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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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Macenroe I used to get social anxiety (very unusual for me, I've always been a very charismatic person) but only as a result of the fear that I'd do or say something weird because my DP/DR makes me so zoned out that I thought they'd notice or something (that went away once I realised nobody actually noticed anything was wrong). So yes, I have a LOT of problems concentrating and doing things like keeping a conversation, I drive like this mind you, and it's terrifying but I live way out in the sticks so I don't have much choice.

My symptoms don't really fluctuate at all, but then again I'm only four months in rather than a year, so hopefully as time goes on I'll get more 'windows'
 
I'm not saying the advice is poor advice. Yes I agree, just going on with your life is the best way to deal with this. That and get medical help.

What I'm concerned about is the attitude portrayed in some of these posts.

The random Bluelight user is just browsing this forum because of his love for XTC, stumbles into this thread like any other and assumes that because he or his friends have never seen anything like this it must mean that we are just exaggerating.

No, LTC is not a medical diagnosis. However it is a phenomenon that most people in this thread have experienced that we decide to name for the sake of having something to call this situation we're in.

To me an LTC is a prolonged state of several combined mental disorders (because this is not JUST anxiety, maybe for some) directly after xtc usage. The thing is, this state is so severe and drawn out that it completely shits on the average XTC comedown. Now the curious thing is that an LTC apparently doesnt discriminate. We have people ranging from teenagers to 35+. People using random street XTC and pure MDMA. And people that were severely stressed and some that didn't have any problems at all. The bottom line is it's not an isolated incident and while it's not medically diagnosible it is definitely a 'thing'.

And this thing has caused some very hard mental anguish and has scared the living crap out of people. Now is it brain damage? We dont know. Is it chronic downregulation? We dont know? Is it mental? We also dont know. What we do know is that it is VERY difficult and that we are not alone. So those suffering from this 'thing' come together to talk to eachother because noone in the real world seems to relate. People having overcome an LTC encourage and support those currently suffering and thus this mini community is made. It is one of hope. And for a lot of people proof that they arent stuck in this state forever, which might be potentially life saving information (it was for me).

When someone who doesn't know whats going on then drops a comment in this thread downplaying our emotions and suffering it really stirs me up. As ScaredFirstTimer has said- this is a safe haven. It might not be that for everyone but it definitely is for me. No attempt to understand or to empathize has been made, only an armchair analysis. Yes I agree with the advice, I don't agree with the attitude. You don't know my symptoms, you don't know what I've done for my recovery. I wake up every day checking this thread first thing in the morning because it gives me hope.

Also before anyone gives me the see a shrink advice again, I have been seeing a psychiatrist and psychotherapist for three months already.
 
coderbrah said:
I'm not saying the advice is poor advice. Yes I agree, just going on with your life is the best way to deal with this. That and get medical help.

What I'm concerned about is the attitude portrayed in some of these posts.

The random Bluelight user is just browsing this forum because of his love for XTC, stumbles into this thread like any other and assumes that because he or his friends have never seen anything like this it must mean that we are just exaggerating.

No, LTC is not a medical diagnosis. However it is a phenomenon that most people in this thread have experienced that we decide to name for the sake of having something to call this situation we're in.

To me an LTC is a prolonged state of several combined mental disorders (because this is not JUST anxiety, maybe for some) directly after xtc usage. The thing is, this state is so severe and drawn out that it completely shits on the average XTC comedown. Now the curious thing is that an LTC apparently doesnt discriminate. We have people ranging from teenagers to 35+. People using random street XTC and pure MDMA. And people that were severely stressed and some that didn't have any problems at all. The bottom line is it's not an isolated incident and while it's not medically diagnosible it is definitely a 'thing'.

And this thing has caused some very hard mental anguish and has scared the living crap out of people. Now is it brain damage? We dont know. Is it chronic downregulation? We dont know? Is it mental? We also dont know. What we do know is that it is VERY difficult and that we are not alone. So those suffering from this 'thing' come together to talk to eachother because noone in the real world seems to relate. People having overcome an LTC encourage and support those currently suffering and thus this mini community is made. It is one of hope. And for a lot of people proof that they arent stuck in this state forever, which might be potentially life saving information (it was for me).

