I literally have made every attempt to go without opioids trying to get the underlying pain treated or holding it off. Doesn't work. Scubagirl200 who I don't even recognize is being an especially heartless bitch. I've had to deal with tough love my whole life.... Doesn't help.
tacodude, I am thinking of you. I’ve had chronic pain since I was in my 20’s. (I’m much older than you.) I had back and neck disc replacements but I’m easily a 6-7 pain level, 24/7. I am prescribed 10 mg oxycodone every 4 hours and Carispodal every 3 hours. I’m absolutely dependent and I worry daily about this “war on opioids” b.s.
I can’t feel your physical pain, but I can sense your emotional pain and frustration clearly in your posts. And your angry, rightfully so, as how we feel is how we feel. Period. The next step is our actions, if any, based on those feelings.
Mental illness led to serious attempts in the past, I’m glad I’m alive. I’ve committed to not try again. I want to see “what happens tomorrow.”. I never told anyone I was permanently ending my pain. I didn’t want anyone intervening.
You have my sincere empathy, tacodude. I’m not judging you. I believe you. I’m worried about you.
Do you want to end the pain? That’s how it always was for me. I was just “done.” I can’t make my illnesses “go away” (treatment resistant bipolar 1, et. al. and chronic pain...disabled permanently after only practicing law for ten years).
It’s a loss you are experiencing, perhaps? A loss of a quality of life that you deserve. That is how it’s been for me. A huge loss...and unrelenting.
May I venture to say you are reaching out for support? Perhaps part of you wants to live, but in a different “meat suit,” is how I call it. I want that! Why us?
I dont have words words of wisdom, I just want to extend my support. I often wish that life had an “off button,” just for a bit.
The thing is, we are an online community and a lot of us are hurting for you. I know I’m worried, but I’m powerless to help you...this is not IRL.
Is is it possible that you are needing support right now? And that can help you pull through? Not kill yourself?
There is a term called Compassion Fatigue. It’s common for many members to experience this. We care, tacodude....do you realize our hands are tied? Do you realize we are powerless? What do you think about that? What would you post here if it was someone else, knowing, deep down, you can’t help them?
I hope we can turn this into a support thread, that’s up to you. We are not Crisis Intervention. Why, tacodude, maybe you need to project your anger and we are the recipients?
I also have a psychology degree and I have worked on a suicide hotline. And my personal experience. I think I understand—but do you understand we are powerless here?
Don't do it. Don’t give up. I wish you well and I hope you seek help. An ER will not turn you away, from my experience, if you say you are actively suicidal right now, you have a specific plan and the means to carry it out, and the absolute intention to do so. Boom. You are admitted and safe until you’re no longer in crisis. Five times I’ve admitted myself, not the same hospital. I bring a suitcase. Bring a support person if they don’t take you seriously.
Please reach out now. ER. Don’t pull up those bootstraps. Fling them on the floor. Call an ambulance or drive to the hospital....please