Opioids Morphine and fucking up my life

[nznity]

OK, I didnt know where to put this so if its in the. Wrong place please some mod change it. OK so Ive been.a Morphine addict for the better part of the last 8 years. I used to tons of crack aswell but it was too detrimental for my health so ive been clean for a month st least. With the morph I just cant seem to stop, I keep defending my use, that morphine isnt bad for my body, etc just pure bullshit. WHAT HAPPENED TODAY WAS JUST TOO MUCH, so i go to work high as fk, drank a couple beers and took some benzos. I HAD A FUCKING GOOD JOB AFTER MONTHS OF BEING A LEECH TO MY FATHER AND NOW I GOT FUCKING KICKED OUT CAUSE THE BABY NZN KEPT NODDING OUT AT WORK AND MY BOSS NOTICED AND TOLD ME TO LEAVE MY STUFF AND FUCKING GO HOME. SO NOW I HAVE NO JOB, IM 25,NO PROFESSION, IT WAS A GOOD JOB WHAT I HAD AND NOW IM IN THE SAME POSITION AS ALWAYS...
THE WORST PART IS IM WAITIN FOR MY DEALER TO SELL ME 100MG OF IMJECTABLE MORPHINE BECAUSE THE FUCKING KID CANT COPE WITH LIFE AND ITS STRUGGLES,HIS FUCKING ANSWER IS GETTING HIGH ALL THE TIME.... PLEASE GUYS I NEED SOME HELP.... I FEEL HOPELESS AND SAD
NZN

 

[Branggen]

Put all your energy into finding a new job asap, take it as a lesson to keep your use in check especially at work. A couple years ago some lady called my boss saying I was driving erratically because I was speeding to get home from the job to pick up drugs (number on the back of truck). I got fired and started spending all my money on drugs that I had made that year screwed me up, if I just made the decision to look for a new job right away I think I could have avoided all that. Ive got a better job now and am now actually taking morphine, although prescribed for opiate addiction. If you can keep your use in check you can work on getting clean slowly while you focus on putting the other pieces of your life together at the same time. I think youll be okay if you can push through this rough time

 

[G_Chem]

Dude to be real, knowing what I know from your posts, you likely need maintenance like Suboxone to get your life straight for awhile. How easy is it to get Suboxone or Methadone down there? I can relate a lot your history, and wouldn’t be here today without low dose Suboxone.

Ibogaine is another option.

-Gc

 

[nznity]

Dude to be real, knowing what I know from your posts, you likely need maintenance like Suboxone to get your life straight for awhile. How easy is it to get Suboxone or Methadone down there? I can relate a lot your history, and wouldn’t be here today without low dose Suboxone.

Ibogaine is another option.

-Gc

Since there's virtually no opiate addicts here, there's no methadone nor buprenorphine. IMMa just have to withdrawal with comfort meds

 

[nznity]

Put all your energy into finding a new job asap, take it as a lesson to keep your use in check especially at work. A couple years ago some lady called my boss saying I was driving erratically because I was speeding to get home from the job to pick up drugs (number on the back of truck). I got fired and started spending all my money on drugs that I had made that year screwed me up, if I just made the decision to look for a new job right away I think I could have avoided all that. Ive got a better job now and am now actually taking morphine, although prescribed for opiate addiction. If you can keep your use in check you can work on getting clean slowly while you focus on putting the other pieces of your life together at the same time. I think youll be okay if you can push through this rough time

I know for a fact now that I can't keep. My usage under control, its just not possible. I'D BE A FING fool if I thought at this point that it can be realistic that only use once in a while. :'(

 

[Branggen]

I know for a fact now that I can't keep. My usage under control, its just not possible. I'D BE A FING fool if I thought at this point that it can be realistic that only use once in a while. :'(

I wouldn't necessarily say only once in a while, but you could always take doses where you just feel good but aren't nodding. And like that other guy said have you thought of Ibogaine at all? Ive only read about it but have heard promising things, any chance you have access to it? I think most psychedelics have the chance of helping out with addiction if you can sort of use them to help learn about yourself. I still think the first thing I would wanna do is get back working, I think for a lot of people its better to get your life in order before you try going cold turkey as far as opiates.

