• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: axe battler | xtcgrrrl | arrall

In a relationship, meeting old friends who are exs- would you allow it?

kace

kace

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 12, 2010
Messages
680
Basically, I've got a few friends that I went out with (years ago!). I see them all as friends, nothing else. My social life is very bleak at the moment as my boyfriend doesn't like me seeing any of them, so I stopped asking if I could about a year ago. Now though, I'm getting bored staying in, and just want to go out to the pub with my old friends! (My partner hates pubs and going out).

Is it wrong for me to see my old friends and catch up? Or is it being disloyal to my bf? :/ I don't want to start any arguments or drama, I just want to go out..
 
Your boyfriend sounds like kind of a jerk.

I don't drink and don't like bars, but I encouraged my ex to go whenever her friends were.
 
If the relationship is stable I don't see a problem with it at all and I would encourage my SO to have a social life. If the relationship is having rocky then it would prob bother me if she went out with guy friends instead of wanting to do something with me
 
your bf seems possessive and insecure. is he worried that you will fall in love with a past ex? sounds pretty selfish to project his own neurosis onto you.

i would tell him to mind his own business in some kind of nice way. if he took a stand i would tell him to get lost
 
He sounds extremely possessive. Jealousy issues. Not someone I'd want to date.
 
If a girl wants to hang out with anyone other than exes I see no problem.

Personally I wouldn't want a girlfriend around people she is currently or formerly fucking. Is it really that CRAZY to think that a girl might fuck someone she has already fucked, and enjoyed it enough to be in a relationship with?

Trust only goes so far, when you start doing disrespectful shit like seeing exes it goes out the window.

And the OP claims she has no one else she could possibly hang out with other than her exes? Sounds odd.
 
I don't want to be in a relationship where I am not comfortable that she wants to be with me, or where I am so fearful that she doesn't. Therefore, I need to be comfortable with giving her freedom. I think confidence here would be sexy, and forbidding it would be a sign of weakness. If it is meant to be, it won't involve putting a leash on her. Yada yada.

Not that I am not prone to being "weak". I think being too "confident" in this way could potentially give someone the idea that you don't care... So I don't know. Definitely allow it, but show you care. You can't control them. Trust... Openness...
 
Last edited:
^ That's just rude.

It's not about "allowing it", you're not a possession. If your ex's are legit friends, and there's no attraction any longer then sure, hang out. I do!!

Rtp
 
God, sorry for this stupid post.

I don't have a bunch if guy mates I've all shagged, wow.. There are just mates Ive been speaking to a bit online, and well, they are both good friends of mine,mand have been for years since we broke up.

Basically I am recovering from a few different things, recently- pneumonia, constant chest infections , Bell's palsy, mobility problems, addictions, and have isolated myself from my family, best mates and others to protect them. For a long time I've been too nervous to even reply to any friends, let alone meet them.. I don'want them to see what I've become. As someone said, people obviously just talk to me to take the piss.

Sorry,my head is messed at the moment?,
 
Last edited:
I'm sure that your friends would love you for who you are, and would just be happy to hear from you.

That's what friends do :)
 
Kace, you're in dangerous territory here. If you are feeling guilt over seeing anyone other than your boyfriend, this indicates he has control and manipulation issues. This is co-dependence. You should feel no guilt or issue with seeing your friends, family and living some quality of life. You don't need to "ask" if you can go out. He is not your captor. You are not his hostage. You should be an equal in the relationship. Does he have to ask you what he can and cannot do? If someone seeks to control you, that is not love.
 
WantToBeReborn said:
Kace, you're in dangerous territory here. If you are feeling guilt over seeing anyone other than your boyfriend, this indicates he has control and manipulation issues. This is co-dependence. You should feel no guilt or issue with seeing your friends, family and living some quality of life. You don't need to "ask" if you can go out. He is not your captor. You are not his hostage. You should be an equal in the relationship. Does he have to ask you what he can and cannot do? If someone seeks to control you, that is not love.
Click to expand...

This is a great post. Completely on point.
 
kace said:
Basically, I've got a few friends that I went out with (years ago!). I see them all as friends, nothing else. My social life is very bleak at the moment as my boyfriend doesn't like me seeing any of them, so I stopped asking if I could about a year ago. Now though, I'm getting bored staying in, and just want to go out to the pub with my old friends! (My partner hates pubs and going out).

