Lost novelty with psychedelics: take more or hang up the phone?

[MocCozmiK]

By the way. I swear I thought was dead. I know my perception was distorted. But my hands and feet were white as death. And looked swollen, like a bloated dead body.

It was disgusting yet fucking terrifying
They were freezing. I never been so fucked up on 4-aCo
It's always been so friendly and comfortable to me.
What the fuck happened
Oh my gah..
Alright guys taking a liTle naps now

 

[JackARoe]

Just because you hang up the phone doesnt mean youll never make another call again?

Excellent point! Say no more. That counteracts that statement with just as simple of a phrase. I could not think of something clever so your statement is golden.


MocCozmiK, you are not going crazy. Chill out. Pull yourself together. Never let anything, woman or experience take you down. You have it within you to align and be happy and centered.

As far as your pet, I have my girl Cocker sitting next to me right now. She was not our first. Been through that many times. Doggies and animals carry the torch for each other. The spirit pops up over and over and they channel each other. My girl that looks at me now is the culmination of all past pets. The love is still there but you are blocking it. Open to it when the time comes again. The love will pop back. In the meantime you can still feel your pets love. Think of the good times and how much your pet loved you. It is hard saying goodbye to a pet. But then the next one comes along and channels that same love you are looking for and really teaches a lesson on Love.

To the OP, a break with psychedelics will help. Don't rule them out as tools later on in life though. I still get insights out of them after 40 years.

 

[MocCozmiK]

Thanks JackARoe, that is awesome advice - I appreciate it. More than you know.

You hit the nail on the head - "the love is still there, you are just blocking it"

Man, I have known this, but I have somehow made excuses for myself, so been in denial. But sometimes hearing another person perspective who doesn't even know me, but can sense it on just by a few psychotic rants (and guys I apologize for that craziness) it's really very unlike me. But maybe that's what I need. I keep so much shit inside. And I needed to have a mental/nervous breakdown or something, I am exhausted.. Drained.. Feel beaten down and defeated. Because I have to present this facade to the world. It isn't me tho. But I have no real close friends that I could ever tell about this stuff. They think drugs are bad, omg - and psyedelics, they wouldn't understand. I can't tell my family about anything - like mom and dad and siblings. They are so straight laced and do exactly as society expects of them. I feel very guilty and dirty because I live this secret life no one knows about.
So fucking sacred of being judged and rejected. All my insecurities just came pouring out. So glad I didn't call or text family. They would have been freaked out. I do know that eventually I will come down and regret making calls all fucked up cuz I was scared.

That's why I turned to blueLight. If anyone could understand and relate - I know y'all could.
So thanks guys- for the response.

When I was having breakdown yes it was tryptamine induced. But it needed to happen.

I see now I have been blocking out love. I don't know why I do this. Pain, scared of being hurt. With my animals tho, I know no matter what - they love me and I truly love them. They never judge (except one of my cats, pretty sure he knows when I am fucked up and treats me funny) haha

Thanks again guys

 

[MocCozmiK]

Man, it's been a hell of a day.
Next time I feel like escaping reality. I will use a disso. Not a psychedelic. Whoa

The good thing from all this is that I will be taking a typtamjne break.

This is off topic but i play tennis and my USTA team is going to state this next weekend. Need to get my body and mind prepared.

Everything happens for a reason.
I'm calling it a night now tho.