HELLO! Okay who was it?!?!?

[Robi]

Okay. I can just emphasises one thing.

Too much? Posting.

AFAIK, there isn't officially a "too much".

It's a fully subjective term still which requires a beholder to quantify.

To post too much, in general. Well, dd anybody see a written rule I missed saying- You must not post 24/7?

ok no more incessant posting, i give!

 

[Robi]

Welcome back man. Glad to see you back on here.

To put it a bit bluntly - You're a good dude and you just gotta try not to take the negative things other people say about you to heart. I know the situation you are referring to, and it was a stupid argument where you both were angry that you gotta try your best to not overthink. Try to work on loving yourself more and building up your self esteem so that you don't get so affected by stupid shit other people say. You're a good dude, you're certainly a real man, and I don't like seeing you feel down like this about yourself.

ill take the excellent advice for myself if i may

 

[Robi]

Yo... Fuck... From greenlighter 2 bluelighter in less than 12 hours...

Dear Bluelight staff, please notify me if i am posting too much... I mean it. I will fix my bad behavior in that regard if you notify about it.

you one of my fav ppl. i dont play favs, but youre just flippin fantastic, i was told when i began BL, that i could do n say anything, within reason sure, wish you`d post more than i do, its just hard for me to push the like button for hours, POST ON!

 

[AutoTripper]

ok no more incessant posting, i give!

Hi Robi. Sorry I don't follow you there. I hope you are not taking my words there as any influence over you.

Not trying to make anybody self conscious. The opposite actually, free.

I hope you're alright.

 

[AutoTripper]

ok no more incessant posting, i give!

Because I am nearly always partly jesting as well, but totally real, sincere, meaningful and true to heart and meaning.

But my joking manner quite often is mistaken.

 

[Jabberwocky]

perkele!

Indeed

Plans changed. Once again. No more drugs. At all. For a while. I might have to pass a drug test soon. Benzos are already gone from my system completely due to not using them at all for 10 days or so. I won't score weed, i won't smoke it. I smoke tobacco, i drink coffee and i drink beer (tomorrow). I want to help Ukraine, and the Ukrainian people, against the Russian invasion. I am volunteering. I have military training. I am putting my country first, always. Therefore, i am emailing the Finnish defense forces about my intentions first. I will send that same email to Finnish Security and Intelligence Service, because they might be interest if a person has plans like this. I will authorize them to access all database entries ever made, regarding me, and i ask for a quick reply because this is urgent as fuck.

I am sober now by the way. But that does not matter, because i am also a conspiracy theorist, and as such, irrelevant to the vast majority of all the people, ever, anywhere, no matter if i am sober or batshit wasted. So what? Send a fucking invoice, a fine, or something, due my wicked ways. Then i won't pay it. No winners.

I also have a crush on a Lady. Completely one-sided thing, completely online only. And she is doing a pretty fucking thorough job at not being even an online crush anymore. Because she insulted my people during a time of extreme distress. Fine. So be it then. See me fall.

I apologize due to not adding reactions to your replies, i am too busy with my own reactions about fucking everything at the moment. I could not even focus on reading the replies properly. However @AutoTripper i love you man, and i think that you are super cool and interesting. I wish your situation, health and stuff, improves soon. And @Robi I know the farting baby gif, but i had forgotten that! Wow! So cute, so amusing! Thanks. That helped. A lot. The reactions and replies will be added tomorrow or so, after my email shit and some beer.

For the time being, it is just time to chill, not give a fuck about anything regarding me and my stupid shit. And also attempt to participate in a war. Don't worry. Ever. I do not count as anything.Trust me. It is me who i am talking about now, and it is me who writes this message. And for those reasons, just fucking trust me, please.

I love you all. I apologize.

Perkele!

 

[Robi]

Hi Robi. Sorry I don't follow you there. I hope you are not taking my words there as any influence over you.

Not trying to make anybody self conscious. The opposite actually, free.

I hope you're alright.

youre so fukkn sweet sometimes gawwwww, are you alright?

 

[Robi]

Because I am nearly always partly jesting as well, but totally real, sincere, meaningful and true to heart and meaning.

But my joking manner quite often is mistaken.

i sorry hunny

 

[Jabberwocky]

So i did some googling, to rule out some possible obstacles on my way. It is not a crime. By Finnish law, it is not a crime to leave the country in order to fight in a foreign war. Unless of course the person does war crimes. I am not going to do war crimes. I am going to do war justice.

