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Mdma recovery! Please help.. anyone with similar experience ? Please! This is hell

I'm trying my best guys.. I just went and joined the gym.. it's going to take everything in me to force myself to go everyday
 
Ihatenotfeeling said:
And so does everyone think Prozac is a good idea or bad idea? Idk what to do.
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Some people have success with SSRIs for both "LTCs" and certainly major depression, although it can take a few weeks to really work for some.

Can you remember why they took you off of Prozac?

There are also concerns of worsening suicidal thoughts, as SSRIs can take a few weeks to work and can temporarily worsen people. They can occasionally cause some insomnia as well, and watch out for that with Wellbutrin/Abilify too.

Some think that people should try to go it sober for the first 6 months. But the options are generally:

SSRIs

Mood stabilizers (lamotrigine/depakote)

Atypical antidepressants (Mirtazapine, good for sleep)

Older antidepressants like Amitriptyline (best efficacy for major depression out of the lot and can help with sleep as well, kind of a wonder drug in the world of medicine, also very cheap)

All something to talk to a decent doctor about. I wish we could get you to a solid doctor. Someone may wish to second guess the Abilify and Wellbutrin. Abilify is a bit unique, but other similar antipsychotics can cause anhedonia. I'm not quite sure what they were thinking with the Abilify/Wellbutrin combo.

Sleep should be a primary concern here. The cumulative sleep debt can cause a whole lot of symptoms that will reverse as you pay your sleep debt.
 
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Ihatenotfeeling said:
Nucci did you have the same exact symptoms as me ? No feelings what so ever ? I'm never even hungry or tired anymore it's so weird. When I do go to sleep at night I wake up multiple times throughout the night. What all did you do ? Did you take any meds that helped ? And at month 6 you just started to get your feelings back or what ? Sorry I'm so curious about you.. I just want my recovery to be as quick as possible
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I went through pretty much the same thing you're going through. I had the sleep problems as well, those went away after awhile. I still dont think I'm 100 percent recovered, I haven't given up hope yet though! My abuse was definitelty worse than yours. So my first time doing molly I took around 500mg, it was pretty cut powder though so I'd say around only 100mg mdma if it was even real M. The week after I had pure mdma, best drug experience of my life! I took 300mg for my initial dose becuz the week before I had taken 200mg and thought I should up the dose a little becuz I thought I could handle it. So as soon as that 300mg kicked in I was fucking floored! My vision even shaked back and forth rapidly for like 10 seconds. This was definitely real Mdma. So a couple hours later I redosed with another 200mg. The week after this I take another 300mg and then redose again with another 200mg. The day after that I take 200mg and redose about 4 times, 200mg each time. I also dipped my finger into my friends bag a few times. So I took between 850 and 950mg that night. That's around 1.4 grams of pure MDMA in 2 days. The week after that I took 350mg but did not redose. I then waited 2 weeks and took another 300mg along with 100ug of LSD. The week after that I took 320mg. I then waited a month and took 250mg of MDA, which is way stronger than MDMA and wayyy more neurotoxic. I then waited another month and took 300mg of MDA with 100ug of LSD. That was the last time I used molly. While those were some of the best nights of my life I do highly regret doing that much, obviously. I just wish I knew the risks of abusing molly before hand. I was only taking it once a week so I didn't even think that was abuse! To answer your question "Have i taken any meds?" , no i have not, I took 5HTP about 3 times, which pretty much just makes serotonin in ur brain. I think if I've pretty much recovered u will most likely recover. BTW, Each time besides the first time the MDMA was very pure crystals. You were taking pills so who knows what was really in those. 90 percent of the time they're cut! Also I'd recommend getting on that treadmill at you're gym, get ur heart pumping and your blood flowing. I wish you luck in your journey to recovery.
 
howlowhowlstheowl said:
My optimism regarding this waxes and wanes too but time will tell. I might have to consider medication also but I'm afraid it will just complicate things. I did a two day binge with no food, sleep and 2 glasses of water I think... mixed alcohol, mdma (both crystal and unknown pills), amphetamine and adderal. And I had taken a few benzos before the partying, which I forgot about. I know that whole weekend was idiotic but it is what it is. Sounds like you had a pretty wild time too......

My symptoms are different though..out of curiosity did your state change when you started the medication and how far in the comedown were you?

I would see a doc about the cartilage thing btw if it bothers you. That should be easier to figure out than this brain-nonsense.

I try to go for a walk or jog when I can and eat healthy but honestly I think it's just mainly time that will help. Whatever helps get through the days... another one over soon.
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No my state has not changed at all. I'm really thinking suicide is my only option. I think I did too much to recover from. What does waxes and wanes even mean ?
 
Sorry I'm not a native english speaker.

I mean my optimism comes and goes. Why do you think suicide is the best option? If I knew I would stay the way I am now I would start packing the bags too but logically it makes no sense. Ending your life because of a few months? Sure you could, but it seems kind of crazy wasteful.. recovery rates seem the same as for people with mild-moderate TBI. Measured unfortunately in months and might be over a year. This is horrible yes but do you think you could see this story to the end? You've made it 3 months already.
 
Ihatenotfeeling said:
No my state has not changed at all. I'm really thinking suicide is my only option. I think I did too much to recover from. What does waxes and wanes even mean ?
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Hang in there, your still early into you're recovery. In a few months time things will probably be completely different and you'll be glad you didn't do anything stupid.
 
