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MDMA damage - need some help fast

catinthehat4 said:
Yeah same to you. I'm not trying to sound like a dick but I too am experiencing something similar. I'm also looking into ECT. It's honestly the only treatment modality that has a good chance of much improvement. I just want that info to be put out there because I've come very close to killing myself.

I know the hell you're in, believe me.

Dezz: In regards to weed there is a significant difference. Weed is not a neurotoxin. Your tripout on weed was anxiety related but shambha's tripout is a direct result of brain insult. You can't will yourself out of brain insult in the same way you can't will yourself out of a broken arm. I'm sure shambha would kill to have this suffering be a result of weed.
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You may not be trying to be a dick, but you are, just FYI. You told everyone they don't know what they're talking about, yet you have not stated any facts, references or personal experience. You seem to be praising this ECT up and down like it's a cure-all, but didn't state a single reason as to why, no proven results, no facts, no studies, nothing. All you did was bash on the members of Bluelight and make a bunch of assumptions, and contributed almost nothing to this thread. So, you read up on ECT a little bit, bravo, want a cookie? If you like reading so much, maybe you should read more on MDMA toxicity and what it actually takes to permanently damage a person's brain. How do you know that the weed trip out was just an anxiety attack, while the MDMA trip out was result of brain damage? How do you/would you/could you know this? What facts do you have? Were you there? Are you a scientist/chemist/neurologist? I'll answer for you: no, you're not. You obviously have a depression problem that has gotten the best of you, and you're just so damn convinced that you're broken that you don't even have faith in yourself anymore. Do you expect all of your health problems in life to be solved by outside efforts, like pills, medicines, and therapy? Do you see no value in simply bettering one's life with diet, exercise and lifestyle changes? It's fairly obvious why "you too are experiencing something similar", because you probably don't want to have to lift a finger to get better, you want something to just automatically make it better, quick and easy, right? If you have no faith in your own willpower, then I don't know what to do for you. You have to work for things in life, not everything is as 1-2-3 easy as swallowing a little pill and having a magical night. You have to TRULY BELIEVE that you can recover before you actually recover.

Sorry for being so harsh on you, I know I kinda unleashed there, but if you want to be all callin' people out like that, expect to be called right back out on your own bullshit. :)

Anyway.....

The subconscious is more powerful and has more direct influence on your physical and mental state than you EVER could dream of having. What that means, is that if you truly do believe something is wrong with you, your body will act as if something is indeed wrong with it. The subconscious is EXTREMELY POWERFUL and can do things that will leave you CONVINCED something is wrong with you, you won't let other people tell you any different because you are absolutely CONVINCED something is broken.

I was there 10000%. I wouldn't let ANYONE tell me different, I'd be all "Oh you don't know what it's like! I'm broken I can feel it I can actually feel the damage in my head! It would be gone by now if it wasn't real!! I'm damaged I'm broken blah blah blah blah..." I am now over my depression, stopped taking ALL the meds I was given that were supposed to 'help' me, and guess what? At this point, I'm pretty damn convinced it was mostly in my head. You will be too when you get over it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying damage can't occur, because it certainly can. Did I damage myself a bit? Quite possibly, but CHANCES ARE that I, or you, or shambha have not damaged ourselves as much as we think/thought we did. So, from the tiny little bit of 'damage' that did occur, from dwelling on it so hard, we convince ourselves that we are more broken than we actually are, our subconscious takes over, and then the imaginary problems become REAL problems. Then, in a couple months, when the real 'damage' that occured is actually all healed and repaired, you are still so caught up and convinced that you broke yourself that the symptoms will continue, you will continue to feel like shit, your ECT's will keep disappointing you, the doctor will keep telling you "You're fine, just like I told you last time.", and yet, you will continue to sit there wallowing in your own misery because you're being stubborn and won't listen to anyone else, swallowing SSRI pills, browsing the internet for days looking for 'answers', telling everyone how they know nothing, lather, rinse, repeat.

Let's also not forget that depression directly leads to poor health in the first place for MANY reasons. Brain damage is NOT one of them.


So you have two choices. You can continue to be miserable and stubborn, keep telling everyone else they don't know what they're talking about, and keep telling yourself over and over and over "You're broken. You're broken. You're broken. You're broken." and enjoy the rest of your life living under placebo brain damage.

Or...