When someone who doesn't know whats going on then drops a comment in this thread downplaying our emotions and suffering it really stirs me up. As ScaredFirstTimer has said- this is a safe haven. It might not be that for everyone but it definitely is for me. No attempt to understand or to empathize has been made, only an armchair analysis. Yes I agree with the advice, I don't agree with the attitude. You don't know my symptoms, you don't know what I've done for my recovery. I wake up every day checking this thread first thing in the morning because it gives me hope.

Also before anyone gives me the see a shrink advice again, I have been seeing a psychiatrist and psychotherapist for three months already.
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The thing is this seems to be a mental issue.. I have abused way too much MDMA in the past and gotten longterm comedowns. I accepted comedowns were just part of the drug and with some self-motivation I convinced myself I just need time to recover. I fixed up my diet and hit the gym hard almost daily and completely blocked out the fact I felt shitty out of my mind and at some point after a month or two.. I realized I was fine but you won't notice improvement if you continue to OBSESSIVELY COMPULSIVELY analyze how you feel on a daily basis.

Most people on longterm comedowns seem to ask 'am I ever going to get better?' The answer is YES BUT YOU NEED TO STOP WORRYING!! The worrying is a vicious cycle that likely causes higher cortisol/cortisone levels in response to the stress, not to mention anxiety.

what did your doctor tell you code?
 
I have OCD, Hypochondria and GAD (and also possibly autism and borderline organization (not to be confused with borderline personality disorder, totally different thing) ). And physically possible hypoglycemia but the test was falsely done and I haven't had a second thusfar.
 
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India111 said:
Can you put a link up for the PDF? Everywhere I look says you have to pay, and I'd love to give it a read!
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No they may not. This is illegal and is against the BLUA that you both agreed to. If such a link gets posted, I will infract both of you immediately.
 
I've got an important question to people that have been in this crippling state for more than 6 months. I'm currently at day n.162 myself. (5 months and a half)

I did extreme sports all the time and cardio-intesive activities including adrenaline rushes since I was little. But now I simply go up 20 stairs and I feel, literally, the blood pooling into my heart and then pumping out. Not just a little, precisely. And it's so disgusting that it turns me down from doing any activities like before because I fear that my heart will collapse.

Here's the question: let's say I am able to ignore this awareness of my heartbeat. Is there any risk to pushing my body to it's absolute limits again? I mean running a half a marathon lets say or doing snowboard again.

I don't want to come across like a worryful noob who is scared to live, but I want to make sure the changes we are facing are not affecting the risk of daily life but instead is only an illusion and some things in the way.
 
The only real way to know if you have a healthy heart is to undergo a cardiac stress test and an ECG. It is unlikely that MDMA would cause serious damage to the heart, at least not in reasonable usage (as in not daily) but things that get put in and sold as MDMA can possibly cause serious damage to the heart, of course that part is debatable.
 
I'd pontificate that if you're asking about Long Term Comedowns then you're already at the point where you really need to have a good honest look at your MDMA usage. If you're dealing with comedowns that last more than 10 days then you're using too much, too often, perhaps for far too long a period and you need to just cease usage completely for 6 months min...

It's a beautiful state being high on MDMA. If you are dealing with LTC's then you are at the crossroads of being able to use this drug sensibly throughout your life or... Not.

Have a rest fella's
 
It's good to see a thread in the MDXX forum where the discussion is all post realizing their usage was problematic and how they are going now in the aftermath of all this.
 
coderbrah said:
I have OCD, Hypochondria and GAD (and also possibly autism and borderline organization (not to be confused with borderline personality disorder, totally different thing) ). And physically possible hypoglycemia but the test was falsely done and I haven't had a second thusfar.
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These are common ailments that seem to go with longterm comedowns. They seem to be pre-existing and MDMA use triggers worries about permanent damage. There has been absolutely no evidence MDMA causes permanent damage at reasonable dosages.

All I can really say is it really helps to keep your mind occupied.. with a full time job and/or a serious hobby. Over-analyzing how you feel only further debilitates the situation. I know this may be hard to put in place but a positive outlook can have a great effect. remember that life is what you make of it.
 
