I Really Feel Physically Hideous!

[AyahuascaSeeker]

Since I've been divorced, I'm yet to find that one woman who I can share my life with. I'm 37, divorced, prob 10kilos too heavy, have two kids and am just the average blue collar worker. Not rich, not poor. Don't have a great deal to offer but me. Problem is, even if I find someone who likes me, it's as friends. It's almost impossible to meet anyone on dating apps as it's all images. My ex wife was stunning, I felt great with her, confident, happy, I guess good looking, she never told me, but I presumed she found me physically attractive? Now, I can't even attract gutter trash, and don't even feel like I could bother if that's all I could get. I actually haven't had sex in around 3 years.

Had an argument then with a girl I've been talking to for a while when she said "you're not ugly you have an amazing personality and you're so funny"... Um... What. Then she's like "I never click with anyone on a mental level like I do with you, looks don't matter to me"... Seriously? Why not just say "you've been friendzoned". Maybe it's a flaw with the way I look at relationships, but I can't see me being with anyone that I'm not physically attracted to. You can't want to be intimate with someone who doesn't arouse you.

I feel like shit. I'm in bed, Saturday night, alone and on the verge of crying my eyes out... Which I never do. I feel useless, unwanted, unloved and for the first time in 37 years, I know for a fact, I'm ugly. It's a horrible feeling, almost like mourning someone.

Can't stop the sad feeling, can't focus to meditate, can't get high enough to sleep and just so over everything. How pathetic am I. Seriously!

 

[deficiT]

I'm so sorry you're feeling unwanted. Don't let one instance get you down. Get back out there and keep swinging. I know it's easy to get discouraged when it's been so long and you get shot down.

I can't make any comments on your physical appearance, but it might be that you're just getting self conscious because you've been struggling. If you attracted one person enough to marry you, you can do it again for sure.

I have faith and I'm sending you some cyber love to hopefully help soothe your aching heart. Much love amigo

 

[Sirena Oscura]

You can’t say you’re ugly then not show a pic. How can we tell if you are or not? Maybe you’re not.

Dating apps make everyone that doesn’t have model-good looks feel self conscious. Dating apps are not the best determinate of looks. Plus you know what they say, the top whatever % get the huge whatever % of matches. Not everyone is a 10/10 but that doesn’t make them ugly. Most people are just average.

Even if you don’t have an immediate physical attraction to a woman maybe after getting to know them better you might find other reasons to find them attractive.

 

[neversickanymore]

maybe proceed with lower expectations like an enjoyable night with someone cool and go from there. By changing what you value could you change your current experience

 

[AyahuascaSeeker]

I’m gonna be a cliche here and tell you that you can never go out there and find love, love finds you. That has always been the case since the beginning of time. As long as you are out there and not isolating, you have much better odds for love finding you.

How ugly are you? Post a pic so that we can see what we’re dealing with? I will definitely be honest with you and tell you if I think you’re hideous and if you should even bother with love or let you know if it’s all in your head?

*hint* It’s gonna be the latter numbskull. What exactly do you think is physically hideous about yourself exactly? Has anyone told you about your ugly looks? Are you fishing for compliments on bluelight?

If I were fishing for compliments, I'd have not even bothered wasting my time, or anyone elses time here. I've been a lurker (and member before I forgot my password) for years, back when blue-light was the go to harm reduction site for drug users in Australia. I'm definitely not someone who runs around forums asking for advice or compliments.

What do I feel is ugly about myself? Fat nose, crooked mouth and uneven jaw due to being in fights in my younger years, and I have a big head, like Vince Vaughn big lol... Maybe they sound like stupid things to be paranoid about but these things, over the years, have been commented on over and over again. Perhaps in my old age of 37, things are starting to get to me more than they did when I was in my prime.

I'll post a pic after work, and you'll see what I mean.

 

[AyahuascaSeeker]

You can’t say you’re ugly then not show a pic. How can we tell if you are or not? Maybe you’re not.

Dating apps make everyone that doesn’t have model-good looks feel self conscious. Dating apps are not the best determinate of looks. Plus you know what they say, the top whatever % get the huge whatever % of matches. Not everyone is a 10/10 but that doesn’t make them ugly. Most people are just average.

Even if you don’t have an immediate physical attraction to a woman maybe after getting to know them better you might find other reasons to find them attractive.

I think I'll post a pic... Then you guys will have more of an idea.

I must say, reading these replies (when I remember go check) has given me more hope than I had. It's always incredible how so many random people, who we will more than likely never meet, actually care about a total strangers issues... I'm always there to hand out advice, but rarely ask for it.