You can start getting over it TODAY by opening your eyes, ears and mind, cdonvince yourself you are NOT broken, take the steps you need to take to acheive a healthy mental and physical state like eating right, exercising, taking vitamins, ABSTAINING FROM DRUGS, not drinking ,not smoking cigarettes, not taking SSRI's and all that junk, get hobbies, occupy yourself, make new friends, push stresses and anxiety triggers OUT of your life, welcome in stress relievers, welcome in friends and family, etc.. You'll be better in no time.



Bottom line, what kind of life would you rather be living? A life with a perfectly healthy body, but depressed all the time because you falsely think something is wrong with you when there really is not. Or a life convinced that you are healthy and that nothing is wrong with you, and being happy regardless if you actually do have damage or not?



Again, I don't mean to insult you catinthehat4 or anything, but I do mean everything I said. You can't tell everyone they don't know what they're talking about and not expect backlash.
 
To be completely honest, i'm more aimed towards your approach, Seattle. But it's a very hard process to break, especially if damaged HAS occured, and from what I feel its very likely, in my case. I ingested below 20 pills in 4 months, rolling about 10 times max, and endured a horrible trip my last two rolls, which have changed me forever.

I don't know whether to attribute it to brain damage, or simple trauma related depersonalization from a horrible set of life circumstances that all seemed to happen around the 'end' of my rolling season.

Neurologists have all said theres no chance in hell I endured brain damage from the usage i described, and many insist that it was a factor of me growing up and realizing I cant be en egotistical maniac, a serve adjustment disorder, a breakup, and the result of a concussion I endured.

One was even stern enough to disagnose me with PTSD. Still, regardless of what I believe happened to me, I still feel like its damage, but pray its not.

I fit depersonalization PERFECTLY, which correlates highly with the previous post from a member saying a weed trip fucked him up bad, which clearly isnt brain damage and is DEFINATELY depersonalization. Ive read many account of that, and theres even a fucking movie on it called Numb staring Matthew Perry.

On Wikipedia it states that a common complaint from suffers is fear that they have brain damage, and those who never got it from drugs usually fear they have some sort of brain tumor or other mysterial illness.

Either way, i'm still suffering along with Cat, and it seems very improbable that it'll ever end, but I have faith, and ECT if it comes down to it.

I dont know where exactly I was going with this post, but to the OP, I feel you bro, and I highly doubt that usage has caused you any harm, i've read MANY studies saying you have to ingest copious amounts OR take VERY frequently in smaller dosages to undergo SLIGHT neurotoxic changes, which have proven to fully reverse with >3 months abstinance.

As a matter of fact, last night I rad a study stating that they done a study on rollers who were planning on rolling, and participated in a study. They did pre examinations, and post obviously, and along those tests they tested for a certian glucose marker known to be used inbrain cells metabolism in the frontal lobe, and outter most (cortical) parts of the brain. They said that SERT densities WERE lower, due to downregulation BUT the markers they used for testing a certian form of metabloism (i think it was metablosim i could be wrong) was still present, therefore showing that NO axondegeneration had occured, but that the SERT's were lower due to downregulation and recovered over time to control levels.

They also tested previous heavy users, and the heavy users that were abstinant MATCHED controls but the only thing was they had higher activity in their Occupital lobes due to compensatory upregulation that happened while they were using, and this activity remained much higher than controls even after a year.

Either way its hard to say whats happened to us, very hard indeed. Ive read studies that MATCHED my usuage, actually my useage was lower than the doses they gave to Squirel Monkeys, (2.5 mg/kg twice a month for 4 months), and had NO signs of neurotoxicity.

Anyways, yeah I dont really have a point, but just try not to stress, and lets pray our brains our fine and that were suffering from simple depression/depersonalization.
 
dezz said:
It's all in your head. Trust me. You put yourself where you are right now. You don't have any "braindamage" from a drug you did 3 years ago, trust me on this.
You said that you've already rolled the previous day AND took about 13 beers. The beer alone can skyrocket your anxiety levels.
It sounds to me like the horrible experience the night after just put your brain way into overdrive.

Your brain has gotten used to thinking this way, and now you need to un-learn the habit.
Why are you experiencing symptoms now after 3 years? It's because YOU are doing this to yourself. You say yourself that it's most certainly brain damage from MDMA alone. That kind of thinking alone will STOP you from recovering, ENTIRELY.

All the symptoms are easily explained by simple anxiety. If you're too anxious all the time, your brain will become "confused" in a way.
Wait until your fully at peace with yourself and free from anxiety before you start blaming a drug.

