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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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ro4eva said:
Well, look at it this way:

One job (my full time) - I was working 4 x 10 hour shifts per week, with the weekends off.
Another job (part time) - I was working up to 2 x 4 hour shifts per week, and I was able to pick and choose my schedule as long as it was done so the week before, or, it would chosen for me.

After I got sick, the following occurred to my career, which nearly ended it:

- I quit my part time job within a month, giving them 2 weeks notice after 2 weeks sick and noticing that I wasn't recovering.
- In 2005, on top of using up 3 weeks of vacation time after becoming sick in early June, I also called in sick 9 times, and left work early about a dozen times.
- In all of 2006, again I used up 3 weeks of vacation, again called in sick a bunch of times, again left work early a bunch of times, and I spent 6 months on disability.
- Edit - During the time that I did spend at work while sick, I took longer breaks, showed up late, worked at a slow pace, and got a lot of complaints from coworkers. I was not winning any employee of the month awards, that's for sure. In fact, one guy wanted me canned so badly that he secretly began to petition our superiors to let me go. And the only reason I found out was because after he was fired for being caught drinking while on the job, my boss spilled the beans on the whole thing.

I wasn't fired after calling in sick so many times was because I obtained every medical asked for.

While on disability in late 2006, I had to borrow money from my siblings, and I had to cut into a large portion of my retirement savings in order to not file for bankruptcy. Good thing my insurance company allows one emergency withdrawal each year, or I don't know what I would have done. I'm with Manulife Financial by the way.

I even pawned some stuff at one point before deciding to contact Manulife. It's okay though because I eventually bought it all back afterwards.

As this all began back in mid-2005, I feel it's important to stress that after 9 years, it's not as easy for me anymore to recall intricate details of events, but I do remember having issues with sleep and work-related stress for months before it all came crashing down, so to speak.

In fact, I managed to find this post from early 2005 in the Bodybuilding.com forums, which I posted because of severe insomnia (I didn't tell them about my recreational drug use because it's not a popular topic around there), which you can read if you wish: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=396374&page=1

Edit - I don't remember who I told this to, so I'll write it again just in case: Back when I was suffering from my 19 month ordeal, I made a promise to myself that if I was to recover fully, that I would try to help others going through similar circumstances. I recovered thankfully, and the years went by. And then by chance, I noticed that someone had created this thread, and I remembered my promise, so here I am.
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Well, hate to say it, but that makes me feel better.....lol. I was about to award you some sort of medal. Yeah, I'm fucked. I am just about dead broke now and I need to work, but at this point I'm scared. I'm not sure I'm there cognitively yet or maybe it's an inability to focus properly. I don't know. I used to do pretty well in the financial business and I still have the intelligence. This is all so incredibly stressful.

By the way, those dosages of SSRI's you talk about are really high. I'm on 20 mg of Paxil and the max dosage recommended is 60, but 20 is supposed to be the therapeutic dose.
 
My recovery was improving immensely as far as the tingling and pins/needles sensations were going. I took a high dose of Lorazepam (Benzo) a few weeks ago and the tingling sensations have come back again. Feels like I went back a few steps in my recovery and am now feeling down again. My head in constantly dealing with weird sensations and it's affecting my life. Haven't been feeling happy or easy going like I felt around month 7 (now month eight). Sucks that I brought this back onto myself. I have done enough research to come to the conclusion that I have sensory nerve damage from neurotoxicity. I should probably go see a Neurologist about this. From what I've read it goes away when you remove damaging toxins and I think my brain is so sensitive from taking a large dose of MDMA that night that my sensory pathways are injured and can't handle any kind of drug until it heals. The good news is that the tingling sensation I am feeling is nerves being healed. I just hope that they can heal fully despite a few setbacks (caffeine, alcohol, and lorazepam). My brain must hate me.
 
rphilli72 said:
Well, hate to say it, but that makes me feel better.....lol. I was about to award you some sort of medal. Yeah, I'm fucked. I am just about dead broke now and I need to work, but at this point I'm scared. I'm not sure I'm there cognitively yet or maybe it's an inability to focus properly. I don't know. I used to do pretty well in the financial business and I still have the intelligence. This is all so incredibly stressful.
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I don't mean to pry, but is there not some temporary government and/or insurance aid which you can apply for - especially considering that you've started using Paxil?

rphilli72 said:
By the way, those dosages of SSRI's you talk about are really high. I'm on 20 mg of Paxil and the max dosage recommended is 60, but 20 is supposed to be the therapeutic dose.
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You're on Paroxetine (Paxil).

