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TDS I Just Need To Post vs Welcome To the Fluffy Side

Ello people ;)

Badfish I agree. Thanks for sharing. Sounds like the man had lots of lucky escapes.

Evey
 
Harrisment said:
Having a hard time today. Day 3 on subs, which is my 5th or 6th attempt to get on them and stop blowing so much money on roxi's. I hate the feeling of not having that "reward" of pills to look forward to every few hours. For 8 years I've been conditioned to look forward to that moment each day when I get to take some pills and get a nice buzz. Now things just feel blah and like I'm going through the motions. I have so much in my life that should bring me joy, but stupid pills are the only thing to fill the void in my messed up addict brain.
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Yes, I know what you mean! How is it going with subs withdraw? I'm struggling with methadone. I suppose it's pretty similar. I'm amazed with its challenging nature. It feels I'm fighting with a giant.
 
Erikmen said:
Yes, I know what you mean! How is it going with subs withdraw? I'm struggling with methadone. I suppose it's pretty similar. I'm amazed with its challenging nature. It feels I'm fighting with a giant.
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Oh I'm not going through sub withdrawal, I am switching over to subs from oxy. Still getting cravings where I almost convince myself to just buy some pills "this one time." I'm keeping them in check for now with coke, which just leaves me with more depression, but it is what it is. I think methadone would be a little easier to transition to, because at least it's a full agonist that you have a chance of getting some warmth from. There's just no way I could deal with having to go to a clinic each morning for a dose. Withdrawals from methadone (and subs) I've heard are no joke and not something that I look forward to in the future. Good luck man, and try to stay strong.
 
badfish45 said:
Today I saw a Holocaust survivor speak (Rabbi Nissen Mangel). Absolutely inspiring. It was amazing, heartbreaking, powerful. I can't describe it. This man nearly got caught hiding treasure from Nazis, escaped the clutches of Dr. Mengele twice (once was able to escape being sent to the gas chamber, the other time avoided receiving an injection that would either kill him or paralyze him for life), and survived the death march all at age 10. The stories he told were nearly unspeakable, but it is important we speak of them for the rest of our lives so this event is never forgotten.

I learned that the moldy bread given to the prisoners actually saved their lives; natural anti-biotic.
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That's an amazing story, thanks for sharing.
 
my grandma died a few days ago and it has been difficult being around my mother who is grieving and because of my pride and defences i am unable to comfort and talk with her which i FEEL i want to do, but something stops me. i try to stay with the feeling it brings into me and feel that emotion with her and wish for her suffering to be released, and the suffering of all those who are grieving the death of loved ones to be relieved.

i started an anti-depressant a week ago, and it has brought up some deeper depression and feelings of doom than i usually am confronted with, and thus have been self-medicating, getting high on codeine, alcohol and lots of benzos this past week. it brings momentary release for intense feelings which i have difficulty confronting with a clear and sober mind. i run out of all of these substances today and don't plan on continuing any drug use.

i randomly met a girl from school who i think is cute at the pharmacy today where she works, it was one of those synchronicity moments where you see someone who you have either been thinking about, or they about you, superconsciousness stuff. i probably could have asked her out to drink tea after work or something but i didn't have the guts. i don't know if i am a balanced enough person to be in a relationship right now anyway. i don't want to burden another human being with the amount of negativity which i carry around on a daily basis.

i pray that i will have the strength to grow as a person this year, confront my fears, and learn from the seeds of pain which have been cycling in humanity forever. i wish for my suffering to end and the suffering of all beings to end. i have so much love to give and i feel so alone and incapable of connecting with those i love the most. life sometimes.....
 
badfish45 said:
Today I saw a Holocaust survivor speak (Rabbi Nissen Mangel). Absolutely inspiring. It was amazing, heartbreaking, powerful. I can't describe it. This man nearly got caught hiding treasure from Nazis, escaped the clutches of Dr. Mengele twice (once was able to escape being sent to the gas chamber, the other time avoided receiving an injection that would either kill him or paralyze him for life), and survived the death march all at age 10. The stories he told were nearly unspeakable, but it is important we speak of them for the rest of our lives so this event is never forgotten.

I learned that the moldy bread given to the prisoners actually saved their lives; natural anti-biotic.
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It's very astonishing to comprehend how much harder life was back then. I mean the death march your talking about had extremely harsh conditions. Try walking 35 miles straight and if you stop your shot. Let alone walking on unpaved roads or no roads at all and it being -4F/-20C and snowing enough to cover the dead.
 
Mysterie said:
my grandma died a few days ago and it has been difficult being around my mother who is grieving and because of my pride and defences i am unable to comfort and talk with her which i FEEL i want to do, but something stops me. i try to stay with the feeling it brings into me and feel that emotion with her and wish for her suffering to be released, and the suffering of all those who are grieving the death of loved ones to be relieved.

i started an anti-depressant a week ago, and it has brought up some deeper depression and feelings of doom than i usually am confronted with, and thus have been self-medicating, getting high on codeine, alcohol and lots of benzos this past week. it brings momentary release for intense feelings which i have difficulty confronting with a clear and sober mind. i run out of all of these substances today and don't plan on continuing any drug use.

i randomly met a girl from school who i think is cute at the pharmacy today where she works, it was one of those synchronicity moments where you see someone who you have either been thinking about, or they about you, superconsciousness stuff. i probably could have asked her out to drink tea after work or something but i didn't have the guts. i don't know if i am a balanced enough person to be in a relationship right now anyway. i don't want to burden another human being with the amount of negativity which i carry around on a daily basis.

i pray that i will have the strength to grow as a person this year, confront my fears, and learn from the seeds of pain which have been cycling in humanity forever. i wish for my suffering to end and the suffering of all beings to end. i have so much love to give and i feel so alone and incapable of connecting with those i love the most. life sometimes.....
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Sounds like a big load to deal with. Let's start small.