Reading about your symptoms and trying to find a solution on the internet is doing nothing for you. It only convinces your subconsious mind that it's "damaged".
I suggest you take a break from everything and find a new hobby, an activity. Something that takes your mind off things. Try playing an instrument, you'll notice that the second your focus has switched to playing the instrument... POOF symptoms will be gone.

Also, try to stop all medications.
You're fine trust me :)
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^^Agree totally.

I thought I had HPPD for a while. Saw tracers, afterimages, floaters. Felt dissociated everyday, brain fog, all that jazz. Anyway, I have a terrible memory which at times, I am VERY grateful for. For example, after 5 or so months of being convinced I had HPPD and there was no cure, I pretty much slowly started forgetting about it. Simple as that. Of course I abstained from all psychedelics/MDMA for a couple months but for the most part I stopped being a hypochondriac and my symptoms went away.

Pretty much exactly what dezz is saying. Stop worrying, get off bluelight, exercise, eat right, and feel better :) Your mind can be a bitch, and when it is you wont notice, but once you take a step back man, you'll be all like, "fuck you head," and feel much better :)
 
I see a thread in need of my attention.
When I have the proper time to spend on it, you can count on a valuable contribution.
My posts on neurotoxicity and recovery are available to all sufferers, and they are quite extensive.

For the record, CatintheHat knows what he is talking about - and you will all back off of him now.
Even a modest inquiry into mental health will reveal shocking results from ECT.
It can be quite a miracle treatment.

It is my firm belief that the OP could indeed have induced 'damage' from the usage described.
However, a 3 year period of recovery is WAY more than normal - even for this type of exposure.
The number of studies supporting a 1-2 year recovery timeline are NOT to be dismissed.
So, something is different with this story.

My bet would be that the 'anti-depressants' are the culprit for the long, drawn-out process.
I will support my claims when I return.
 
somedud said:
http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/reprint/161/7/1181.pdf

Heres one of the studies showing no differences in abstinence mdma users and controls
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i could post about 25-50 studies showing irreversible neurotoxicity regarding mdma. I mean its kind of like the tobacco- cancer connection. No one admitted it caused cancer for decades because the burden of proof was so high. In science its almost impossible to be 100% sure of anything.

After half a decade of mdma research and talking to neurologists the facts seem obvious to me. I dont expect unbiased answers on a drug forum, and neither should any of you.

However, higher dose mdma has given me permanent brain damage and altered my perceptions and emotions. This has NOT improved after 4 years. I never expect it to and have learned to accept that i must live as an emotional cripple.


As far as comparing weed to mdma, thats just a god dam joke. Weed has never shown even a hint of any significant toxicity in any study, animal or human. MDMA shows full toxicity in animals, and it would be unethical to try it on humans so we cant do controlled studies. Not that I think we need to as anecdotal evidence and current evidence is strong enough IMO.

So basically comparing weed to a substituted amphetamine is the pinnacle of stupidity.

IQ is stable throughout life. Before mdma i tested 130's every time. Now i test around 115 at best. You dont drop a standard deviation in IQ without suffering some serious brain damage. Thats not even going into the emotional damage thats been done which cant be tested for.

The ect suggestion is a good one if you have these symptoms years down the road, but id wait at least 3-4 years before doing it. http://jop.sagepub.com/content/20/6/860.accessible-long

If you can take something positive out of it. You have suffered more than most people ever will (outside of schizophrenics) and that is revealing in itself.
 
Thanks for having my back firstbad. I could go on and on about personal experience but the things that I and other sufferers of MDMA have gone through would be too long and messy for any message board. Just check my old posts.

I'm not a party pooper. I loved MDMA and I still think if proper precautions are taken it's a wonderful drug. But I only did it four times. After the third time I thought it was totally safe so I was a bit reckless when I took it the fourth time. But this standard of recklessness pales in comparison to the lax approach I've seen with other users. Still, I got burned. And I got burned because I thought there was no way in hell it could do any damage. But myself and others are living proof it can. I'm just trying to inform others. In particular, the OP and my posts in this thread all serve that purpose.

I'm not swearing by ECT. It has some very real inherent risks. But for this niche of MDMA sufferers both anecdotal and scientific evidence seems to support it as legitimate outlet to pursue or at least look into. You're talking to a group of people for whom antidepressants are ineffectual. Diet and exercise are great; but diet doesn't fix a broken arm. This depression is a different beast. All I'm pointing out is it may take atypical measures to overcome it.
 
catinthehat4 said:
Thanks for having my back firstbad. I could go on and on about personal experience but the things that I and other sufferers of MDMA have gone through would be too long and messy for any message board. Just check my old posts.

