July Getting/Staying Sober Thread vs Birds of a Feather

[GenericName12]

*sigh* one minute hopeful, the next I"m down...

I found out today that my dose dropped to 20 (from 22) yesterday... no wonder it felt like it wasn't as strong yesterday, I thought I was tripping. I guess my counselor put the order in - I have no idea why he dropped me two at once, I wouldn't have done that, but since it's the 2nd day already I'm just going to stay here. Thing is though, I can definitely feel the difference, even though the nurse said "oh you shouldn't feel a 2 mg drop". Maybe not if I was at 50, no, but I'm on 22, so 2 mg is around a ten percent drop. YES I feel it. Really really down.... I feel like crying but I have to take my phone to Apple in a little bit cos there's something wrong with it and I don't want to ruin my makeup.

I hate this feeling, so much. I just feel like my life is empty and there's nothing good in it and nothing is ever going to work out, and I have no one. I hope I stabilize on this dose soon.

I feel for you. We all know that feeling. Try to stay strong and remember that even though it seems hopeless it will pass. Focus on the longterm! You can do it!

 

[phactor]

valerian works good... I sometimes use to use a product called power to sleep I forget who makes it but amazon sells it for like 15 bucks and it usually takes about 30 minutes maybe 45 to kick in... !

Stuff is pretty good, its by Irwin Naturals

 

[BlueSaffron]

I feel for you. We all know that feeling. Try to stay strong and remember that even though it seems hopeless it will pass. Focus on the longterm! You can do it!

Thanks I'm a little better now. Went in the kitchen and organized all my spices and baking supplies and made a list of what I need when I move, and watched some Matbest11x videos, and I feel a little better, lol. I have to remember I felt this before, and it got better. I feel this way because my dose dropped. I'll feel better again. This isn't permanent.

 

[infectedmushroom]

Getting sober for myself now. Just over a year of codeine, dihydrocodeine, pst, and intermittent oxy abuse.

Was on MDMA at a warehouse party on Saturday night and ended up having an enlightening conversation with an ex-addict now on Subs about his experience with Oxy and Heroin. It changed my perspective a lot. I'm not travelling down this road any longer. There's no need. I know where it goes and I deserve better.

It's been roughly 48 hours since my last codeine dose and i'm not fairing to badly. I've been watching a few videos on YouTube of this guy Ryan Donelly, his channel is called Calm Support - he's an ex-addict. I look at him and hope wells inside me - as much as a small part of me thinks he's kind of a douche-bag (probably just the WD speaking) another part looks at him with so much hope for myself - because I know I can do what he's done, and be happy and fulfilled again naturally.

Good luck to everyone trying to get and stay clean right now. I'm in the trenches with ya.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Congrats infectedmushroom

 

[suboxone421]

One week in at 1.5mg on my suboxone tapper. I took an extra .5mg yesterday because I had to do alot with my daughter but my pain is tolerable today and I am still at 1.5!

BTW Infectedmushroom.... That is awesome that you made that revelation. Getting clean is hard but I guarantee that it beats chasing a high

 

[Carl Landrover]

So far 72 hours since I last shot heroin. Longest time I've had away from it was 9 days. I probably won't have the money for it until I get to day 9, so I'm hoping to go further than that this time.

Feel night and day difference between day 1 and so far on day 3. Even a big difference between yesterday and today. I can actually eat again and food doesn't taste as weird anymore. My other senses are also adjusting more to normal.

I'm on suboxone, but that's cool. I'm trying to taper down so I'm just on a small dose. I'm not exactly sure how much I'm on since it's less and less each day. The first 8mg strip lasted me 36 hours, so I'm just trying to make the next one last longer. I'm actually prescribed 16mg a day, but I honestly think that's a ridiculous amount to take if you aren't sick without it. I don't know why anyone would want to have that much sub built up in them, but to each his own. I just know how long it took me to taper off sub or how if you go too quick, it's still kind of painful. I don't think a lot of other patients at my doctors office realize what they're in for when they try to taper down. Everyone there is on 16-24 mg it seems. There's a few people on 8mg, but that's the minority.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Good luck Carl

 

[suboxone421]

So far 72 hours since I last shot heroin. Longest time I've had away from it was 9 days. I probably won't have the money for it until I get to day 9, so I'm hoping to go further than that this time.

Feel night and day difference between day 1 and so far on day 3. Even a big difference between yesterday and today. I can actually eat again and food doesn't taste as weird anymore. My other senses are also adjusting more to normal.

