Tryptamine Dreamer, how are you doing? I've been reading your posts. You seem like an intelligent person. Why do you want to end it? Why do you REALLY want to do it? Do you REALLY want it? The other day you said you sucked in the "making people close to you happy" department, but that you were working on improving that. Well, I can tell you one thing. Suicide will not be much of an improvement. It will actually affect people who care about you in the worst way imaginable.
I apologize to my fellow bluelighters if this comes across as heartless, but Dreamer, remember that it is your choice after all. Nobody can force you to live under no excuses. It's your and only your body, so in the end you are to do as you please and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. But the current problem, that hangyourhead also raised, is you're not clear-headed right now. There is a lot of confusion going on in your brain. Many 'a bad decision are made in such moments, and usually it's fine. But this one is irreversible and final. Just stop for a moment and think about it. Is this really what you want? Like, really really?
Do you know what comes after? Will it be better? Is life right now really bad, or is it just boredom? There are many questions you have to give an answer to (not to me or anyone else, only yourself) before you can make the decision. It's always easy to quit, but what will the next game be?
I faced the suicidal ideation about 2 years ago. I couldn't answer these few simple questions; I still don't know why I live, but I decided that it doesn't matter. For me, I don't know what comes after. I only know what is right now and what my foreseeable future holds, and I decided to try to make the best of it; not for anyone, but for me. I have given up on classical societal values; my main form of feeling good is getting high/drinking and thinking my own fucked up thoughts. And believe it or not, but I do enjoy it now. I don't give a fuck, but I know that right now I've found a way to feel good and I don't want to risk giving it up for something I know nothing of (afterlife, if such a thing exists).
OT: I'll raise this glass to you, Dreamer. Whatever the decision you make, I respect it as it is your basic right. I just hope that it is made on a calm, sober and clear head; and is carried out (if is) well planned and in a cold-blooded fashion. Don't let the moment take you somewhere you don't actually want to be.