I don’t see the point anymore - living with severe mental illness

[Jnowhere]

they still are a fungus

 

[burn out]

The first paragraph was good, but hallucinogenic mushrooms are the answer?
He said a psychotic episode is pretty much guaranteed. Another trip for him, might mean another trip to the psychiatric ward.

Reishi mushrooms are not hallucinogenic. I'm not sure if you are confusing them with psilocybin mushrooms but they don't sell those at grocery stores anyway.

Reshi mushrooms are an entirely legal supplement that can help people with thought disorders. They have a calming relaxing effect and promote mental clarity, not a psychedelic trip.

 

[Jnowhere]

Read the post 3 above yours, and sorry for misunderstanding, people attack me all the time and sorry

 

[Jnowhere]

I already admitted my mistake, but they are concerns about liver damage and other possible side effects

 

[kiely]

It's poison. Just my comment about the mushroom juice too. Just enjoy life as much as the good times can last.

You can be fine and meditate and seek peacefulness through finding calmness and resting your body. Just naturally.

Deep breaths. Smile and try to feel good. See that you can.
~~~
Don;t do mushrooms, buds. It's poison. And be careful with chemicals. Danger Danger.

 

[burn out]

I already admitted my mistake, but they are concerns about liver damage and other possible side effects

Thank you for bringing up these concerns. It is my opinion that the potential benefits of reishi outweigh the risks but of course that is for the OP to decide for himself whether he wants to try it. From what I understand the liver damage is only a risk with long term use of extracts. If other side effects occur one can cease usage.

 

[Snafu in the Void]

What about Light and Sound Machines? My Proteus helps with relaxation, focus, and creativity.

What are those supposed to do? I can't find much info on it with google.

My sister had some shrink prescribe her this odd device where you would connect 2 electrodes to your ear lobes. It would then give you continuous alternating electric shocks, which would travel up the nerve in your ear into your brain. It was like at home ECS.

Supposedly it was supposed to produce alpha waves in the brain.... all it really did was make me feel dizzy and make my ears tickle. I tried it a dozen times and never did much, but I was younger and didn't have much mental issues back then. Thing was like $700 too lol...

 

[Snafu in the Void]

I always fall asleep so easy after working my ass off in the gym, wearing yourself out physically is a great way to sleep well as long as you don't overdo it. It also helps me feel so much happier and more positive.

I love running. It has provided me with more mental and physical benefits than any medication or therapy ever has. It's truly amazing.

I recommend it to everyone.

If I am having a mental breakdown, anxiety attack, deep depression, or even psychosis... running always helps. A lot. It's meditative, and in a figurative sense it's like I'm running away from my problems. It's an escape. Plus on top of all of that it's extremely effective at physical/brain chemistry level at reducing anxiety, depression and helping me sleep.

I would even say it is better than getting high on drugs, just not as fun or hedonistic.

 

[burn out]

I hate running and it seems harmful to me, it's bad for the knees and rough on my lungs. However, I experience the benefits you described from walking and biking. The problem with walking is you have to walk for a quite a long time to get a workout but if you have the time it's a very good, healthy low impact workout.

 

[Jnowhere]

That machine sounds almost as stupid as those machines that you attach to your muscles and they are suppose to turn you into a some sort of athletic looking gym rat, while you sit there with these patches on various muscles, hooked up to the machine while you sit on you lazy ass. I've seen them advertised every so often for decades. Completely worthless. The do nothing and have a great physique, with no effort machine. I just wonder who actually buys them?

 

[Doctor Steve Brule]

What are those supposed to do? I can't find much info on it with google.

My sister had some shrink prescribe her this odd device where you would connect 2 electrodes to your ear lobes. It would then give you continuous alternating electric shocks, which would travel up the nerve in your ear into your brain. It was like at home ECS.

Supposedly it was supposed to produce alpha waves in the brain.... all it really did was make me feel dizzy and make my ears tickle. I tried it a dozen times and never did much, but I was younger and didn't have much mental issues back then. Thing was like $700 too lol...

They're pretty cool. You close your eyes and you wear LED sunglasses that blink sync'd with binaural beats. You see tunnels, planes, spirals, etc. Definitely has a useful psychoactive effect. Hard to find now mine was $100.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