I'm on suboxone, but that's cool. I'm trying to taper down so I'm just on a small dose. I'm not exactly sure how much I'm on since it's less and less each day. The first 8mg strip lasted me 36 hours, so I'm just trying to make the next one last longer. I'm actually prescribed 16mg a day, but I honestly think that's a ridiculous amount to take if you aren't sick without it. I don't know why anyone would want to have that much sub built up in them, but to each his own. I just know how long it took me to taper off sub or how if you go too quick, it's still kind of painful. I don't think a lot of other patients at my doctors office realize what they're in for when they try to taper down. Everyone there is on 16-24 mg it seems. There's a few people on 8mg, but that's the minority.

The doctors gave me 8mg when I was only scripted 50mg oxy lol... they all overprescribe. Even still I got a script for 12mg about 2 years ago and just started to use it wisely. It really is better to use less so you have somethiing to run to if you have genuine pain... If you just wanna get high its still better like that carl. you should be getting past the physical part and it sounds like you are starting to feel better. Just be careful if you do go use again because your tolerance might drop. I just made 1 8mg strip last 6 days but I have been tappering for months. If I wanted I could have went up on my doseage but I realized I just felt blah after a few weeks and it can make you depressed. You are doing awesome and it does get easier although i find that dropping my dose under from 2mg down to 1.5 hit me harder than from 12 down to 8. Congrats on the clean time again!

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Today was REALLY good for me

I have been waiting for one of these days for a while

I feel accomplished and proud of myself for trying

And I've written several thousand words on my novel tonight, bringing the current word count to over 132,000 words.

I know that tomorrow or the next day could still be a challenge but I have faith that the challenges I am facing with PAWS won't be kicking my ass

If I could wish something for us all - I would wish we all make it to a day like that for all of us, as soon as possible.

Much to everyone. Keep up the great work

 

[Carl Landrover]

^
That sounds awesome

Been a long time since I had a day like that


Just curious since I've never had as much clean time as you since the first time I did opiates 10 years ago. I had a few months a few times. Longest was 5? months off of suboxone. Then I used again, didn't start right up again, but it eventually lead to that. Anyways, curious about if you ever get any opiate cravings at all?

 

[CaseFace]

^^ The longest I ever made it without suboxone was 5 months, and I didn't in fact still have bad cravings but I was also still having hot flashes, cold sweats, worse insomnia then I'm naturally prone to having as well as a 24/7 restless tingly feeling in/under my skin. so the prolonged symptoms may have been contributing to the cravings, not sure.

Hey guys, so I'm back at home currently however not exactly by choice. I came down to pick some people up and go to an annual young peoples in recovery campout, didn't want to miss it since I'm on the events committee that hosts it now. The campout was fantastic and I had an amazing time. However, I should have been back up north at the retreat center by now. Unfortunately the day after the campout one of my roommates texts me and said basically that hes been relapsing and he's on his way back to rehab, and that his mom will contact me at some point to figure out getting his stuff and whatnot. Then he turned his phone off, before I could respond or call him. A few hours later my dad texts me (my lease co.signer) and says that the landlord emailed him saying the rent was never paid for July. Because I was out of town and my third roommate who isn't on the lease normally pays through me - both of us gave the money to the other roommate to pay the rent. The roommate who has now relapsed and presumably in rehab yet either way unable to be contacted. So it's looking like he screwed us and spent the money on dope... I know the rent got paid late if it was paid, so I'm hoping there was simply a delay in communication since everything was via email and my landlord is currently in china. If it was in fact never paid though, Im not exactly sure what I'm going to do but regardless I'm stuck down here at home dealing with this rather than up on my retreat, not exactly an ideal situation but I'm tryin to remain positive. I'm going to need to find a new roommate no matter what, but hopfully I won't need to come up with $1600 plus utilities that I already paid my third of because neither me nor my other roommate has the ability to come up with that extra cash right now. If it comes to that I'm going to have to make the roommate who screwed us;s parents pay it or something, which I don't know I mean he's 25 and his parents have long since stopped bailing him out of shit but the last thing I want to do is threaten calling the cops.

I know it'll all get figured out though, Honestly All I care about is getting back up to my retreat as soon as possible, I only have like 6 weeks left to be there I don't want to waste it.

 

[infectedmushroom]

That sounds intense case, I hope everything works out for you and your friend and you can stay positive through this.