 

[AyahuascaSeeker]

As requested

 

[Bella Figura]

You're not ugly or physically hideous, you just lack self esteem. If you follow your logic your kids are also hideous looking seeing as they came from you? I doubt you'd say that about them. So why say it about yourself.

Nice username btw, I've done Ayahuasca four times, highly recommend it if you're looking to heal.

 

[AyahuascaSeeker]

Where can I buy your novel nerd?

Oddly enough... I'm writing a book Professional profiler? Lol

 

[AyahuascaSeeker]

You're not ugly or physically hideous, you just lack self esteem. If you follow your logic your kids are also hideous looking seeing as they came from you? I doubt you'd say that about them. So why say it about yourself.

Nice username btw, I've done Ayahuasca four times, highly recommend it if you're looking to heal.

I'm yet to partake in a Ayahuasca ceremony. I feel it calling me... I need to heal some severe past trauma and begin moving forward in life. I'm stuck, spiritually. I have very vivid dreams of a kind face in a vine telling me to follow it as it weaves through this loud (bugs I guess) forrest; but before I get to where it's taking me, I fall or just randomly wake up. I guess the username is a play on words due to the constant search for spiritual healing and peace and the hope that Ayahuasca will be the missing piece to that puzzle.

 

[Sirena Oscura]

As requested

Yeah you’re not ugly, you’re just average like the rest of us. What I said about dating apps stands. You also have to remember you’re older and with kids than when you met your hot ex. That’s just reality I’m afraid, most people are just window shopping on dating apps

Plus remember that adage about peaches... You could be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world and there would still be people who don’t like peaches. Everyone has a type.

 

[Sirena Oscura]

And by the way: good on you for having the guts to put it out there to.

One of my other colleagues here started a thread asking our female blabbermouths to post pics. You know how many pics. got posted? Zero.

Oh and if you’re looking for material to profile for your book allow me to introduce you to @ions!

You do know there’s a selfie thread right?

 

[Fiori di Bella]

As requested

Yeah, I’m going to agree that you are by no means hideous. I think it’s just the girl’s inarticulate comments that have you doubting yourself. I am not particularly beautiful, and I’ll even put up a pic of me with no makeup. I also live in the land of ubiquitous plastic surgery and gold diggers, galore. But I’m not going to get hung up on it. It’s not worth my time. We look the way we do and barring some plastic surgery or heavy makeup, that won’t change, other than the aging process.
Start accepting you, for you, now, and make sure you don’t get caught up in looks too much. Once we hit a certain age, our looks aren’t what will attract people anyway, even if we were once proper hotties.

 

[Fiori di Bella]

No makeup, messy hair, but giving kitty some love while taking a housecleaning break.

 

[Snafu in the Void]

I often think "you are a hideous, loser junkie who is going nowhere in life"

then I look in the mirror and think

"eh, you're not so bad"....

could always be worse

 

[Snafu in the Void]

Lose the cat

No.


Cats are magnificent creatures. My cat is my best friend. I would die for him. He has been with me through some of the worst moments of my life, and helped me through it.

I don't even care if that sound cringey, it's true.

 

[Joey]

Yip. Although I stopped paging back when I got to @Alex_1991's pic. of his bloody hand after he'd lost his shit about something!

Besides: @jhjhsdi started that other thread of his for females here only (although I think tagging on the "preferably nude", or something like that, fucked it up).

No biggie though. Probably only three around these parts I've wondered about. And seems we got one out of the way right here so that narrows it down a bit!

That was pretty fucked up of me to do yeah. I've been beyond fucked up and I've been chronicling my entire life here. It makes me feel better but I know that some of my behavious are absolutely over the top.

 

[Snafu in the Void]

Well I dunno about over there: but cats are not usually welcome in restaurants over here (was my point).

I would agree with the general view that dogs are more neutral companions.... in general.... but yeah

You don't know how me and my cat get down. We are very close.

cats > dogs

 

[Fiori di Bella]

@SnafuInTheVoid
Your cat is magnificent! He looks so big!
My cat was born in 2004 and he’s still here bringing sunshine to my days. My other cat is 6 and super morbidly obese, though she only eats cat food.
Cats are fabulous companions and mine are with me now, as I lounge in my bubble bath. I just say, “Take a bath?” and they make their way over to spend time with me.

 

[Joey]

because most women that look like that, who are on a dating app and haven't had success.... it's because she's driven on sexual attraction and not actual partnership... ends up with douchebags

Most men who super fit/alpha/whatever also do the same thing when seeking women

...holy shit I sound like a beta nice guy.... im a fucking nice guy....... FUCK

Its okay to be promiscious dude. I am one of those guys who hooks up all the fucking time. 2 people coming over tonight in fact. Its an escape. Sex addiction is very real.