I don’t mean to bore everyone with another bitching session from me, I‘m just getting to the point where I can’t tolerate living with myself anymore. I don’t know where to turn because no psychiatrist or psychologist has helped me, in fact many have done great harm. I cannot do things like psychedelic therapy because of my condition and have been looking into things like Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, which unfortunately is not covered by my insurance. So I’m left chasing my tail again and am feeling really lost.

Over the course of my life, I’ve been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, Schizoaffective Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD, ADD, and generalized anxiety and depression. I’m also quite certain I have Pure O OCD that hasn’t been addressed because I don’t exhibit noticeable compulsions and obsessive thoughts are considered to exist comorbidly with my other conditions. Anyway, I don’t really give a shit about the diagnoses but the point is, I am tortured by my internal world 24/7. It has rendered me unable to work and currently I collect a measly $500 dollars a month in social security disability (they lowered it from $850 to $500 when they determined that my mom was covering most of my living expenses). Anyway, it is a sad situation for me because throughout all this I‘ve always perceived that I could do better. But for the past ten years, after my Schizoaffective diagnosis presented itself during a psychotic episode from weed at 19 (at first they called it bipolar type 1), any mental issues I had in high school that could’ve been dealt with differently compounded into the nightmare I’m dealing with today.

I’m now at the point where I fight with what I deem to be another entity inside my head, which bombards me with the most repugnant, irrational intrusive thoughts on a daily basis. I have lost the ability to control urges to self harm, and have developed what I’m pretty sure is eustachian tube dysfunction in my right ear. I will scream at this entity to fuck off, randomly in the middle of the day, and often bang my head against the wall until I’m seeing spots. The vein on the right side of my head protrudes from me repeatedly hitting my temple, and I’m worried I’ve done some type of permanent damage. And this is all because of this thing which I consider to “not be me,” degrades me with these disgusting thoughts which make no sense and rarely have anything to do with the present. I’m in this constant useless war with myself that no one around me can really understand, and often results in me just being judged for being really spacey or slow.

I could write a whole book describing this voice or whatever it is, but the point I want to get across is how horrifying it is to have the rational capacity to understand that what you’re doing is ridiculous and destroying yourself, yet continuing to do so as if helplessly watching a derailed train. The only things that provided relief, psychedelic drugs, are no longer an option to use because another psychotic episode is pretty much guaranteed. My insistence to continue “finding myself“ through psychedelics and to hopefully eradicate the disgusting voice voice in my head has resulted in almost thirty times spent in psychiatric hospitals and six times in other types of facilities. That amounts to almost three years of my life total spent in treatment involuntarily. This has compounded the PTSD I experienced from being forced out of my bed at five am and sent to “wilderness therapy“ and a boarding school for troubled teens at 16 which took away my junior and half of my senior year of high school, and alienated me from my friends.

Anyway, I realize that self loathing and rumination is pointless but I really needed to vent. People don’t understand me, they have no idea I’m battling a monster 24/7, and I’ve alienated myself entirely from any potential friends due to psychotic episodes and my repulsive personality. No one wants to hear about “that crazy guy‘s bullshit whose always in the looney bin,” or whatever else people say about me behind my back. Currently I’m planning to try to live in rural Colombia on my disability check and some other measly passive income I get from Spotify, and if I don’t see some improvement to my health, I think it’s time to take some pentobarbital to the head and check out.

I guess the point I’m making is - what’s the point of trying to get through this life when you have serious mental baggage on top of all the horrible stuff the world is dealing with? I’m losing hope each day.

For the temple vein you should see a doctor. You may have caused an injury to the blood vessel or a clot, and this would be dangerous.

