Men's feelings about sex workers

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Where I’m from and being around crack and heroin for years I’ve met a few. From escorts to junkies suckin cock for a bag and what they nearly all had in common was a guy was benefiting from them doing it.
they say they’re independent but they’re not.

This is very true. It is like this in countries and places where prostitution is legal, decriminalised, or tolerated in certain zones, etc.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

That's depends a lot on what type of sex worker we are referring to here, rich ones or poor ones? Hanging out with rich ones it is the best, they super beautiful and they have amazing abilities. I love sex workers but one should be careful about the violence in south america, unfortunately, the poor ones

Are these the Brasilian shemales you wrote about before?

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Though I can't truly know what that feels like, I can understand, I think.
In all probably, I can't, not even near. But I try and it doesn't feel good, man.

Question for you;
I don't trust therapists, at all. Every single one I've seen has just made me feel more like a basketcase than before.
I would however have no problem paying a working pro again, just to fucking... vent.
I'd pay to sit on a parkbench in broad daylight and just talk. Me, me, me.
Somethings you can't tell your parents, your best friend or anybody else, and I'm not talking perverted or violent, deviating shit.
Like, I can't tell my best friend suicide is a ghost in my head and I talk to him every fucking day; can't tell my sisters or parents.
And I do realize it's fucking odd to put that weight on a random person.

Is that fucking weird? Did you have guys like that, who just wanted to talk?
And did you despise them just the same as the ones just lookin to cum somewhere?

I am not sure if psychotherapy is useful either? I would reach a plateau with a therapist where it was not really helpful any more. I could get the same or better results for free by talking to a close friend or family member.

Also, the psychotherapists, counselors, mental health professionals I know all have major issues such as cluster B personality disorders like narcisscistic personality disorder, eating disorders, drug addiction, major depression with actual suicide attempts, anxiety/panic attacks, etc.

Nobody is perfect but it does make me wonder why these people are giving advise to clients about mental health, therapy, etc.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

Maybe that could be beneficial? I mean not necessarily with some of those things, like narcissism etc. in a role where you should take an emphatic caring attitude, but maybe if someone had the experience of anxiety or depression etc. they'd be able to relate back to their own experiences when giving someone advice regarding how to deal with those problems

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Maybe that could be beneficial? I mean not necessarily with some of those things, like narcissism etc. in a role where you should take an emphatic caring attitude, but maybe if someone had the experience of anxiety or depression etc. they'd be able to relate back to their own experiences when giving someone advice regarding how to deal with those problems

I am not sure? I know narcissistic people who actually have been diagnosed as having NPD who like to 'save' people or make it look like they have helped or saved people because they love the attention, accolades, prestige it gives them when they tell others what they do for work, etc. Yes these people are psychotherapists, and in two cases are medical doctors.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

I mean, if the ultimate outcome of that is good (i.e., their patients show improvement, however that's measured, and get a positive result from the interaction) I guess it doesn't really matter what the counselor or physician's motives are...as a patient I just like it when the dr. gives the impression that they care about someone or something other than just themselves

 

[Jabberwocky]

I am not sure? I know narcissistic people who actually have been diagnosed as having NPD who like to 'save' people or make it look like they have helped or saved people because they love the attention, accolades, prestige it gives them when they tell others what they do for work, etc. Yes these people are psychotherapists, and in two cases are medical doctors.

Nietzsche reckoned anyone doing charity was a narcissist. In which he included basically all Christians. But we risk wandering off topic here.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I feel bad for them. It is very sad when a woman, man, or whoever gets into prostitution or is forced into it, or does it as a means of survival to avoid being homeless, support a hard drug addiction, or because they feel they have no self worth, other options, have narcissistic personality disorder or other mental health issues, or out of desperation.

A lot of prostitutes even in countries or places where prostitution is legal, decriminalised, or legally tolerated in certain areas of a city, town, etc. are trafficked, forced into it, have pimps/madam, or give most of their earnings to the owner of a brothel, etc.

