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Mdma recovery! Please help.. anyone with similar experience ? Please! This is hell

Yeah I've read that it's very sedating. I've read through your threads, I didn't know you had trouble sleeping
 
My eyesite is alright.. a few weeks ago it was kind of shakey when looking at my phone but that went away. If I don't reply anymore after today just know I jumped off the bridge and you can mark me down as the second one to comit suicide.
 
I can't live like this any longer... I'm sorry. I hope you make it through this theone. I'm sure you will. Good luck.
 
I feel the same as you but I'm trying my hardest to hang on.. Please wait a few more months, if you haven't improved I'll jump off the bridge with you
 
Suicide is permanent. This isn't. You can do it.

The fact that you don't have blurry vision is seriously very encouraging.

I'd prefer if you are here in a few months time helping the newbies navigate their was through the initial trauma.

Furthermore, think of the devastating effect on your mum. You really owe it to her to give this a better go. Sorry to have to say this.
 
You havent even tried like 1 or 2 treatments.

You mention abilify/wellbutrin--how long have you been on that?
 
Only 3 weeks.. and someone told me I shouldn't even be taking it because it will make things worse. I'm really sorry. I just can't do this. I've already wrote letters to all my loved ones. Hopefully I can go through with it tonight. I'm going to go around 2 am tonight so no one will be out to witness.. and my mom will be in bed by that time hopefully.
 
It's possible that the Abilify and Wellbutrin are making things much worse, antipsychotics are known causes of anhedonia and Abilify can cause insomnia as well.

Get to another doctor and tell them everything that is going on. Drive yourself to another hospital if need be.

I really think you need some sleep and then you'll be able to think about this with much more clarity.

I hate to recommend benzos but people do have a lot of success with benzos for these issues, especially insomnia.

I slept 2 hours a night at the beginning, often skipping nights entirely, and things completely changed once I started sleeping better.

So many symptoms could be from the sleep deprivation and would get better if we could get you sleeping better.

Don't end it yet - you can still recover and live a full, happy life.
 
I've been sleeping alright... at least 8 hours a night I just wake up every hour then go back to sleep. Sleep is not the problem.. I think my head is literally running on empty right now... this is awful.. all I can do is sit here and dwell on everything.. I have no interest in anything else.. I just don't know how to go on.. :/ I've felt the same since day one I don't think they have even had any affect on me at all... I just don't know what to do besides kill myself ???
 
It sounds like you need some serious support, have you told any of your family members or close friends how your feeling?
 
Go to the hospital asap.

Are you feeling worse since before the abilify or wellbutrin?

Again, there are so many treatments and it has only been 3 months and you have given 1 treatment a try for 3 weeks now but theres tons more left.

Waking up every hour is not necessarily the 'deep sleep' that leads to recovery. As in You may think you are sleeping fine but may not be. See a psychiatrist asap.
 
I tell my mom every day that I just want to die.. she doesn't know what to do.. and no the abilify or Wellbutrin hasn't made me feel any worse.. I don't think I could feel worse than the state I'm in right now... I literally have felt the exact same for the past 3 1/2 months.
 
They put me on trazadone for sleep but I'm still waking up through out the night and dreaming all night long. Def not a deep sleep.
 
I have had suicidal thoughts and plans since day one.. they won't go away. I felt so weird when staying in the psych ward.. it made me feel worse listening to everyone's stories about why they were depressed and they could still actually laugh and no one understood what I'm going through. I don't want to go back there, idk what to do though. this is hell and I hate that I did it to myself. Fuck.
 
If you knew this would end and your emotions would come back but you would have to endure a lot of suffering before that - could you do it?
 
It's awful that you've been dealing with suicidal thoughts for 4 months, but you clearly don't want to die.. You just don't want to feel like this anymore, what's stopping you from killing yourself? There must be some preventative factors.. Is it your family, friends ? The fact you haven't killed yourself is positive because it's suggests you still have some hope and belief
 
I know there is a possibility this could end in a long time and there is also a possibility it couldn't.. only reason I haven't killed myself is because I'm chicken shit to do it.. I keep telling myself I'm going to do it then find myself waking up to another miserable day because I couldn't go threw with it.. it's a lot harder to kill yourself than you think also... bridge is the only like for sure way and jumping off a bridge is terrifying.. dying is terrifying but I just don't think I can handle this.
 
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