I Really Feel Physically Hideous!

[AyahuascaSeeker]

Alright. I'm updated!

But that only accounts for one i.e. what about the other two?

Glad you're feeling better though. Not that it makes any difference: but happens to the best of us. So don't go making any judgments about yourself based on one wench.

I'm waiting patiently though for you to get laid into something along the lines of "expectations" (because you paid for everything and brought it up). Gonna be fun!

The other two are almost identical to this situation.

And fyi, because I bought dinner doesn't mean I expect shit... If you ask someone out for dinner, and you pay... Doesn't that indicate you're into them, or like them or otherwise... I don't expect anything in return, my question is, why accept the dinner offer if you have no intention of exploring things further.

 

[Fiori di Bella]

Then today I find out she's still hung up on her ex and does this to almost everyone she meets.


This statement above is your answer!

Her ambiguity about moving on from the ex is not about you, and she obviously enjoys your company. It would seem she does enjoy your time together.

She’s said she values you as a friend and does not wish to lose your friendship. She wants to go away with you to get to know better. That’s a very positive statement, unless she expects this road trip to result in expensive hotel stays and/or include activities that would be costly and would leave you to foot the bill.

Can you just imagine the hell it would be to spend hours in a car on a road trip with someone you don’t enjoy spending time with? I think she does enjoy your time spent together.

If you’re certain she’s the girl you really want to pursue, there are some things you can do to increase your odds of becoming an eventual romantic interest to her. Be prepared that there are no guarantees this will work, and it may take a long time to get to the point that she views you as more than a friend.

If you do question whether she’s using you to pay for costly things she wants to experience, pull back on the spending and suggest activities that are interesting and free, or less expensive.

My advice if you’re absolutely certain she’s the one she wants:

1 - If you know the reason(s) her relationship failed, and specifically any things the ex did that upset her, make sure you avoid these activities and/or behaviors yourself.

2 - If you know what she loved about the ex, ask yourself if these are traits and/or characteristics you also embody. Demonstrate that he was not unique in and that the things leave her still stuck on him are things she can find and experience with another person.

3 - Let her know you’re there anytime she needs to talk. She may reveal more re: why she’s hung up on her ex.

4 - Treat her with care, respect and patience. This alone might help her move on from this ex she’s hung up on.

5 - Don’t be a pushover and you don’t have to agree with everything she says.
Women appreciate men with a healthy self-esteem and sass. We see guys that do whatever is asked of them as weak.

6 - Avoid saying negative things about her ex. Try to be an objective listener when she speaks of their issues.

But I also would advise the following:

7 - Recognize when it’s time to throw in the towel. If you’ve been trying to win her over for months and there’s no change in her attitude, it’s probably time to move on.

8 - Know that she is just one girl, and her feelings are unique. Don’t make generalizations about yourself based upon things she’s said to you.

9 - There are millions of other women out there. Allow yourself to view her as someone who’s not available to be half of a romantic partnership at this time.

Good luck! And you can PM me if you need to talk.

 

[BILLY-BLUNT]

If you do question whether she’s using you to pay for costly things she wants to experience, pull back on the spending and suggest activities that are interesting and free, or less expensive.

This is perfect. If it's a friendship it's 50/50 over time, go out to dinner and don't take any money, let her book it at the restaurant of her choice in her name. Enjoy and at the end you will know whether you are just an easy piggy bank or she really is looking for a friend.

peace and love
BBlunt

 

[emkee_reinvented]

A girl I've been speaking to and spending time with... Has brought it on. Went out for dinner last night, spent about 300 on food and drinks. Then after all was said and done and I dropped her off home, I get a the below text:

"Just so we're clear I'm not wanting to take this any further then (sic) friends. Your (sic) an awesome guy, your (sic) easy on the eye, but I'm not looking for anything else, hope you're cool with that"...

After I paid for dinner and even agreeing to take her on a roadtrip after she asked if we could go away on the weekend to get to know one another a little better... Then today I find out she's still hung up on her ex and does this to almost everyone she meets.

I just posted here because I felt like shit, I felt used, and needed to vent. I'm fine today though, she's just not the person I thought she may have been.

My own dating, well poor excuse for it, is way less costly but the girl takes ages to read my whatapp's. Or she knows a way to cloak them.

So after some awkward app's I sent while in a epileptic daze. You would expect some sort of reply. She will wait weeks to read them. Without even answering or questioning.

I offered to her a Pu Ehr Tea on the beach, no strings attached, but she have to bring the thermos can with hot water. Lets see what ever she answers over a month or 2

Cheap but way better then sitting animated in a restaurant or alike.

 

[Kimi#4321]

Bluelight is kind of fucked but thats what makes it so awesome. Its cathartic being here. I apologize for the lack of harm reduction here, and I should be a better example here as staff, but I did have fun. Going down on some GHB right now. I gave my meth away so its actually almost out now just whatever is in the pipe.

im unsuccessful every time I do this, so whats the difference? Nothing, I have nothing to say to permit any hope. I called a rehab and got on the list. I will probably bail on it if I sober up and I will probably go if Im totally fucked. I am GOING to die if I keep this up. Im not kidding when I say I have some cardiac issues. Theyre really bad actually and I can feel Im very close to a heart attack or stroke the way it feels when I have these little episodes. Regular episodes of chest pain and pressure

I am not a good example of harm reduction right now, and I really want to make that right someday. How can I advise reduction if Im on like 3/4/5 different drugs all the time and out of my mind? I feel so down and out its unbelieveable, and then I make a lot a lot of jokes too. I crack myself up and hopefully others too. Laugh or cry thats my 2 modes. Druggie clown. Its sad, and fucking hilarious at the same time.