 

[nznity]

I wouldn't necessarily say only once in a while, but you could always take doses where you just feel good but aren't nodding. And like that other guy said have you thought of Ibogaine at all? Ive only read about it but have heard promising things, any chance you have access to it? I think most psychedelics have the chance of helping out with addiction if you can sort of use them to help learn about yourself. I still think the first thing I would wanna do is get back working, I think for a lot of people its better to get your life in order before you try going cold turkey as far as opiates.

My family has already spent like 100k$+ trying to rehabilitate me with no results..... So much time, money, resources wasted in vain. I'VE LIED MANIPULATED ROBBED CONNED SOLD DRUGS, ANYTHING EXCEPT SELLING MY BODY.... I don't wanna do this anymore its like there's 2 nzns in me the real one, the caring, intelligent, witty, coherent, good, happy, hardworking boy and also there's this fucked up psycho who would do anything and crash with anyone, who has only one objective.... Get more dope. Well to answer you question, I live in Perú so there's no methadone, no suboxone, no ibogaine(I'd like to try it though), already tried rehab but alwayz relapse. Well this time I'm on a diff state of mind, I feel likr I've reached rock motherfkng bottom I got tons of gabapentin, shit load of Loperamide and the best aid in the whole wide world.... HOPE. let's see how this goes....

 

[Iceman1216]

Dude: YOU ARE DONE!! Now the question is how do you want to go forward??? I down an out drunken Drug addict, or a clean and sober member of Society?? The fun and Party is OVER!!! all that is left is recovery or a Shit load of pain, for the next 50 years if you live that long. You have a loving and caring family that, that has Really tried. [ Don't take this the wrong way, But you Stole that 100K from them. Still using and fucking up due to drugs and alcohol]
you know what to do , been to enough rehabs, get a a program, any program , I don't give a fuck, I use NA & AA has kept me good for decades, and I have had relapses (5) in the last 37 years, but I have a life and a family that I love and they love me. The only thing Detox and rehabs do is give you a brake ,and show you the Tools YOU NEED to Use to Stay clean & Sober. Not always Fun or easier, but Better than where you are now, and how you well.
All is well ICE

 

[Branggen]

Im not religious but while withdrawing ive turned to "belief in something greater than myself" and kind of trusted that it could help me. I think that got me through some rough times, in particular when I went from pretty hardcore abuse to only using the bare minimum daily. Tapered from there and Im pretty close to the end now (gonna be about a 2yr taper). I only turn to "faith" when I'm having a real hard time. Aside from that im pretty agnostic. I have a theory that "praying" is really in a way asking your subconscious for help, kind of like you are just talking yourself through your problems, and it really does help. Just figured if your really wanting to try and stop for good this is something that helped me look at things from a long term perspective which is hard to do while inside of the addiction

 

[nznity]

Dude: YOU ARE DONE!! Now the question is how do you want to go forward??? I down an out drunken Drug addict, or a clean and sober member of Society?? The fun and Party is OVER!!! all that is left is recovery or a Shit load of pain, for the next 50 years if you live that long. You have a loving and caring family that, that has Really tried. [ Don't take this the wrong way, But you Stole that 100K from them. Still using and fucking up due to drugs and alcohol]
you know what to do , been to enough rehabs, get a a program, any program , I don't give a fuck, I use NA & AA has kept me good for decades, and I have had relapses (5) in the last 37 years, but I have a life and a family that I love and they love me. The only thing Detox and rehabs do is give you a brake ,and show you the Tools YOU NEED to Use to Stay clean & Sober. Not always Fun or easier, but Better than where you are now, and how you well.
All is well ICE

Thanks for the words man, I'm not that much of a NA/AA type of guy
, went once there and never came back. Not meh cup of tea those meetings. I just need to set the goal of staying clean from opiates FOR GOOD and do it once and for all. IM TWENTY FUCKING FIVE and keep acting like a 5 year old kid. I CANT Go forward in life cause I maintain the stupid usage, its like I am stuck in this neverending cycle. I Need/want/must set myself free,then I'll finally have some inner peace, have my head clear and think straight, everything will come into place. Just needa try Really hsrd this time, the phys wd isn't what bothers me.Its the god dam mental part, the boredom, the anxiety, the crippling anhedonia, that just straight fucks me up so bad I end up relapsing after 10-14 days. I ALWAYS RATIONALISE and think to myself i shod reward myself for being clean for quite a bit and BAM. WITHOUT realising in at square one, injecting twice a day, every fucking day. THIS TIME I needa stay clean and not Just for a bit, I needa become a member of society again. I'm tired of being a dope fiend ugh.

