Stimulants High Functioning v. Low Functioning Addicts.

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

In regards to what? haha.

Talking about it alleviated some things but it also bummed me out. I'm planning on withdrawing in about two weeks. I'm really horrified about what's going to happen to me but with my habits increasingly getting worse over time after the last relapse I think I'll take some time away from BL and figure some things out. I have a really bright future and it's a repetitive vicious cycle of depression in between dose all over again--which was the reason I initially quit for some time.

 

[Tubbs]

My experience is that high functioning (keeping a job and some semblance of normalcy) can deteriorate into low functioning or rock bottom pretty quickly...... especially with stimulants..... amazing what a week awake does to your brain....

 

[Neverending8]

In regards to what? haha.

Anyway going to take a break from this thread. Talking about it alleviated some things but it also bummed me out. I'm planning on withdrawing in about two weeks. I'm really horrified about what's going to happen to me but with my habits increasingly getting worse over time after the last relapse I think I'll take some time away from BL and figure some things out. I have a really bright future and it's a repetitive vicious cycle of depression in between dose all over again--which was the reason I initially quit for some time.

Damn, it’s that bad? Ive been using since I just started in October sometime. And pretty much daily. I haven’t tried to quit yet, but I’m afraid of my inevitable withdrawal and how I will feel without. On an earlier post I was planning to taper off towards the end of my last purchase. Hmmm I got another one yesterday almost the second I finished it. I didn’t even pause that’s how quickly I had it. But currently have my job (excelling), and reconnected my ex (love of my life), while on this.
But she can’t ever know that I do it, she would definitely leave for good.

But I’ve been incorporating sleep daily even if it is just 3-4 hours. Some nights it’s more. I go to work, and still do everything, but better. This will be interesting, I was an alcoholic before and have battled that for most of my adult life. Now the booze doesn’t have as much appeal. I have more energy, am clearer headed, etc... I was hearing that maybe once a week was too much. And I’m every day. I live two lives right now, one works and has a gf who loves him, a place to stay. The other is hanging with a different social crowd who tweak and shoot H and ice, has been on multiple drug runs with his dealers who are also who he hangs with, has stashed and hidden people, and has a fellow daily friend who has his back and has already pulled a gun on people in one altercation. Lol...

But because of it I’m not losing my head anymore. I was deathly depressed... I had lost everything. Job, gf, kid, and I felt alone. M has made it easier to cope, and the strength for now to get it back. Things don’t hurt much anymore, I’m not as moody, i have more hours to do things, I’m no longer scared and governed by my anxiety. I’m not sure where I currently fall into this category, but I can see how it may spiral down pretty quickly.

This will be an interesting ride...

 

[jose ribas da silva]

In the long term, drugs will affect one's mental health to the point that there will not be a high functioning addict, this is a lie told by addicts to soften the fact that they are addicts. They tell this lie for themselves too.

There is no heavy drug use without a price. The body and the mind will charge you sooner or later.

 

[Neverending8]

Yes, I’ve been getting a closer look at it lately.

 

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

Damn, it’s that bad? Ive been using since I just started in October sometime. And pretty much daily. I haven’t tried to quit yet, but I’m afraid of my inevitable withdrawal and how I will feel without. On an earlier post I was planning to taper off towards the end of my last purchase. Hmmm I got another one yesterday almost the second I finished it. I didn’t even pause that’s how quickly I had it. But currently have my job (excelling), and reconnected my ex (love of my life), while on this.
But she can’t ever know that I do it, she would definitely leave for good.

But I’ve been incorporating sleep daily even if it is just 3-4 hours. Some nights it’s more. I go to work, and still do everything, but better. This will be interesting, I was an alcoholic before and have battled that for most of my adult life. Now the booze doesn’t have as much appeal. I have more energy, am clearer headed, etc... I was hearing that maybe once a week was too much. And I’m every day. I live two lives right now, one works and has a gf who loves him, a place to stay. The other is hanging with a different social crowd who tweak and shoot H and ice, has been on multiple drug runs with his dealers who are also who he hangs with, has stashed and hidden people, and has a fellow daily friend who has his back and has already pulled a gun on people in one altercation. Lol...

But because of it I’m not losing my head anymore. I was deathly depressed... I had lost everything. Job, gf, kid, and I felt alone. M has made it easier to cope, and the strength for now to get it back. Things don’t hurt much anymore, I’m not as moody, i have more hours to do things, I’m no longer scared and governed by my anxiety. I’m not sure where I currently fall into this category, but I can see how it may spiral down pretty quickly.

