I Really Feel Physically Hideous!

[Snafu in the Void]

that's BL for you

we take threads and run from there

the real harm reduction advice is mixed in like pepper on a steak

 

[AyahuascaSeeker]

that's BL for you

we take threads and run from there

the real harm reduction advice is mixed in like pepper on a steak

Wouldn't be BL if it wasn't that way! Miss this place, used to hang out a lot in the AusDD. But forgot my password and I don't even know if the username I remember is right

 

[Joey]

Bluelight is kind of fucked but thats what makes it so awesome. Its cathartic being here. I apologize for the lack of harm reduction here, and I should be a better example here as staff, but I did have fun. Going down on some GHB right now. I gave my meth away so its actually almost out now just whatever is in the pipe.

im unsuccessful every time I do this, so whats the difference? Nothing, I have nothing to say to permit any hope. I called a rehab and got on the list. I will probably bail on it if I sober up and I will probably go if Im totally fucked. I am GOING to die if I keep this up. Im not kidding when I say I have some cardiac issues. Theyre really bad actually and I can feel Im very close to a heart attack or stroke the way it feels when I have these little episodes. Regular episodes of chest pain and pressure

I am not a good example of harm reduction right now, and I really want to make that right someday. How can I advise reduction if Im on like 3/4/5 different drugs all the time and out of my mind? I feel so down and out its unbelieveable, and then I make a lot a lot of jokes too. I crack myself up and hopefully others too. Laugh or cry thats my 2 modes. Druggie clown. Its sad, and fucking hilarious at the same time.

Im feeling less and less resilient always. I hope to God theres a way out of this. Im going crazy. And I am so sorry I have you all bear witness to this all the time. This is my main outlet here. I think it may be about to catch up with me irl, I dont hide that Im here at all. Oh well.

 

[Snafu in the Void]

Bluelight is kind of fucked but thats what makes it so awesome. Its cathartic being here. I apologize for the lack of harm reduction here

It's not like that. You can't really compare BL to other forums... namely D-F.

D-F is a wiki
BL is a community
reddit is a shit show with neither

You can get everything you see on D-F, sometimes you just have to ask for it here, or search(!).. a combination of both would probably be the best answer. Makes BL the best.

BL is like a discussion AROUND what D-F has to offer! Superior.

 

[Joey]

It's not like that. You can't really compare BL to other forums... namely D-F.

D-F is a wiki
BL is a community
reddit is a shit show with neither

You can get everything you see on D-F, sometimes you just have to ask for it here, or search(!).. a combination of both would probably be the best answer. Makes BL the best.

BL is like a discussion AROUND what D-F has to offer! Superior.

I totally agree.

 

[Amos2019]

Don't despair! It may sound silly, but you are meant to learn from this. Learn from it and move on.
Think of this. My dogs, rest their souls, could absolutely detect someone's energy so quickly, and determine the threat level.. your coming up to me with that picture and saying , " I'm not a threat, I really don't want to face you at all" ,and that attitude gets you bit, equally as much as a super aggressive attitude. I think because it says in some ways ," I'm not worthy to stand amongst you". Damn it, you are worthy. Ask my friends, they will say " omg ,her taste in people,is all over the place " ,because I am truly attracted to energy....to me, how you carry yourself is everything. So hold your head up. Have a great day and know you have some support out here!.

 

[deficiT]

If you're not feeling better about it yet... I'll just add that you're a handsome guy and there's nothing wrong with your looks. Looks might find you someone, but it's your personality that keeps them.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

how you carry yourself is everything.

"Will you carry me, will you carry me. I am dancing" [Matisyahu]

What a great thread very BL and thanks for the openness AyahuascaSeeker.

2 1/2 years ago my marriage ended, the relationship had allready ended long before that. Did we have one to begin with.

The only good that came from it were our two kids. Now I am, alone and still recovering from it. Bonding again with someone that close ain't gonna happen. My ex still hunts me in my dreams. I guess when that is internally processed I will be ready for something new.

If you are interested in Ayahuasca I can recommend reading the book from Unio de Vegetal

Good stuff. It highlights the influence of set and setting when ingesting Ayahuasca.

 

[Joey]

That's a sure sign you're doing too much other shit! Nobody "loses" Cocaine!