 

[Iceman1216]

Good luck, I Always thought I could do it on my own at your age!! I went to my first meeting at 23 in 1983, got sober and clean for two years then made a shit load of $$$$ , and thought I had this NO Problem??? Two years latter almost died and was so desperate that I CRAWLED back, and I have been for 35 years. So what ever works for you Good luck?? But if you have the disease of addiction, and you have fucked your brain with letting that monster out of its cage, I have Only been able to but it back in and keep it thee in All aspects of my life by meetings. I No longer am a Total Abstinence Nazi, as I was for my fist 25 years. Now I am All about Harm Reduction, and get better (Too Many People dying and losing everything, as well as Destroying all their Loved ones.)
if you can Fix your disease and your life. More power to you, I could not,and Now my Life is Good , Not Perfect, But Really fucking good> So one or two hours a day to get what I have and life getting better, I am All in.
But You Need some really hard changes, in your life 100K is a shit load of $$ your parents have spent, and it does not sound like there are getting very much back for all that $$ right now?? So please if you love them as much as they do you,? Please get clean and sober, the path you are on does not End well

 

[Iceman1216]

Dude, Welcome to a life time of the disease of addiction!! You want to and can not!! That is how meeting got me clean. I changed EVERYTHING in my life.
If Nothing changes Nothing changes!!
Why Not make me a deal
Go to 90 meetings in 90 Days
Share and ask for help at every meeting
If your life is not Substainually better, You can Always go back to where you are now NO Charge

 

[Xorkoth]

Are you able to do rehab? If there is no maintenance available, it may be worth it to do a stint in rehab. It's worth it to get your life on track. You're young at 25, it is easier to change now than it will ever be. Trust me, I totally get opiate addiction, I was in deep for 10 years (until age 30). In fact after 6 years clean I relapsed and have been struggling with that for about 6 months. Addiction is a terrible affliction and it is horribly misunderstood by society, unfortunately. There is help out there, though.

Most likely there is something in your life you are self-medicating with opiates. Try to identify what that is, and work that out, if possible, because when you quit and finish withdraw, that will still be there. Also you'll end up having a lot of time on your hands when you're not doing opiates, so it's important to find things to fill that time with that make you feel good and facilitate inspiration and excitement, like a good hobby or something. What worked for me was that I had to get out of my marriage because it was terribly toxic and abusive, and I started working out (this helps SO MUCH, it's the single best medicine to get yourself feeling good physically and mentally without opiates), eating well, going out into nature a lot and hanging out with my friends, and I started playing music again and threw myself into that, I remembered that it's my passion and I joined a band with some friends, and dedicated my energy to that, which made me feel better than opiates ever could, and is healthy and fulfilling.

Good luck, man. ❤ The first step is admitting you have a problem and being positive that you need to change. If possible you should come clean to your friends and family (if they're going to kick you out or something, maybe you can't, but if not, I think it's a good idea as it holds yourself accountable and makes it more real... it's a lot easier to keep using and rationalizing to yourself if you're only accountable to yourself and hiding it from everyone else.

 

[Iceman1216]

Are you able to do rehab? If there is no maintenance available, it may be worth it to do a stint in rehab. It's worth it to get your life on track. You're young at 25, it is easier to change now than it will ever be. Trust me, I totally get opiate addiction, I was in deep for 10 years (until age 30). In fact after 6 years clean I relapsed and have been struggling with that for about 6 months. Addiction is a terrible affliction and it is horribly misunderstood by society, unfortunately. There is help out there, though.