I would like to ask everyone in this thread to stay optimistic about recovery. The most important step to recovery is to stay positive
 
Hunter1 sorry but that's bullshit, some people on here (including myself) have only rolled a few times in their entire life, and have nowhere near even regular usage, let alone excessive usage
 
me2point0 said:
I've got an important question to people that have been in this crippling state for more than 6 months. I'm currently at day n.162 myself. (5 months and a half)

I did extreme sports all the time and cardio-intesive activities including adrenaline rushes since I was little. But now I simply go up 20 stairs and I feel, literally, the blood pooling into my heart and then pumping out. Not just a little, precisely. And it's so disgusting that it turns me down from doing any activities like before because I fear that my heart will collapse.

Here's the question: let's say I am able to ignore this awareness of my heartbeat. Is there any risk to pushing my body to it's absolute limits again? I mean running a half a marathon lets say or doing snowboard again.

I don't want to come across like a worryful noob who is scared to live, but I want to make sure the changes we are facing are not affecting the risk of daily life but instead is only an illusion and some things in the way.
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Me2point, me and you started this literally about a week spaced apart. I've got this too, it feels like I'm overworking my heart. But I've done so many different activities, I ran for a small portion of a duathlon a couple of weeks back, and then been to many festivals and gigs. You can do stuff don't worry. I think you feel your heart more when you're alone and with the anxiety it's still the hypervigilence taking it's toll. I never focus on my heart anymore.
 
imabicycle said:
Well put coder. Were you always autistic if I may ask?
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Actually today I heard the test proved false. I'm not autistic at all. It was one of the many possible diagnosis to explain some of my symptoms (mainly hyperacusis and sensory overload). Reason for this is that I've always liked extreme rigidity but not out of anxiety. But I have no social impairment at all.

@me2point0

Hmm I have the exact opposite. My hearr beats really really slow and I feel a constant state of malaise. I've had tests and they were fine. The thing is to take slow steps with regards to your exercise. I was physically unable to just walk to the store for about 3 months. Sunday I ran 5km. Just take small steps with your exercise. Start with a less intense sport and try to do it. If your heart or anxiety gets in the way thats fine, just try again next time. And youll slowly see your stamina adjusting. First time I ran again I had chest pains, slow heart, dizzyness, shutter frame vision. Then it started to lessen.
 
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India111 said:
Hunter1 sorry but that's bullshit, some people on here (including myself) have only rolled a few times in their entire life, and have nowhere near even regular usage, let alone excessive usage
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I'm not Dr Phil man. I realize that one can have a nasty reaction from a single use.

Still, If you're suffering a long term comedown id argue that, at least for your brain chemistry, you excessively used.
 
ye because coder my friend I was going to tell you that ur not autistic. I can tell via the internet believe it or not. I've finally decided to see a psychologist too. Just wanted to share that with you guys. Hope it'll help me some. I just want to be able to do weird things again you know. I'm a 20 year old male and I can't go to bed an hour later because I'll be completely fucked up the next day. That's just sad. :(
 
So when anyone says they have a window of feeling no symptoms. Does that also include feeling emotions on a normal level, or just the brain fog and dissociation feeling is gone? Becaue I have many windows of feeling no symptoms. Except I still don't feel my emotional body the way as. I used to. Its just that weird spark I used to run off if very low. Now don't get me wrong. I'm quite happy in my life. I'm busy and all. But the emotional level i always feel that is low and feels numb sometimes is what I can't really ignore. Everything else I get by with. It's like watching an intense movie and feeling indifferent forwards it the whole time is what I'm talking about. I can feel it improving. But on a epicly slow pace. It's like I'm waiting for my emotions to just explode one day. I keep going back to the music thing Because it's the most obvious that stands out. But it's plays into so many other aspects.
 
lol...I see my post regarding these insensitive and ignorant recent posts was removed. Lovely.

Good thing I've largely recovered, but I am sure others don't need this intrusion.
 
PMZ, you always talk about that one aspect of your recovery. I don't know what to tell ya man except maybe look into some sort of prescription and/or talk to a psychiatrist. That numb feeling left me months ago. I had it initially too.

There are going to be no answers in here for you. Personally, I'd go the anti-depressant route if you haven't already.
 
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