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I've fallen in love with a drug.

a big old bump from the past from an oldskool bluelighter.
i wanted to come back and share what i've been through with all the people here in hopes that it will maybe help someone like it helped me.
we all are looking for a path in life, mine has been hard to find. i started on ritalin last year but wasnt able to take it consistantly and after a month i stopped taking it. my doctor did not want to prescribe any more medication for me if i wasnt able to take it regularly. again you see the catch-22 of the disease.
*time passes*
my life does not improve and eventually my girlfriend of 7 years breaks up with me for the last time. i am still in college after 7 years. the time had come. i got a list of referrals from my general practice doctor for psychiatrists and called around and left a ton of messages. only a few people got back to me but i eventually got an appointment.
i was put on ritalin 20mg SA (its extended release, you only have to take it once a day) and prozac. again, the first day i took it i looked at the world differently. unfortunately tho i was now a new person in a horrible world. i went almost immediately into severe depression. the prozac takes several weeks to build up to effective levels. i was seriously considering suicide. i thought about all the different ways i could kill myself: in the car, with a gun, drugs, etc. i even got so far as to get into my parents room and put the gun to my head. fortunately there was enough in me to think that there was still some hope that i might possibly get better. i did not want to die from suicide, i did not want my last thoughts to be evil thoughts, i want to go peacefully after living a full life.
a book that the psychiatrist recommended really helped pull me out and show me the distorted thinking you do when you are depressed. the book is called 'Feeling Good' by David Burns. i highly recommend it for anyone who feels they might be depressed. it can be a lifesaver, literally.
with the help of that book, i got myself into a stable state. next i picked up '7 habits of highly effective people' by Stephen Covey. this book has shown me that the life i was living was one based on reaction and that i had no direction for myself. i highly recommend it for anyone with ADD because you can do so much better for your lives.
ADDers are a certain type of people. they've fallen on their face a lot in their lives while everyone has said how much potential they have. it IS there and with the medication and finding ways to help direct and manage your life well, you really can rise above the rest. i speak from experience. i never thought i would be able to do any better than i had with my life. even when i tried as hard as i could i would still fail. i'm still afraid now, but i am finally on the right track.
medication and teaching yourself good habits. these are they keys that anyone reading this thread, thinking that this sounds like them, needs. please, if you think this sounds like you, talk to your parents about this. make an appointment to see a doctor. make it today because you WILL NOT do it tomorrow. i know, i've been there. one of the hardest things i've had to deal with is realizing that had i been diagnosed and treated 7 years ago my life would have been so much better. its very painful realizing how much time you have lost. please, dont let this happen to you.
i wanted to share my story with bluelighters because bluelight is very much a part of me. bluelight is a wonderful place where we have a chance to influence others and reap the rewards of those friendships ourselves. this is my gift to you, the hope, the knowledge, the kick in the ass that you need.
shout outs to spence-whore, el jeffe and the whole socal 8up crew. i will never forget you guys. thank you and take care
maestro
---
digital alchemist
 
I always thought ADD was a disease for hyperactive kids who couldn't do well in school. I always did well in school; I excelled in the subjects I was interested in, and pulled enough with the subjects I was completely disinterested in.
However, after reading these posts and webpages, I'm not so sure anymore. I always thought this was the way I was as a person: a procrastinating, lazy, creative but only in fits and bursts, messy (everything is in piles) person who was forgetful, frequently misplacing important and necessary things: keys, wallet, etc. and prone to infrequent but literally blinding fits of rage... I could go on... thank you for bumping this to the top. I'm seeing a lot of myself here, and just thought "that's the way I am".
Are you telling me, these could be fixed? Or am I just using this as a crutch... sigh. Maybe I'll get off my ass and do something about it... I can't even imagine studying something that has no interest to me, and retaining the information. Does that actually happen?
I'm rambling.
 
wow! how did this stay in ecstasy discussion so long? off to other drugs!
~hydra
 
Sometimes I feel bored and lazy as shit. When I should be studying I just sit on my ass and hope that someone will come and do my work for me. I REALLY can't do anything about it, because I am too fucking lazy and stupid.
Maybe I should get some drugs. Yes that would be the answer. Sure thing.
 
