jose ribas da silva
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 10, 2019
- Messages
- 3,889
Yesterday I had an extremely strong mushroom trip that, sincerely, I do not know if it was worth going through it. I have a lot of experience with drugs so that I knew the trip would be intense. My intention, when I decided to take it, was to get rid of my current anxiety levels and frustration with life.
In the beginning, it was beautiful, visions, sounds, and everything else that comes along with the trip.
During the comedown from the apex of the effects, I was mentally pierced by all my painful frustrations. Basically, everything that I hate the most about myself came together to my mind as a strong wave and this changed my mindset from a very pleasant one to a very anxious one. I got EXTREMELY ANXIOUS to the point that I was physically altered, like that common nausea induced by anxiety, sweating, agitation, symptoms of a panic attack etc.
I started blaming myself for taking more drugs instead of seeking a sober life. A memory of a panic attack that I had years ago candyflipping came to my mind too, after that day my life was not the same and panic is always in the background.
I found my existence ridiculous, my life ridiculous, all those fears, all those paralyzing immobilities. I started hating myself for being inept, without attitude, for losing my intrinsic potential, for having my life as it is nowadays. I started hating myself because of my drug abuse and solitude.
I started hating myself for being weak and powerless.
My anxiety was unbearable, at that time, around 6 am, I was too tired, took a Xanax and tried to sleep.
I'm afraid of not being the same person again, I think I got worse after this trip
In the beginning, it was beautiful, visions, sounds, and everything else that comes along with the trip.
During the comedown from the apex of the effects, I was mentally pierced by all my painful frustrations. Basically, everything that I hate the most about myself came together to my mind as a strong wave and this changed my mindset from a very pleasant one to a very anxious one. I got EXTREMELY ANXIOUS to the point that I was physically altered, like that common nausea induced by anxiety, sweating, agitation, symptoms of a panic attack etc.
I started blaming myself for taking more drugs instead of seeking a sober life. A memory of a panic attack that I had years ago candyflipping came to my mind too, after that day my life was not the same and panic is always in the background.
I found my existence ridiculous, my life ridiculous, all those fears, all those paralyzing immobilities. I started hating myself for being inept, without attitude, for losing my intrinsic potential, for having my life as it is nowadays. I started hating myself because of my drug abuse and solitude.
I started hating myself for being weak and powerless.
My anxiety was unbearable, at that time, around 6 am, I was too tired, took a Xanax and tried to sleep.
I'm afraid of not being the same person again, I think I got worse after this trip