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Advice How to tell your girlfriend you smoke crack?

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December Flower said:
Sorry, as I said, pretty bad at detecting sarcasm.
Yes, as cheesy as it sounds, accepting who you are is the only way to ever get anywhere in life. If you spend your life hating yourself, your quirks, your looks and/or your choices, you will never be able to be happy in any way. This deep dissatisfaction with oneself can only lead to an unstable relationship. I have had many issues with that myself, not about drugs, but behaviour. I got ASD(Aspies), I'm highly OCD, I'm neurotic as fuck, I'm paraschizo, I've felt shame for what I am half my life, until I said fuck it. I cannot be someone else, I have to be proud of whatever I am. Whatever I cannot change, I make my own, and only that helped me get anywhere in life eventually, actually lead a pretty normal life, with an amazing job
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Solid advice. I struggle with bipolar II and ADHD. My psychiatrist that I used to see actually thought I might fall on the autism spectrum as well. Which I never considered until he pointed out all the personality traits I have that scream ASD. I lost my insurance and with it, access to medication to treat said bipolar and ADHD. I struggle with accepting that I am the way that I am and so I turn to drugs.

In addition, I left a longtime employer because they closed our local office and I could not relocate to a different state, so I've been struggling for years to find another job that I find fulfilling even in the slightest. That job doing auto claims was super complex and no two days ever turned out the same. It was incredibly satisfying. Now I'm flying through job after job trying to find something that can fulfill me and nothing does. I feel like there is something deeply wrong with me. Why can't I just hold down a boring, mundane job like so many other people do? It drives me crazy that I am this way.
 
TheFrogEffect said:
Solid advice. I struggle with bipolar II and ADHD. My psychiatrist that I used to see actually thought I might fall on the autism spectrum as well. Which I never considered until he pointed out all the personality traits I have that scream ASD. I lost my insurance and with it, access to medication to treat said bipolar and ADHD. I struggle with accepting that I am the way that I am and so I turn to drugs.

In addition, I left a longtime employer because they closed our local office and I could not relocate to a different state, so I've been struggling for years to find another job that I find fulfilling even in the slightest. That job doing auto claims was super complex and no two days ever turned out the same. It was incredibly satisfying. Now I'm flying through job after job trying to find something that can fulfill me and nothing does. I feel like there is something deeply wrong with me. Why can't I just hold down a boring, mundane job like so many other people do? It drives me crazy that I am this way.
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ADHD & ASD are very closely related and overlap on many degrees, so it is often hard for doctors to make the correct diagnosis. Also having one of the two increases the chances of also having the other. If you are of the opinion that finding out could explain many things for you and improve your life, you absolutely should.

I feel bad about your healthcare. You're in the US I assume? I don't know many countries where you can just lose your insurance like that. We even pay it for our unemployed through taxes.

The most fulfilling jobs I had were social jobs. Working with addicts, or with autists, or the elderly, there's so much work to do, we're always understaffed, everywhere in the world. Hell, with your expertise you could easily do some streetworking. That's just my opinion, social jobs really make you feel good about being you, because.. yknow, you're actually doing good.
 
December Flower said:
ADHD & ASD are very closely related and overlap on many degrees, so it is often hard for doctors to make the correct diagnosis. Also having one of the two increases the chances of also having the other. If you are of the opinion that finding out could explain many things for you and improve your life, you absolutely should.

I feel bad about your healthcare. You're in the US I assume? I don't know many countries where you can just lose your insurance like that. We even pay it for our unemployed through taxes.

The most fulfilling jobs I had were social jobs. Working with addicts, or with autists, or the elderly, there's so much work to do, we're always understaffed, everywhere in the world. Hell, with your expertise you could easily do some streetworking. That's just my opinion, social jobs really make you feel good about being you, because.. yknow, you're actually doing good.
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I do think having a proper diagnosis one way or the other would help me drastically. I'm just not yet in a position to be able to do it yet.

And yeah. I'm in the US, where the only "affordable" Healthcare is provided by some, not all, employers. I left a job where I had good Healthcare because it was killing me mentally. It was a debt collection job. And in the midst of covid and so many people losing everything, I could not stand to be on the side of those who were taking everything from them. I may have found an alternative method of obtaining Healthcare through the state, though.

I have heard from many, many people in my life that they think I would be outstanding in the social work field. Whether that is going to school to become a licensed social worker, or doing other social work that doesn't require so much financial commitment to dive into. I am very compassionate and, while I don't understand society or why people are so desperate to fill societal norms, nor do I really understand most other people in general, I still like to help others in any way I possibly can.

