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KraziKat's Quit II: This time it's for real!

KraziKat said:
Part of it was physical... but if I'm in the clear of terrible physical dependence, which I think I am for the most part, why does that internal alarm go off every goddamn day telling me "it's time to take the edge off."
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I think you answered it yourself in the last post. After 20-something years of drug use, you've probably become accustomed to getting high to cope with all sorts of feelings, positive or negative - boredom, depression, and anxiety, but also joy, contentment, and success. Remember that you have a choice on whether or not to use drugs for whatever reason, and that may be the only control you have at times. The hardest moments are usually the ones that you can look back at and feel good about making the right choice in the struggle.
 
Grinders Kiefers said:
I think you answered it yourself in the last post. After 20-something years of drug use, you've probably become accustomed to getting high to cope with all sorts of feelings, positive or negative - boredom, depression, and anxiety, but also joy, contentment, and success. Remember that you have a choice on whether or not to use drugs for whatever reason, and that may be the only control you have at times. The hardest moments are usually the ones that you can look back at and feel good about making the right choice in the struggle.
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Thanks, Grinders. Have a great weekend. I am off to go pick up my kids and go home for the weekend. I am hoping to make some good decisions these next few days.
 
Just thought I'd take a moment and document the fact that I have not had a drink in 4 days. Not a drop of alcohol. This marks the longest stretch of being booze-free in more than a year. I haven't been "sober" per se, but I haven't been drinking. As a poly-drug addict, I think my alcohol misuse is the most detrimental to my health of all the substances I use to alter my mood.

I really do want to live. I love my kids. I want to be healthy, and fit, and less moody and irritable.

While I haven't slept so well this week, not so coincidentally I have not had to take much heartburn medicine these last few days. I have a dwindling supply of xanax that has helped me get some sleep. My body got so accustomed to having alcohol at night. But I am okay with the insomnia, for now at least. Come to think of it, when drinking I dont sleep well either. I pass out, rather than go to sleep. And then I wake up between 2 and 3 AM anxious and irritable. And at my worst, I drink more or take something during that hour to fall back to sleep.

I think it's much healthier to stay awake until 1 or two, and then sleep til 6 or 7.

Anyway, To all of my fellow BLers here in SL, have a great Memorial Day weekend.
 
Insomnia is always a problem when kicking alcohol or benzodiazepines because of the surge in glutamate in the brain. Try and get a sedating antidepressant like trazodone, mirtazapine or doxepin. Or even gabapentin. I take 15mg mirtazapine to help me fall asleep and 75mg doxepin to keep me asleep. The insomnia will go away as your neurotransmitters come back in balance, but it will take a little while. A strong antihistamine like hydroxyzine does the trick too, although it leaves me a little groggy the following morning.
 
Hi everyone. It's been ages since I've updated this thread. Wow.

A lot has changed and at the same time, much as stayed the same. I'm learning. I had a great run free of my DOC, which ended when I thought I'd try and chip. Of course I can't. It was a moment of weakness that would have been better served to anything else. Then it turned into scoring 25 or 30 blues, which would last a week, and then suffer WD for 3 days... be cool with light kratom use, more pills rinse and repeat.

Relapse is part of recovery -- I'm not going kid myself with that nonsense anymore. I hope. Currently this is Day 3 no pills. And I'm on the other side of the worst of the acutes.

Drinking remains an issue. It was something I'd made good strides in, and then notsomuch.

I developed a case of the FUCKITS, and I'd like that to stop. I want to start caring, like really caring about my health and longevity, like caring enough to make lasting changes.

I should probably close this thread. The quit wasn't for real. I am about to start a new way of attacking this... albeit maybe a bit unorthodox, but I may go for it.
 
KraziKat said:
Hi everyone. It's been ages since I've updated this thread. Wow.

A lot has changed and at the same time, much as stayed the same. I'm learning. I had a great run free of my DOC, which ended when I thought I'd try and chip. Of course I can't. It was a moment of weakness that would have been better served to anything else. Then it turned into scoring 25 or 30 blues, which would last a week, and then suffer WD for 3 days... be cool with light kratom use, more pills rinse and repeat.

Relapse is part of recovery -- I'm not going kid myself with that nonsense anymore. I hope. Currently this is Day 3 no pills. And I'm on the other side of the worst of the acutes.

Drinking remains an issue. It was something I'd made good strides in, and then notsomuch.

I developed a case of the FUCKITS, and I'd like that to stop. I want to start caring, like really caring about my health and longevity, like caring enough to make lasting changes.

I should probably close this thread. The quit wasn't for real. I am about to start a new way of attacking this... albeit maybe a bit unorthodox, but I may go for it.
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don't tease us! share your unorthodox method you're about to try.
 
Rio Fantastic said:
don't tease us! share your unorthodox method you're about to try.
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A tease it was!