I'm not a party pooper. I loved MDMA and I still think if proper precautions are taken it's a wonderful drug. But I only did it four times. After the third time I thought it was totally safe so I was a bit reckless when I took it the fourth time. But this standard of recklessness pales in comparison to the lax approach I've seen with other users. Still, I got burned. And I got burned because I thought there was no way in hell it could do any damage. But myself and others are living proof it can. I'm just trying to inform others. In particular, the OP and my posts in this thread all serve that purpose.

I'm not swearing by ECT. It has some very real inherent risks. But for this niche of MDMA sufferers both anecdotal and scientific evidence seems to support it as legitimate outlet to pursue or at least look into. You're talking to a group of people for whom antidepressants are ineffectual. Diet and exercise are great; but diet doesn't fix a broken arm. This depression is a different beast. All I'm pointing out is it may take atypical measures to overcome it.
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This further solidifies my standpoint. You, among many others, seem to be in search for a 'miracle cure' for your depression. I can understand this, I did the same thing, you figure you took pills that would instantly turn an average night into an amazing night, so you will wonder why shouldn't there be something as simple as a pill or procedure that fixes depression just as quickly? The unfortunate truth is that there is absolutely no silver bullet cure to depression, and just because everything you try isn't fixing your depression overnight, you seem to be chalking it up to brain damage.

What you are experiencing is most likely PTSD. You had a terrible experience on a very hard and dangerous drug. Chances are there was a point where the thought crossed your mind "I might die from this". That can be TRAUMATIZING to a person, especially when under the effects of an substance-induced overly-sensitive mind. You had a near death experience, like a near miss car crash, or having a gun to your head, or having your parachute get tangled during a sky dive, all these events can send a person STRAIGHT into a state that you are currently in and it could take MONTHS to get back out of it.

You analogy about a broken arm, you're wrong there too. Yes, absolutely diet and exercise will fix a broken arm, but NOT OVER NIGHT as you seriously seem to be expecting. Just because something doesn't have instant results doesn't mean it's not working. To fix a (moderately) broken arm, all you need to do not use it for a while, keep a healthy diet and your body will do it's best to repair the broken bone. When you go to the doctor with a broken arm, they don't hook you up to ECT machines, they don't give you 'arm-fixer pills', they don't slather some lotion on it, none of that. The doctor simply wraps it up to make sure you don't hurt it more, and the body does the rest! Just because you have to wait a few months for your body to repair itself doesn't mean there's no cure for a broken arm. TIME is the cure, just as it is in this MDMA case.

I think I may be getting misunderstood. I'm not saying that it's impossible that MDMA has caused brain damage, and I'm not saying anyone in this thread has no endured damage, I'm saying that the AMOUNT of brain damage that you guys seem to be thinking you have is WAY more than you probably actually do have. That's all. I'm seeing folks get to borderline-freak-the-fuck-out states because they're so worried they damaged their brains, when in reality, they're just fine!! Then, because they're freaking out, they get anxious and depressed, which in turn makes them believe "See?! See?!!! I'm super depressed!! Brain damage!! Ahhh!!" and repeat the loop over and over and over for months, maybe years. Remember, as I said, I WAS THERE. I did the exact same thing. I kept going to my doctor freaking out and he basically kept telling me "Dude, chill the fuck out, you are JUST FINE!!" He gave me all sorts of tests cognition tests, blood tests, everything outside of actually looking into my brain, and it all came back better than normal. Finally, after I convinced myself that I am NOT damage, and I AM JUST FINE, guess what happened? I stopped feeling depressed, I stopped having anxiety attacks, I stopped having EVERY symptom I contributed to 'brain damage' almost instantaneously. Can you argue with that? Look at the facts. We both abused MDMA, we both thought we had brain damage, we both sought out help, we both had people tell us that we're just fine, we both chose not to believe them, we both wallowed in our brain damaged misery, got sick, lost weight, cried with our heads on the floor, begged to God why why why me, etc.., however the difference between you and I is I have gotten over it, I'm no longer depressed, I enjoy the FUCK out of my life now, and yet here you still are, depressed, alone, scared, still arguing with everyone, convinced you're broken, and not getting any better at all.

It's human nature, it's normal to feel this way, it happens, it's natural, you will get over it and look back at yourself and you'll laugh. I promise.