Ive lost my cocaine. My DMT. My Ketamine. ABout 1.5 grmas of meth. I dont know where so much of my shit is it's crazy.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Ive lost my cocaine. My DMT. My Ketamine. ABout 1.5 grmas of meth. I dont know where so much of my shit is it's crazy.

'Only users lo(o)se drugs'

 

[AyahuascaSeeker]

Don't despair! It may sound silly, but you are meant to learn from this. Learn from it and move on.
Think of this. My dogs, rest their souls, could absolutely detect someone's energy so quickly, and determine the threat level.. your coming up to me with that picture and saying , " I'm not a threat, I really don't want to face you at all" ,and that attitude gets you bit, equally as much as a super aggressive attitude. I think because it says in some ways ," I'm not worthy to stand amongst you". Damn it, you are worthy. Ask my friends, they will say " omg ,her taste in people,is all over the place " ,because I am truly attracted to energy....to me, how you carry yourself is everything. So hold your head up. Have a great day and know you have some support out here!.

Thank you so much. I truly appreciate that. You're right, it's about the energy more than anything else. Well, that's how I go through life. Someone could be my ideal match, physically, but if they give off bad vibes, or my dog doesn't like them (you're right, they can sense good and bad instantly), it's not worth wasting any more time with.

 

[AyahuascaSeeker]

"Will you carry me, will you carry me. I am dancing" [Matisyahu]

What a great thread very BL and thanks for the openness AyahuascaSeeker.

2 1/2 years ago my marriage ended, the relationship had allready ended long before that. Did we have one to begin with.

The only good that came from it were our two kids. Now I am, alone and still recovering from it. Bonding again with someone that close ain't gonna happen. My ex still hunts me in my dreams. I guess when that is internally processed I will be ready for something new.

If you are interested in Ayahuasca I can recommend reading the book from Unio de Vegetal

Good stuff. It highlights the influence of set and setting when ingesting Ayahuasca.

Thank you for that. I'm the same regarding what good came out of the marriage. My children were the only positive. Also, I believe our relationship was well and truly over before it was officially, over. Seems that it is an experience many of us have had.

I will definitely check that book out, I'm almost at the point where I'm ready to accept the plant into my life, and see what it can help me with. If the dreams aren't a sign, the constant searching for videos and more information on it, must be some kind of sign telling me it's the right path to travel down.

 

[AyahuascaSeeker]

If you're not feeling better about it yet... I'll just add that you're a handsome guy and there's nothing wrong with your looks. Looks might find you someone, but it's your personality that keeps them.

Thank you... The replies on this thread have truly made me think deeper and not just accept that those feelings I had (still have) are fact. Sure, everyone isn't everyone's idea of attractive, but the comments here have shown me there are many awesome people around, it's just finding them on the real world which may be a struggle/mission/whatever.

 

[deficiT]

Thank you... The replies on this thread have truly made me think deeper and not just accept that those feelings I had (still have) are fact. Sure, everyone isn't everyone's idea of attractive, but the comments here have shown me there are many awesome people around, it's just finding them on the real world which may be a struggle/mission/whatever.

Understood. Yeah for me it's a daily battle of trying to convince myself there's nothing wrong with me, it can be a struggle and I can totally understand.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

Thank you for that. I'm the same regarding what good came out of the marriage. My children were the only positive. Also, I believe our relationship was well and truly over before it was officially, over. Seems that it is an experience many of us have had.

I will definitely check that book out, I'm almost at the point where I'm ready to accept the plant into my life, and see what it can help me with. If the dreams aren't a sign, the constant searching for videos and more information on it, must be some kind of sign telling me it's the right path to travel down.

Thank you for that. I'm the same regarding what good came out of the marriage. My children were the only positive. Also, I believe our relationship was well and truly over before it was officially, over. Seems that it is an experience many of us have had.

I will definitely check that book out, I'm almost at the point where I'm ready to accept the plant into my life, and see what it can help me with. If the dreams aren't a sign, the constant searching for videos and more information on it, must be some kind of sign telling me it's the right path to travel down.

José Gabriel da Costa, known as Mestre Gabriel. Was the writer.

Meanwhile be sure not to hid on a 19 year old. I did when i was just on my own. Made an apology later on as I am 47 and the girl was nearer in age to my daugter's then me.

But you look sharp and employed. So if you are over the mother of your kid's I see no reason why not.

