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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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Started Valdoxan yesterday to get some restfull sleep again. My dreams this night got even more vivid as they were before. This makes me nuts! Its maybe the worst symptom for me... Hope it will go away as soon as this stuff kicks in.
 
India, yes that is my biggest complaint at the moment. I'm 3.5 months into my LTC and although my anxiety is pretty calm I may only have depression due to the fact that my senses seem messed up. The colours I see are not as bright, the things I smell do not seem as pleasant and my taste will often seem off and boring. I've also noticed my body feels quite numb as if my pain threshold has increased, as if it's not as sensitive.

I notice this post is from a while ago (05/07/214). How are your symptoms now?

Or would anyone else who has experienced this like to share their experience?
 
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Im at about a year and a couple months since i really went overboard with my MDMA use. I had used MDMA multiple times since last summer and after some hard self anylizing i realized all my issues were because of my over use of MDMA. I too, notice ups and downs. Days of clarity and then all of a sudden days of utter confusion, and depersonalization. Im probably never going to take MDMA again, but i do not regret the experiences i had with it, as it is truly a remarkable substance, but the potential for overuse is just way too daunting...
 
Alright so I had a terrible nightmare that involved my heart anxiety and I woke up in the middle of a intense death fear, went back to sleep.
Today, it's not a no-symptoms day, it's better than that, it's probably the best day I've had in my 163. I have NOTHING but heartbeat awareness wich is impossible.
My sensivity to light seemed impossible to overcome, well im staring at my computer screen without any issue... I can move my damn head in circles without my brain being 2-3 seconds behind on images in being foggy. I will probably lay down and pray even tho i'm atheist that it stays like that. I feel physically like i'm 100% back to normal right now.

PS: This thread is named MDMA Abuse Recovery (Success Stories & Support) But honestly, I think we have to make a distinct differenciation between people that thook alot over the course of a weekend or the cumulation of years, and the people who was trying it on their first time or thook a small dose and their brain froze there, like me.
 
Ok I think I figured out how to address the emotional, no spark to life, and low response to music thing.

Heavy drinking at shows. I went to a Feed Me show last night and drank way more than I would normally allow my self and had an amazing time. The response to music was still not how I remember it. But I was having so much fun in every other way, that I didn't care about the music and in the end, the music was still great to dance to. I had so much fun and didn't stop dancing all night long. And today I'm in a great mood jamming out to tunes.

Once the brain fog and DP is gone. I'll address the emotion music thing with drinking at shows. It blew my inhibitions out the water and let my self be myself again. I haven't felt that alive in 17 months.

Def not drinking often as I still think healing with out it is better. But I know how to use alcohol as a good tool in the future now.
 
@pmz I never was a fan of drinking so I didnt do it often. I hadnt drank for like 8 months until last month. I thook 2 beers and panicked for 10 seconds thinking I was gonna pass out I was do drunk ahahah. The euphoria I get since I dont drink much leads me careless about my symptoms and makes me think : You're like that because you're drunk. I have 1/100 of my chest pains and it makes me enjoy life to its fullest for quite some time. Needless to say I drank 3 times since and it was just as good. Good tool indeed, to keep a reminder that life is going to be ok soon
 
I think when the DP is gone that 'no emotions' thing is gone as well. You're looking at it as two different symptoms but I think they're the same.
 
I think your right. I feel like I'm trying to address them separately. But maybe that's not the case. Just keep on keeping on I guess. I'm doing well. It's hard to say what is part of what though. Is the brain fog/stoned feeling also part of DP as well? Might be. I dunno anymore. So tired of trying to figure this out. But last night showed me I can still have a hell of a time.
 
Pmz I have to agree. I usually have a lil worry before I drink during my comedown but when I do I always feel good and don't give a damn about anything. It's weird. I haven't made it a habit though. In the past year I've probably drank 4 times or so. Just saying I don't think it's all that bad for our comedowns. I've tried smoking bud as well. That's a complete different story. That shit made me panic lol. Throw a few beers back evey now and then bro
 
Well said and could not agree more!
coderbrah said:
I'm not saying the advice is poor advice. Yes I agree, just going on with your life is the best way to deal with this. That and get medical help.

