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Hopeless If I get kicked out of my sober house I’ve decided im gonna kill myself

OpiateKiller

OpiateKiller

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 14, 2019
Messages
2,364
I’ve said this before but I really think im done trying to figure this all out. Im not looking for pity it’s just being entirely honest I’d be doing a lot of people a favor by taking myself out of the equation.

I just ate a bunch of klonopin and If my research is correct it won’t show up on the cup I take, it only reacts to oxazepam 300 ng so in theory klonopin and lorazepam wouldn’t pop.

If I get kicked out I think I’m just gonna take a final trip to the dope man and hang it up. I can’t keep fighting a losing battle and I can’t stay clean man. I’m tired of living like this. The only reason I caved to take the klonopin in the first place is I’m balls deep in phenibut withdrawal. It’s just been such a disaster of a life ever since I was 16 I’ve just fucked it all up so badly I’m not sure if I got a chance to do it all again I could even fuck my life up as bad as I have if I tried.
 
10 mg of clonazepam later and suddenly I could give no less fucks of just about anything. Damn I’d ride my mustang into the sunset right now with shit eating grin in fact
 
If you test positive, be honest and have some humility man. These places often work with people through these things. If you can't stop this you do need to find another situation anyway though
 
Hey OpiateKiller please don't kill yourself. I've been suicidal many times and came really, really close a couple times. I understand, believe me. But I've always looked back and been grateful I didn't go through with it.
Give things a chance. I'm always surprised at how things eventually somehow work out for the best.
 
same as jasper, been there and grateful i didnt die, i will admit my great fear is homelessness, tho there were times that were amazing in the woods, im just so concerned, what can do to help?
 
jasperkent said:
Hey OpiateKiller please don't kill yourself. I've been suicidal many times and came really, really close a couple times. I understand, believe me. But I've always looked back and been grateful I didn't go through with it.
Give things a chance. I'm always surprised at how things eventually somehow work out for the best.
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It's weird, he hasnt logged in almost a month. I don't wanna sound pessimistic but he's deff in a bad place rn...
 
polarthedog said:
Do you think he actually killed himself¿
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Tbh, the past 2 years I've seen how his posts have become darker and darker. His addiction is at the end of the line....the sad thing is he's not even 30(he's same age as me 27 y/o). I don't wanna believe that he killed himself but all the time ive known him,he's always been a very active user. It's been almost one month, as more time passes the probability of him commiting suicide are just gonna get higher....all we can do is wait and hope for the best. But honestly, things are not looking good :/
 
nznity said:
Tbh, the past 2 years I've seen how his posts have become darker and darker. His addiction is at the end of the line....the sad thing is he's not even 30(he's same age as me 27 y/o). I don't wanna believe that he killed himself but all the time ive known him,he's always been a very active user. It's been almost one month, as more time passes the probability of him commiting suicide are just gonna get higher....all we can do is wait and hope for the best. But honestly, things are not looking good :/
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Ya, your right about all that, he has been in a dark place lately.

Well, I hope he didn’t
 
nznity said:
Tbh, the past 2 years I've seen how his posts have become darker and darker. His addiction is at the end of the line....the sad thing is he's not even 30(he's same age as me 27 y/o). I don't wanna believe that he killed himself but all the time ive known him,he's always been a very active user. It's been almost one month, as more time passes the probability of him commiting suicide are just gonna get higher....all we can do is wait and hope for the best. But honestly, things are not looking good :/
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There was another thread he started about potentially committing a serious crime so he would go to jail for years and get clean. I don't want to hope he's in jail, but that's better than dead.
 
nznity said:
Tbh, the past 2 years I've seen how his posts have become darker and darker. His addiction is at the end of the line....the sad thing is he's not even 30(he's same age as me 27 y/o). I don't wanna believe that he killed himself but all the time ive known him,he's always been a very active user. It's been almost one month, as more time passes the probability of him commiting suicide are just gonna get higher....all we can do is wait and hope for the best. But honestly, things are not looking good :/
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Sad Arrested Development GIF
 
nznity said:
...the sad thing is he's not even 30(he's same age as me 27 y/o)...
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That hits a nerve with me. The first time I came really, really close to killing myself was when I was 27.
I'm trying to think of all the other possibilities:
jail, psych ward, ICU, or maybe just off the grid....
 
I am really hoping that he just entered rehab. The alternative sucks. I always hope to see him log on. Jail and rehab are okay.

Well, jail sucks but that means he's safe. He needed rehab badly. So let's all hope that the next time he logs on he is in a much better frame of mind. I think about him too.

If he had access to his phone I know he would log on. Hurry up and come back Killer and when you do I hope your life has improved
 
jasperkent said:
That gives me another glimmer of hope. In every rehab I've been in, they confiscate your cellphone.
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Yep. Jails, rehabs and psych wards. The 3 places we need them the most. To reach out and let people know we are safe instead of them having to think the worst.
 
OpiateKiller said:
I’ve said this before but I really think im done trying to figure this all out. Im not looking for pity it’s just being entirely honest I’d be doing a lot of people a favor by taking myself out of the equation.

I just ate a bunch of klonopin and If my research is correct it won’t show up on the cup I take, it only reacts to oxazepam 300 ng so in theory klonopin and lorazepam wouldn’t pop.

If I get kicked out I think I’m just gonna take a final trip to the dope man and hang it up. I can’t keep fighting a losing battle and I can’t stay clean man. I’m tired of living like this. The only reason I caved to take the klonopin in the first place is I’m balls deep in phenibut withdrawal. It’s just been such a disaster of a life ever since I was 16 I’ve just fucked it all up so badly I’m not sure if I got a chance to do it all again I could even fuck my life up as bad as I have if I tried.
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Killing your self is pointless as when you reincarnate you will face the same problem is the next life you incarnate in and might be harder so just be a fighter and get through it
 
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