 

[AyahuascaSeeker]

Seems I'm being used as someone people feel they can vent to... Like, and then just completely do a 180 and move away as fast as they came... It's seriously happened 3 times in a row so far. Fucking over women completely. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this world. Who uses someone to vent to, to tell feelings and secrets to, when they had no intention of anything more. As in, that was it and now they've moved on. Is it a weird validation thing that humans crave? That need to feel wanted, then when the attention comes, run?

Vodka, a couple valium and a joint will sort this mind fuck out... Goodnight my fellow humans. As soon as I for angry about the above, I decided to come here than to take it out on the person it was about... It's basically left me taking the moral high road out of another possible mentally exhausting situation. Love Yas.

 

[dalpat077]

Seems I'm being used as someone people feel they can vent to... Like, and then just completely do a 180 and move away as fast as they came... It's seriously happened 3 times in a row so far. Fucking over women completely. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this world. Who uses someone to vent to, to tell feelings and secrets to, when they had no intention of anything more. As in, that was it and now they've moved on. Is it a weird validation thing that humans crave? That need to feel wanted, then when the attention comes, run?

For the sake of my own interest: what brought this on? Are you speaking of recent events that you've experienced or is this a generalization of what's gone before?

Point is: it's in stark contract to your previous post on this thread (is why I noticed is all). Based on said previous post I was under the impression you were feeling better about things and yourself.

Put another way: if between last Thursday and yesterday (six days give or take) you've somehow managed to get fucked over by the opposite sex three times in a row and in real life then you're stud my man!

 

[AyahuascaSeeker]

For the sake of my own interest: what brought this on? Are you speaking of recent events that you've experienced or is this a generalization of what's gone before?

Point is: it's in stark contract to your previous post on this thread (is why I noticed is all).

A girl I've been speaking to and spending time with... Has brought it on. Went out for dinner last night, spent about 300 on food and drinks. Then after all was said and done and I dropped her off home, I get a the below text:

"Just so we're clear I'm not wanting to take this any further then (sic) friends. Your (sic) an awesome guy, your (sic) easy on the eye, but I'm not looking for anything else, hope you're cool with that"...

After I paid for dinner and even agreeing to take her on a roadtrip after she asked if we could go away on the weekend to get to know one another a little better... Then today I find out she's still hung up on her ex and does this to almost everyone she meets.

I just posted here because I felt like shit, I felt used, and needed to vent. I'm fine today though, she's just not the person I thought she may have been.

 

[dalpat077]

A girl I've been speaking to and spending time with... Has brought it on. Went out for dinner last night, spent about 300 on food and drinks. Then after all was said and done and I dropped her off home, I get a the below text:

"Just so we're clear I'm not wanting to take this any further then (sic) friends. Your (sic) an awesome guy, your (sic) easy on the eye, but I'm not looking for anything else, hope you're cool with that"...

After I paid for dinner and even agreeing to take her on a roadtrip after she asked if we could go away on the weekend to get to know one another a little better... Then today I find out she's still hung up on her ex and does this to almost everyone she meets.

I just posted here because I felt like shit, I felt used, and needed to vent. I'm fine today though, she's just not the person I thought she may have been.

Sorry. I was editing my post while you were responding. Lemme read the latest update!

 

[dalpat077]

A girl I've been speaking to and spending time with... Has brought it on. Went out for dinner last night, spent about 300 on food and drinks. Then after all was said and done and I dropped her off home, I get a the below text:

"Just so we're clear I'm not wanting to take this any further then (sic) friends. Your (sic) an awesome guy, your (sic) easy on the eye, but I'm not looking for anything else, hope you're cool with that"...

After I paid for dinner and even agreeing to take her on a roadtrip after she asked if we could go away on the weekend to get to know one another a little better... Then today I find out she's still hung up on her ex and does this to almost everyone she meets.

I just posted here because I felt like shit, I felt used, and needed to vent. I'm fine today though, she's just not the person I thought she may have been.

Alright. I'm updated!

But that only accounts for one i.e. what about the other two?

Glad you're feeling better though. Not that it makes any difference: but happens to the best of us. So don't go making any judgments about yourself based on one wench.

I'm waiting patiently though for you to get laid into something along the lines of "expectations" (because you paid for everything and brought it up). Gonna be fun!