As for your mental health issues, the most serious of those is the schizoaffective disorder. That's notoriously something that gets progressively worse when untreated, but generally can be quite successfully medicated. Have you ever been tried on anti-psychotics or mood stabilisers -?

 

[CFC]

I hate running and it seems harmful to me, it's bad for the knees and rough on my lungs. However, I experience the benefits you described from walking and biking. The problem with walking is you have to walk for a quite a long time to get a workout but if you have the time it's a very good, healthy low impact workout.

Runners and weightlifters who don't push through injuries, totally over do it, and have a reasonable technique generally have better, thicker joints than sedentary types - the repeated joint squishing and boost to circulation helps cartilage grow/heal and boosts synovial fluid viscosity. You could also try trampolining or plyometrics to get many of the same benefits if running just isn't your thing.

 

[washingtonbound]

For the temple vein you should see a doctor. You may have caused an injury to the blood vessel or a clot, and this would be dangerous.

As for your mental health issues, the most serious of those is the schizoaffective disorder. That's notoriously something that gets progressively worse when untreated, but generally can be quite successfully medicated. Have you ever been tried on anti-psychotics or mood stabilisers -?

Anti psychotics and mood stabilizers might help safeguard against psychosis, but do next to nothing for depression. Currently I’m taking risperdal which is okay but I still struggle a lot with intrusive thoughts.

 

[SpiralusSancti]

Anti psychotics and mood stabilizers might help safeguard against psychosis, but do next to nothing for depression. Currently I’m taking risperdal which is okay but I still struggle a lot with intrusive thoughts.

Risperidal is one of the reasons you feel as you do, I assume. Not to say you should stop it, no way, but you should look into lessening side effects and getting meds that'll largely or completely remove negative impact of risperidal.
Also would be a shame to leave while knowing that there are things like Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation and countless other things that could and do help.

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

Anti psychotics and mood stabilizers might help safeguard against psychosis, but do next to nothing for depression. Currently I’m taking risperdal which is okay but I still struggle a lot with intrusive thoughts.

Anti-depressants are unfortunately very much hit-and-miss. Many patients have to try out different ones at varying dosages to find something that works. For instance I did well on old-fashioned tricyclics, but got increased suicidal ideation on SSRIs. My partner (who also suffers from some kind of not yet precisely diagnosed schizophreniform disorder) on the other hand, gets at least marginal relief from the latter.

My personal dilemma is opiates have given me the most respite from my mental issues (chronic major depression, PTSD, identity disturbance), but I cannot access those legally. The world sucks sometimes.



PS you wanna chat or just let off steam, my PMs are open.

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

I hate running and it seems harmful to me, it's bad for the knees and rough on my lungs. However, I experience the benefits you described from walking and biking. The problem with walking is you have to walk for a quite a long time to get a workout but if you have the time it's a very good, healthy low impact workout.

I was fine running barefoot but heel-lifted shoes made running complete agony and horribly inefficient. I am cyclist nowadays.

 

[Eligiu]

I don’t mean to bore everyone with another bitching session from me, I‘m just getting to the point where I can’t tolerate living with myself anymore. I don’t know where to turn because no psychiatrist or psychologist has helped me, in fact many have done great harm. I cannot do things like psychedelic therapy because of my condition and have been looking into things like Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation, which unfortunately is not covered by my insurance. So I’m left chasing my tail again and am feeling really lost.

Over the course of my life, I’ve been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, Schizoaffective Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD, ADD, and generalized anxiety and depression. I’m also quite certain I have Pure O OCD that hasn’t been addressed because I don’t exhibit noticeable compulsions and obsessive thoughts are considered to exist comorbidly with my other conditions. Anyway, I don’t really give a shit about the diagnoses but the point is, I am tortured by my internal world 24/7. It has rendered me unable to work and currently I collect a measly $500 dollars a month in social security disability (they lowered it from $850 to $500 when they determined that my mom was covering most of my living expenses). Anyway, it is a sad situation for me because throughout all this I‘ve always perceived that I could do better. But for the past ten years, after my Schizoaffective diagnosis presented itself during a psychotic episode from weed at 19 (at first they called it bipolar type 1), any mental issues I had in high school that could’ve been dealt with differently compounded into the nightmare I’m dealing with today.