Is it wrong for me to see my old friends and catch up? Or is it being disloyal to my bf? :/ I don't want to start any arguments or drama, I just want to go out..
Click to expand...

Of course not. IMO you don´t need permission of your boyfriend to do things that makes you happy.
Invite him and make sure he knows where you are going to be so that he does not think you are looking for anything else other than meeting with your friends.
If he does not want to go out and you keep doing what he wants you to do, I feel that you being annulled in your current relationship, after all what is a relationship without compromise?

What does you bf likes to do? If you really want this to work you must feel free to be happy. I don´t see anything wrong with going out with friends. Although I would be very jealous if I knew my wife was planning to go out with exs.
 
Mysterie said:
I'm sure that your friends would love you for who you are, and would just be happy to hear from you.

That's what friends do :)
Click to expand...

exactly-

when people control you they isolate you from your friends, bells palsy is shit tho (had it before) have you gone to the doctor/ got steroids to reduce nerve inflamation?
 
kace said:
Basically, I've got a few friends that I went out with (years ago!). I see them all as friends, nothing else. My social life is very bleak at the moment as my boyfriend doesn't like me seeing any of them, so I stopped asking if I could about a year ago. Now though, I'm getting bored staying in, and just want to go out to the pub with my old friends! (My partner hates pubs and going out).

Is it wrong for me to see my old friends and catch up? Or is it being disloyal to my bf? :/ I don't want to start any arguments or drama, I just want to go out..
Click to expand...


Its a mix, does he have reason to worry(be honest .. Like if they're all married cook but if theyre all single and could be threats to your bf either looks wise or money wise or really any 1 thing your bf may get so worried and then that's why he seems possessive).

maybe bring him with ...kinda meeting half way(relationships always have this lol) .

i know how it feels I stayed friends with all the girls I dated as I'm not a bad guy (never cheated never abused never lied but I did my thing without fighting so I was uncontrollable so we'd end up as friends ) and my gf didn't want me to talk or see any ..I still did somewhat but eventually stopped but my gf also eventually got over it .

if you want your bf to feel better don't talk to the guys if he asks about them and don't talk about them much just be like Ya I was bored we hung out ugh i need new friends I wish we'd go to the bar and run into some fun ppl hahaha..(this includes him and puts the others as ppl you use just to go out instead of as true friends),

reassure him they're not a threat in subtle ways if he mentions anything , also ask why he doesn't want you around them .

in the end you do have to choose though even if he didn't say so life's just that way and unless you're insanely great friends with no sexual interest in eachother then you probably won't be friends forever but you bf you may marry(or he may disappear and you can be female Ted from how I met your mother lol) .

also including me ..don't just believe anyone here is right about you and your bf maybe he has good reasons , maybe you overlooks something and he doesn't want to mention it ..etc etc etc

good luck and sorry for the horrible grammar .
 
What 23 said:
I don't want to be in a relationship where I am not comfortable that she wants to be with me, or where I am so fearful that she doesn't. Therefore, I need to be comfortable with giving her freedom. I think confidence here would be sexy, and forbidding it would be a sign of weakness. If it is meant to be, it won't involve putting a leash on her.
Click to expand...

My thoughts exactly.
I would be confident that nothing would happen. Maybe you are just trying to get out and have some fun, instead of being home all the time.
What if you try to suggest going out to some other places with him instead of going out with you exs.
Be honest with him tell him about how you feel..and.. If it doesn´t work you have more tools to prioritize what you need from this relationship..
 
What is it with people wanting to chill with ex lovers?? Weird shit to me...... like maybe you just want to catch up, but if they have dicks they are talking to you to fuck plain as that.
 
FuckWithRaw said:
What is it with people wanting to chill with ex lovers?? Weird shit to me...... like maybe you just want to catch up, but if they have dicks they are talking to you to fuck plain as that.
Click to expand...

Eh, I wouldn't say that's 100% true but it is why I get the bf worrying ...until the relationship evolves I get it I mean ppl sometimes rekindle feelings and then the bf would have to fight for her back or lose her or she could cheat.

i see everyone else saying he's over possessive but we don't know the story idk why ppl jump to that conclusion and say end the relationship lol
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top