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Men's feelings about sex workers

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Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
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Nov 3, 1999
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I'm curious how men feel about women who while in their addiction, ended up being sex workers out of necessity.

Have you ever been in a relationship with a sex worker who wasn't one while you were dating?

Have you ever been in a relationship with a sex worker while they were still working in that industry?

How did it effect your feelings for that person?

Did you respect them more/less for doing what they felt they had to do?

If she was a sex worker in her past and got clean and stopped the lifestyle, how did you feel?

I have my own experiences with this, I'm just really curious to get a wider array of responses compared to the relatively few that I've had in my own circle of friends. I would really appreciate anyone's honest feedback about this subject. Thanks!
 
Alright, so there was never any judgement? You didn't just view them as whores? I feel that it's really easy for people to forget that just because they are putting on a "show" and getting money out of it, there are sometimes (not always, just in my case) really deep-seated issues that the person hasn't necessarily addressed or decided to share with others you know? I've been in a relationship where I was forced into it, and now I'm in a relationship where I'm judged because I did it. I've dated men who got off on the fact that I did it. I've dated men that just wanted to hold me and tell me that I wasn't a piece of shit and didn't deserve that. It's really hard to wrap your head around reality when you've been spun around every which way like that.
 
I thought this thread might fo better in the Sex, Love, and Relationships Forum but it seems we want to look at question in terms of the lovers also being addicts and living the life?
 
I would consider dating an ex prostitute. Because while I've never done that, I would sell sex (as a female to males, or as a male to females) to obtain drugs during my addiction.

It's just a fact... drugs drive you to do whatever it takes.

My take is - I would NOT date one who is currently a sex worker - that's a horrible idea.

I almost dated a stripper, and even that's a recipe for a disaster.

But if she is clean or out of that life, and you can look past that and not let that fact alter your thoughts of her as a person - and she's a good person to be with and you love her?

Than fuck yeah.

If you find someone you're compatible with - don't take that for granted. Some people spend there lives and never find love.

---

However be warned, because of this past and how far she is removed from it - she is definitely more likely to return to, lie, relapse, etc.

Sex workers often have a vast amount of shame, guilt, and trauma.

I met one in recovery who was raped multiple times, not paid, and let handcuffed to a raider in a motel. or whatever her story was. something like that.

They got a lot of shit going on man.

Unless they were like a high class escort - it might not be the best idea.

But like I said - love is love.
 
When I was a stripper/escort, my boyfriend at the time suggested I become a stripper, so that way we would have plenty of money to support both our habit. He eventually pushed me into the escort part of it.

I don't think I would've considered dating anyone else really. I think you're right. Because while a person is strung out, they do whatever it takes to make damn sure they will have the money for the fix. I loved my dude at that time. Now that I'm older looking back on it, I'm sure he just needed me to make the money so he could stay high, and he didn't care if I was putting my body or life on the line. He would hit me if I wouldn't go to work. But he was also an addict, so his mentality I'm sure, was " do whatever it takes."

But I could totally see that being a really difficult thing for someone to deal with.

My current boyfriend struggles with the fact that I used to do that. But he's also a totally normal dude, who doesn't have any experience with the desperation that comes with an addiction. I'm really in love with him, and I'm trying to see it from his side, like why exactly it's a struggle for him, if it's affecting his pride, etc.

Do you think that just as it's hard for a lover to imagine your lover with anyone else, it's harder when you consider the fact that the sex worker had meaningless sex with a number of people? And the fact that prostitution is taboo in the first place?

I will say I really regret that I did that. I think it did end up showing me that sex is something to be shard with someone you love, that it's important to make that connection with someone who truly means something to you, and that it can really be a sacred beautiful thing. I'm just scared that no one will ever be able to get over that part of my life, just as I've been struggling to reconcile with it myself.
 
I'm also sorry if I didn't post this thread in the appropriate spot. I'm new to this and have no idea what I'm doing. I'm struggling right now with alot of changes in my life and reaching out for support for the first time in an online setting.
 
albertosal said:
When I was a stripper/escort, my boyfriend at the time suggested I become a stripper, so that way we would have plenty of money to support both our habit. He eventually pushed me into the escort part of it.

I don't think I would've considered dating anyone else really. I think you're right. Because while a person is strung out, they do whatever it takes to make damn sure they will have the money for the fix. I loved my dude at that time. Now that I'm older looking back on it, I'm sure he just needed me to make the money so he could stay high, and he didn't care if I was putting my body or life on the line. He would hit me if I wouldn't go to work. But he was also an addict, so his mentality I'm sure, was " do whatever it takes."
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I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but your boyfriend was a scumbag.

I used to prostitute to help support my drug habit too. But I didn't tell my bf for quite a while after I started doing it. Specifically because I knew it'd hurt him.

We both worked really hard to support our habits together. If anything he would go without so I didn't have too. The way your guy behaved is really fucked up on several levels.

That said, while he wasn't abusive to me. I have been in an abusive relationship, I'm keenly aware how we often can't help who we love. It's not rational. Please don't think I'm blaming or judging you. It's not your fault at all.
 
I dated a stripper while she was stripping. Didn't like it much as there is always a thought that she might be doing something. She was very loyal but it is still disturbing.
 
JessFR said:
I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but your boyfriend was a scumbag.

I used to prostitute to help support my drug habit too. But I didn't tell my bf for quite a while after I started doing it. Specifically because I knew it'd hurt him.

We both worked really hard to support our habits together. If anything he would go without so I didn't have too. The way your guy behaved is really fucked up on several levels.

