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Kratom Addiction/ Need Help After Withdrawals Are Over

cleanintx said:
physically speaking the worst was over by day 10 but the physical side is not totally over it is still coming and going,just less every day . I have avoided stress at all costs and tried my best to think positive. Mentally speaking I am sure this will last for sometime . A profound sadness keeps coming and going. i just keep telling myself this 2 will pass. I have been drinking alot of water a taking vitamins. I have found when it is almost unbearable a small dose of valium helps. My doctor is fully aware of what is going on and is really helping me cope with everything. I will post more later tonight when i get back near my computer.
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Awesome dude!!

Stay strong
 
Well, I've been with this thread from the beginning of it, and I was using kratom when it started back in early June. Now it's late September and for all my talk of tapering and shit, I'm still stuck on the kratom. I got on the kratom after successfully tapering down from a very large pods habit. I've been reading over my posts, telling other people how to cope and giving them encouragement, and now I',m thinking, "well, you dumb shit, you're still hooked on kratom." I think it's because kratom is seemingly so benign and that I felt a sense of accomplishment from getting off the pods that I've let myself flounder on the kratom. I need to be free of everything. I'm in recovery for my alcoholism and I'm keeping the kratom a secret from EVERYone. About a month after getting off pods I told my gf about it. Shit storm. She was so mad and stayed mad for so long, because for a year I was "sober" but using poppy pods. Now I'm "sober" but using kratom. It's kinda hard to work a spiritual program with a monkey on your back and a big fucking secret.

And it's easy for me to think about quitting when I've got kratom in me and am feeling OK. Then, when it starts to get bad, and the WDs are getting worse, I lose my resolve, and take more kratom. Then I decide to taper on what kratom I have left, but don't taper down far enough or fast enough for what I have left, then I order more, and when I get that big order I tell myself I'll just have a couple days of using however much I'd like, and then I'll taper, and then I'm down to less than half what I ordered, maybe 4 oz or so, and I start to taper with that...wash rinse repeat.

I want an easy way out and I know there isn't one. So maybe being honest at least here on this board will help me face his demon and slay it once and for all. I want to be free of this shit so badly.
 
Thanks ! It is getting better everyday ! One thing I can say with 100 % certainty is that kicking kratom has been the hardest thing I have ever done ! In my opinion it is easier on the physical side compared to H or a heavy oxy habit or even a heavy codone habit (The physical part of the kick is still horrible) For me the mental part of the kick is worse then anything I have ever been through .
 
I know how you feel . I tried to taper over and over again only to give myself bonus doses and so on . When I finally decided to quit I did not taper just sat back and waited for the beat down. It sucks real bad but once the worst is over you will start to feel things you have not felt in a while . It is amazing what your own bodies drugs feel like at first . I did a light workout on day 10 of being clean and had the heaviest endorphin high i have ever felt . It was by far he best feeling I have ever had . Stay the coarse you will feel so good about yourself.
 
cleanintx, how was during those hard days? could you go to work? did you just stay at home and suffer? I work part time and could probably lose my job if I had to take more than a couple days off. did you use loperamide or any other helper meds, OTC stuff, or the like?
 
I took ten days off from work and just watched movie after movie. The only med
I used to help get me through was valium. I did take alot of vitamins and tried to flush my body as much as possible. Lots of water . I have gone the lopermide route before and it does help but this time I just decided to suffer and take the beating. I slept on and off most of the first week or so . I have never had problems sleeping even when im very sick so the insomnia never really hit me. I personally think that if you where to stop on a wednesday night or even wednesday morning and work wednesday then take thursday and friday off and not go back to work till the next monday it would be bearable especially with lopermide. The hard days sucked my whole body was drained and sore so i just layed down and tuned out. Sometimes my job is very physical and I had to work for close to 2 hours on day 10 and it felt great!Got my natural endorphins going (i forgot what that felt like) I'm still dealing with the sadness that comes with stepping off opiates but i know that it is only temporary. I just keep telling myself that this will be over soon enough. What I do know is that I already feel way better physically and feel much sharper without kratom . It isnt easy just dont give up when its at its worst .
 
Well, that's good and bad news cleaninTX. The 10 days part is bad news. I hope to be back to work before that long. I just came from my sponsor's house and I told him about the kratom. Long story short and many details omitted for now: I have to quit. NOW. I called my gf on the way home, told her, and I just finished flushing the rest of the kratom I had down the toilet. I have 100 grams of stem powder that already shipped. I emailed them about canceling it or sending it back for a refund, but if I can't, I'll just flush that $30 down the fucking toilet too. I'll have to call in for however long I'll have to call in. I just have to get straight with the world, and get clean so I can live the life I wanna live, be useful to others, and be able to be totally honest with my gf. I love her dearly and hope to marry her one day, but I have to be clean, spiritually fit, and totally honest if I have a chance of making it.

It's not the kratom that's the problem. It's the symptom. The problem is I'm still behaving as if I'm in control and I'm not. I've reached another level of surrender and I am on my way to a free and clean life.