This will be an interesting ride...

It gets "that bad." Trust me give it time.

Most substances are a dead end and inevitably after a few years it gets harder and harder to hide as your tolerance raises with more side effects and depressive tendencies. I am aware of how certain substances function as anti-depressants, but they usually lose that positive quality after some time. Even some chronic pain patients who need to use medication regularly feel the effects after a long period of time and grow sick of the medication. Long term op has consequences and results in lowered testosterone (low T results in feeling crappy all the time/depression) so that can definitely occur.

Have you ever felt withdrawal yet? You're in for quite the ride lol! I assume you're talking about opies? Eventually you're just super itchy and high with no euphoria and it's only to dodge withdrawals. But in my opinion you've got a solid great 2 years before it gets to this point.

 

[Keif' Richards]

Success in life. The question is, what does success mean to the person? A lot of folks would say having a job, paying bills etc.

There is also the angle in which a life without relationships you really care about can be pretty empty. Even with a car, house etc.

I think both of these things are very important for someone to live a content life, but my idea of functional is probably not in the mainstream.

 

[Neverending8]

Yes, but I didn’t realize it was withdrawal. My first 4-5 day stretch with no sleep. But was using before. Meth. Now I sleep at least a little every night.

 

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

So at first it's just a runny nose/grouchiness/some insomnia. It gets worse and worse each time you face it let me tell ya. Eventually you'll be begging to find some opies to knock it away, and by that time the withdrawal doesn't last a couple days--it's more like a month or two. One time I went cold turkey for as long as possible--I felt awful for 4 months and even then was still recovering. The physical part went away after the first month or so, but then still had trouble sleeping and eating greasy food. I was still noticeably depressed and the cravings were at their max. The only time I've been drinking daily is this time period where I could not for the life of me figure out how to enjoy life without them. The booze helped a bit, but only at night time. It's not ideal to go through every time and most people can't force themselves to do it. Not saying you have to quit, but what's in store long term.

Many people think they can quit at any time and just face the consequences no matter what. You're greeted by a flat and grey world that's difficult to enjoy literally anything. Most people find themselves relapsing or forced onto a recovery program (like suboxone/methadone). Thought I could leave at the end of the year.. it's been almost 4 years now on and off returning. I wouldn't underestimate opiate use. For many it's a life sentence and they don't even realize it until many years later how almost impossible abstinence can be. Relapsing is part of the process to recovery in my opinion, and eventually you relapse less and less and you're in theory out. The problem is that the cravings really never stop and there's no reward for sobriety like there is when that legendary feeling hits you. It can be daunting to adjust to life without opiates. It takes a very loooooong time for the natural endorphins to return especially after prolonged use.

I was totally sober at one point. Couldn't handle for months on end feeling like I was in a colorless life without anything to look forward to. I ended up relapsing and my doses tripled what they used to be. This is not too uncommon. (This is only from oxy by the way, heroin for a lot of people has worse horror stories about withdrawing)

 

[Crackedout420]

I classify as a function addict. I work monday to friday at a good job, making much over minimum wage. Then weekends are my shit show. I sometimes feel guilty and wonder how much longer I can keep up with this shit. It's working for me but it's not fun.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Success in life. The question is, what does success mean to the person? A lot of folks would say having a job, paying bills etc.

There is also the angle in which a life without relationships you really care about can be pretty empty. Even with a car, house etc.

I think both of these things are very important for someone to live a content life, but my idea of functional is probably not in the mainstream.

Yeah.

Maintaining work and using isn't the hardest thing in the world, but being able to maintain friendships and be a good friend to others without letting using get in the way is the hard part, IME.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Maintaining work and using isn't the hardest thing in the world, but being able to maintain friendships and be a good friend to others without letting using get in the way is the hard part, IME.

This is so true - I can’t count the number of good decent people who wanted to be my friend through life that I burned or were simply scared away when I slipped from functioning to less-than-functioning. So many times I chose drugs over people.

 

[jose ribas da silva]

They tell this lie for themselves too.

This is the first step if you want to stop. I have been telling lies to myself during years, pretending that drugs were playing a satisfactory role in my life, lies and lies. "cocaine will help me be more productive", "benzos will help me rest, "weed takes the boredom away... " " with alcohol I will score more

One cannot boost one's life with drugs, I want to feel my life sober and I cannot. Since 14-15, the whole adult life, I can clearly say that I don't know myself, I don't know who I am truly.