Congrats Captain, good days are good. Duh. Curious how long you've been in PAWS? I'm not really familiar with your story to be honest. Not asking for a life story unless you feel like writing one of course, I'm just newly into recovery so Im curious as Carl and im also trying to suck up as much information as I can.

Peace

 

[Carl Landrover]

This is the first time I've ever tried to get away from opiates while taking an antidepressant. I've been taking 150mg of Wellbutrin XL, which I guess is kind of a starting dose, for 2 months. I definitely notice some positive changes and it seems the depression that results after using is more manageable.

There's really so many factors that go into mood and mindset though that I'm not sure if I can contribute all of that to the Wellbutrin, but I do think it's helping. It took me about 8 years of convincing before I finally gave in and tried it. I really don't mind it now. Just got to take a pill every morning.


Got a little piece of my second 8mg strip left. The first one lasted me 36 hours. So far I've gone about 44 hours on 7mg, and won't be taking the last milligram until later today. So I'm hoping to get at least 60 hours out of the second strip. I've been pretty quickly getting to my goal of getting down to 2mg a day average. Not sure if I'm going to stabilize on that for a while or try to keep going down.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

^
That sounds awesome

Been a long time since I had a day like that


Just curious since I've never had as much clean time as you since the first time I did opiates 10 years ago. I had a few months a few times. Longest was 5? months off of suboxone. Then I used again, didn't start right up again, but it eventually lead to that. Anyways, curious about if you ever get any opiate cravings at all?

Not now. When I was first quitting I had a constant burning urge to use. It was like not eating when you're really hungry, it's like having to go against your own instincts.

Now I am totally happy, I still use shatter but I find it medicinal.

I was miserable for the first six/seven months. If you made it 5 months in the past you can definitely make it all the way

 

[suboxone421]

Today was REALLY good for me

I have been waiting for one of these days for a while

I feel accomplished and proud of myself for trying

And I've written several thousand words on my novel tonight, bringing the current word count to over 132,000 words.

I know that tomorrow or the next day could still be a challenge but I have faith that the challenges I am facing with PAWS won't be kicking my ass

If I could wish something for us all - I would wish we all make it to a day like that for all of us, as soon as possible.

Much to everyone. Keep up the great work

Glad to hear it! Today was pretty awesome over here too. starting to even out a little. What is your novel about? Also what is shattar? I find about 2 mg to be my stable dose btw... I have been taking 1.5 but am really thinking about just staying at 2mg. I am going to wait another week at 1.5 and go from there. Also I have used the mxe less and am thinking about tappering onto an antidepressant once I find a good doctor.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Shatter is cannabis extract.

My novel is hard to describe without giving away the plot but it's fairly interesting. I will create a better synopsis of it one day.

220 days off suboxone

 

[BlueSaffron]

I went back and re-read my I'm Done thread and saw the date I slipped and used, and since then it has been... 44 days Not too bad I think. Six days til 50 and then ten days til I can say I have 2 months clean. It hasn't been and still isn't easy, but I'm going to do it. This 2 mg drop is kind of kicking my butt... although today is a little better. I'm happy I'm only on 20 mgs though. I'm going to try to drop 1 more mg maybe sometime next week. I remember 13 mgs last time being where things really started getting hard physically, but we'll see how it goes this time.

 

[suboxone421]

Shatter is cannabis extract.

My novel is hard to describe without giving away the plot but it's fairly interesting. I will create a better synopsis of it one day.

220 days off suboxone

Is that like that wax crap that I keep hearing about... or is it like a tincture. I barely coinsider pot a drug, I just get paranoid when I smoke so I recently quit. Congrats on the clean time! Whenever you finalize and publish it throw some of the details up here

 

[suboxone421]

I went back and re-read my I'm Done thread and saw the date I slipped and used, and since then it has been... 44 days Not too bad I think. Six days til 50 and then ten days til I can say I have 2 months clean. It hasn't been and still isn't easy, but I'm going to do it. This 2 mg drop is kind of kicking my butt... although today is a little better. I'm happy I'm only on 20 mgs though. I'm going to try to drop 1 more mg maybe sometime next week. I remember 13 mgs last time being where things really started getting hard physically, but we'll see how it goes this time.

Have you tried splitting your doses into am and pm? Like if you are taking 20mg take 10mg when you get up and another 10mg before bed. I found that works to keep me a little more level when I am having a rough tapper