous whole of shifting bloblike textures that is my body and every experience - I am just a TV screen that watches and is watched - I'm a spectator but what does that make me? - I don't exist at all and the people in the front seat are hallucinations - the universe is so tiny and compact and it's nothing more than what I'm seeing - everything I hear is lying to me - every sensation is just a thought in the great infinite machine and it doesn't really mean anything - I can disappear from this transient reality any time I want, it's only a dream - a dream for what? I am nothing but an entity that is all of existence, creating what it wants just by thinking about it, but all the things I think about are so boring and plain and lack substance - those faces I'm thinking of are my 'family', but they don't exist and I don't feel attached to them - I don't have a body, I'm just a swirling mass of texture - you don't believe what the road bend is grasping at the seams of a lettuce box - but I don't try it with the dreams up in the hire - if was it meth? was it marijuana? At least I can think in English this time - What did that mean, what does time mean? - all this gabbling has to stop I can't believe I ever fell for the human illusion - this is all so wrong, make it stop

And that was what it was like for an hour, on a mild dose of cannabis. The mushrooms (again, two grams) were a great deal stronger and I spent much of it with absolutely no contact with reality. The sort of thing you might expect of a strong 5-MEO-DMT dose for sure, but not a little bit of weed.
 
I get that same mindfuck from smoking too much jwh lol. You probably don't have a tolerance to marijuana right? so taking 4 hits (if they are big hits) of some really strong marijuana may certainly cause something like that. I remember the first times I got incredibly high from marijuana, time was all messed up, I'd see things in frames that were choppy, I'd think about the infinite amount of time in between milliseconds, voices sounded different and I felt really messed up. That powerful change in consciousness and extreme awareness is not something to fear. After plenty of psychedelic use you start to feel your foundation cracking and all of your beliefs are challenged. I'll get that Cartesian doubt, that everything is not real, or it's all a dream but you can read Descartes and see how he figured his way out of it lol. It really sounds like you are tripping, without a strong tolerance to marijuana, and after you have used psychedelics, there's no reason to think it wouldn't happen. I say embrace it.

If you think about it, your perceptions of this world are a result of your brain interpreting signals, like a computer running a program that is essentially just 1's and 0's. If you mess with the signals by using psychedelics, your reality is affected. Reality is not concrete and I think you are realizing that. That's the fun in it IMO.
 
I am sorry to bring this up again, for anyone who's followed it and found it annoying. The issue is that my brief career has been more than a little fucked. I have resigned myself to the prospect of probably never being able to use drugs again. I will have to resort to less powerful means such as lucid dreaming to achieve my goals. It's severely disappointing, but I want to consolidate, and to that end I'm putting this topic out there. Is there anyone who has had similar experiences, or knows someone who has? Does anyone know of a condition that might cause what I'm about to describe? I am going to see a neurologist about this, but until then I'm doing as much independent research as I can.

What makes it even more frustrating is that I've never heard of anything quite like this happening. As far as I know, I'm a unique case.

Here's how it went. My first two experiences with DXM went fine, exactly the way they were supposed to. The first was an allergy test, really, placing me in the first plateau. Nothing much happened. The second was a blissful plateau-two trip without hallucinations. I felt strongly inebriated and dissociated, but that was about the extent of it.

The third trip, however, went very badly. I took it to what was supposed to be the third plateau, and found myself in a state of mind so heavily spaced out, it was like seeing my life through a projection of a projection of a projection. Thought loops, major ego distortion, memory discontinuity, etc. All in all an absolutely awful night. When I woke next morning, I thought I'd imagined the whole thing, because it hadn't seemed real even while it was happening. And no hallucinations.

So okay, that's a typical enough bad DXM trip. I gave it some time, disavowed DXM use altogether, and eventually tried mushrooms. Two grams. First hour and a half was a normal psilocybin trip, nothing particularly intense, just very euphoric and beautiful. I got slight hallucinations during this 'good' period. Then once again, the trip took a nasty turn and I found myself in an indescribable state of psychosis. My thoughts turned to gibberish for several hours and I walked around my room in a state of extreme confusion. It was overwhelming and absolutely miserable. I awoke the next morning certain that my brain simply had not reacted to the drug as it was supposed to. And from the point where things got bad onward, there were no hallucinations.

Time passed and I talked myself back into it. It was just another bad trip. It was a potent species of mushroom. I've heard of pepole having experiences like that before. So I decided to smoke some weed. A light experience, almost nothing, I'd just laugh a bit and time would pass quickly. And when the time came, what happened? Nothing like that at all. I smoked four small hits, and ended up with a major distortion of the nervous system, unpleasant heavy sensations all across my body, feeling my tongue like it was in my nose, my chest like it was my stomach, etc. At the peak, I had to struggle not to slip into total insanity in my head. A dreamlike delirium, lunacy, it was a fight just to remember who and what I was. Nothing nearly as intense as the mushrooms. But still absolutely wrong.

Why did this happen? Why can't I use drugs? Is there anything that would explain this phenomenon? I'm so frustrated... I just wish it would work properly. Instead, every time I ingest something, it's a guaranteed ticket to an acute psychotic episode. And no hallucinations. What is wrong with my brain, for fuck's sake? I've been through the desert on a horse with no name, but the horse bucked. I've looked into experiences from people with mental conditions I might have - micropsia, depersonalisation disorder. No one describes anything like this. And considering how many other avenues I've taken to my goal, and how every one of them has fallen flat despite how they work for most people, I'm starting to think I'm simply cursed or something.

Again, anyone who knows of a condition like this, or knows someone with a similar adverse reaction, that's what I'm looking for... and please, don't tell me my experiences were normal; they weren't. Especially not on four hits of marijuana.

Seems normal to me. You just need to focus yourself better and prepare better so you don't have bad trips at higher dosses.
 
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