The prostitutes and former prostitutes and strippers I know and am friends with said it was by far the worst 'job' or 'work' they ever did. The clients made their skin crawl, it is basically legalised rape/sexual abuse as the clients will force them to do sex acts that they do not consent to, and many clients or tricks will rob them, try to not pay them, or manipulate them into charging less. Prostitution is also super dangerous and even in countries and places where it is legal, tolerated in prostitution zones, decriminalised, etc. the punters beat up, rob, and rape the prostitutes, or force them to have unsafe sex, etc. A lot of prostitutes or former prostitutes have been forced into it underage and/or sexually abused as children, or teens.

I couldn't agree more. The amount of abuse I endured at the hands of my "clients" is obscene. Some of these men would use me specifically because they hated women and wanted to hurt me in various ways, including rape. I won't go too far into detail but let me just say sometimes it was basically torture, but they thought it was ok in the end because I was getting paid. In some of their eyes they were just paying for my body, and they had a right to do whatever they felt to the product they purchased. Really dark shit.

 

[Burnt Offerings]

That's terrible, I'm so sorry that you had to endure that. I'm a man but I hate how some men treat women, and I'd imagine that it's even worse when that transactional element of paying for it gets entered into the equation. Several people in this thread have commented that people who used their services liked to take the opportunity to abuse or degrade women, and I guess it's not surprising but it is just disappointing and depressing, that someone would heartlessly take their "issues" out on another working person, another human being who's just trying to get by

 

[JessFR]

I feel bad for them. It is very sad when a woman, man, or whoever gets into prostitution or is forced into it, or does it as a means of survival to avoid being homeless, support a hard drug addiction, or because they feel they have no self worth, other options, have narcissistic personality disorder or other mental health issues, or out of desperation.

I very much doubt many prostitutes have narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists have a need to feel superior. To admire themselves and be admired. In my experience you'd have to be doing some amazing mental gymnastics for prostitution to make you feel like that.

Maybe in some limited capacities it's possible. Like perhaps when doing webcam shit where you're in total control of what's happening.

But if you're doing outright prostitution and especially street prostitution I would think being a narcissist would make tolerating such work impossible.

 

[✿Dai₷y✿]

Meh.

Blokes will think whatever they think about prostitutes, obviously they all have their own opinion, not sure if they assume the prostitutes actually enjoy this work or realise they might not and do have to pretend a lot.


I'm pretty sure the whole hypocrisy of seeing a prostitute as untrustworthy as a partner would eventually have to come to mind though.

Its just a job, a way to earn money that doesn't harm anyone like robbery or fraud does. Drug related violent crime is committed more by men.


I know a few prostitutes, not very well but enough to know they really couldn't give a shit what anyone thinks at the time they're working but don't want anyone not a client or close friend to know what they do. Its no one's buisness anyway, I wouldn't tell anyone if I had been a sex worker as its none of their buisness .

There was a thread here where it was seen a transgender person didn't have to tell partners they were not born male/female so previous sex work is not a big deal really.

If many know then its ok to assume partners will find out, they can take it or leave it .




Id rather be with someone who is not sleeping with someone else but prostitutes would probably be more trustworthy than a bloke would think. Its not as if they are going out deliberately cheating. They might be put off guys and the sleaze to not be interested in having a boyfriend let alone cheat on them.

Its more likely the blokes cheating on their gitlfriends with the prostitutes that should get the bad reputation.


It doesnt matter what someone has done or how often in the past unless you're trying to avoid being hurt in the future. Doesnt bother me what guys think about sex workers either, that's up to them.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I very much doubt many prostitutes have narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists have a need to feel superior. To admire themselves and be admired. In my experience you'd have to be doing some amazing mental gymnastics for prostitution to make you feel like that.

Maybe in some limited capacities it's possible. Like perhaps when doing webcam shit where you're in total control of what's happening.

But if you're doing outright prostitution and especially street prostitution I would think being a narcissist would make tolerating such work impossible.

There is a quite controversial but still well-researched argument by a guy called Blanchard that transsexuals may engage in sex work as a consequence of what he labelled autogynephilia (being the male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a woman). Which I guess could be related to narcissistic type traits. He does say there are other forms of transexualism though and there is a strong counter argument that the very large number of transexuals who prostitute themselves do so because there is no legitimate space for them in society. But a number I have met certainly gave the impression of loving their work.

