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@TheUltimateFixx - Thanks very much for discussing your experience. We have something in common. I also was put on amitriptyline way, way back . . . when it was a first-line treatment, which it no longer is. Doctors now avoid it like the plague. (Of course, the patent ran out long ago, and the stuff is cheap as crap. Big Pharma is pushing the newer, way, way more expensive stuff. Hmmm. I wonder if that influences MDs.) Yes, amitriptyline comes with prominent side effects that doctors genuinely want to steer away from. The biggest worry is cardiac dysrhythmias. It caused me severe constipation, which may be why I get recurrent diverticulitis. Everything in life extracts a price.
For me, amitriptyline was a miracle. It kicked in way before they tell you to expect it to. It didn't banish depression by no means, but it made me function way more successfully. I kept dropping out of school and not holding down jobs. On amitriptyline, I finished college and could hold down a job. It improved my awful insomnia. Once my life got so much better, I started weening off it, repeatedly. The result was never good. One MD told me to only drop it 5 mg per month. I did that. I stayed off for a number of months. The result was not good. I know all about "discontinuation syndrome." I went through it, determined to come out on the other side. I did. I always had depressive episodes - with or without amitriptyline. They don't last as long as yours. They're much shorter, but often severe. While I was off the amiyriptyline, it took me longer to pull out of an episode. Insomnia returned. I wouldn't have been able to hold down a job.
Sorry to ramble on so much. MDs tried me on every psych drug you can name. They did zilch. Only amitriptyline impacts my life. Even with it, I still deal with chronically recurring depressive episodes. I take 50 mg each evening. (Taking more never improved my response.) I could get by on 40 mg, but not as good. Doctors are surprised I get so much out of a modest dose. But it's no cure.
I appreciate the validity of what you describe as your lived experience. Mine is just very different. I expect to take amitriptyline till I die. Not just to avoid the difficulty of getting off it, but because it's been proven to me that I'm better off on it.
"Better off" is a long way from being well, which I will never be. Indomethacin was great for my physical pain. But I developed bleeding ulcers, so I can never take that again. Hydrocodone, like you said, kicks in immediately. Physically and mentally, I feel better after taking some. I wish I could take a lot more
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@Staring into the Abyss - I was on so many psych drugs, it's hard to remember. Outside of amitriptyline, they were all useless. (And some were extremely expensive, which I was able to get funding for.) I'm sorry you're in so much distress and have no medication that ameliorates it, even somewhat. I'm sorry you've been driven to alcohol because that also causes problems. Many years ago, I tried drinking for relief. I found it very good - short term - for stress and anxiety. It is recognized as an analgesic, so I'm not surprised, if it affords you pain relief. But I found it useless for depression. Now and then, I used alcohol for insomnia, but it wasn't too good for that either. So I pretty much gave up on it.
Thanks for trying to understand. I hope you have some rest tonight. I wish we all had better answers.
