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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

TDS Introduce Yourself! Version: Hello! Hola! Bonjour! 你好!

The beauty of this community can be summed up IMO by that one word you used: nonjudgmental. You still get random members being rude to each other in some of the subforums but here in the recovery forums we really try to allow people to be met exactly where they are--not where anyone else thinks they should be. I'm really glad that you are in such a good place, Cosmic Giraffe, and look forward to getting to know you better.
 
What's up guys? They call me pants. 23 in south eastern us. I've struggled with anxiety and depression since childhood. Had some derealization and depersonalization issues as far back as I can remember. Been off and on medications since the age of 14, none of which really did much for me. Around 18 I was introduced to the beauty and the beast, morphine and valium. After struggling with these things for a few years I said screw it an kicked em both c/t. Been on a psychedelic rollercoaster ride for about 5 months now but it seems to be slowing down, I hope lol. I aspire to one day be in the navy. Kind of why I got clean in the first place. I'll get there one day, probablyn long down the road. Came to bluelight as a kid off and on researching psychedelics and what not. Pretty much kitten status weak and bed ridden at the moment (sucks being 23 like this!) But this too shall pass. People who have recovered inspire me, where as those who died from it used to. Jim Morrison once said he felt most alive facing down death. I've experienced death and rebirth on hearty doses of LSA combined with dxm, and truly believe god showed me the beauty of life. Thanks for letting me in!
 
Hey pants, glad to hear that life is beautiful for you. What is keeping you bedridden right now? Hope it isn't anything serious. Welcome to TDS and the recovery forums. Jump in anywhere you can and share how you conquered the morphine/valium. It helps people the most when others with experience talk.<3
 
Hi all...I'm SystrSpooky. I'm 42 years old. I've been kinda hanging around, reading posts for a while and love the atmosphere and compassion that I see here! :D

I'm here because I found myself misusing hydrocodone that had been prescribed to me for Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and chronic back pain. I was on a relatively low dose that was not really helping much and found myself taking more than prescribed daily, which means I would run short each month and that vicious cycle was wearing on me constantly! Then, this last time, I royally screwed up...I had taken all of my pills within two and a half weeks and on top of that, managed to run out of my sleep meds early too...which meant withdrawal from both at the same time...yeah, not fun! I'm thru the acute withdrawal phase pretty much, but omg, the depression and general mental shittyness hit today full force!

I quit drinking four and a half years ago after many years of heavy drinking that very nearly killed me...I went thru alcohol withdrawals more times than I can count and one time, before I knew how dangerous they could be, I had a seizure and a mild stroke. I woke up about 12 hours later in a detox facility...you would think that would have scared me enough, but it still took another couple of years to get it thru my thick skull that I couldn't/can't drink...which is hard b/c I'm part Irish, lol!

Also, in a moment of sheer withdrawal panic, I called my doctor and told her what I'd done (I know...brilliant...NOT), so no more narcotics prescribed for me! :sus: Now, I'm feeling very overwhelmed by the thought of dealing with my chronic, daily pain and fatigue w/out anything stronger than otc meds.

Anyway, that's my story!
 
Welcome Systr! I can really relate to your struggles with fibromyalgia and opiates. Hydro never worked for me, and I was always taking too much when my doctors were trying to keep me on that. Thanks for sharing with us.
 
Hi, you can call me heartland, even though heartland is really my late best friend, I think her name suits me and she's not using it anymore, I'm a 20 yr old female from northwest US.
I've been struggling with a serious opiate addiction since I was 12. I Was dealing with ptsd and depression and at first It was the best medicine I've ever had, but it didn't last. It started with Norco, and honestly took quite a while to start getting worse, but once Norco stopped working, It got bad fast. Right now I'm about 2 weeks clean, and I'm not sure if it's because I really want to be or just because I haven't been able to get more pills. I'm hoping I can finally stop being on the fence on it, and actually want to be clean. But no luck yet.
 
^welcome to Bluelight and TDS, heartland. I hope that you can get off the fence soon. Remember that it is part of the process to feel lost in the beginning. Being on pills since you were twelve means that you have no experience living life without that escape hatch so it makes sense things will be pretty difficult at first. Hang in there and give yourself time to feel the confusion; it will get easier when you begin to put life changes in place that weren't possible when you were using. I'm very sorry about your friend and I think it is great that you took on her name.<3
 
hey all.

feel like i should probably say hi in here if i am gonna start using this forum.

no idea what to say really, everyone else on this page has done some time clean, which i find difficult to contemplate right now. i'm worried i'm on my way to being completely fucked.
 
^I bet every person on this page who has some clean time can remember the fear and uncertainty of taking that first step. You need courage all the way but I imagine that the decision to commit yourself to stopping is one of the most intense. You can do it. Tell yourself that even when you doubt it to be true. A lot of overcoming addiction is brain re-wiring and I think it starts with this.<3
 
^Welcome. You'll find lots of support here and also in Sober Living--lots of collective wisdom sharing on PAWS. Good luck.<3
 
Eveleivibe said:
Thank you, Spork.