 

[JessFR]

There is a quite controversial but still well-researched argument by a guy called Blanchard that transsexuals may engage in sex work as a consequence of what he labelled autogynephilia (being the male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a woman). Which I guess could be related to narcissistic type traits. He does say there are other forms of transexualism though and there is a strong counter argument that the very large number of transexuals who prostitute themselves do so because there is no legitimate space for them in society. But a number I have met certainly gave the impression of loving their work.

Yeaaaa Id have to see some very solid evidence before I believed that. It just screams psychobabble bullshit. I'm not saying there's never been a guy who got off to thinking of himself as a woman. But the suggestion that even a significant minority of transexual sex workers are doing it for that reason just doesn't pass my mental bs detector.

But, returning to how that suggestion relates to my original thought... even if it's actually true, I wouldn't call that narcissism. That's a sexual paraphilia. Just because someone is sexually aroused by some element of themselves or by seeing themselves in a certain way or doing certain things, that doesn't automatically mean they are narcissistic as a person in any other aspects of their life or personality.

To take a very obvious example, just because you're a dominant in BDSM, that doesn't mean you're a narcissist. Anymore than having a rape fantasy means you want to be raped. It's a fantasy, and I don't think you can extrapolate much from peoples sexual fantasies (again excluding freudian psychobabble).

And as for "gave me the impression of loving their work". Again I'm not gonna say there aren't sex workers who legitimately love their work, but I've seen enough to make me feel highly dubious whenever I hear such claims. Sure seems to have been quite a few former sex workers come out and say that in hindsight, they didn't love their work, they had to believe they loved it in order to do it. Which is a lot more consistent with my experiences and observations.

Again though there's a lot of sex workers out there so I don't wanna talk in absolutes or say "nobody does/thinks/believes x". I'm speaking in generalities. For every general rule there will of course be exceptions to the rule.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I very much doubt many prostitutes have narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists have a need to feel superior. To admire themselves and be admired. In my experience you'd have to be doing some amazing mental gymnastics for prostitution to make you feel like that.

Maybe in some limited capacities it's possible. Like perhaps when doing webcam shit where you're in total control of what's happening.

But if you're doing outright prostitution and especially street prostitution I would think being a narcissist would make tolerating such work impossible.

I did not say all or most prostitutes have narcissistic personality disorder, but a lot of people in porn-both porn films, in magazines which have gone the way of the dinosaurs, internet porn, etc. do have Narcisscist personality disorder, and porn has been advertisement for prostitutes for longer than basically everyone on this website has been alive. Lots of people in porn make more money as being prostitutes/escorts, or what is now called 'sex work' on the side than from porn.

It has to do with how Narcisscist people want to be worshipped.

I do not believe you are a narcissistic person, but I know more than a few people who were prostitutes and who did porn who were diagnosed as having NPD.

Maybe the NPD helped them survive the dangerous and sleazy worlds of prostitution, porn, sex work, etc.? I know for one friend that was a polydrug addict, turned stripper/prostitute it did, she would meet clients or potential clients via stripping, and would very quickly realise if she could have them pay her money for sex, various fetishes or kinks they had etc. She told me about meeting older men who paid her lots of money for her to wear open toed heels, grind her feet in their crotch, lick or touch her feet, etc. I know this woman has NPD but she saw it as getting what she deserved which was money, of which most of it went to feed her addictions but she got out of the life and is now thriving and has had two husbands that know about her past and have no issues with it.

 

[JessFR]

I did not say all or most prostitutes have narcissistic personality disorder, but a lot of people in porn-both porn films, in magazines which have gone the way of the dinosaurs, internet porn, etc. do have Narcisscist personality disorder, and porn has been advertisement for prostitutes for longer than basically everyone on this website has been alive. Lots of people in porn make more money as being prostitutes/escorts, or what is now called 'sex work' on the side than from porn.

It has to do with how Narcisscist people want to be worshipped.

I do not believe you are a narcissistic person, but I know more than a few people who were prostitutes and who did porn who were diagnosed as having NPD.