Im feeling less and less resilient always. I hope to God theres a way out of this. Im going crazy. And I am so sorry I have you all bear witness to this all the time. This is my main outlet here. I think it may be about to catch up with me irl, I dont hide that Im here at all. Oh well.

I relate in my own way

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Seems I'm being used as someone people feel they can vent to... Like, and then just completely do a 180 and move away as fast as they came... It's seriously happened 3 times in a row so far. Fucking over women completely. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this world. Who uses someone to vent to, to tell feelings and secrets to, when they had no intention of anything more. As in, that was it and now they've moved on. Is it a weird validation thing that humans crave? That need to feel wanted, then when the attention comes, run?

Vodka, a couple valium and a joint will sort this mind fuck out... Goodnight my fellow humans. As soon as I for angry about the above, I decided to come here than to take it out on the person it was about... It's basically left me taking the moral high road out of another possible mentally exhausting situation. Love Yas.

Still following up on your story, but I have indeed a lot of shit I want to vent but try to keep it to the essential

Your story was very open and very much alike what I am going through. And I am not ready for a new relation, glad you are. Good luck finding love!

 

[Shelbel69]

maybe proceed with lower expectations like an enjoyable night with someone cool and go from there. By changing what you value could you change your current experience

I wish more people in today's society had this outlook on dating

 

[Shelbel69]

I’m almost certain you lack confidence at the moment. Self esteem and self image isn’t something that miraculously happens. It starts with an attitude that you are worth a second look, and you truly believe that. It’s about knowing your worth as a viable human being and the ability to not let anyone get you down. The number one thing that women are attracted to is confidence. Getting confidence is a practice that takes fearlessness and an understanding about who you are as a person. Your looks are secondary when you present yourself as a strong capable confident man. I’d say fake it till you make it, but confidence isn’t something you can fake. You will have to earn self-confidence.

Nailed it.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Like the wise @The Wizard of the Creek said, self-esteem and confidence.

I'd recommend exercise. Not to look like some douche on a Calvin Klein poster, but because it releases endorfines and you will notice a shift in self-perception.

And fuck shallow people. If someone falls in love with looks, that raises red flags for me.

 

[Fiori di Bella]

I'd recommend exercise. Not to look like some douche on a Calvin Klein poster...

I’m just in love with this entire thought. Where I live, this is the exact reason the vast majority of guys bother to exercise. You gotta look good at the beach, to score a hawt Betty.

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

I’m just in love with this entire thought. Where I live, this is the exact reason the vast majority of guys bother to exercise. You gotta look good at the beach, to score a hawt Betty.

I say, fuck hot Betty (not literally).

It just seems beyond stupid to spend that much time on your body. Being healthy, sure.

People looked like fucking models most of the time I spent over there. I look more like Iggy during his hardcore heroin years with crooked ass tattoes.
Didn't really feel like I melted in.

 

[d3athadone]

damn that sucks man but if thats the worst of your problems then count yourself lucky lol. I'm quite attractive and it doesnt matter cuz Im like 70 pounds overweight and nobody likes fat people so I dunno man at least you have a job lol. U said it yourself u had a stunning wife. Your problem is you think women think the same way about beauty as men do. They just are not wired visually like we are. They are but not to the same extent. They value other shit more. We r basically cave men. So u got other shit going for you.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

I say, fuck hot Betty (not literally).

It just seems beyond stupid to spend that much time on your body. Being healthy, sure.

People looked like fucking models most of the time I spent over there. I look more like Iggy during his hardcore heroin years with crooked ass tattoes.
Didn't really feel like I melted in.

People always asked to my mom , 'is he on drug's or anorectic?'

Fast forward 20 year's their son's and daughter's are or overweight/ under trained or has an flat ass.

I am still the same, although I do feel 20 year's older, an my ass is never been flat. Its pointy like a monky ass, monkey's are very active!

 

[JessFR]

While it's a bit late to add to this thread.

I will say that it's a false assumption to assume that how you feel about sex and relationships and romance is how everyone feels. ESPECIALLY when you're talking about the opposite sex.

While I most certainly do have preferences in terms of physical appearance and attractiveness towards a guy, and a good appearance certainly helps. It's not the end of the story.

If a guy has a great personality and we have great chemistry, even if I didn't find him that physically attractive to start with, he becomes more attractive to me as I come to increasingly like him.

Ultimately my attraction to someone is a lot more mental than physical. And if I come to love someone their physical appearance isn't going to stop me.

Now I can't speak for men, maaaaybe a lot of men are a bit shallower
And I can't speak for all women either, though I suspect I'm far from unusual in feeling the way I just described.

But the point is. People vary. No generalization is without exceptions. And your perception of yourself can't be relied upon to be accurate to how other people see you. And how they see you can change.

It works in the opposite direction too. I've had guys I initially thought looked quite attractive, but who's behavior and personality has ended up making me feel very unattracted to them. Including in a physical way.