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Advice How to tell your girlfriend you smoke crack?

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i think it matters how often you're smoking crack too - he left that out - that's a big variable

i mean if you're living alone and you smoke once a month, i don't see the point in saying anything....i've done that....i don't think i told anybody....

but this is also coming from somebody who doesn't see the point in getting married unless it's for money :)
 
^ This.

You just gotta sit down and be honest. I'm the person that has hidden drug use from so many people so many times and it never ends well. At least being honest might give you a chance to keep things going with your girl.
 
Dont tell her you got away with it for 3 years and like fubar said she not noticed in that time you will get away with it
 
Whatever you do. Please stop. If it’s had to be this big a secret… it’s because you know it won’t work. Look for your local addictions unit and talk to them. Do it outpatient over the phone. It can be done.
 
Haha I caught that and gonzo in two minutes. Picked a bad time boy!
 
I'd take the path of honesty if I were you. You'll feel a lot better mentally when you're not living a double life.

I was dating my girlfriend for about 6 months when I first told her I was a user and she had no idea I was using prior. We moved in together rather quick, but it was then, before she moved in, that I decided to just come clean and tell her I'd been using meth and heroin. At this point, I really wanted to quit anyway, so honesty was the best policy. I just sat her down and said, "I know I told you when we met that this was all in the past. And it honestly was, I started again shortly after we started talking, but this is where I'm at. I'm a user. I use meth and heroin. I relapsed after 7 1/2 years clean and I've been using basically the entire time you've known me." She took it really hard at first, but accepted it and I kept using for a while after. Finally I decided to quit and was doing really good for a couple months, but then I fell back into a cycle with meth that I haven't broken since. She always told me to be honest, but I was so ashamed that I just kept lying about it and she kept catching me.

Well, last night was the final straw. She found my stash, again, and so I fessed up to all the use I've been hiding from her and let it all go. Rather than disposing of my drugs and pipe like the last few times, she just said, "Well, it's clear you've made your choice. You can't be honest with me and I can't keep doing this." She left with all her stuff and our dog. If I wasn't high as a kite at the time, I'd be devastated. I know I will be when I finally come down (I've been smoking on my stash despite hating the shit and wanting to get clean, desperately, for good...). She said she's willing to come back if I get professional help and follow through with it, and so now I'm looking into what all that entails.

But yeah, had I just been honest in the first place and not kept sneaking around behind her back and getting caught, she probably would still be here right now and I wouldn't be stuck alone in my room, high as a kite, waiting for the emotions to set in when I finally come down. But I do feel relieved now that I don't feel so ashamed that I have to sneak around.
 
TheFrogEffect said:
I'd take the path of honesty if I were you. You'll feel a lot better mentally when you're not living a double life.

I was dating my girlfriend for about 6 months when I first told her I was a user and she had no idea I was using prior. We moved in together rather quick, but it was then, before she moved in, that I decided to just come clean and tell her I'd been using meth and heroin. At this point, I really wanted to quit anyway, so honesty was the best policy. I just sat her down and said, "I know I told you when we met that this was all in the past. And it honestly was, I started again shortly after we started talking, but this is where I'm at. I'm a user. I use meth and heroin. I relapsed after 7 1/2 years clean and I've been using basically the entire time you've known me." She took it really hard at first, but accepted it and I kept using for a while after. Finally I decided to quit and was doing really good for a couple months, but then I fell back into a cycle with meth that I haven't broken since. She always told me to be honest, but I was so ashamed that I just kept lying about it and she kept catching me.

Well, last night was the final straw. She found my stash, again, and so I fessed up to all the use I've been hiding from her and let it all go. Rather than disposing of my drugs and pipe like the last few times, she just said, "Well, it's clear you've made your choice. You can't be honest with me and I can't keep doing this." She left with all her stuff and our dog. If I wasn't high as a kite at the time, I'd be devastated. I know I will be when I finally come down (I've been smoking on my stash despite hating the shit and wanting to get clean, desperately, for good...). She said she's willing to come back if I get professional help and follow through with it, and so now I'm looking into what all that entails.

But yeah, had I just been honest in the first place and not kept sneaking around behind her back and getting caught, she probably would still be here right now and I wouldn't be stuck alone in my room, high as a kite, waiting for the emotions to set in when I finally come down. But I do feel relieved now that I don't feel so ashamed that I have to sneak around.
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I'm sorry you're going through all that. The fact she still moved in after you admitted telling a whopper and she stayed each time you lied afterwards, seems she loves you. She also has enough self respect to know when she's giving too much and receiving too little.
You've been using since you've been with her though, so it will be hard to break the habits you've formed in that time.
Good luck with the changes in your life.
 
TheFrogEffect said:
Well, last night was the final straw. She found my stash, again, and so I fessed up to all the use I've been hiding from her and let it all go. Rather than disposing of my drugs and pipe like the last few times, she just said, "Well, it's clear you've made your choice. You can't be honest with me and I can't keep doing this." She left with all her stuff and our dog. If I wasn't high as a kite at the time, I'd be devastated. I know I will be when I finally come down (I've been smoking on my stash despite hating the shit and wanting to get clean, desperately, for good...). She said she's willing to come back if I get professional help and follow through with it, and so now I'm looking into what all that entails.
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That's the microcosmos of what is wrong with drug addicts having working relationships. The issue is that the drugs come first, so the relationship will never work.

If this was actually about her, you would have stopped after she broke it off, but you went to the drugs immediately. That means it's not about her at all.