Caseface - suboxone CAN be used for codeine if the habit is extreme n as a means of harm prevention. Besides the first few months I STILL had major cravings even on 8 mg. it was terrible. It's been five months n I can think / talk about codeine without as much triggers / cravings. Infact cravings were that bad when I first went on siboxone that I started drinking 1 to 2 bottles of wine per evening n not addicted but trying to get myself not to do that n have done so to a point. So no to me, 8 mg suboxone isn't excessive n I really don't regret going on suboxone.

However you have the right to your own opinion n thank you for your comment to me. Oh I was taking 7-800 mg daily.

Evey
Click to expand...

I was on Codeine for 15 years until recently....was having 56 x 30mg codeine a week plus cocodamol/nurofen plus so I was taking shit loads...finally went to the local centre for drugs and have finally been put on Subutex....my withdrawals pre-Sub were horrendous...absolute torture...ive been put on 4mg Sub daily and I wish I had done it years ago...the doctor I was seeing wasn't interested in my addiction at all so went to see a diff doc a few years after and hey presto im on the road to recovery.
I feel like im a different person....fuck the codeine.
Get on the Sub.
 
Hi. My name is Jenn. TX gal. Just wanted to say I hope everyone is good and headed in the right direction no matter what the situation is. I'm here suffering a bad long term comedown from untested mdma. 2 months in and suffering from anxiety big time. Not as bad as the first month but still pretty shitty some days. Bluelight has given me something to hold onto because I had no idea what was happening to me until I read post by fellow sufferers. Big life lesson here but just hoping things clear up soon. Positive vibes to everyone.
 
^Hi teacher and welcome. No, we don't even allow swim or other third person writing and it doesn't do much anyway. It sounds like you have two things going on-- drug dependence/addiction and emotional rock bottom. Although it may seem like a terrible place to be it can be transformative if you do the work. Getting help with your dependence might mean not keeping it a secret. I know as a teacher that can be tricky but having a community to help in weak moments is essential. Getting off drugs is not going to last long if your life doesn't feel good to you. Have you thought about counseling or some other means of exploring what is keeping you feeling stuck? maybe you are in need of a total life change. Could you survive financially if you quit your job and just did subbing while you looked around for alternatives?
 
Hello from Ohio :). I just registered here, although I have read the forums on here before. I seem to have an on again/off again addiction to Vicodin. Hoping to find a way to stay off of it. I had quit cold turkey a couple of times, but I end up taking them again. I am prescribed Vicodin, and have been prescribed Percocet in the past. I finally decided to register here because I have ready many helpful things on the forum just through browsing the internet. I hope to get to know all of you, and possibly help others myself. :D

I hope I posted this in the correct thread :)
 
I have a difficult enough time introducing myself in public and in all honesty still find it hard to express myself anonymously on the internet, pretty pathetic, but for those who feel the same I have made some progress in that area of my life, so don't feel like you can never have a voice.

Anyways, my name is Donny. I'm 24 and just moved down to southern california to try to get sober, once again. Since the age of 14, I've battled with severe addiction problems, as well as clinical depression, GAD, and other underlying psychological issues as most of us addicts are usually blessed with. I've been in and out of rehabs since age 15 and have spent a good portion of my life living in institutions as such. My last stint in rehab was for 6 months, which is the initial reason I came down to So Cal. I, like always, relapsed right after I got out.

It's been a year since I;ve been down here and though I'm still relapsing here and there, I keep close to friends I've met through AA or NA and that's one reason I feel like I haven't either killed myself or lost complete hope. I'm not at all saying that AA/NA are the only means of living a clean life, but in my opinion they make a great place to meet people who share a common struggle and that's what I think it's about, coming together, whether via internet or using whatever available forms of communication are present. Being alienated and in complete isolation for years can be traumatizing, but things can get better is what I am trying to convey.

I don't know what compelled me to post this, other than the hopes that someone like me who is without hope and completely alone, finds some sort of comfort in our relations.

Bluelight has been nothing but compassionate towards me and is truly a beautiful community, for that I am grateful and would like to thank the mods and anyone else out there that dedicates so much of there time to keep this site up and running. Much Love to everyone out there.
 
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Higherconsciousness, that is a beautiful post. It sounds like you have had a rough start in life. The wonderful thing about living is that there is no station to arrive to, no place you have to be at any given time, just a continual journey to find your truest self and to embrace that self. Our culture makes that so hard on young people coming up with all these ridiculous expectations and image worship. I hope that you can continue to strengthen the bonds with people you know that can understand where you are coming from--all the ins and outs and ups and downs of addiction and the vulnerabilities that underlie addiction. I look forward to getting to know you better here and I hope that we can be a support to you as well.<3
 
ALOHA im silas
im 31
im just here
im in pain and like it but i may or may not like the pain meds even more
 
whats up y'all, applejacks here.

been on and off with hard opiates for years now - because of my living situation i move back and forth between states and am able to binge and then relocate myself to clean lifestyle. its a constant battle. I'm a private user so that means i live a serious double life that no one knows about.

anyways - i have read this forum for years and have always loved the advice and support network, so here i am ready to get a bit more involved hopefully.
 
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