What I'm concerned about is the attitude portrayed in some of these posts.

The random Bluelight user is just browsing this forum because of his love for XTC, stumbles into this thread like any other and assumes that because he or his friends have never seen anything like this it must mean that we are just exaggerating.

No, LTC is not a medical diagnosis. However it is a phenomenon that most people in this thread have experienced that we decide to name for the sake of having something to call this situation we're in.

To me an LTC is a prolonged state of several combined mental disorders (because this is not JUST anxiety, maybe for some) directly after xtc usage. The thing is, this state is so severe and drawn out that it completely shits on the average XTC comedown. Now the curious thing is that an LTC apparently doesnt discriminate. We have people ranging from teenagers to 35+. People using random street XTC and pure MDMA. And people that were severely stressed and some that didn't have any problems at all. The bottom line is it's not an isolated incident and while it's not medically diagnosible it is definitely a 'thing'.

And this thing has caused some very hard mental anguish and has scared the living crap out of people. Now is it brain damage? We dont know. Is it chronic downregulation? We dont know? Is it mental? We also dont know. What we do know is that it is VERY difficult and that we are not alone. So those suffering from this 'thing' come together to talk to eachother because noone in the real world seems to relate. People having overcome an LTC encourage and support those currently suffering and thus this mini community is made. It is one of hope. And for a lot of people proof that they arent stuck in this state forever, which might be potentially life saving information (it was for me).

When someone who doesn't know whats going on then drops a comment in this thread downplaying our emotions and suffering it really stirs me up. As ScaredFirstTimer has said- this is a safe haven. It might not be that for everyone but it definitely is for me. No attempt to understand or to empathize has been made, only an armchair analysis. Yes I agree with the advice, I don't agree with the attitude. You don't know my symptoms, you don't know what I've done for my recovery. I wake up every day checking this thread first thing in the morning because it gives me hope.

Also before anyone gives me the see a shrink advice again, I have been seeing a psychiatrist and psychotherapist for three months already.
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Although being back on the forums, I realise I'm not searching for help and these days I'm not analysing my behaviour (apart from now, which I only just realised) anymore. Moving back to university in a week so hopefully I don't have time for Bluelight anymore. But I think I can say I'm back to normal, with maybe a few phobias, but it doesn't interfere with daily life anymore AT ALL. Just got to stop my OCD of coming on this bloody website hahaha.

almost recovered.
 
Okay. I've been on the site for weeks now I recently made an account. Jus wanted to say I've been following a lot of you including you jibberman. You all give me hope of recovery. There's no one on earth who can understand what it feels to go through a "LTC" I beg god everyday for today to be my recovery but I have to come to terms I will take a while.. 2 months in. Main thing is ANXIETY including horrible chest pains.... life sucks.
 
Hi jusjenn21,
in a week it gets 3 month. After month 2 i had a very good week with nearly no symptoms, except from bad sleep and brainfog. Keep it up. I think the worst phase is behind us and now, even when it feels bad that this whole shit lasts this long, it will get better and better soon. Maybe you reached your halftime allready!
Keep it up!
Dont hesitate to pm me, i always love to speak to other people who are in this.
 
