Its only in the past 5 years that I've really learned that about myself- that in a sense I am trying to defeat life by challenging everything I see. There have been many positives in that extremism too though, in that things I found (drugs, exploring sexuality, becoming a non-meat eater, learning to understand love, remembering my childhood, loving and cherishing the natural world) have bought me to where I am today- which is a happier place then I can remember.
Now I just accept it, and regret my violence and poor behaviour, and have moved on. I now feel like I've seen that any extreme is almost the opposite of itself, and have reached a point of almost-equilibrium...