You are over thinking this girl thing. Take her out you 100 percent have it in you. Who said any expectation of a relationship? Go out and have fun. Enjoy yourself. Be around people. Depression wants you to not do things, depression doesn't want you to have friends but these are the things you NEED to do when you're depressed, more than ever.

Don't give it the power over you. Depression is something you can't control feeling but its only has when you give it the power over your life.

Ask that girl out. For no better reason than the same of asking her out. I believe in you.
 
Morning TDS. Sorry I've not been around these parts in awhile. Been on EADD. How are you all doing? I left a message for Knock yesterday with it being a year since he passed - and found out about MrFlowers. That's dreadful news. Thoughts go out to anyone who was close to him. Has his Dad been on here? I spoke to him a few times around a year ago n terribly sorry to hear of this sad news.

Edit: who are the moderators here nowardays? Cause I noticed that stardust.hero n Spork no longer are. Shame that as they were both good moderators, in my opinion. Is CaseFace still a mod????

Evey
 
The current moderators of TDS are: herbavore, Allein, neversickanymore, T. Calderone, Maya, aq.

:)
 
Oh same as before. Thought others would have been recruited. Where's CaseFace? Last time I was here, he was a mod. I hope he's doing ok. I know Allein's still a mod cause he mods EADD as well these days :)

Evey
 
badfish45 said:
Sounds like a big load to deal with. Let's start small.

You are over thinking this girl thing. Take her out you 100 percent have it in you. Who said any expectation of a relationship? Go out and have fun. Enjoy yourself. Be around people. Depression wants you to not do things, depression doesn't want you to have friends but these are the things you NEED to do when you're depressed, more than ever.

Don't give it the power over you. Depression is something you can't control feeling but its only has when you give it the power over your life.

Ask that girl out. For no better reason than the same of asking her out. I believe in you.
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I agree. Just meeting new people is exciting and stimulating, especially when it's in that sort of context. I know it's not the same, but I was grieving my failed marriage earlier this year and when I started getting the guts to date it really helped me a lot, it gave me something to help raise me out of my funk. Nothing has to come of it, you have to date people to find the person for you. And sometimes it's not the right time to even be with anyone at all, and that's okay. I mean honestly right now I'm in 2 different friendships which are also physical but not serious with either (with everyone being on the same page), because this is a period in my life when I don't want to be tied down to another person that strongly, because I just got out of a long addiction and a long marriage and I need to be a free agent to maximize my learning and growing at this time. But why deprive yourself of one of the best parts of being a human (romantic/sexual connection with another person)? It's good medicine. :)
 
found a wonder benzo that mixes so well with others that for the first time in years i am functioning infoxipam i thinks how you spell it works so well with the milder ones
NSFW:
[video=youtube_share;5H-jxaA3eEk]http://youtu.be/5H-jxaA3eEk[/video][video=youtube_share;v_79f_CKqNE]http://youtu.be/v_79f_CKqNE[/video]
please play if you have time i slipped away to this band and now i am well feeling again
 
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bit panic run out of benzos till the morning and i now have to go out in public and i hate that but at least i should walk out with a script this time
 
Eveyvibe said:
Morning TDS. Sorry I've not been around these parts in awhile. Been on EADD. How are you all doing? I left a message for Knock yesterday with it being a year since he passed - and found out about MrFlowers. That's dreadful news. Thoughts go out to anyone who was close to him. Has his Dad been on here? I spoke to him a few times around a year ago n terribly sorry to hear of this sad news.

Edit: who are the moderators here nowardays? Cause I noticed that stardust.hero n Spork no longer are. Shame that as they were both good moderators, in my opinion. Is CaseFace still a mod????

Evey
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Spork is currently preoccupied with her baby Spork :) he's such a cutie
 
£200 gone drop morning fingers crossed keep me healthy for just under 2 weeks
 
Morning TDS <3

Lovelyafternoon. Why's this thread so quiet these days?

Evey
 
That's it.
I Don't take MDMA often, it's my favourite drug by far, only a few times per year.
Had a small amount tonight for a mates birthday, felt like I peaked and crashed straight away it was horrible.
Left with terrible anxiety and panic attacks.
So weird as I've never had this before, I've been taking MDMA for 8 years so I consider myself experienced, and can control a comedown, but this felt different, felt really off, it was a smaller amoun than I usually have aswell.

I was taking 5htp on and off for a few weeks up until 3 days prior to this so maybe that's affecting me?

I think it's time to give the chemicals a rest indefinitely, has anyone else experienced this?

The rest of my mates experienced a great night, bit of a mystery.
 
^Bummer, but sounds like a good plan to give it all a rest for a while.


Just had to laugh and be thankful for where I live. Just ran outside and into the street in my nightgown to help a dog that was looking lost and scared and my neighbor across the street was out in her front garden pulling weeds....in her nightgown.=D
 
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