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How to tell if a woman actually likes me or not ? what are safe signs (likely ASD)

Darksidesam

Darksidesam

Moderator: CD
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May 18, 2011
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Hi so its highly likely im on the Autism Spectrum.

Im nearing 30, and one thing i have always struggled with is whether or not a woman is interested in me or not. There have been several occasions where a friend/family member who is with me has called me an idiot afterwards because i failed to notice the flirting or signs with an interaction with a woman.

All of my relationships have started by either: Online (so easy for me to tell when they write i like you lol) and one through acquaintances who told me that that person liked me a lot . Ive never picked up on it myself.

Can I have some tips please for future reference ? like what are typical signs?
 
I have asperger too , but for me tell tale signs are making a lot of eye contact , laughing at everything you say and especially touching you. Bear in mind that all these things can also mean nothing so it's a bit tricky
 
First off, good to see you man. You don’t know me but I feel I read your posts many years ago, particularly the ones on chocolate and MDMA if I remember right..

On to the question.

If she’s interested I find some of the following…

-She’ll laugh at anything even remotely close to a joke.
-May touch you, like put a hand on your arm.
-Can’t keep her eyes off you.
-Will actually really try to push conversation along, doesn’t want to just immediately end the interaction.

Obviously a woman could be doing all of these things and still not be interested but it’s a start.

-GC
 
I struggle with this too, as a result of having a learning disability.

People often say one thing and think of something completely different. It's called inability to focus.

Reading up on body language was one thing that helped me to more rightly identify what people might be thinking based on objective (for the most part) data on websites that you can easily engine search on a browser. Though I use the identification techniques more or less because I want to be a P.I. or a psychologist one day, most websites make it pretty straightforward and easy to learn.

I think there are some fairly easy ways to tell if compliments are genuine too. Mostly to go with gut feelings and intuition that may proceed those compliments is a good identifier. I find that when compliments are left handed people often hesitate to bring them up and when their compliment is finally given it's almost like they're giving it to themselves like to a mirror. Genuine compliments are more spontaneous. When girls compliment me on something I'm wearing I almost get a sort of reality check because it often comes outta nowhere! Since it feels more genuine, I feel my gears turning faster and flight or freeze kicks in.

Eye contact can be a huge one, I find. I think above being noticed, people who are into flirting also like to know that other people are interested in meeting eyes at peculiar moments. General awareness and mindfulness can help with this... i.e. meditation, if done properly.
 
Yeah eye contact is a big one, as is the laughter and touching your face, back, hands, genitals etc.
Have you as a rule been gutted when you find this out? Or relieved you didn't pick up on it so it didn't freak you out?
Some people are just naturally a bit flirtatious in their manner not actually find you attractive, so I think it's important to ground yaself a little.
I've felt a bit silly sometimes when someone who is just naturally touchy feely and I assumed they fancy me. There's nothing as queer as folk, eh?
 
I'm notoriously bad at this myself and the horror stories of I have of women essentially pulling down my pants and me being completely oblivious would make anyone cringe.

For me I've noticed that it's not necessarily that I can't see the signs, it's that I'm usually so wrapped up inside my own head that I'm not allowing myself to look for them.
 
Honestly bro my best move is the checklist... do you FEEL the aura? is she smiling? eye contact? If so just practice, practice, practice and PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE a script to throw on her... Frankly I have alot of sexual energy and have mastered eye contact and if it matches my "checklist" I just level a stare at her and TELL her "we should be friends" or "i want to talk to you again" and simply give her your phone and say "gimme your number". Keep it simple. for real. Don't ask... Don't over think. Re read this post until your rehearsing this shit in a mirror. When you look at her, look at her like you DESIRE and fuckin want her. I'm by no means an ace with women but this is what I've found works.... Don't try to impress, don't try to be witty, don't be nice... Sad to say it but you don't want to understand this to much, every woman has the same desires and wants. I've had women hate me for loving them/being nice to them.. Not once in my life has a woman gotten mad at me for pinning her against a wall and shoving my tongue down her throat... This is a depressing subject. If you REALLY wanna learn read Robert Greene "art of seduction" and read and read and re read then re read again but I promise you you'll become depressed as fuck yet skilled as could be and once you can make any woman want you you won't want them. It's not what you think. "When God created Eve, He let a deep sleep fall over Adam; for woman is the dream of man." It's all a veil.
 
Thejackal5654 said:
Honestly bro my best move is the checklist... do you FEEL the aura? is she smiling? eye contact? If so just practice, practice, practice and PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE a script to throw on her... Frankly I have alot of sexual energy and have mastered eye contact and if it matches my "checklist" I just level a stare at her and TELL her "we should be friends" or "i want to talk to you again" and simply give her your phone and say "gimme your number". Keep it simple. for real. Don't ask... Don't over think. Re read this post until your rehearsing this shit in a mirror. When you look at her, look at her like you DESIRE and fuckin want her. I'm by no means an ace with women but this is what I've found works.... Don't try to impress, don't try to be witty, don't be nice... Sad to say it but you don't want to understand this to much, every woman has the same desires and wants. I've had women hate me for loving them/being nice to them.. Not once in my life has a woman gotten mad at me for pinning her against a wall and shoving my tongue down her throat... This is a depressing subject. If you REALLY wanna learn read Robert Greene "art of seduction" and read and read and re read then re read again but I promise you you'll become depressed as fuck yet skilled as could be and once you can make any woman want you you won't want them. It's not what you think. "When God created Eve, He let a deep sleep fall over Adam; for woman is the dream of man." It's all a veil.
Click to expand...

