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My boyfriend doesnt want to have sex with me anymore

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ezrielle

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 24, 2015
Messages
16
My boyfriend of 9 years has no Interest In sex anymore and it's killing me. If I tell him to do it he will do stuff for me to get me off but he has no enjoyment for it anymore. He tells me he will do whatever I tell him to to try and fix it. But it has been going on for several years and not getting better. It is getting so that I hate to touch him and try to get him excited because I know it doesn't make him excited and I feel awful about myself when it doesn't. And I only tell him to do stuff to me when I am really desperate for it, because I know he doesn't enjoy that either so I feel disgusted with myself. Lately my hormones have been raging and I really want it but the thought of having to ask for it makes me feel like a pitiful person. Today I took his hand and put it under my shirt on my Boob and he just left it there, he didn't bother to do anything. I am feeling really disgusted with myself right now.
 
Listen... either this hommie be fruit loopin', or he needs some drugs to make his dick work again.

But unless you seriously think you're ugly, you have no reason to be pissed at yourself. In fact, right now I wanna punch this bastard so hard. How dare he pass up the pussy like that. For me, that's like watching a billionaire tossing money in a fire.
You have no reason to be disgusted with yourself, but a shit ton of reasons to be disgusted with him.

Then again... Ask yourself? Are you really beautiful and attractive? I guess you must be, since he's been dating you for 9 years? When did he start to change? Was this problem always there?
 
No we used to have sex every day. Then it was every other day. About. A two years ago it became every few weeks. For awhile I took a lot of medication and it helped a little to make me feel numb and not need it. But then I lowered my dosage and stop taking other stuff that decreases my sex drive. I was hoping to give it another try. But now I am just frustrated. I think about sex and then I feel bad. If I tell him I need it he will do the things I like and he is so good with his hands. But how can I feel good and enjoy myself knowing he only does it because I tell him to. If I never did he would probably never have sex with me.
 
He does tell me I am still attractive, just that he is broken and has no interest in sex. I feel like it's up to me to fix it. But I can't. And the continued trying just makes me feel worse.
 
ezrielle said:
He does tell me I am still attractive, just that he is broken and has no interest in sex. I feel like it's up to me to fix it. But I can't. And the continued trying just makes me feel worse.
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I think you should try to see a doctor... or go to a gas station, they got sex drugs there too.
Websafe.jpg

Even Ryu has trouble with libido sometimes

ezrielle said:
For awhile I took a lot of medication and it helped a little to make me feel numb and not need it. But then I lowered my dosage and stop taking other stuff that decreases my sex drive.
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If anyone needs drugs it's him. Drugs to lower sex drive? That's what I call poison. I didn't even know pills like that existed... What dark, evil witch invented such a dastardly potion? You shouldn't change because he doesn't want sex. He needs to change. Why should you be taking medication? You're not the one who's sick. You're taking meds because of him and his problem. You're the one who's perfectly healthy? What sense does it make for someone with a healthy sexuality to take drugs to benefit someone who doesn't have a healthy sexuality?
 
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I think you misinterpreted her, psych.

Her lack of sex drive was a side effect of the medication (drigs) she was taking anyway. I don't think the drugs were designed for reducing sex drive nor did she use them specifically for that purpose.
Also your first response seems a little short sighted. You don't know what is going on between these two and it is insensitive to both her and the absent party ( her BF) to make assumptions about his sexuality, psychology, psysiollogy and behavior accompanied by desperate envy of his situational circumstance regarding being with a woman who has a high libido..

*takes a deep breath*

Why does he think he is broken?
Does he actually have a hard time getting an erections in general? Does he masturbate? Do you guys have troubles in your relationship besides sex?

Have you tried asking g him what you could do that would be hot for him?
 
ChipTrippyFox said:
Why does he think he is broken?
Does he actually have a hard time getting an erections in general? Does he masturbate? Do you guys have troubles in your relationship besides sex?

Have you tried asking g him what you could do that would be hot for him?
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yes I have tried many times to do whats hot for hi, the problem is he is so discouraging that i have stopped trying. He always says he doesnt know what turns him on. And yes I have tried just doing stuff in the past, many times. The thing is nothing turns him on, sometimes after he gets me off a few times I can play with it a bit and it gets hard but its like he isnt even there, its just like a natural body response. Currently our only trouble is SEX. We get along well, we have the same interests. I kiss him and tell him i love him, I climb on him and kiss him and try to make him feel wanted. he just doesnt.
I should say he does have depression issues, but he won't see a doctor for it. he has told me the doctors can do nothing and that in his past he has tried taking meds. I just don't know what i can do anymore. I need to feel like someone wants me.
 
psychedelicsoul said:
Even Ryu has trouble with libido sometimes



If anyone needs drugs it's him. Drugs to lower sex drive? That's what I call poison. I didn't even know pills like that existed... What dark, evil witch invented such a dastardly potion? You shouldn't change because he doesn't want sex. He needs to change. Why should you be taking medication? You're not the one who's sick. You're taking meds because of him and his problem. You're the one who's perfectly healthy? What sense does it make for someone with a healthy sexuality to take drugs to benefit someone who doesn't have a healthy sexuality?
Click to expand...
the drugs weren't taken to purposely lower my sex drive but they did as a aside affect
 
He needs to make an effort to get things working. Eventually, you're going to want to get laid by a human being. If not him, then someone else.