Obviously, a lot of things are going through my mind right now. Sleepless night and shit. That shit is super rare. I don't sleep a lot. 2-4 hours per night. But a completely sleepless night is super rare to me. One thing remains clear. I don't give a fuck about myself, and what happens to me. But this shit-show is not about me.

Usually i am chickenshit scared about pretty much everything. Now i am not. At all. This is not about courage. This is not about bravery. This is about one man with nothing left to lose, trying to do what he thinks is truly right.

I think it would be reasonable to expect, from a man (not a real man, though...) to do one thing right... Just one... every 40 years. I am 40 years old now, and the time has now come, to do the first right thing in my life, ever. I will send the e-mails to Finnish authorities today. And i will let you all know how i will be replied to.

I don't always volunteer to fight in a war... But when i do, it is against Russia.

(Just a personal text-based meme i made up about myself)

May God bless us all.

 

[Robi]

So i did some googling, to rule out some possible obstacles on my way. It is not a crime. By Finnish law, it is not a crime to leave the country in order to fight in a foreign war. Unless of course the person does war crimes. I am not going to do war crimes. I am going to do war justice.

Obviously, a lot of things are going through my mind right now. Sleepless night and shit. That shit is super rare. I don't sleep a lot. 2-4 hours per night. But a completely sleepless night is super rare to me. One thing remains clear. I don't give a fuck about myself, and what happens to me. But this shit-show is not about me.

Usually i am chickenshit scared about pretty much everything. Now i am not. At all. This is not about courage. This is not about bravery. This is about one man with nothing left to lose, trying to do what he thinks is truly right.

I think it would be reasonable to expect, from a man (not a real man, though...) to do one thing right... Just one... every 40 years. I am 40 years old now, and the time has now come, to do the first right thing in my life, ever. I will send the e-mails to Finnish authorities today. And i will let you all know how i will be replied to.

I don't always volunteer to fight in a war... But when i do, it is against Russia.

(Just a personal text-based meme i made up about myself)

May God bless us all.

sweet of heart you have alot more to lose than you think right now, your amazing heart and giving of self for one, and soaking oreos and it falling in the glass, a right pisser, i respect you wanting to fight, but sometimes most are just bullet catchers, but love your desire to protect

 

[Robi]

Because I am nearly always partly jesting as well, but totally real, sincere, meaningful and true to heart and meaning.

But my joking manner quite often is mistaken.

same here, i joke alot and no one gets me , they believe i have dementia, i crack me up , but i truly dont want to hurt anyone here,its not like we dont suffer and hurt already,except that Nurse ratchet lady, shes got it going on, and i aspire to be more like her in RL

 

[AutoTripper]

i sorry hunny

Hey, my (lady friend hahaha still trying to get my head around that. Because I actually have to erase an already established imagination (my imaginations are purely warm rest assured, I paint it pretty actually) of Robi the guy!

I had images of your build, hair tone, demeanour etc. pretty fortified, as a purely theoretical mock up ofc, I saw some Orange in your Robi guy shortish hair too, but I do love Orange!

And turquoise. Plus red in doses, the dose makes the med & poison respectively I know you'll be well aware.

But lol, back to my 1st words before wandering, no sorry required but thank you.

I know you have a sensitive nature. My sole concern there, just making sure you aren't being down on yourself, regardless if because of misreading my words or not.

So not about me. People beat down on themselves, too much. It's a mistake.

Did Someone....is showing us this. I'm really trying to encourage him warmly gradually away from this trap and illusion of self loathing and proactive negative self affirmations, fuelled by pain and a lack of hope and focus.

I don't want people getting upset period.

But most importantly, with themselves.

Your comment was too vague to gauge. This above is where exactly I was coming from that's all.

I'm actually very good I think, in the emotional health field.


Been mega sick since Fri morning. I was, still am, so near to haemorrhoids being sufficiently healed to be on a downward slope, out of pain at last.

But Russian tanks lol want to come through, still, until the conviy has seen passage.


So midnight Thursday was an upset kind of rupture after the best day in god long time, preventing more movement and revert to the fires of hell, no sleeping and intense nausea.

Should just be temporary. As in, just starting easing now but again, so sore trying to sleep, 2 hrs at a time, dreading more, awake, red raw can't sit down, lay down, think relax or sleep again, every 2 hrs attempting sleep.

After 3rd rise, only 4 hrs sleep. Too ouch.

No last legs aggravation, thursday night, I'd be in clear almost.

So it's a bruise on the way, painful nasty one.

But not a lingering ailment.

Too tired to be awake now. Generally. Dizzy, sick, traumatised. Exhausted.

I'm closing in though, so keeping focus.