And this is how rapists are formed… At best giving off some major nice guy/incel type energy.

I know a lot of women that would absolutely hate everything you claim works for you, no don’t creepily stare at some gal then push your phone in her face saying “gimme your number.”

You yourself claim your no ace with women so not sure you got room to be giving advice here.

Don’t pin some poor girl against a wall and shove your tongue down her throat unless your certain that’s what she’s down with.

You seem to generalize women and believe they all want the same thing.

-GC
 
Thejackal5654 said:
Honestly bro my best move is the checklist... do you FEEL the aura? is she smiling? eye contact? If so just practice, practice, practice and PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE a script to throw on her... Frankly I have alot of sexual energy and have mastered eye contact and if it matches my "checklist" I just level a stare at her and TELL her "we should be friends" or "i want to talk to you again" and simply give her your phone and say "gimme your number". Keep it simple. for real. Don't ask... Don't over think. Re read this post until your rehearsing this shit in a mirror. When you look at her, look at her like you DESIRE and fuckin want her. I'm by no means an ace with women but this is what I've found works.... Don't try to impress, don't try to be witty, don't be nice... Sad to say it but you don't want to understand this to much, every woman has the same desires and wants. I've had women hate me for loving them/being nice to them.. Not once in my life has a woman gotten mad at me for pinning her against a wall and shoving my tongue down her throat... This is a depressing subject. If you REALLY wanna learn read Robert Greene "art of seduction" and read and read and re read then re read again but I promise you you'll become depressed as fuck yet skilled as could be and once you can make any woman want you you won't want them. It's not what you think. "When God created Eve, He let a deep sleep fall over Adam; for woman is the dream of man." It's all a veil.
Click to expand...
So basically your advice is manipulate women to the point where you can commit what is potentially sexual assault?

This is exactly the kind of misogynistic bullshit we don’t need in this forum, where I imagine our very diverse female members are reading it in disgust.
 
Darksidesam said:
Yes , thanks for the various replies, " meeting eyes at peculiar moments" and also i should read some things on body language
Click to expand...
Some seem to claim a lot of our human motor functions or drives are done up mostly from unconscious portions of the brain.

To give a little parable of an example of this- some Buddhists describe life in the inner temple, where every few moons the men and women are gathered together to pray and meditate together. The men are of course separated from the women and vice versa. Every once in a while, a man and a woman will look over at the same time and their eyes will meet.

While this may seem like an incredible thing to witness in society, this is not the case in a monastery. Often flooding the minds of these two afterwards, is a kind of fantasy that most doctors or therapists never hear in such great length and detail.

The ability to cloud the mind with needless obstructions is quite a thing indeed. However, I'm almost convinced -too- that some of these things just need "work". The kind of confidence that's going to bring you to selective or spontaneous happenings isn't something you necessarily dictate. A lot of relationships end rather unorthodox given their histories are sometimes built on lies and deceit. Emotional interests, though not always outright recognized, are the kind of things that work.

Glad you found my post useful.
 
She'll say 'so', touching, ask your name, laugh at what you say.

If she calls you a creep, then she may not be overly interested.
 
Good question, OP. I suck at reading body language. When I see a cute girl smiling at me, I assume that they are laughing at me in their heads. But hell, I don't know for sure. I'm socially inept and have trouble reading body language.
 
Perforated said:
So basically your advice is manipulate women to the point where you can commit what is potentially sexual assault?

This is exactly the kind of misogynistic bullshit we don’t need in this forum, where I imagine our very diverse female members
Click to expand...
I understand you're a moderator, but that must take some balls
 
I spent a large proportion of my life thinking that women were 'just being nice' when they were actively flirting.

When I finally realised this, it was too late because I was too old and they were actually just being nice.

Don't make my mistakes...
 
ions said:
If she calls you a creep, then she may not be overly interested.
Click to expand...
For the sake of keeping things straight in here, I have to disagree- though I feel you might just be coming from a dark place when you say that.

I'm neither telling that people should use harassment for attention.

@Darksidesam I want to play Devil's Advocate for a second here because I honestly know nothing about you and don't necessarily know if this'll help... but... I was noticing or rehashing my recent history (ruminating in other words) and I thought it might interest you - to be so bold as to say so - that a lot of people flirt openly. (I personally blame high school). Suppose you were more flirtatious with people, what's the harm?

When people compliment things I wear, shit man, idk what the fuck aspergers is or severe autism or not or whether I have it or whatever, but when people say shit like that- I don't know if it's flirtatious or not. Compliments are this and that. It is what it is. If a person compliments something you're wearing that you genuinely appreciate isn't that appreciation in and of itself?

In hindsight, I feel like beating ourselves up for not recognizing "cue" after cue isn't sufficient wanton to juxtapose and so on.
 
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