box, dont discount that ADD is a real disorder.
noodlegurl: if you think this sounds like you, it cant hurt to get checked out. it can only help.
i would recommend to anyone who thinks this sounds like them to read the following article. if it sounds like its talking about you, then you should do yourself a favor and see your doctor and not put it off.
Living On the Edge of Distraction
Bob Seay http://user.cybrzn.com/~kenyonck/add/chair_rocking.html
the major sections of the article:
1.The ADDer is unable to get organized.
2.The ADDer is easily distracted.
3.The life of an ADDer may be marked by chronic underachievement.
4.The ADDer has difficulty prioritizing his time, attention and resources.
5.The ADDer will often have several projects going at once.
6.The ADDer has trouble with follow through and completion of tasks.
7.ADDers tend to engage in high risk activities more often and with less concern than their non-ADD friends.
8.Just like kids, ADDers will "say the darndest things".
9.The ADD person is not very punctual. He is either consistently late or early- -very early.
10.ADDers behave as if the rules don't apply to them.
11.ADDers may seem extremely insecure.
12.ADDers are usually creative, talented and intelligent.
13.The ADDer exhibits mood swings.
14.One of the few consistent things about the ADDer is his inconsistency.
15.ADDers tend to have other chronic health problems as well, especially respiratory disorders.
16.The ADDer tends to look for "deeper meanings".
17.The ADDer appreciates routine and predictable outcomes
mae
---
digital alchemist
 
I just started taking Adderall 2 weeks ago. I was told to take 5mg twice a day and increase it every 2-3 days by 5mg/dose until I noticed a difference. It took until I got to 20mg twice a day for it to really work for me. It seemed really great that first week, besides the anorexia. But once you take it for 2 weeks or so at a steady daily dose, you will not get much (any) appetite effects, mild euphoria, etc. Things aren't quite as interesting as they were intially after starting the med. So when taken for ADD symtpoms, you will likely normalize with time, i.e., you won't be quite so ambitious about everything unless you were to begin with. I honestly believe that it just puts you on par functionally with all the normal people out there. In the long run, it doesn't give you any motivation, desire, etc. It won't make you love school. For instance, I can get my work done more easily now but it still requires an internal motivation if you want to do good in school. So unless you want it for mostly recreational purposes, it probably isn't worth the effort in getting it prescribed unless you are dedicated to changing your life (ability to hold jobs for more than a month, getting your degree, being less impulsive, etc). And if you take it regularly and want to get a buzz sometime you are going to have to take twice as much as your normal dose (20mg to study, 40mg for a buzz, or even just to stay up late studying). And although it might seem like a reasonable idea, if you eat your whole months supply in a week and actually have ADD, you will be much worse off than before you were taking meds (worse symtpoms, cravings). So if you are truly interested in treating your ADD, then try to get it prescribed, it can help a lot. Otherwise you might as well just buy them from friends.
 
I think i have add...all of that shit applies to me! but adderall gives me a good high...so i guess i dont have it?
~hydra
 
Adderall will give you a buzz when you first start taking, not matter what, esp if the dose if off. But after a while, you become tolerant to the high but it still helps people with ADD focus and whatnot.
 
Pyrgon, the medication is clearly working awwwesomely man! killer posts! =)
glad you've found liberation, and I hope it helps you achieve more.
erm but for the people claiming to have ADD while at the same time writing posts 6ft long, it's pathetic to read. All you are is med fiends, making excuses?
*slags on the Other drugs floor emphatically*
Makes me sick, but so do dirty heroin *junkies*
I think we have to make a point to differentiate between those who would benefit from ADD medication and those who require it to function normally.
NiQueLorD
 
I have ADD.. and I recently got a ritilan perscription, soon i wnat to get adderall. But I might loose it cause my doctor says he'll take i away if i test positive for drugs like weed.
 
I have ADD.. and I recently got a ritilan perscription, soon i wnat to get adderall. But I might loose it cause my doctor says he'll take i away if i test positive for drugs like weed.
 
in response to Belsarius's post--
Studeies have been done showing that many "creative people"--artists, poets, etc. feel adversely towards anti-depressants because of a perceived drop in creativity. There's an acknowledged correlation between depressional disorders (especially bipolar disorders) and creativity ... if you want more on this, check out Kay Redfield Jameson's _Touched With Fire: Manic-depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament_
 
adderol is the shit
thats all i have to say, when i was younger i was diagnosed with ADD my mom never wanted to have medication for it because she was scared fo the side effects i have grown up with it until my sr year of high school (this year) then i discovered adderol and i can actually sit down and do my work and talk to people and not think a million things and talk about a million more.
have fun with it. peace
------------------
"In order to use your head you must first lose your mind" -Dr. Thomas Leary
 
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