A few nights ago I was in a restaurant, feeling the effects of early withdrawal, having the kratom on the back of mind, thinking about quitting (as always), and yet thinking about taking a small dose when I got home to help sleep. I had talked on here about getting clean as getting to the other side. Two songs came on in a row in that restaurant. The first was that song by The Doors where he keeps singing "break on through to the other side" and the second was "What a Wonderful World". It was a sign. I don't believe in coincidences anymore.

So, my next how-many-ever days are going to be pretty rotten. Here I fucking go though. Here I go. Thanks for your support. I've got some support IRL now, but I'll keep coming back here too because you guys know the kratom beast, and I've never met anyone IRL who does.

I love you all.

PNM

"You can add to my life but you can't take away. Because I'm not trading with you. I love you." --anon.
 
cleanintx said:
I personally think that if you where to stop on a wednesday night or even wednesday morning and work wednesday then take thursday and friday off and not go back to work till the next monday it would be bearable especially with lopermide. The hard days sucked my whole body was drained and sore so i just layed down and tuned out. Sometimes my job is very physical and I had to work for close to 2 hours on day 10 and it felt great!Got my natural endorphins going (i forgot what that felt like) I'm still dealing with the sadness that comes with stepping off opiates but i know that it is only temporary. I just keep telling myself that this will be over soon enough. What I do know is that I already feel way better physically and feel much sharper without kratom . It isnt easy just dont give up when its at its worst .
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Well, it's Wednesday night, and like I just said above: Here I go.
 
^ Good luck man, its gonna be a psychological test for ya, you can beat that shit man... alcohol and pods are much harder habits to kick, just a week of discomfort and you'll be free. Ill be watchin this thread or you can PM me if you need to man.
 
Thanks silentc. I hope to be back to work on Monday. I'm going to call off today and see how tomorrow goes. One day at a time. I've got a support group in place: my sponsor, some of my AA brothers, and my gf, and of course, you guys.

It's only about 16 hours or so now. So it should start getting more interesting this afternoon. Then, who knows? It's different for everybody. But I kicked booze and pods, so I've got some capacity to face the shit end of the stick. Here we go!

Thanks all for your support.
 
20 hours. Chills intensifying. Sweats coming on. Just started sneezing. Legs beginning to ache. Anxiety coming up, but I called off work, so that's not making me insane right now knowing I can stay safe here.
 
^ It's not that bad for me, but worse than i thought. Did Opioids on/off for 7-8 months, mostly Kratom and Tramadol/Odt. Last Stem & Vein dose was 26h ago, today @ work was fookin' shite.

This is my 1st ever withdrawal...felt like a human rollercoaster today, switchin' between depressive states, feelings of joy and A SHITLOAD of hornyness 8o

I wasn't even that horny with 15! Now i'm laughing about it, tomorrow...we'll see!

Pleasing myself with some MXE now :)
 
podsnomo said:
20 hours. Chills intensifying. Sweats coming on. Just started sneezing. Legs beginning to ache. Anxiety coming up, but I called off work, so that's not making me insane right now knowing I can stay safe here
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You can do it!!! You can do it!!!
 
thanks fresco!

about 26 hours now. I got some bad stomach stuff going on a few hours ago. 5 pills, 10 mg I think, of loperamide hushed that and the chills lessened some. I made it to an AA meeting, copped to my sobriety date, got a rousing round of applause for that, which felt great. this program is what is keeping from going out to get a bottle of vodka right now.

i have no appetite, so I've done a couple of shakes today. 1 large banana, some vanilla ice cream, one of those nutrition drinks for old people, and some protein powder. man, does that help. i read somewhere about our brains building things out of protein and to eat high protein food while detoxing and WDing. Maybe it's just that I ate something. I don't think my stomach could handle the amount of regular food it would take to get all those nutrients and all that protein, so the shakes will help.

My legs are restless and I hope I can sleep tonight. I feel tired, but I also feel that familiar resltlessness that has kept me up before. We shall see. thanks all for your support.

Nancy, I wish you'd come back.

peace,
pods-and-kratom-no-more
 
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Slept 3h last night... I feel really fucked.

Now it's time to go to work :\
 
Man, today's working day was even worse than yesterdays.

Seems like the MXE took the edge off it, but now my hands and feet feel tingly and i'm tired as hell. Loading my vaporizer now and head-dive into my couch, hoping for a bit of relaxation.

Planning on doing a workout at the gym today, feel like i need to get my ass up...later ;)
 
good luck thc. I just got up and after tossing around for many hours I too got about 3 hrs sleep. luckily I don't have to work today or the next 2 days. I hope to be back to it by Monday. I'm in the US eastern time zone. Are you on GMT?
 
GMT, yes.

Slept another 3h approx. and just came back from the gym. My heart rate is trough the roof - somewhere between 165-185 the whole workout. Crazy...

...but i'm feeling much better now :)
 
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