Maybe the NPD helped them survive the dangerous and sleazy worlds of prostitution, porn, sex work, etc.? I know for one friend that was a polydrug addict, turned stripper/prostitute it did, she would meet clients or potential clients via stripping, and would very quickly realise if she could have them pay her money for sex, various fetishes or kinks they had etc. She told me about meeting older men who paid her lots of money for her to wear open toed heels, grind her feet in their crotch, lick or touch her feet, etc. I know this woman has NPD but she saw it as getting what she deserved which was money, of which most of it went to feed her addictions but she got out of the life and is now thriving and has had two husbands that know about her past and have no issues with it.

I'm sure NPD prostitutes exist, I'm just saying I doubt it's very common in most kinds of prostitution.

It probably becomes more common the higher class it gets, My experiences are predominantly with street prostitution, so that probably colors a lot of my views about all this stuff.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

I couldn't agree more. The amount of abuse I endured at the hands of my "clients" is obscene. Some of these men would use me specifically because they hated women and wanted to hurt me in various ways, including rape. I won't go too far into detail but let me just say sometimes it was basically torture, but they thought it was ok in the end because I was getting paid. In some of their eyes they were just paying for my body, and they had a right to do whatever they felt to the product they purchased. Really dark shit.

The sad and fucked up part is that even in countries and cities where prostitution, sex work, etc. are completely legal, decriminalised, or tolerated in zones if you go to the police they will not take any of the sexual assault, rape, robbery, etc. seriously and often times police as well as people or at least men in organisations that are supposed to help victims of trafficking, rape, etc. demand or want sex or money as a form of 'payment' or what they are 'owed'.

 

[JessFR]

The sad and fucked up part is that even in countries and cities where prostitution, sex work, etc. are completely legal, decriminalised, or tolerated in zones if you go to the police they will not take any of the sexual assault, rape, robbery, etc. seriously and often times police as well as people or at least men in organisations that are supposed to help victims of trafficking, rape, etc. demand or want sex or money as a form of 'payment' or what they are 'owed'.

Legalizing prostitution does not fix everything. It never has.

In fact in some instances it may have actually made things worse.

The primary positive thing legalization does as a benefit is it stops the state from prosecuting prostitutes.

It sometimes makes things safer, but not always. In fact some poorer regulatory frameworks may have made prostitution even more exploitive by taking away prostitutes autonomy.

If I ran society... I suspect I'd fully legalize prostitution for the prostitutes but keep it illegal for the customers. Im not completely sure about that I'd want to look at the options.

No matter what the best way to regulate prostitution may be, I can't see anyone ever convincing me that prostitution is just a job like any other. That seems like something a lot of people try to convince themselves of because they want it to be true.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Legalizing prostitution does not fix everything. It never has.

In fact in some instances it may have actually made things worse.

The primary positive thing legalization does as a benefit is it stops the state from prosecuting prostitutes.

It sometimes makes things safer, but not always. In fact some poorer regulatory frameworks may have made prostitution even more exploitive by taking away prostitutes autonomy.

If I ran society... I suspect I'd fully legalize prostitution for the prostitutes but keep it illegal for the customers. Im not completely sure about that I'd want to look at the options.

No matter what the best way to regulate prostitution may be, I can't see anyone ever convincing me that prostitution is just a job like any other. That seems like something a lot of people try to convince themselves of because they want it to be true.

I agree with everything you wrote here.

 

[Zephyn]

There is a quite controversial but still well-researched argument by a guy called Blanchard that transsexuals may engage in sex work as a consequence of what he labelled autogynephilia (being the male's propensity to be sexually aroused by the thought of himself as a woman). Which I guess could be related to narcissistic type traits. He does say there are other forms of transexualism though and there is a strong counter argument that the very large number of transexuals who prostitute themselves do so because there is no legitimate space for them in society. But a number I have met certainly gave the impression of loving their work.

That's not true, I've worked in offices with transgender developers or receptionists on multiple occasions and I was surprised with how much respect they were treated

 

[JessFR]

That's not true, I've worked in offices with transgender developers or receptionists on multiple occasions and I was surprised with how much respect they were treated

Just because they were apparently treated with respect in a specific environment where they were your coworkers doesn't mean there isn't an enormous social prejudice happening. I see it all the time just as a bystander. In fact it seems like transgender people are the most frequently targeted. Though I still see lots of other bigotry too.