• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: axe battler | xtcgrrrl | arrall

Is it ok for my girlfriend to talk to the guy she was once interested in before me?

well if you trust her then thats very positive. clearly you dont though, so i suppose it's irrelevant.

this is a very tricky situation and all i suppose you can do is let her see him as denying her that will cause problems in its own right. if she cheats, she's clearly not the one for you. you can't go around fearing that she's cheating with every guy she's friends with.

work on these other issues, express your love for her with words/gestures/etc. and if she cheats, she's clearly not worth your time.

unless of course she's one of those annoying woman who want 'a real man' (aka jealous, petty, paranoid caveman control freak) to keep her in check; believe me, such women exist.
 
iLoveLucy999 said:
She says that she is interested in him but not in a romantic way. What do you guys think of that??
Click to expand...

What did she say when you asked her to explain it better? If you are leaving conversations with questions then you are finishing your conversations prematurely...


If you guys are discussing this through text or chat, stop it and talk face to face until you have both said everything you need to say.
 
Last edited:
Most people will tell you to tell her how you feel which is fair enough I guess.

BUT since you are asking my opinion, I will say dump her. DUMP any person near you that you have to guess even in the slightest. If you can't get proper responses that are based on logic then bye bye :) Of course if you dont respect urself you will stay with her making the best scenario to fit your head. And then you will suffer when she will have sex with ur best friend :) You are not overcontrolling or jealous for no reason . The girl clearly is all over the place or she would make sure about your feelings not get hurt in the slightest, bar none.
 
^Feel that's a bit harsh, l33t. She's allowed to have other friends other than her partner. Her being "interested" in this friend may simply just be that. She's interested in friendship. Or it may even simply be a social-media friendship ie an online friend who comments on a status now n then n / has the odd pm conversation.

OP is your gf not giving you adequate answers or you've not asked all the questions you need to? A relationship cannot work without proper communition beween the people in it n anything is either constructive advice that can be taken or left where it was given - or here-say.

I think to dmsay "dump her" is not constructive advice as 1, relationships are complex n not black n white n 2, we only have one side of the story.

Evey
 
iLoveLucy999 said:
She says that she is interested in him but not in a romantic way. What do you guys think of that??
Click to expand...
i think the very fact that you're giving the opinion of a bunch of anonymous strangers on the web any weight at all over your partners comments taken at face value, says an awful lot about your relationship, your ability to trust each other, etc.

alasdair
 
llama112 said:
Be honest.

Why is it a big deal if they are friends on some sort of social media? To say "no" to that, it makes you rather controlling, yes.

Also telling someone they can't talk to someone else is controlling. Talking to someone doesn't mean you have to have intentions. If you trust her, then just trust her.
Click to expand...

This.

You cannot tell a SO what to do and who they can be friends with, especially if she hasnt done anything to stepped over any boundaries.

Unless this person has already done something to make you believe you should not trust her, and I'm not talking little suspicians, I'm talking a real reason than you should really put some faith into this woman. If you dont have faith to put in her then why are you with her?
 
Talk to her about this. Does she ever see your best friend socially since you and she are together, and he's your best friend?
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
Talk to her about this. Does she ever see your best friend socially since you and she are together, and he's your best friend?
Click to expand...
No they have not even spoken to each other since before we were even together as far as i know.

I think ther seems to be a great deal of confusion here i have talked to her about this and i had told her that she can add him if she wants to i even gave her his snapchat name. But i let her know how i would feel about it if she actually added him.
 
It sounds like you are extremely self-conscious, insecure, and jealous. I think you need to take a step back and ask yourself,

Do I trust her?
Do I trust him?
Do I trust them?
And why/why not.

You said that haven't spoken for 2 years? Why does she want to have a relationship with him?

Maybe it would be good for you to trust them a bit and all hang out together. Even better, have your friend bring another girl, like a double date. Go out together, have them interact, and see that they are just people who care for you dearly.
 
Well to be quite honest, at the time they were talking i was extremely depressed and my friend knew that i had feelings for her but he pursued her anyways which really upset me and the whole situation almost ruined our friendship

He liked her as well but when he expressed that to her she kind of turned him down... then later when i first expressed to him that i had feelings for her he said that he doesnt have an interest in having a relationship with her anymore and that it is fine if i pursue her.

But then later she started falling for him and once she started falling for him he even told me dont worry i know you like her i wouldnt do that to you but then has the audacity to tell me he was thinking of asking her to prom and still continuing talking to her and i had to deal with depression while ther thinking of having the time of ther lives then she wants to start talkin to him again like nothing even happened!

i apologize for getting emotional. To be honest i am not that concerned about her cheating on me or my friend backstabbing me i just do not want to revisit that time again and i expressed that to her.
 