I’m now at the point where I fight with what I deem to be another entity inside my head, which bombards me with the most repugnant, irrational intrusive thoughts on a daily basis. I have lost the ability to control urges to self harm, and have developed what I’m pretty sure is eustachian tube dysfunction in my right ear. I will scream at this entity to fuck off, randomly in the middle of the day, and often bang my head against the wall until I’m seeing spots. The vein on the right side of my head protrudes from me repeatedly hitting my temple, and I’m worried I’ve done some type of permanent damage. And this is all because of this thing which I consider to “not be me,” degrades me with these disgusting thoughts which make no sense and rarely have anything to do with the present. I’m in this constant useless war with myself that no one around me can really understand, and often results in me just being judged for being really spacey or slow.

I could write a whole book describing this voice or whatever it is, but the point I want to get across is how horrifying it is to have the rational capacity to understand that what you’re doing is ridiculous and destroying yourself, yet continuing to do so as if helplessly watching a derailed train. The only things that provided relief, psychedelic drugs, are no longer an option to use because another psychotic episode is pretty much guaranteed. My insistence to continue “finding myself“ through psychedelics and to hopefully eradicate the disgusting voice voice in my head has resulted in almost thirty times spent in psychiatric hospitals and six times in other types of facilities. That amounts to almost three years of my life total spent in treatment involuntarily. This has compounded the PTSD I experienced from being forced out of my bed at five am and sent to “wilderness therapy“ and a boarding school for troubled teens at 16 which took away my junior and half of my senior year of high school, and alienated me from my friends.

Anyway, I realize that self loathing and rumination is pointless but I really needed to vent. People don’t understand me, they have no idea I’m battling a monster 24/7, and I’ve alienated myself entirely from any potential friends due to psychotic episodes and my repulsive personality. No one wants to hear about “that crazy guy‘s bullshit whose always in the looney bin,” or whatever else people say about me behind my back. Currently I’m planning to try to live in rural Colombia on my disability check and some other measly passive income I get from Spotify, and if I don’t see some improvement to my health, I think it’s time to take some pentobarbital to the head and check out.

I guess the point I’m making is - what’s the point of trying to get through this life when you have serious mental baggage on top of all the horrible stuff the world is dealing with? I’m losing hope each day.

Hi, I have quite a few of the same diagnoses as you, also on disability. If you would like to chat privately about some stuff feel free to DM me.

I just want to give you privacy if you would like it.

 

[broncoseamonkey]

Reishi mushrooms are not hallucinogenic. I'm not sure if you are confusing them with psilocybin mushrooms but they don't sell those at grocery stores anyway.

Reshi mushrooms are an entirely legal supplement that can help people with thought disorders. They have a calming relaxing effect and promote mental clarity, not a psychedelic trip.

They are great have a bottle got recently

 

[broncoseamonkey]

I love running. It has provided me with more mental and physical benefits than any medication or therapy ever has. It's truly amazing.

I recommend it to everyone.

If I am having a mental breakdown, anxiety attack, deep depression, or even psychosis... running always helps. A lot. It's meditative, and in a figurative sense it's like I'm running away from my problems. It's an escape. Plus on top of all of that it's extremely effective at physical/brain chemistry level at reducing anxiety, depression and helping me sleep.

I would even say it is better than getting high on drugs, just not as fun or hedonistic.

doing it outdoors in nature somehow satisfies me keeps me feeling good longer without any gnawing cravings to binge myself into a possible early grave

Wondering where to vent this but now that the vape and smoke hijacked my runner’s mind as the demented daily over-the-top taboo drug circus clown is taking over