I was on Sertraline (Zoloft).

They are both SSRIs, but the potency is not a 1:1 ratio. 100mg of Zoloft is equal to about 40mg of Paxil.[1]

[1] - "Antidepressants Comparison Guide" (Page 2) - https://www.healthalliance.org/media/Generics_antidepressants_comparison_chart.pdf
 
wohohoi! well is not the first time i read this but mostly YEAH. its happening to me. i have to say that im about 2,5 years mark now.
im much better dont worry guys you will too (and the most of you sooner than me xD)

i have the tingling sensation too. the most it disappear the better (all my symptons fade aswell) but i carried it back 3 times:
-1 weed --> zaps and insomnia for 3 weeks
-clonazepam --> i was using it for combat bruxism..i tappered it and...withdrawal + zaps + anxiety , 2 months
-robaxin --> mild gabaergic i took 10 days for jaw pain ----anxiety and zaps for 2 weeks

my conclusion? hard sensitivity at least to Gabaergics (thc, benzos, robaxin) and maybe to a lot of more things. its not fun for me as gabaergic are maybe the only drugs that can stop my bruxism but my brain dont react properly to it. did i say i have sensitivity to some foods now? well this is not just an anxiety problem, its something more.
i think heals happen, but it can be stopped with "stressors" drugs, food or events in your life.

I even choose not to run too hard, instead i walk hours being this maybe now my daily exercise plus sometimes slow swimming.
i have tons of knowledge after being here for so long, i stopped my razor research maybe 3 months ago, but im still reading every single discovery in related problems (from other forums i got that a lot of drug induced problems are diagnosed like fibromyalgia or c.fatigue or even chemical sensitivity)
 
^^ Before becoming sick, do you recall whether you were experiencing a lot of stress due to something?

I said it before, but I'll say it again - I've been noticing a vague pattern among many individuals here who are dealing with a LTC.

If there was an abnormally high amount of long term stress in someone's life due to anything really, perhaps it has contributed to this.

Again, the source of the stress could be anything, but I can list a few examples:

- a difficult childhood due to abuse, sexual abuse, poverty, witnessing traumatic events, etc.
- having to deal with parents who always fight/argue, were/are never satisfied, have unrealistic expectations, are extremely religious, and/or are very difficult to communicate with
- constant bullying at school because of race, weight, sexual orientation, and/or observable health problems
- an abusive marriage
- the unexpected death of a son and/or daughter, husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, siblings, parents, etc.
- a very stressful work environment, with high expectations from superiors, but very poor management on their part
- traumatizing events or incidents while deployed in a war zone (e.g. Iraq, Afghanistan)
- anything in general which clearly causes a person to feel emotionally and/or physically uncomfortable, and may not be avoidable for whatever reasons

Combine the above examples with the use of mind altering substances (including alcohol, nicotine, and caffeine) and the physical + mental + emotional stress placed on the body may be too much to handle without something going horribly wrong. The hangover may end up lasting a lot longer than any high, so to speak.

This is why I believe it would be best that people who are yearning to recover fully and as quickly as possible to do whatever can be done in order to avoid stressful situations (emotional, mental, and physical) as much as possible. And once someone is feeling recovered, they can slowly/carefully reintegrate themselves into school, work, etc.

This is all of course just a theory based on personal first-hand experience as well as observations in this thread and elsewhere, and I have no objective proof that it's correct, but hopefully it'll help someone out.
 
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i have to answer yes, i was studying 12 hours a day for a language examn and one month later i rolled for "celebrate" the good score in it.
Anyway i was having panic attacks (what i didnt know they were but after comedown yeah, they were) before the exam as well. in the period between mdma intake.
They were mild maybe 3h of duration but i thought it was just normal and i was overreacting to little things. it wanst and i dont remember be overreactive like that before mdma.

With the time i became less overreactive and worried about things, but i dont how to say, you have to teach your brain to do it. the less you worry for long time the best.
Cortisol spikes are now the enemy. Big problem is that life goes on but its in our hand to change the way we do routine in order to achieve a good baseline.

i found "stressor" like food (gluten and dairy) , some chemicals (in food sometimes), playing competitive games or sport, power running, not enough time to finish tasks, arguments with family friends partner, being agressive.
 