Sorry if I was a little harsh yesterday. Consider it a tough love, because trust me man, I sympathize with your guy's situations probably more than most others because again, I WAS THERE, i felt it, I know how you're feeling and what thought process you are going through. I had the depersonalization, I had the anhedonia, I had the panic attacks, I had the palpitations, the zero appetite, insomnia, suicidal thoughts, nightmares, a general FEAR for everyday life, It's the WORST FUCKING THING IN THE WORLD!!! It frustrates me to see other people absolutely beating the shit out of themselves over something that I figured out is not true at all. That's why I'm being so in your face about it, because that's how I had to be to myself to force my dumb ass to GET THE FUCK OVER IT and start living this GLORIOUS life!! :)

Cheers to my peers, wipe those tears, clear those fears and crack open some beers! Enjoy these years, because everything is just fine between your ears. Wow that was corny I promise I'll never do that again.
 
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It's not PTSD honestly. I had a great time the night of. It was a fantastic, albeit intense, roll. Everything bad started happening the next day.

But thanks for the apology. I'm not trying to be a jerk either. I'm merely relaying my experience. You don't know me personally but I can attest to the fact that I'm a mentally strong person. I would be able to get myself out of existential, psychological rut. This, however, is a different beast. But I'm done trying to convince anyone. You'll never know unless you live with it yourself.
 
BBen that link about the ECT is rather remarkable. Are you able to read the whole thing? I'm at a major university so I was able to access the full text via my library. Here's what it says:

A 28 year man had not taken ecstasy in 5 years. While he was taking ecstasy he took anywhere from 200-1000 pills lifetime, ranging from .25 of a pill to 10 pills in a weekend. He didn't respond to a host of antidepressants (SSRIS, SNRIs, Antipsychotics). After failing again and again with antidepressants he decided to do ECT.

Before ECT he was below average in several cognitive tests (attention and verbal recall) and had a 32 on the HAMD-21 depression scale (denoting severe depression). He also had derealization, body twitches, headaches, visual disturbances, and was basically a poster boy for mdma damage based on symptomology. He had five rounds of unilateral treatment which proved ineffective. However, after only 3 treatments of bilateral ECT his symptoms remitted. After treatment his cognitive tests went back to normal. His depression score was a mere 8 which signifies no depression.

1.5 years later the people who ran the study checked in on him and he was still doing fine with no signs of depression.

That's pretty fucking incredible. Not only did his depression remit almost instantly, but he also regained cognitive faculty. Granted, this is just one dude, but it's something to think about.
 
Sounds like a pretty amazing story catinthehat - it's stories like this that give me hope. I'm still able to function fairly 'normally' but I've definitely been affected. Quite a lot of my week now is one BIG struggle but I'm getting on with it, what else can I do? Doing the easy things is just so hard now and it takes so much out of me. After a moderately hard day I'm just exhausted and I'm not just talking tired, we all get tired, but total and utter exhaustion, basically tiredness x 10/20. Obviously there are so many other symptoms I have which are all related. What I would give to look inside my brain and see what's going on because something is amiss. If the doubters took over my body for a week you'd notice because it's so damn obvious. But I'm not a quiter and I'm not giving up hope. If it comes down to ECT, it comes down to ECT, you can't put a price on mental health.
 
Yeah shambha that's a great attitude. You can't get ECT unless you've tried medications or are acutely suicidal. If your not working with a mental health professional already I would do that to get the ball rolling.

It honestly may come down to ECT. It's the final frontier. It's also been 3 years for you.

Once again I'm not a saleperson for ECT. It has some very real, very serious risks. At a minimum, you can expect short term memory loss during the time of treatment. But it does things other antidepressant models do not. That's why I keep mentioning it. It's also not guaranteed to work. It's efficacy is somewhere between 60%-80%. Considering that our depression is likely completely chemical, I think, based on conjecture, it would have a pretty damn good shot of working.

Nobody wants to be put in the position of having to try ECT. But then again, nobody wants to be put in the position of having chemotherapy. But a lot of the time chemo works. Extreme illnesses may necessitate extreme approaches.

How's your IQ? Are you still as intellectually capable as you were before MDMA? What kind of job do you have (don't answer if uncomfortable I'm just curious about what type of levels of stress and exhaustion you are likely to experience)?
 
I've just read the full article through my university libaray, and it seems miraculous.

