Thanks for taking the time to post I appreciate it and it is very kind of you. Yes my home back in PA is a good place to heal in the sense I have a good family but the towns infested with dope. Allentown area pa. I hope everyone is hanging in there. Best wishes.I am so sorry. That is a terrible loss and nothing undermines your sense of self like the rejection by someone you love. But don't take this circumstance and use it as an excuse to wreck yourself. You don't need crutches, you need time and support and faith in yourself. Is your family home a place where you can rest and heal? Life changes and people change, too. Try not to take this personally and start a negative dialogue in your own head. You will find love again by being whole, by being loving yourself, by being open and kind and excited by your own life. Make that your goal and healing will come naturally. It is important to grieve a loss but stay light on your feet and don't get stuck there.
Joy will occur when you have overcome the conditioning in your brain that says it comes in a pill.Be patient with yourself--you are undoing 8 whole years of that conditioning.
But listen to how clear and strong your understanding is! You are totally recognizing the false reward of the pills, that it is your addiction and not you that wants them over all the real things in your life that could and should bring you joy. As a way to support this wisdom in yourself, address these cravings as if they can hear you. Tell them you know how false they are. Recognizing how ingrained and pervasive the habits are in us allows us to fight back and stand up with rational thoughts and affirmations. Make yourself a couple of personal mantras that you can use every time that need for the reward comes up. (Something like this: "I know what this is. This is addiction and I do not believe in the promises it is making." "I can create the kind of life I want.") Be your own best friend, your own therapist. You have all the wisdom you need to change your life and yourself.