He *DOES* have some issues, as he stated about "doctors in his past" what is in his past? Was he molested? Was he abused? If you both have the ability to go see a sex therapist and he refuses - then he doesn't care that much for the relationship either and seriously consider moving on. You can't save the relationship alone, why SHOULD you?!

Also, if he really loves you, but his penis and sex drive is "dead" - then ask for permission to go date other guys FOR sex... why not?
Who knows, maybe it'll turn him on.
 
Ugh, that's really rough. Not feeling wanted is an awful feeling. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Seriously. I have friends who have gone through this and it's fucking brutal. I'm going through it myself right now in a slightly different way, and it's honestly just the worst :(.

Hang in there, and keep in mind that there are a shitload of other men in the world (says the chic who is finally single as of one week tonight, ha!). After 9 years? Yeah, he should still be crazy about you. This is a problem with him, not you. Stay strong, and if you're not really ready to give up on this idiot yet, maybe couple's counseling would help?
 
It could be that he has lost interest in the relationship. I know that sounds harsh but it is something you should consider to be what is going on.

I am guessing you two live together, right? So I find it is easy to stay complacent in a relationship if you live with someone. You don't want to leave because you split bills, split chores, and are used to each others company. But things have fizzled out in the bedroom, so the sex stops.

I have been in that situation and I was the one not putting out. I just was young and did not know how to end a long term relationship so it was easier to just live with her and stop having sex with her. I was not cheating but I was masturbating and well so was she.

I suppose we ended up staying together so long because we were friends too and still are years later. The thing about that woman was we were friends and if I was still attracted to her, well I would be with her but I am not.

So it might be that he still cares about you but has moved on sexually without really knowing it. His lack of interest is no ones fault. Everyone has lost interest in a partner at one point in time.

So you can go about trying to fix things and maybe you just need to change things up a bit (spice up in the bedroom, get in shape, get your hair and nails done). I would try to look at the relationship and decided if you want to be in it. You can't always fix things. Sometimes you can.

So really what might work is an honest conversation about what's up and honestly if you do not get a solid answer than you should know things are probably gonna stay the way they are if you stay in the relationship. If he expresses what is going on and takes steps to fix it, well than maybe things will work out.

My advice is just be honest with yourself and don't let this whole thing fuck up your self esteem.
 
"I wouldn't wish it on anyone. " - How about Hitler? Yeah yeah, he's dead. How about terrorists and assholes of the world? Better yet, their dicks should simply fall off and they bleed to death.

 
I had a similar problem with my primary partner. My sex drive is enormous compared to his, to the point that it gives him some performance anxiety and starts this horrible spiral of both of us feeling like absolute shit after any kind of sexual activity.

We came to the decision that while we're great romantically and as partners, an open relationship is the best solution to the sex problem. We live together, I love him to bits and pieces, and we're that disgustingly cute couple that everyone hates and envies. We even have matching coffee mugs for fuck's sake. It's just that I get most of my sexytimes from people who aren't him, which reduces the pressure he feels, which makes his libido happier. (He also has other partners that he has sex with, and I'm pretty cool with that.)

It's not a solution for everyone's problems, but it sure as fuck has worked for us.
 
Your situation seems very similar to mine, except I'm the one who doesn't want to have sex anymore. I've been with my current bf for 4 years now and over the last couple of years things have definitely gone down hill. I feel very unhappy in our relationship and this has caused me to lose my desire for sex with him. Maybe he isn't telling you the whole truth when you ask what's going on. He doesn't seem to be giving you too many details, being "broken" sounds pretty vague to me.
Maybe he is frustrated in some other aspect of your relationship and he just doesn't want to admit it to you, or even himself. I know that's certainly how I felt. I was frustrated with him over a couple of things and when my bf would ask why we weren't having sex as much as we used to I would just make up an excuse saying that I was just tired or too busy. Communication is so important and if he's not willing to give you more detail than just being "broken" and he's not willing to see a professional for his own issues then I think it may be time to move on.
 
testosterone, go see the doc why are you dealing with this when there is no need to.
 
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