Well, I have a fair amount of psychedelics and other substances at my disposal. Shrooms, LSD, MDMA and even ketamine. And I also have my house to myself for a couple days. The aforementioned drugs, I have lots of experience with them with the exception of the K. But I've only really used them in a partying sense ? at concerts, drinking and hanging out with friends -- never alone, never as tools to do some serious soul-searching and self-reflection.

I want to try it. I want possible take a hit of L, alone in my house, without drinking or using any opiates, armed with a pen and paper, and no one near me. I'd like to get the bottom of some things, and see my behaviors from perhaps a different angle.

I don't know. Just thinking out loud here. Anyone here with experience in using "trips" to overcome addiction? I'm open to suggestions and advice.
 
There were clinical trials using LSD and therapy in alcohol and drug addiction before LSD became a street drug. The theory was related to imprinting during significant experiences. Imprinting is a hardwired learning process kinda like why baby chicks follow the mother around because it's the first thing they see after birth (primary imprinting). There were experiments where scientists altered the imprinting of chicks so they had various other objects followed by the baby chicks instead of the mother. LSD can affect imprinting and be used to change habits, but it's definitely no "silver bullet" or it would have been accepted and it's use in addiction treatment more common than it is.

I suppose if you look hard enough you might finds the related studies and their outcome.

Good luck, it may well help.
 
White_Rose said:
There were clinical trials using LSD and therapy in alcohol and drug addiction before LSD became a street drug. The theory was related to imprinting during significant experiences. Imprinting is a hardwired learning process kinda like why baby chicks follow the mother around because it's the first thing they see after birth (primary imprinting). There were experiments where scientists altered the imprinting of chicks so they had various other objects followed by the baby chicks instead of the mother. LSD can affect imprinting and be used to change habits, but it's definitely no "silver bullet" or it would have been accepted and it's use in addiction treatment more common than it is.

I suppose if you look hard enough you might finds the related studies and their outcome.

Good luck, it may well help.
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I have poked around and came across these studies. I learned that the famous Bill W, founder of AA, was a believer in LSD's power to help alcoholics and was an avid "tripper"
 
I've had people at AA get belligerent with me over this topic, but no less a person than Bill Wilson thought psychedelics could be an effective treatment in helping to bring about the spiritual experience described as being necessary for recovery by 12 step. It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who's actually taken the time to study Bill W. (which IMO 99.999999% of 12 steppers haven't) since he was hopped up on belladonna when he had his spiritual experience; they adhere to some saintly vision of him when he was really an adulterous scumbag tweaked on caffeine and nicotine.

Anyway, I do believe there is something to this because, although it remains illegal in the United States, ibogaine is gaining currency as an addiction treatment. Unfortunately, if you're American, you have to go to Mexico or Canada to do it; it remains Schedule I in the US. I looked into it in a moment of desperation and I found a place in Canada that does it, but their website did come with the caveat that although ibogaine does do a "hard reset" of sorts on neurotransmitters, it doesn't guarantee recovery. It just places you in a position that makes recovery early recovery easier if the appropriate life changes are made. It's not some sort of magical cure.
 
I too have read and researched lots on Ibogaine and Ayahuasca. Would love to try, but it's just not practical right now. However, what is practical and possible is me taking a hit of acid, in the safety of my home, and just kind of seeing where it takes me. Or should I take shrooms? Last time I did shrooms my body ached, and I yearned for opiates. However, the only time I took this particular tab, I was in party mode with friends... had a blast, enjoyed it very much... but I feel like I missed the chance to really learn from it and go deep.
 
Ibogaine really interests me. It's supposed to be truly amazing. Allegedly anyways. And people HAVE died after going into the jungle looking for a cure from Ibogaine...but that could be a result of shitty facilities.

I've honestly been thinking about taking hallucinogens sometime soon whilst i'm in this recovery mode. I have a good amount of experience with mushrooms, but not much with LSD but LSD is all I can seem to find around right now so I think I'll wait a bit longer to see if i can find any shrooms soon. I've heard from many former heroin/ope addicts that tripping while trying to recover can be a real eye-opening experience and helps you to view your addiction in an incredibly new light and helps you to realize just how toxic it really is for your soul. I know a hardcore, iv using h addict who claims that a 3 day acid trip was what cured him of his h habit and he's been clean for nearly 7 years. Me and hallucinagens didn't always jive..they brought on intense anxiety at times...but, honestly, i was very uncomfortable in my own skin back then (esp compared to now) and I think tripping made me come face to face with my true inner self...and I didn't like it. I like myself much better now so I feel like I would have a much more positive experience this time around.

If I come across anything, I'll let ya know. I know this isn't the place for "trip reports" but I don't post on any other forums, so idk if it would mean anything to anyone if I put it in the proper place.