Howlow but what if I never recover ? Out of everyone on here going through this I abused the most and I'm a 100 pound female. Which makes it even worse. I can't even begin to describe the hell I go through everyday. Im barley making it day by day. Now I'm not even sure what meds I should be put on everyone's saying something different and they probably won't even help or might make it worse Idk. Everyone also keeps saying to excercise but that is such a task itself especially since all my joints are messed up now. My life has been ruined I had to leave my boyfriend, quit my job, leave my two dogs behind and move in with my mom who can't even afford the place we're living in and who knows where we're going to end up next. What do I have to live for ? This miserable life everyday ? No thanks.
 
Ihatenotfeeling,

I'm in the same position as you, I literally ruined my life overnight. You've got to try your hardest to keep going even though it's extremely difficult, this is an horrific situation to be in. If you search round the forum you will find a few users who have been through this and lived to tell the tale - "first bad comedown" - "Catinthehat " - "futura2012" -" PMZ "-"skeeto222". To my knowledge only one user took there own life and that was "Somedud ". You can do this.
 
What you are undoubtedly suffering from is extreme anhedonia coupled with something called 'ego death' or loss of the 'self'. It's horrifying and is truely hell on earth. In my experience (personal) and from reading thousands of personal accounts of hundreds of people on various boards. Time, time and more time is the only 'healer' (hopefully) whilst living as healthily as possible and doing all you can to support / better yourself. Meditation, exercise, sleep and maybe counselling. Even if it's to cry and talk about how fucked you are and why why why you were so stupid. I found it helped for that at least. Staying alive is however the number one goal initially and being assisted by medication as a crutch to get you over this initial stage. The majority of people finally recover, I promise. A few don't but they are truely the exception. I know it seems a life time away by you need to give yourself at least two years and then decide if this existence is worth fighting for. Please please however give it 2 years (at least) Some people slowly improve and some have even described like a switch which finally gets turned on again. I truely feel your pain and sorrow and wish you Godspeed.
 
There's no way I can last 2 years.. I can't even last 6 months I don't think. What kind of meds were you put on ? How much did you do? I feel like I abused so bad. 4 days and 6 pills each day was a major fuck up.
 
Nambo said:
What you are undoubtedly suffering from is extreme anhedonia coupled with something called 'ego death' or loss of the 'self'. It's horrifying and is truely hell on earth. In my experience (personal) and from reading thousands of personal accounts of hundreds of people on various boards. Time, time and more time is the only 'healer' (hopefully) whilst living as healthily as possible and doing all you can to support / better yourself. Meditation, exercise, sleep and maybe counselling. Even if it's to cry and talk about how fucked you are and why why why you were so stupid. I found it helped for that at least. Staying alive is however the number one goal initially and being assisted by medication as a crutch to get you over this initial stage. The majority of people finally recover, I promise. A few don't but they are truely the exception. I know it seems a life time away by you need to give yourself at least two years and then decide if this existence is worth fighting for. Please please however give it 2 years (at least) Some people slowly improve and some have even described like a switch which finally gets turned on again. I truely feel your pain and sorrow and wish you Godspeed.
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Were you this bad off ? What meds did you use.. idk what to have them put me on.. god I really don't even know if I can make it another day. I really keep thinking about the bridge.. it's only 25 minutes away and I could end this misery with a 925 foot fall. I never Imagined something like this could happen to someone.
 
Nambo said:
What you are undoubtedly suffering from is extreme anhedonia coupled with something called 'ego death' or loss of the 'self'. It's horrifying and is truely hell on earth. In my experience (personal) and from reading thousands of personal accounts of hundreds of people on various boards. Time, time and more time is the only 'healer' (hopefully) whilst living as healthily as possible and doing all you can to support / better yourself. Meditation, exercise, sleep and maybe counselling. Even if it's to cry and talk about how fucked you are and why why why you were so stupid. I found it helped for that at least. Staying alive is however the number one goal initially and being assisted by medication as a crutch to get you over this initial stage. The majority of people finally recover, I promise. A few don't but they are truely the exception. I know it seems a life time away by you need to give yourself at least two years and then decide if this existence is worth fighting for. Please please however give it 2 years (at least) Some people slowly improve and some have even described like a switch which finally gets turned on again. I truely feel your pain and sorrow and wish you Godspeed.
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Were you this bad off ? What meds did you use.. idk what to have them put me on.. god I really don't even know if I can make it another day. I really keep thinking about the bridge.. it's only 25 minutes away and I could end this misery with a 925 foot fall. I never Imagined something like this could happen to someone.
 
Ihatenotfeeling said:
Were you this bad off ? What meds did you use.. idk what to have them put me on.. god I really don't even know if I can make it another day. I really keep thinking about the bridge.. it's only 25 minutes away and I could end this misery with a 925 foot fall. I never Imagined something like this could happen to someone.
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You should heed everyone else's advice. I am another who's been where you are. It is a truly shocking experience and I am sorry you have going through it. It is temporary though. Temporary. You have to give yourself as much compassion as you can and just do whatever you can to get through the day, one moment at a time. Suicidal ideation is a inevitable symptom. You have to recognize it as a symptom and nothing more.
 
I was dehydrated and drunk and consumed 4 untested pills. (First time doing drugs). It blew my brain to fucking pieces. Felt like my brain was burning for hours. A sensation no person should have to experience. I was on benzos and anti depressant and olonzapine. I am just on olonzapine now. You have to fight those suicidal urges. How is your eyesight by the way?
 
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