I'm sorry it worked out this way, but you clearly made a decision against her
 
papercuts said:
I'm sorry you're going through all that. The fact she still moved in after you admitted telling a whopper and she stayed each time you lied afterwards, seems she loves you. She also has enough self respect to know when she's giving too much and receiving too little.
You've been using since you've been with her though, so it will be hard to break the habits you've formed in that time.
Good luck with the changes in your life.
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It's okay. You reap what you sow, I guess. And this had been a long time coming, she was bound to get sick of it.
December Flower said:
That's the microcosmos of what is wrong with drug addicts having working relationships. The issue is that the drugs come first, so the relationship will never work.

If this was actually about her, you would have stopped after she broke it off, but you went to the drugs immediately. That means it's not about her at all.

I'm sorry it worked out this way, but you clearly made a decision against her
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You're not wrong. The drugs definitely have been taking priority compared to other aspects of my life, her being one of them. I just said fuck it, I'm already caught and she's gone, may as well just do the rest of what I have stashed. Which is the exact root of the problem here.

To be honest, I do want to be with her, but she's not really my primary motivation for the desire to get clean. I've wanted to get clean again since I first relapsed. I have made some really great strides and gone long periods without using but I keep going back to it. In reality, I am self-medicating many mental health issues that I can't afford to have taken care of the proper way, and I have always had self destructive tendencies even without drugs. With relationships, I'm the guy that burns bridges and watches as they burn to ash. There's something inside me that I am trying to kill and its better for everyone else if I go at it alone.

But anyway, don't wanna hijack the thread here. OP, honesty is the best policy.
 
Ryan2246 said:
Im in a serious relationship with this drug free girl. I have no idea how to tell her ive been smoking crack for 3 years without her knowing....any advise?
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Think about it this way, man:

You are drug free, and been in a relationship for 3 years. You are going to get engaged soon. Your woman smokes crack, but you do not know that. Would you like to know? Would you feel like it is an important thing?

Tell her. The sooner the better.

How?

Tell her that you have something you want to talk about and then you both sit down. Then you say that "I've been smoking crack"

Then it goes from there with it's own weight. I hope things will be fine and mutual understanding will be found.
 
TheFrogEffect said:
You're not wrong. The drugs definitely have been taking priority compared to other aspects of my life, her being one of them. I just said fuck it, I'm already caught and she's gone, may as well just do the rest of what I have stashed. Which is the exact root of the problem here.

To be honest, I do want to be with her, but she's not really my primary motivation for the desire to get clean. I've wanted to get clean again since I first relapsed. I have made some really great strides and gone long periods without using but I keep going back to it. In reality, I am self-medicating many mental health issues that I can't afford to have taken care of the proper way, and I have always had self destructive tendencies even without drugs. With relationships, I'm the guy that burns bridges and watches as they burn to ash. There's something inside me that I am trying to kill and its better for everyone else if I go at it alone.

But anyway, don't wanna hijack the thread here. OP, honesty is the best policy.
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Yes, you should absolutely see your life as priority #1. As long as you and the drugs haven't sorted it out, there's no relationship that will matter more than the drugs. That's why for so many addicts it is hard to have a relationship in which they will not hurt the partner with their behaviour, unless the entire relationship is about drugs, but then the problems are plenty

You need to work out how you feel about yourself first, how you feel about the drugs, how you want to treat yourself in the future.
I'm sure that as soon as you get your life to a point where you can accept it & yourself, you will be able to lead a happy relationship again.
But right now I think you would only cause more pain.
 
papercuts said:
Best advice ever.
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I'm not exactly a pro with a sarcasm filter, but that wasn't the advice.
There was a prefix "as soon as", then relationships will work as normally again.
But as long as he/she has to lie to their partners about who and what they are, there will only be pain.
 
dalpat077 said:
At least with Crack you can walk in a straight line (albeit with a sort of urgency and feigned determination and purpose in your step) and sit (albeit rigidly and white knuckling it) upright in chair
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I don't do crack, have done it in my teens, done coke loads with an ex, so I found this hilarious, so true, how can she not notice that shit lol
 
December Flower said:
I'm not exactly a pro with a sarcasm filter, but that wasn't the advice.
There was a prefix "as soon as", then relationships will work as normally again.
But as long as he/she has to lie to their partners about who and what they are, there will only be pain.
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I wasn't being sarcastic. As I read your post that phrase stood out to me as the answer to a lot of people's problems. Once I accepted my embarrassingly many faults I felt better and my marriage improved enormously. I'm an addict who doesn't want to quit anything, it's a balancing act for me of reaching for half a dozen drugs in a day, I wouldn't know where to start changing that. I do it because I like feeling good, simple. I'm hiding from a thousand memories and really it's better this way. The OP has to be honest with himself and try to get over the embarrassment of not being the person he was pretending to be.
 
papercuts said:
I wasn't being sarcastic. As I read your post that phrase stood out to me as the answer to a lot of people's problems. Once I accepted my embarrassingly many faults I felt better and my marriage improved enormously. I'm an addict who doesn't want to quit anything, it's a balancing act for me of reaching for half a dozen drugs in a day, I wouldn't know where to start changing that. I do it because I like feeling good, simple. I'm hiding from a thousand memories and really it's better this way. The OP has to be honest with himself and try to get over the embarrassment of not being the person he was pretending to be.
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Sorry, as I said, pretty bad at detecting sarcasm.
Yes, as cheesy as it sounds, accepting who you are is the only way to ever get anywhere in life. If you spend your life hating yourself, your quirks, your looks and/or your choices, you will never be able to be happy in any way. This deep dissatisfaction with oneself can only lead to an unstable relationship. I have had many issues with that myself, not about drugs, but behaviour. I got ASD(Aspies), I'm highly OCD, I'm neurotic as fuck, I'm paraschizo, I've felt shame for what I am half my life, until I said fuck it. I cannot be someone else, I have to be proud of whatever I am. Whatever I cannot change, I make my own, and only that helped me get anywhere in life eventually, actually lead a pretty normal life, with an amazing job
 
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