Today is my 6 month LTC anniversary. Exactly half a year ago I took 1 XTC pill that put me into an intense hell I never thought a human could experience. Although I'm far from cured and am still suffering from dissasociation, fatigue, anxiety and depression the progress I've made is INCREDIBLE. It has been slow but definitely steady. I thought I would never say these words but I can definitely see myself recover fully. Never give up.
 
@deltonpedro : i took 8 months lexapro, when i did feel better i stopped it, i wanted to stay out it with all my soul, i was afraid of being medicated forever. but maybe wasnt a bad idea after all. i cant asure it. but the thing is. i used it, 8 months later i was better whatever made me heal.
 
ro4eva said:
I don't mean to pry, but is there not some temporary government and/or insurance aid which you can apply for - especially considering that you've started using Paxil?



You're on Paroxetine (Paxil).

I was on Sertraline (Zoloft).

They are both SSRIs, but the potency is not a 1:1 ratio. 100mg of Zoloft is equal to about 40mg of Paxil.[1]

[1] - "Antidepressants Comparison Guide" (Page 2) - https://www.healthalliance.org/media/Generics_antidepressants_comparison_chart.pdf
Click to expand...

I was receiving unemployment insurance, but that ran out a couple of months ago. I've tried doing side jobs to make some money during this time. I even painted a house, which took me a month to complete. That was a couple of months ago when I was sicker than I am now. I rarely could paint for more than a few hours at a time, but I pushed through it and finished the job. But, yeah, I literally have a few hundred dollars to my name at the moment. I am going to look for some temp work or maybe part-time work next week. I don't think I could handle a high end finance job at the moment nor could I probably get one so easily.

Good point about the potency ratio. Thanks! Good info. I was thinking my dosage was way too low possibly.

I've seen a lot of people using and praising Lexapro in here. I am thinking about switching over. Any opinions? Paxil vs Lexapro?
 
I ve red much about Tianeptin related to LTC, some say it did wonders to them.
What about SSRIs vs. Tianeptin? Anyone tried it so far or has thought about doing it?
 
^

Some of us are considering Tianeptine. I'm not sure if it is available through a psych in my country, but I'm gonna check it out if I don't reach satisfactory recovery within a couple of months.
 
rphilli72 said:
I've seen a lot of people using and praising Lexapro in here. I am thinking about switching over. Any opinions? Paxil vs Lexapro?
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Here's what I know about it:

- one of the newest (or newer) SSRIs available
- apparently doesn't cause weight gain (Paxil is notorious for this)
- name brand can be expensive
- no anticholergenic effects (Paxil is reported by some to have this)
- less sedation than Paxil
 
I'm curious to reopen this thread and see what other posts we get
 
I am having similar issues as the OP. I attended EDC Vegas in 2013 and still haven't come back to "reality." I believe my total dosage was .8 the first evening, .9 the second evening and .9 the third. I was a frequent user and my tolerance was high and I was uneducated prior but Now I know how I should have dosed during my use. I typically used almost every weekend if not on fridays and saturdays.. I went on basically an 7-8 month binge like that 2 sometimes 3 times a week. I knew this was excessive but I had not clue what I was doing to myself. Like i said, now im educated, i learned moderation. .Ive tried the 5HTP and vitamins after use however no success in recovery. Also, i already have anxiety and stress issues (as we all do) . I exercise everyday, take vitamins, have a pretty positive outlook, however I still have these episodes where I keep getting those symptoms. I have even added Yoga in my weekly regimen for some sort of results. I have become a little better however still about 75%..
 
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i got my feelings back..i have another problems..but that specifically have been passed.
 
^ you are off to a good start. The biggest cure is time. Stay positive and sober and you'll be fine. it might take longer than you want but you'll get back to normal.
 
thanks!

Dawglaw said:
^ you are off to a good start. The biggest cure is time. Stay positive and sober and you'll be fine. it might take longer than you want but you'll get back to normal.
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Thank you.. I used back in 2013 and then I thought I needed another go, and used actually only once this 2014 (jan/feb-ish).. So hopefully I am going to remain sober until these symptoms go away.. I guess your main word there really hit me on the head "longer than I want." I guess I was expecting a quick recovery.. Meanwhile, this potentially could take a year..(**sigh**).. I appreciate your concern!

Also, I hope to get my emotions/soul back.. Kinda feels like the inside of me is hollow or missing.. Everything has been very foggy and surreal the last year.
 
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