Man in the Dark
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 2, 2015
- Messages
- 531
Look, I have tried to find people who cared about me, falling in love is the biggest mistake I did which what made me go from 2 cigarettes a week to 6 day, then to alcohol, then to DXM, then codeine, then tramadol, and I'm not going to do bupe. I'm happy as it is. Tramadol lasts me for days, I'm not joking, 250 mg at 2.00 in the morning lasts till 2.0p the next day.the capsules slowly release the trams and because it's low dose it releases high quantities at a constant pace, which gives me a mild euphoric feeling that lasts for days.
I've sent her mails. Im so rich I can afford all the drug habits in the world, I would've quit cigarettes if she loved me, my dad stole a bunch of my moms money and left. My mom has a relationship with another guy who hates me. My grand ma is the one who loves me but facing the fact I'm hoping she lives, and I love her but she's going to die soon. I'll have no one to care for me, even though I love my family, I have a sports bike and I'm without license,my cops can't say shit because my parents are powerfull. I take my cousins sisters I lend the money and they finally abandon me.
No girl seems to love me, honestly I swear the only thing that would make me quit drugs is a girl who would car for me, I don't care about sex, If I wanted sex I would've gotten countless whore's but no, I want to stay a virgin, for the girl who will hopefully find me, I just want a girl and give her everything. As long asshe gives me her femininity to me.
Tramadol and cigarettes are the only thing i have before I jump of a bridge. My mom just comes to me and tells me to sign a paper that would have 15 mill on my name.. to get rid of tax and tells me it's all mine once I become 18.
What do I do at this point, it's easy for you guys to sat quit and go to school. This is my 5th day on constant tramadol I'm shaking like a leaf. And I'm feeling good. I've spent more than a year loving and still loving the same girl who treats me like shit, used my money and says she's got a crush oh some 2 bit crack head on Singapore. When she said 'I don't know you' was the day I overdosed on 10 mg of alprazolam and 500 mg on codeine.
What do I do? Huh?
All I have at this point is your
Tramadol because drininking will spoil my 'family name'. And they don't care if I get liver failure and die. Just as long as I don't spoil the family name.
What do I do.
300 emails later and she hasn't replied.
Look man it seems like you've had a tough childhood but offing yourself over some girl who is a crackhead is not worth it. Before you do anything brash please talk to a medical professional psychiatrist psychologist anything you need to get a lot of these feelings out. Trust me I've been through a lot of shit I'm 43 years old and I don't want to see a nice kid like yourself who is young and has his whole life ahead of them throw it down the toilet.
You were obviously a nice kid with a good heart being in the drug scene you're not gonna find a nice girl you have to find a different way to work out your issues so please see somebody professional a good psych doctor