I've also read a few forums where people have undergone ECT, and they seem rather fine, said no lasting memory problems only before and a little after treatment. Many claim it as a "life saver" and say they've regained their lifes, returned to school/work much better than they were before undergoing treatment.

It has ALOT of stigma attached to it, and I feel somewhat crazy for even THINKING about undergoing such a process, but it seems to suppsoively work by releasing vast amounts of BDNF in your frontal lobes which cause a mass surge of serotogenic axonal sprouting, and once your depression lifts chances are your cognitive functions will improve MORE than they are now, due to enhanced mood (and im sure from a denser axonal network), regardless of the fact you shot electricity through your brain.
 
I agree. And it's not about electricity; it's about the seizure. The electricity is just a means to produce the seizure.
 
Jesus how did this become an ECT-recommendation thread? Are you some kind of neurologist who has diagnosed this guy? if you think you can find proof E causes lasting problems try finding ECT problems, there is no shortage of stories there.

If you were "a bit depressive" before then maybe you're a lot depressive now. Maybe E triggered it, maybe it's just a coincidence. You may never find out. I've done 100's, probably over 1000 Es in my life and often in stupid doses. I think it's had some effect. My memory ain't what it was. But I'm not depressed and I run a small business and family etc. So I don't think they cause rampant brain damage that you'd notice after the amount you took. Maybe you triggered a psychological problem.
 
Attack Fader said:
Are you sure it wasn't the fucking duster that messed you up? That shit will kill you. In my experience too much of anything can be bad so binges are always a bad idea. If used in moderation MDMA can help people with depression. I have had severe depression most of my childhood but after experimenting with MDMA I can actually feel happy for the first time in my life. If you haven't already I would try tripping on some good old shrooms. These can also help deal with depression by digging deep inside of you and finding what is causing the depression if it is not just a chemical imbalance
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This. Never even think of the shit I put up with a kid since I found MDMA, there is more to the world than the humdrum of my career and spunking my money on fruit machines and vodka red bulls
 
shambha said:
I have absolutely NO DOUBT that MDMA was the culprit.
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Well maybe you should start entertaining some doubt. You have no proof it was MDMA or even any real knowledge of what was in the drugs you took. It's not like your problems started immediately afterwards, not that that would prove it either.

There is something called Post Hoc Reasoning and it's a logical fallacy. You don't know for a fact what has caused your problems. Being more open minded about it might be a good idea.
 
Andronicus, you're right in that I didn't 100% know what was in the tabs that one night but the problems DID start immediately afterwards, I just didn't know what I was going through and it wasn't until later that I decided to stop dealing with it on my own and seek some medical help.

When you get tabs you've got no idea what's in them unless you test I guess but in the immediate comdown from the first night felt the same as the other times I'd taken proper MDMA (i.e. real tiredness, sore gums from the jaw clenching). If you look at all of my major symptoms (i.e. insomnia, social anxiety, exhaustion, memory issues, lack of emotional response etc etc) they are serotonin related problems and you know what drug specifically affects, and perhaps alters, the serotonin system.......doesn't take putting two and two together.

The purpose of me posting was NOT to bad mouth the drug, I just want some release from the hell it's put me into. I am open minded as to how to make things better and I was hoping other people who have actually gone through something similar and whether they managed to recover, and what they took/did to get them better.
 
You can badmouth it as much as you like. I'm no MDMA fanboy.

You said "Once summer was over and I was back into my final year at university I started experiencing symptoms of something I couldn't explain" - that directly implies that the problems did not start immediately as you've now just stated but started once the summer was over. I can only go on what you write.

The symptoms you describe are those of depression. Maybe triggered by drug use, maybe not. You'll probably never know. It probably doesn't even really matter now. You gotta deal with the cards you've been dealt. But I doubt a load of MDMA heads on a forum are going to have the answer. There are a lot of amateur/armchair neurologists and pharmacists on this site who think they have brain chemistry sussed. They haven't. I'd think twice about taking advice like taking magic mushrooms or ECT as cures!

I've been depressed. I was messed up a bit when I was taking a lot of drugs when I was younger. When I stopped taking them for a while I started feeling better. I also got depressed since then but that was just life and the way I was handling it. It's a tough place to be. I don't know how I got out of it as such other than changing shit I didn't like and facing up to things properly.

If you're looking for a pharmacological solution then personally I'd try Stablon before SSRIs on the basis that SSRIs can mess up right up in a different way and make you dependent and like the walking-dead. But what the hell would I know about your mind and brain etc? Very little lets face it.
 
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