Most likely there is something in your life you are self-medicating with opiates. Try to identify what that is, and work that out, if possible, because when you quit and finish withdraw, that will still be there. Also you'll end up having a lot of time on your hands when you're not doing opiates, so it's important to find things to fill that time with that make you feel good and facilitate inspiration and excitement, like a good hobby or something. What worked for me was that I had to get out of my marriage because it was terribly toxic and abusive, and I started working out (this helps SO MUCH, it's the single best medicine to get yourself feeling good physically and mentally without opiates), eating well, going out into nature a lot and hanging out with my friends, and I started playing music again and threw myself into that, I remembered that it's my passion and I joined a band with some friends, and dedicated my energy to that, which made me feel better than opiates ever could, and is healthy and fulfilling.

Good luck, man. ❤ The first step is admitting you have a problem and being positive that you need to change. If possible you should come clean to your friends and family (if they're going to kick you out or something, maybe you can't, but if not, I think it's a good idea as it holds yourself accountable and makes it more real... it's a lot easier to keep using and rationalizing to yourself if you're only accountable to yourself and hiding it from everyone else.

Perfect advise here. But if you can not Identify your self medication trigger, don't wait, to get clean!! I had no self medication trigger!! ( I just Really Really Like to get Fucked up, and that feeling just before Black out , or Nod off to Passed out!!
I had a Great job, tons of $$, Hot girl friend, super apt, lots of Fun toys, and felt I deserved, to Party like a rock star
The problem is lots of Rock stars Die young !!
How it is done does not matter, Detox, Rehab, Meetings ( Hobbies are good , but I only find that works after you are clean? If not you just do the hobbies High ) as is said above you are very young, and have one of two choices:
Anything you want to do the work for
or
A Drug addict
All is well

 

[Xorkoth]

Perfect advise here. But if you can not Identify your self medication trigger, don't wait, to get clean!! I had no self medication trigger!! ( I just Really Really Like to get Fucked up, and that feeling just before Black out , or Nod off to Passed out!!
I had a Great job, tons of $$, Hot girl friend, super apt, lots of Fun toys, and felt I deserved, to Party like a rock star

True, good point, actually I started having drug problems when my life was peachy, I just really like getting high. But my opiate addiction didn't get really deep and dark until the relationship got bad.

 

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

I'm sorry but every "functional addict" lives with the risk of exposure at any moment. And any funtional addict has to accept when he or she can no longer control personal usage. It's good that you've realized that because many addicts refuse to believe that they've fallen off and are completely out of control when things get pitch black in their life.

I would say if you're serious about going forward in life subs are the best option, but seeing as you don't have that option available I have no idea how to handle this. What about naltrexone in your country (the shots or pills)?

 

[KS78]

If possible, get Buprenorphine. Finish all your morphine then start yourself on Buprenorphine and do a rapid, one week to 10 days taper till you hit 0 mg. I say Buprenorphine because unlike other possible medications, it blocks opiates/ opioids as well when you are on it.
If you sincerely are going to stop, whatever way you decide to do it, you will need to be very stubborn and dedicated because you won't be in a facility that will manage your medication.

 

[nznity]

Thanks for the words guys especially iceman and Xorkoth makes me think there's still ppl who care about others still. Well I'm not really that deep into addiction atm because I did 10 days sober like 2 weeks ago? So wds aren't gonna be that bad, I will just tough it out and get clean again. Its just what comes afterwards that makes me relapse over and over. THIS Time I'm fed up with it tho, it always ends up the same shit, I always lose everything eventually I get into deeper trouble and manipulate, lie, hurt my loved ones for another fucking fix.
I don't wanna be a kid anymore, I'm not a kid anymore and I'm tired of everyone having to fucking take care of me cause icant take care of myself. ITS TIME TO PUT ON THE FUCKING PANTS AND MAN UP. Tysomuch every one for the kind words, really appreciated I was feeling down as fk now i feel much better. Wish me luck guys nzn

 

[draculic acid69]

What about naltrexone implants?

 

[nznity]

What about naltrexone implants?

No bupe, no methadone, no naltrexone in my country :/