There's no reason to hold her back from socializing with anyone she wants.. she is not your object, she doesn't "belong" to you and she should have a right to speak to someone. If her intentions are to be with him; what does it matter whether or not she speaks to him? You'll just be holding desperately onto a girl who wants to fuck someone else. Or if she doesn't have that intention, she is going to see you as a controlling jerk. She's an adult and responsible for her own actions..
Further more, the fact that she is open about wanting to talk to him should be reassurance for you that she isn't going to betray you.. if she's going to, she's going to, no amount of keeping locks on social life will change that (without stepping into controlling abusive behavior)
 
SixSecondCountdown said:
Do you think there is a time in a relationship where it isn't okay to be honest about how you feel? (Genuine inquiry.)
Click to expand...
When you think your thought will hurt their feelings with no significant "greater good" behind it. Sometime it's better to bend the truth or withhold information to spare unnessisary anguish. You have to be the judge of what is right and wrong to hide.

I'm not talking about negative actions performed by oneself with the truth hidden, BTW. Just thought I'd point that out
 
iLoveLucy999 said:
No they have not even spoken to each other since before we were even together as far as i know.

I think ther seems to be a great deal of confusion here i have talked to her about this and i had told her that she can add him if she wants to i even gave her his snapchat name. But i let her know how i would feel about it if she actually added him.
Click to expand...

Does your friend know all of this, like about how you're not OK with him talking to your girlfriend or adding her on facebook, snapchat, etc.?

At least you are talking to her about this. A friend of mine he broke up with his long-term girlfriend, and she got together with another guy immediately after who she wound up marrying and having kids with, and her husband got really mad at a mutual friend of all of ours just adding my friend on facebook since we have all known each other for more than a decade.

But ultimately your girlfriend is pretty much going to do what she wants. What if it was the other way around and she was telling you that you could not talk to certain people or have them as friends?
 
alasdairm said:
i think the very fact that you're giving the opinion of a bunch of anonymous strangers on the web any weight at all over your partners comments taken at face value, says an awful lot about your relationship, your ability to trust each other, etc.

Alasdair
Click to expand...
"hear me now!"
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
Does your friend know all of this, like about how you're not OK with him talking to your girlfriend or adding her on facebook, snapchat, etc.?

At least you are talking to her about this. A friend of mine he broke up with his long-term girlfriend, and she got together with another guy immediately after who she wound up marrying and having kids with, and her husband got really mad at a mutual friend of all of ours just adding my friend on facebook since we have all known each other for more than a decade.

But ultimately your girlfriend is pretty much going to do what she wants. What if it was the other way around and she was telling you that you could not talk to certain people or have them as friends?
Click to expand...
Yes he knows. I have not talked to him recently but i figured that is the reason he did not add her back...

I went into a relationship thinking that it is wrong to socialize with people of the opposite sex especially if they were really good friends of yours so i would not have a problem with that as long as she expressed to me why she didnt want me to hang out with certain people and she told me in a respectful way.

I have told her that she can do whatever she wants. I may have told her to delete him but that was a long time ago and now im saying that she can do whatever she wants i even gave her his snapchat name myself when she asked for it. And i did not demand that she not talk to him. I dont think i ever said that i told her she cant talk to him now that i think about it... But i let her know how i feel about it.
 
iLoveLucy999 said:
Yes he knows. I have not talked to him recently but i figured that is the reason he did not add her back...

I went into a relationship thinking that it is wrong to socialize with people of the opposite sex especially if they were really good friends of yours so i would not have a problem with that as long as she expressed to me why she didnt want me to hang out with certain people and she told me in a respectful way.

I have told her that she can do whatever she wants. I may have told her to delete him but that was a long time ago and now im saying that she can do whatever she wants i even gave her his snapchat name myself when she asked for it. And i did not demand that she not talk to him. I dont think i ever said that i told her she cant talk to him now that i think about it... But i let her know how i feel about it.
Click to expand...


I don't this in a mean way but it really isn't your place to "tell her she can do what she likes." She's allowed to do what she likes regardless. This is your issue that you need to work through as to why you have an issue with her n him being in contact on a social media. Your pst comes acroos as controlling in my opinion n I'd advise you to address this.

Evey
 
Eveleivibe said:
I don't this in a mean way but it really isn't your place to "tell her she can do what she likes." She's allowed to do what she likes regardless. This is your issue that you need to work through as to why you have an issue with her n him being in contact on a social media. Your pst comes acroos as controlling in my opinion n I'd advise you to address this.

Evey
Click to expand...
It wasnt like that. She asked me if she can add him and i say you can do whatever you want its not up to me. But i do see what you are sayingabout seeing why i have a problem with it...

I guess a lot of it just has to do with insecurity issues and also because i have still not forgiven both of them for attempting to start a relationship when they both knew i already had feelings for her and making me feel depressed and lonely.

I have noticed that i am a highly emotional and sensitive person who is very attached to the ego so when something like this happens i interpret it in a different way i guess.
 
If you forbid her from commuicating with him, she'll feel as if you are the bad guy and talk to him anyways. I'd say allow it, but try to keep the lines of communication open. Talk to your "best friend" as well, maybe he can give you an outsiders perspective.
....
 
sharpmetalmulisha said:
If you forbid her from commuicating with him, she'll feel as if you are the bad guy and talk to him anyways. I'd say allow it, but try to keep the lines of communication open....
Click to expand...
Which is why i gave her his snapchat name and told her she can do whatever she wants when she asked me.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top