Maybe after I get my addictions under control I can actually consider doing social work for a living. But as I am now, I think I need to do a stint in rehab first. I've already looked into a couple in my area. Now to just take the next step.
 
TheFrogEffect said:
I do think having a proper diagnosis one way or the other would help me drastically. I'm just not yet in a position to be able to do it yet.

And yeah. I'm in the US, where the only "affordable" Healthcare is provided by some, not all, employers. I left a job where I had good Healthcare because it was killing me mentally. It was a debt collection job. And in the midst of covid and so many people losing everything, I could not stand to be on the side of those who were taking everything from them. I may have found an alternative method of obtaining Healthcare through the state, though.

I have heard from many, many people in my life that they think I would be outstanding in the social work field. Whether that is going to school to become a licensed social worker, or doing other social work that doesn't require so much financial commitment to dive into. I am very compassionate and, while I don't understand society or why people are so desperate to fill societal norms, nor do I really understand most other people in general, I still like to help others in any way I possibly can.

Maybe after I get my addictions under control I can actually consider doing social work for a living. But as I am now, I think I need to do a stint in rehab first. I've already looked into a couple in my area. Now to just take the next step.
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I fucking hate the US, no offense, just your government. Spending fucking trillions on war, but there's no money for healthcare, for fuck's sake. No wonder there are so many horrorstories about opiate addiction from the US, because over 30 million people have no healthcare. Lol, here in Germany it's impossible to not have healthcare. If you have a job, you get it automatically & pretty cheap, and if you don't, the state has to pay it for you. Sorry, I'm ranting, it makes me pretty angry.

I think social work is one of the best things anyone can do with their life. It's very fulfilling, it helps you get a more positive view on yourself, and to top it all off you're actually doing good deeds on this planet.
But either way, I hope for you that you can out of this circle and back into life :)
 
December Flower said:
I fucking hate the US, no offense, just your government. Spending fucking trillions on war, but there's no money for healthcare, for fuck's sake. No wonder there are so many horrorstories about opiate addiction from the US, because over 30 million people have no healthcare. Lol, here in Germany it's impossible to not have healthcare. If you have a job, you get it automatically & pretty cheap, and if you don't, the state has to pay it for you. Sorry, I'm ranting, it makes me pretty angry.

I think social work is one of the best things anyone can do with their life. It's very fulfilling, it helps you get a more positive view on yourself, and to top it all off you're actually doing good deeds on this planet.
But either way, I hope for you that you can out of this circle and back into life :)
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No offense taken. I fucking hate the government here just as much. Probably more because I have to deal with it regularly. We can spend on war but we can't even think about providing Healthcare, or college tuition that isn't a total scam, or a higher quality education for our kids. It baffles me how many people here side with the conservatives on these issues. Ugh.

But yes. Thank you. I thought I'd share my story for the OP so they can see what lying about drug use does in the end. It took the only good relationship I've ever had. I lost my dog, my best friend ever. I hope they decide to be honest with their significant other before they wind up married.
 
TheFrogEffect said:
No offense taken. I fucking hate the government here just as much. Probably more because I have to deal with it regularly. We can spend on war but we can't even think about providing Healthcare, or college tuition that isn't a total scam, or a higher quality education for our kids. It baffles me how many people here side with the conservatives on these issues. Ugh.
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College tuition made me lol. Right, university is bad and not even free :ROFLMAO: Fucking USA
How can education not be free, that's so fucking moronic, and a microcosmos of why so many Americans are poorly educated.
See you call them conservatives, but it's oligarch extreme right-wing vs. oligarch not as extremely but still very right-wing.

We have actual conservatives in power and we have free education, free healthcare for unemployed + more than enough money, cheap rehab in hospitals (10€ per day, that's just housing, rest is paid by healthcare), free ambulant programs, country is becoming pretty fucking green; that's conservatives :ROFLMAO:
 
December Flower said:
See you call them conservatives, but it's oligarch extreme right-wing vs. oligarch not as extremely but still very right-wing.
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Okay, okay. You got me there. There are no true conservative politicians here. And definitely no politicians left of center on the political spectrum really, besides Bernie Sanders who leans maybe just slightly left of center. I wish we would have gotten him as our president, he is a stand up guy.
 