 

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

This is the first step if you want to stop. I have been telling lies to myself during years, pretending that drugs were playing a satisfactory role in my life, lies and lies. "cocaine will help me be more productive", "benzos will help me rest, "weed takes the boredom away... " " with alcohol I will score more

One cannot boost one's life with drugs, I want to feel my life sober and I cannot. Since 14-15, the whole adult life, I can clearly say that I don't know myself, I don't know who I am truly.

To be fair every substance has pros and cons. Addicts are attracted to the pro part of their drug of choice(s). This is what make addiction so vastly hard to overcome. When in sobriety, you have to live without the added positive effects of the drug you were once using.

How anyone can be attracted to a drug that is purely negative effects without any pleasure or benefit is beyond me. I've never heard of that even being possible. So in a way, cocaine did make you more productive and etc. Those were the positives of the drugs you once struggled with. I think overcoming addiction is partially acknowledging the truth. Some people genuinely will be less happy without opiates in their lives. It's something to accept and learn to live with--other than living perpetually in denial and ultimately relapsing because your sobriety is a lie due to constantly telling yourself that you're "happier" when you prefer life on opiates.

I think who we are is the sum of all the actions we have ever done in our lives. We have multiple sides and complex behavior that's difficult to group into a single entity. I don't think anyone knows who they are lol. We're always figuring that part out.

 

[Wilson Wilson]

I know that suboxone requires you to list it on your job application (I think?), and that can be a red flag for corporations looking to fill positions who know what that is.

How can that be legal? Wouldn't it break medical confidentiality laws? HIPAA in the US I believe should cover this. If it's true employers can ask you to list sensitive medical info on job applications in the US that is madness...

Over here employers are not legally allowed to even ask if you take meds unless it is relevant to the job, for example if you are a train driver they can ask if you are on any meds that could impair you for safety reasons and they can drug test you under the same grounds, but if the job is in an office there is no safety risk so they cannot ask you shit about any medications and or do drug tests either - not without justification.

Even when I worked in retail where it was heavy lifting and using a baler etc there was still no drug tests and no questions about my meds (even though I didn't hide the fact I took 'em) because it would have been disability discrimination to demand a list of the meds I was on.

It's very hard on us. Opening up to people that are judgemental is a serious hurt. It cuts to the bone, you expose something as sensitive and personal as that with the implication that help or at least support would be appreciated only to have them miss the entire point - your well being! Meanwhile they worry about being associated with a drug addict. I'd rather associate with "drug addicts" honestly seeking help than judgemental assholes like that.

"If you got an addiction don't admit it to anybody, keep that shit to yourself, because if people see you they're always gonna think you're on that shit even if you're not..."

 

[jose ribas da silva]

To be fair every substance has pros and cons.

If there is abuse, there are only cons. Drugs can somehow improve one's life if not used daily or frequently.

I have been addicted to cocaine, benzos, alcohol, and cannabis. I reached the point where I was sniffing ~3-5 g of cocaine per day along with at least 15 beers (300 mL), 20-40 mg oxazepam, and tons of weed. Still had a job, family, friends, girlfriend, house, car, a high functioning addict? Depending on the view, for capitalism perhaps yes, for life, certainly not. Ending up almost killing myself, suffering panic attacks, sky-rocketing anxiety...

Nowadays I am not good, I have scars, my mental health has not recovered yet but I am not totally clean too so that it is obvious that it would not be recovered under these circumstances.

It seems funny but cannabis is my main problem now. I do not take benzos anymore (only if extremely necessary) on account of the withdrawal symptoms that are not worth it. If I do cocaine one day, the following days will be a hell because of the increased anxiety. I was drinking because of cocaine, i don't enjoy alcohol. I can go to a bar with friends and not drink anything.. but cannabis... wake-and-bake all days. It is draining my energy, when it is time to hang out at night, I have smoked so much throughout the day that I barely have energy to do something.

 

[GetMeOutOfThisCRAP]

How can that be legal? Wouldn't it break medical confidentiality laws? HIPAA in the US I believe should cover this. If it's true employers can ask you to list sensitive medical info on job applications in the US that is madness...

Over here employers are not legally allowed to even ask if you take meds unless it is relevant to the job, for example if you are a train driver they can ask if you are on any meds that could impair you for safety reasons and they can drug test you under the same grounds, but if the job is in an office there is no safety risk so they cannot ask you shit about any medications and or do drug tests either - not without justification.