That said, while he wasn't abusive to me. I have been in an abusive relationship, I'm keenly aware how we often can't help who we love. It's not rational. Please don't think I'm blaming or judging you. It's not your fault at all.
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I couldn't agree with you more. And my current boyfriend is nothing like him. I'm just scared that I'm not good enough for him I guess. He really struggles with every aspect of my past, and still watches me struggle trying not to use.

It can't really be easy for anyone in relationships like that I guess. Especially not for a normal person with an addict who did many unsavory things and still tries daily to stay away from it. But really, don't worry about offending me. Wow, the things that have been said to me in the past (a couple just popped in)were truly devastating. So I'm really a pretty tough girl. But you didn't say anything to offend whatsoever, I appreciate the kind words. I'm in need of support right now and I'm grateful to find it here!
 
albertosal said:
I will say I really regret that I did that. I think it did end up showing me that sex is something to be shard with someone you love, that it's important to make that connection with someone who truly means something to you, and that it can really be a sacred beautiful thing. I'm just scared that no one will ever be able to get over that part of my life, just as I've been struggling to reconcile with it myself.
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I had a somewhat similar experience when I started looking back at what happened.

I think there are some people who can function in sex work and not have it end up fucking them up. But that a lot of us can't. Especially when you're only doing it cause you're desperate for money.
 
I spend quite a bit of time with sex workers when I am high but practically never when I am straight. If I don’t have a partner and am on an extended period of sobriety I l’m pretty much celibate as then I prefer sex within the context of a loving relationship.

I tend to go to the same trustworthy establishments and spend at least one session with each new woman. During this checking out phase I see what kind of human-to-human connection there is between the two of us. I try and assess whether the woman would have hated the time with me or put me in the ‘one of the good ones’ category. I also consider did I find her style non-pushy, relaxed, and easygoing.

If there is a match both ways then I tend to keep visiting that same woman (though not exclusively) as long as vibe seems to be there. Inevitably more of the time starts to be about hanging out and talking and often sex is an afterthought or just something chill like a massage or cuddle.

In my mind, a number of these women are my friends and giving them money is just the same thing as giving my accountant buddy cash or a gift if he helps with a tax issue or my mechanic buddy a little something if he sorted out that moise in my car. What they do with me is their profession and time they spend with me is money lost if I don’t pay them.

A couple of these ladies have suggested that we hang out in their non-working time at no cost to me. However I have resisted this for a mumbet of reasons. The first is that it is usually the ladies who smoke meth that offer that and I think that time would still be transactional and I’d just be paying in crystal.

However the main reason is that for the most part there is no way I could integrate these women into my sober life given the very large social and educational differences between us. If a real relationship developed between us she would inevitably end up a kept woman just waiting for me to come home everyday. It’s less the being an ex-prostitute would matter as much as not being able to participate much in my non-high life.

That said, I sometime have developed what you could describe as ‘loving’ feelings towards some of these women and taken an interest in their lives (because we talk so much). From time to time I’ve given a small bit of financial help to them or organised some legal help - but that wasn’t about saving the fallen woman. It was just what I’d do for any friend who was in need.

No doubt I am deceived in some ways or maybe seen as a soft touch or easy mark by some of these women. But if I am then they still deserve anything they get as fair pay for the power of their performance and the happiness I have felt being with them.
 
Atelier3 said:
No doubt I am deceived in some ways or maybe seen as a soft touch or easy mark by some of these women.
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I won't lie that was my first thought yeah.

Desperation has a way of turning people into world class manipulators/actors.
 
Are these sex workers we we actually know or just mens opinions on sex workers? It's hard to know someone and see them struggling while just viewing them in the light of "she's a sex worker" you tend to start to care about them if you know them - and if the guys don't know them who gives a flying toss what their opinion is on something they know nothing about?
 
JessFR said:
I won't lie that was my first thought yeah.

Desperation has a way of turning people into world class manipulators/actors.
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It’s maybe 1-in- 20 where I’ve felt I have had an honest look at the person behind the prostitute and I’ve felt the greed, desperation and cunning too many times to count. It’s fairly rare for me to feel that friend thing I described - but it has happened.
 
never dated a working girl but i was very close to quite a few girls who did the sex work. never ever had any ill thoughts about it. if a woman wants to exploit mans need for sexual release for MASSIVE profit.. fuck all the power to ya! the girls i knew were awesome girls.
 
Stripping isn't in the same category as sex work. Not everyone who's a stripper turns tricks. I'd go so far as to say that most don't as they make enough stripping. Where I live there are clubs where they do and clubs where they don't. It's pretty cut and dry. I'd also say that at a lot of the sex-oriented strip clubs, the girls aren't very good dancers although there are exceptions I can count them on one hand

Strip clubs are different because things are monitored to a certain extent. I know many strippers and have ongoing friendships with them and some of their boyfriends and their friends. I guess I'm saying that I respect what they do. There's one girl who offered me sex but I got a nude lap dance from her instead because she really liked me and I liked her as well. I'd go on a date with her

If I saw a street walker I'd not approach but that's more to do with being afraid of pimps. I'm not afraid of prostitutes but I'd be afraid of getting robbed so I don't see the point in even approaching such a person. This is just my opinion, of course ;)
 
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Where I’m from and being around crack and heroin for years I’ve met a few. From escorts to junkies suckin cock for a bag and what they nearly all had in common was a guy was benefiting from them doing it.
they say they’re independent but they’re not.
 
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