I wrote a poem about this some years back and published it on mt website. I hope others can relate:
Knife of Hurt
No one knows how I feel,
Right now, scattered like orange peel,
Full of so many dreams,
No more, just endless means,
Sitting here with silent cries,
Pictured like stormy skies,
Fear of the unknown,
Just me here, all alone
Threatening to take her away,
As if she were a cat, just a stray,
Looking at me, judging me,
I am anxiously waiting what is to be,
I feel like I'm being ripped apart inside,
Tried so hard to prevent, this is why I lied,
Each morning I awake, it's at me like a knife,
Reminding me that was another life,
I can't help but push my loved ones away,
Like on a wrecked ship, casting them astray,
All I wanted was to be happy,
Yet it always goes wrong, I end up feeling crappy,
Why do I have to feel so much pain?
That leaves me all cast out and lame,
Why so bad does it hurt?
And why do I feel like a piece of dirt?
As I walk along,
I hope for a happier song,
To feel happy and good,
Without leaving others lying in the mud