Even when I worked in retail where it was heavy lifting and using a baler etc there was still no drug tests and no questions about my meds (even though I didn't hide the fact I took 'em) because it would have been disability discrimination to demand a list of the meds I was on.



"If you got an addiction don't admit it to anybody, keep that shit to yourself, because if people see you they're always gonna think you're on that shit even if you're not..."

To be fair I'm not entirely 100% on this one and I admit I might be talking out of my ass. I do think you're required to list your medications however. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

If there is abuse, there are only cons. Drugs can somehow improve one's life if not used daily or frequently.

I have been addicted to cocaine, benzos, alcohol, and cannabis. I reached the point where I was sniffing ~3-5 g of cocaine per day along with at least 15 beers (300 mL), 20-40 mg oxazepam, and tons of weed. Still had a job, family, friends, girlfriend, house, car, a high functioning addict? Depending on the view, for capitalism perhaps yes, for life, certainly not. Ending up almost killing myself, suffering panic attacks, sky-rocketing anxiety...

Nowadays I am not good, I have scars, my mental health has not recovered yet but I am not totally clean too so that it is obvious that it would not be recovered under these circumstances.

It seems funny but cannabis is my main problem now. I do not take benzos anymore (only if extremely necessary) on account of the withdrawal symptoms that are not worth it. If I do cocaine one day, the following days will be a hell because of the increased anxiety. I was drinking because of cocaine, i don't enjoy alcohol. I can go to a bar with friends and not drink anything.. but cannabis... wake-and-bake all days. It is draining my energy, when it is time to hang out at the night, I have smoked so much throughout the day that I barely have energy to do something.

I suppose we have different viewpoints of addiction and I respect your point but I still think there was a reason you were not able to cease cocaine use. Stimulants don't per say have a debilitating withdrawal (other than depression, lethargy, lack of motivation, etc.) like benzos or opiates do for example, but wasn't coke still elevating your mood and giving you a rush that in your mind at the time was having a "positive" influence on how you feel? I just have a theory if the substance becomes 100% pure negative side effects and no longer feels good whatsoever it's easier to quit than a substance that feels incredible for the user and benefits them in some shape or form. The mental attachment has to be there imo for the addiction to be prolonged.

I used to have problems with marijuana--although many people don't think that marijuana is a legitimate addiction. I can't explain it but I woke up one day after 5 years and just had no interest in smoking anymore and still haven't even thought about it or noticed it's abscence. It was an easy decision to make after hitting a giant gravity bong or dab rig and feeling totally sober.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Yes, but I didn’t realize it was withdrawal. My first 4-5 day stretch with no sleep. But was using before. Meth. Now I sleep at least a little every night.

May I suggest you monitor your tolerance closely. The amount of dopamine replenished during sleep each night is possibly less than you burn through getting high in the daytime and your consumption rate may then get higher and higher for less and less effect. In that situation you may still function but you'll feel pretty awful and many people then start throwing other subsntances (like benzos or anti-psychotics) into the mix to even things out. It doesn't take long until you have no idea what effect is coming from what drug / combo and what's actually you underneath it all. Any sleep helps though of course especially if it's chemically unaided - but unaided sleep on meth is also a sign that you may be pretty dopamine depleted.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Stimulants don't per say have a debilitating withdrawal (other than depression, lethargy, lack of motivation, etc.)

In my experience stimulant comedowns from coke and meth can be debilitating enough to lose jobs and friends. If you are a casual or contract worker who can't even get the energy to call in sick for 2-3 days you may be risking employment - especially the inevitable 2nd and 3rd times you try to stop again. Depends how hard you are hitting it of course and what kind of supplements / pharmaceuticals you have to help you through it. It's also in the comedown, in my experience, that the potentially aggressive and violent (even just verbally ) personality changes emerge in some people and that's where they start to fuck things up with family and friends who are concerned for them.

 

[DylanSins]

There isn't such a thing as a "functional or non-functional addict." Both, however, are simply addicts with differing behavioral characteristics and/or abilities to fulfill their responsibilities, i.e., work, maintaining relationships, school, whatever.

I think it's trivial to try and distinguish the two as separate—it does nothing, really. The term "functional addict" is nearly a justification for addicts that are able to maintain the societal and socially normal activities that we associate with non-addicts (e.g., being a home-owner versus being a homeless junkie on skid-row.)

Having said that, I will address the fact that I considered myself a "functional addict" for YEARS. I'm in college, I maintain a prestigious job, I've had several non-addict girlfriends, presented independent research at national conferences, etc., but the reality is, I'm still an addict who's less functional each and every day.