Geez. I can't believe I just found this thread. My LTC started in 1992 when I was 21 after 2 years of raving and pills - about once a month. I felt SO alone and so close to the brink for a long time. It was way back before the internet and before much was known about any long term effects of mdma. The thought back then was at worst it could give you a bad back/posture.. Back then more than 2 pills in a night was seen as over indulging so I don't even think I was using excessively.. None of my friends were affected this way at all and I felt like a freak. Before this I was a bit of a 'cheeky backchatter'. But my social anxiety got to the point where I struggled to talk 'one on one' without having a panic attack. And in turn that obviously affected EVERY part of my life. I would then waver between severe anxiety to a state where my brain would kind of crash. The only way I can describe it is my thoughts would freeze, jam up and fragment. The first time it happened it scared me so much. I spiraled downhill really fast and deeper and deeper. I was on anti depressants for a few years.
I wish this type of support was around back then. I'm sure it would have made a huge difference to the speed of my recovery. The doctors I saw at the time had no idea and my family had no idea how to help. I was fortunate enough to have loving support from my mum. My dad however didn't cope well with it. He had hopes for me to go to the States to play baseball.. (I am an Aussie btw)
Not being able to talk with others and make sense of what was going was the biggest part of my problem. The full story of my recovery is a long one, but as I say, I reckon this type of recovery support would have been invaluable. Probably halved or quartered my recovery time.
Life is now good. To the point where it's easy to forget where I've been and have flirted with the idea of rolling once again - hence this is how I ended up on bluelight.. To explain that so it doesn't sound quite as ridiculous - up until now I've kept well away from any hint of a drug scene. Because of that I'd only ever heard snippets of info about people suffering LTC from mdma. And nowhere near enough info to be convinced that was what happened to me. Now that I've seen story after story on here I'm convinced.. 22 years later. So no, I won't ever touch it again. Fuck that.
To cut a long story short I'm doing well and have been for a long time. Been married 12 years to a wonderful woman and have 4 beautiful kids. My youngest is 2 and oldest 10. I've been running a successful business for 10 years now and have 7 employees - just for the purposes of indicating my confidence level.. I'm reasonably fit, got a good bunch of mates, surf when I can and in my last season batted .366 (for you baseball fans).
Despite the length of recovery (which the era and lack of support can explain), I hope my story is in some way encouraging for someone out there. Cheers
 
Ah man I'm happy for you guys with windows of 0 symptoms. And also a bit jealous. I've been in non-stop survival mode for 6 months
 
unfortunately not 0 symptoms but a state of satisfaction. Thinking that I could live on like this. how about your progress on your SSRIs coder?Does it make things better?
 
jusjenn21 said:
Okay. I've been on the site for weeks now I recently made an account. Jus wanted to say I've been following a lot of you including you jibberman. You all give me hope of recovery. There's no one on earth who can understand what it feels to go through a "LTC" I beg god everyday for today to be my recovery but I have to come to terms I will take a while.. 2 months in. Main thing is ANXIETY including horrible chest pains.... life sucks.
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I don't know why but after month 3, I kind of KNEW I was getting better. When you know it, you're going to continue it. You'll be good jenn.
 
Thanks Deltronpedro & thejibberman. Thank you for your positive words.. Nothing but positive vibes sent back at yall. The most frustrating thing about this is no one understands.. I went to a pyschatrist and I told him the truth. he just said you have BRAIN DAMAGE! I was just sitting there scared AF. That's another story. lol... I have had days where I could keep the anxiety low and try to be normal as possible. But then those DAYS come where I feel my head is going to explode and im going to pass out of nervousness for no reason. Not bad as the first month. Oh gosh hate to think about the first week at that. 8( ! I guess my anxiety is acting up because this wkend im going to a 2 day festival to see tiesto etc and im so nervous in a bad way. Not because of the temptation of doing drugs. hell no!!!never! My mind is overthinking the noise the people the hot weather. So glad is outdoors. I keep telling myself if I don't attend I let ANXIETY WIN! Im going to take it easy at the concert cause im telling you these damn chest pains makes me feel I cannot do any physical activity without feeling like shit after.... but yes im looking forward to month 3 see what happens.. I never thought I would live to see it tbh.
 
deltronpedro,

The first few months are by far the worst. From there, month by month you'll gradually get better. At 6/7 months you'll probably be on your way. By the end of a year or so, as good as new. Seems like the basic formula from most people's stories.
 
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