How's things Kat?
 
ladyhlove said:
Ibogaine really interests me. It's supposed to be truly amazing. Allegedly anyways. And people HAVE died after going into the jungle looking for a cure from Ibogaine...but that could be a result of shitty facilities.

I've honestly been thinking about taking hallucinogens sometime soon whilst i'm in this recovery mode. I have a good amount of experience with mushrooms, but not much with LSD but LSD is all I can seem to find around right now so I think I'll wait a bit longer to see if i can find any shrooms soon. I've heard from many former heroin/ope addicts that tripping while trying to recover can be a real eye-opening experience and helps you to view your addiction in an incredibly new light and helps you to realize just how toxic it really is for your soul. I know a hardcore, iv using h addict who claims that a 3 day acid trip was what cured him of his h habit and he's been clean for nearly 7 years. Me and hallucinagens didn't always jive..they brought on intense anxiety at times...but, honestly, i was very uncomfortable in my own skin back then (esp compared to now) and I think tripping made me come face to face with my true inner self...and I didn't like it. I like myself much better now so I feel like I would have a much more positive experience this time around.

If I come across anything, I'll let ya know. I know this isn't the place for "trip reports" but I don't post on any other forums, so idk if it would mean anything to anyone if I put it in the proper place.

How's things Kat?
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Hi Lady! I'm doing pretty good today. I'm not in acute withdrawal, which is nice, and if anything I am barely physically addicted. Maybe a little bit atm to opies... but all I've been taking is kratom. Alcohol at night.

I'm trying to flip the switch that will help me be comfortable in my own skin without the daily desire to alter my mood. I want this. Hence, of course, why, as ALWAYS, I'm looking to cure my addictions with even more ? and more powerful ? drugs!

Other than that, I'm alive and okay. I'd like a new job, and I am targeting January as I get a bonus at then end of the year and I'be a fool to give it up. My family is happy and healthy, and now I want the same for me.
 
Ayahuasca can be used legally in the US if it's done as part of a religious ritual. I'm sure in the Greater NY area there has got to be someone doing that. As for mushrooms vs. LSD, I guess it would be a matter of preference. Shrooms pose more of an issue with gastrointestinal distress IME. I haven't done either since grad school over 20 years ago.
 
aihfl said:
Ayahuasca can be used legally in the US if it's done as part of a religious ritual. I'm sure in the Greater NY area there has got to be someone doing that. As for mushrooms vs. LSD, I guess it would be a matter of preference. Shrooms pose more of an issue with gastrointestinal distress IME. I haven't done either since grad school over 20 years ago.
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Yes, there are Aya practitioners I've come across, but nothing that screams legit and safe.
 
KraziKat said:
Yes, there are Aya practitioners I've come across, but nothing that screams legit and safe.
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Yeah, there's a guy here in Orlando that does it but it looks sketchy as hell. He was doing it without government permission for the longest time and as far as I know his DEA application is still in limbo.

Did I tell you I got pulled over by Iowa City PD while on shrooms? He knew I was on something, but there were no drugs in the car, nor did I stink of alcohol so he didn't haul me in. I asked him how fast I was going and he said 14. It was a residential neighborhood with a 25mph speed limit, but still. I remember being mesmerized by the flashing blue lights in the rear view mirror.
 
For someone with so many GI issues (GERD and IBS), mushrooms never had an effect on my stomach, thankfully. I had an ex who would puke right as they kicked in..every single time. Never once for me though. I've never even felt a bit queasy. IDK
 
Hi KraziKat,

I just read through your thread, it's nice to see you posting again. You sound like you have a lovely family, I think it's a really great thing that you're trying to improve yourself and I wish you the best!!

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
 
EPL1 said:
Hi KraziKat,

I just read through your thread, it's nice to see you posting again. You sound like you have a lovely family, I think it's a really great thing that you're trying to improve yourself and I wish you the best!!

Hugs,
your friend,
Ash.
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Thanks, Ash. I've been lurking more than posting the last few months (coinciding with using, of course), and I've noticed how helpful you are round these parts. It's inspiring. I'm hoping to improve my health.

KK
 
aihfl said:
Yeah, there's a guy here in Orlando that does it but it looks sketchy as hell. He was doing it without government permission for the longest time and as far as I know his DEA application is still in limbo.

Did I tell you I got pulled over by Iowa City PD while on shrooms? He knew I was on something, but there were no drugs in the car, nor did I stink of alcohol so he didn't haul me in. I asked him how fast I was going and he said 14. It was a residential neighborhood with a 25mph speed limit, but still. I remember being mesmerized by the flashing blue lights in the rear view mirror.
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That is too funny!! If I partake, and try and get to the bottom of something psychedelically, I will not be driving, that is for sure. Home alone like Mucauley Culkin.

This article has been hopeful. http://psychedelicfrontier.com/tripping-tool-self-realization/
 
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