I'm sick to my stomach and disgusted with my husband but have had some time to calm down, think and reflect. Writing this all out feels very therapeutic, sonmy apologizes in advance for the length
For all those that have provided advice and expressed concern, I finally had the opportunity to confront my husband last night. As a brief reminder, he was supposed to be working from home yesterday, but suddenly had to go to work after I told him I wanted to talk. To little surprise, he managed to stayed at "work"!until after midnight. I can only assume he was trying to avoid me, but it wasn't going to work this time. The look on his face after he walked in the door was priceless, like a deer in headlights. At this point, he realized that no further excuses would get him out of having this conversation.
Before I even had the opportunity to ask him about the pills, he said that he knew what I wanted to talk about and asked for the chance to come clean on his own. Wow...this was going much better than I thought. In that brief moment the pit in my stomach briefly disappeared as I hoped he was going to man up and tell me what I already knew. Somehow the thought of him admitting his pill use would make the situation better. Maybe that meant he was ready to quit and perhaps he would have told me on his own had I not confronted him?
In reality, this sense of relief and these dashing thoughts of hope were all in my mind. He didn't even come close to telling me the truth that I was expecting to hear. Instead he dropped a bomb on me that I wasn't expecting at all - he told me that he was cheating on me and had fallen in love with someone else. WHAT???????
Here I am going through a whirlwind of emotions over the last week, finally getting to the point where I can confront my husband from a position of support and love and he tells me that he's in love with someone else?
I was floored (still am shocked but feeling oddly relieved that there are no more lies) and completely disgusted with my "husband", who I had planned to offer support and love to help dealing with the pills. I honestly feel like the biggest fool.
Without getting into details of the affair, the "intervention" was short lived as I didn't really have the strength or the desire to address the oxycodone. And despite my husband's offer to come clean with all the lies he was living, he failed to mention anything about the pills. So I still don't know whether he is using them all for himself, and honestly, I don't care in the least. At the moment, It's clear that I have to look out for myself.
I wanted to kick him in the balls and throw him on the street,'but I thought better as I wanted to have some time to digest all this without having to explain to the kids why dad wasn't home in morning.
Needless to say, it was nice not having my husband sweating profusely in bed next to me,which I've learned is a sign of oxy withdrawal. And despite his pleading, I refused to let him come upstairs, because I knew the only thing he wanted was his precious bottle of oxy. I literally made him sweat it out. We didn't speak much this morning, only enough to keep sone semblance of normalcy for the sake of the children, but it was clear they knew something was off. I hid his bottle of pills before I left to take the kids to school, so now he knows that I am aware of the drugs he has been hiding. To be honest, I am getting some joy thinking about him rummaging through the house looking for those little blue pills.
I don't know what I'm going to do next, how to deal with the infidelity. For the moment, I feeling like a weight was lifted from my chest and I'm going to embrace it.
It's like your husband is having an affair with two entities- a woman and the pills. One thing you can do for now is get an appointment to see a counselor. If he wants to go along with you, that's great but you need this for yourself! It's possible at this point he might make himself more scarce then he's already been.