Based on the latest twists and turns on this thread (since my last intervention and dissertation on the topic) I'd like to add something (based also on my deep understanding of the tactical capabilities of your average Cocaine/Crack user):

I think it's rather important also to examine the reasons for having these overwhelming compulsions to come clean and spill the beans. Purely rooted in honor and common decency and the right thing to do? Or an attempt to obtain, albeit tacitly, from the other party involved the green light for future or continued use? Along the lines of (when the shit hits the fan): "well I told you I smoke Crack so don't now come with your bullshit". :ROFLMAO:
 
TheFrogEffect said:
Okay, okay. You got me there. There are no true conservative politicians here. And definitely no politicians left of center on the political spectrum really, besides Bernie Sanders who leans maybe just slightly left of center. I wish we would have gotten him as our president, he is a stand up guy.
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I liked Sanders, but he was too competent and good-hearted to ever become President.
Sadly it was apparent from the start that he wouldn't win. Any other country, he would have probably won by a landslide.
But America has successfully made its inhabitants hate Socialism, which is the most stupid thing I've ever heard. What's bad about Socialism?
Mao? Stalin? Those weren't Socialists. They only used the cover of Socialism to gain favor with the people. Check out Lenin, maybe.
I mean Socialism is for the people, it's only for the people, so every person can live in equity.
Sanders is a very good man, and a true Socialist.
 
dalpat077 said:
Yeah but does he smoke Crack behind his partner's back and on the quiet? Sorry. Just trying to make a connection between all of this and the thread topic! :ROFLMAO:
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Sorry. There you go:

Takin drugs in secret/ashamed of it -> No healthcare to get help to stop -> Fuck America, how tf can you not have Healthcare? -> If Sanders would be in power, at least you'd have healthcare by now and get help stopping drugs

The conversation went a bit long ^^
 
Ryan2246 said:
Im in a serious relationship with this drug free girl. I have no idea how to tell her ive been smoking crack for 3 years without her knowing....any advise?
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Is she just merely not using because it personally doesn't appeal to her, or is she an anti - drug zealot with really strong negative views about users?

If it'd be a total deal - breaker for her you may have to reconsider either the relationship or your consumption.
If the subject has never come up you should definitely feel out what she thinks about drug use in general. And if you're planning to commit then you definitely should tell her. Tell her you were afraid of how she might react because you didn't want to mess up the relationship ; she should be more understanding if you frame it in terms of not wanting to risk what you got together. Thing is sooner or later she'll find out if you plan to keep on using and she'll be pissed off that you kept it a secret.

It's not even so much the using itself (that she might or might not disapprove of), but the undermining of trust that comes with you finding it necessary to keep that part of your life from her.
As in, if she didn't think he had to tell me THAT, then what else is he not being truthful about.

My partner absolutely violently despises any drug use except for weed, but it'd have been 10 x worse if he'd had to find out rather than me telling.
 
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Crackenthusiast said:
I’ll join in, if she’s into you and she feels safe with you, maybe you could introduce her to it? It’s enjoyable
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While I have no ill will for anyone who uses cocaine, crack, meth, or opiates, I see getting people who aren't already using or planning on using those substances into them as pretty fucked up and quite immoral.
 
arrall said:
While I have no ill will for anyone who uses cocaine, crack, meth, or opiates, I see getting people who aren't already using or planning on using those substances into them as pretty fucked up and quite immoral.
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Yep ; agree. Like I'd let my partner have some if they saw me having some, and were curious to try and asking for it of their own account, but I wouldn't go and talk anyone INTO it.
 
arrall said:
I see getting people who aren't already using or planning on using those substances into them as pretty fucked up and quite immoral
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My ex done this exact same thing thing to me, I hate uppers but he'd bring coke round I didn't know he was an addict till it went on for a month and I asked him why he brings it round so often and he said he'd been on it 12 years, by then I'd fell for him and done coke with him even though I hated it it made me jittery and anxous on it, and started my addiction to pills, as after 2 years being with him not sleeping for around 4 or 5 hours on the nights we took coke but he could sleep strait away as drank too, always tried telling me to drink and I'd sleep but I hate drink so I didn't, then I dumped him, he begged for me back and I said only if I can get sleeping tablets for after the cokes gone, so that's what I did, but then I needed them on nights he stayed even if we didn't do coke as he snored loud, bed farted louder, scaring me half to death as the whole fucking room would echo, bed vibrated, I'd be just drifting off or asleep at last, it's not a very nice wake up call to be woke up by a fog horn ass, oh and he scratched his ass while asleep as had piles, so the bed would shake and he bassicly gave me sleep phobia, my heart would race as we got into bed, so what with taking them when we done coke once or twice a week, then him staying around 3 or sometimes 4 times a week the days I was in bed alone I couldn't sleep, and here I am 2 or more years out of the relationship still on pills, but not took coke since dumping his ass as that's how much I hate it
 
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