Actually first chance now for healing up, as only just painfully managed to free the immense pressure from inside. Soon come!

 

[AutoTripper]

same here, i joke alot and no one gets me , they believe i have dementia, i crack me up , but i truly dont want to hurt anyone here,its not like we dont suffer and hurt already,except that Nurse ratchet lady, shes got it going on, and i aspire to be more like her in RL

I just don't want you to hurt yourself Robi. However hurt occurs, it's a choice so often, and needs only one cause truly- our own minds.

So this is what I see in others, and try to warmly influence out.

Simple self acceptance. No prison.

Good humour helps with this. But having that basic vision, making that decision is what counts too.

I do have vision if nothing else, and this I share.

Now ofc not all concur. If all did, I'd need not say it.

 

[AutoTripper]

So i did some googling, to rule out some possible obstacles on my way. It is not a crime. By Finnish law, it is not a crime to leave the country in order to fight in a foreign war. Unless of course the person does war crimes. I am not going to do war crimes. I am going to do war justice.

Obviously, a lot of things are going through my mind right now. Sleepless night and shit. That shit is super rare. I don't sleep a lot. 2-4 hours per night. But a completely sleepless night is super rare to me. One thing remains clear. I don't give a fuck about myself, and what happens to me. But this shit-show is not about me.

Usually i am chickenshit scared about pretty much everything. Now i am not. At all. This is not about courage. This is not about bravery. This is about one man with nothing left to lose, trying to do what he thinks is truly right.

I think it would be reasonable to expect, from a man (not a real man, though...) to do one thing right... Just one... every 40 years. I am 40 years old now, and the time has now come, to do the first right thing in my life, ever. I will send the e-mails to Finnish authorities today. And i will let you all know how i will be replied to.

I don't always volunteer to fight in a war... But when i do, it is against Russia.

(Just a personal text-based meme i made up about myself)

May God bless us all.

I don't want you to go to war I don't think it's the answer I don't believe in it I think it's a staged pantomime like everything else where nobody wins and I have always so strongly believed that the only sensible approach is to refuse to fight because if we could make that go viral just imagine lol.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

same here, i joke alot and no one gets me , they believe i have dementia, i crack me up , but i truly dont want to hurt anyone here,its not like we dont suffer and hurt already,except that Nurse ratchet lady, shes got it going on, and i aspire to be more like her in RL

Love ya Robi. You are funny, sweet, helpful and the gif queen. I have liked you from day 1. You bring sunshine to BL and i get you just fine. No dementia. Just a great person. Rock on girlfriend.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Just a small update.

About 2 weeks without illegal drugs now. Maybe a bit less than that. If i have to pass a drug test. Finnish defense forces know now. About my intentions. I have now officially volunteered to fight. In a war. For Ukraine, against Russia. Originally my plan was to let Finnish Security and Intelligence Service know also. I thought they might be interested if a Finnish person, living in Finland, has ideas like this. But as it is not illegal, to leave Finnish soil, in order to fight in a foreign war, they do not have to know.

I lost the literally biggest God damn crush i have ever had. Ever. And i am 40 years old already. I am having beer and cigarettes here. And my eyes are sweating. Because Finnish men DO NOT cry, especially when they are needed in war zone.

I apologize for everything i ever said and did. I am absolutely disgusted by myself. I absolutely loathe myself. I have completely failed, as a feminist, as a strong supporter of women's rights. And as someone who wants to please women. All women. Worldwide. All the time. I failed. I apologize. Please do not remember me with hatred. Please do not remember me at all.

It is so lonely here. Maybe i should call this home but... just a place i pay rent monthly of... So i am allowed to stay here. I have never felt "at home" anywhere. Ever. It is lonely and dark here. Can someone talk with me? About anything. Your call, your decision. But i would like to talk. About literally anything. Tell me about the weather going on in your area and what you ate for lunch? Tell me anything. What drug(s) are you currently on and does it feel pleasant? Anything. It is so lonely here. I apologize. Thank you for letting me share.

May God bless Ukraine and the Ukrainian people. May God bless us all.

With respect towards every Bluelighter
-Your official loser and a motherfucking idiot. Me.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Just a small update.

About 2 weeks without illegal drugs now. Maybe a bit less than that. If i have to pass a drug test. Finnish defense forces know now. About my intentions. I have now officially volunteered to fight. In a war. For Ukraine, against Russia. Originally my plan was to let Finnish Security and Intelligence Service know also. I thought they might be interested if a Finnish person, living in Finland, has ideas like this. But as it is not illegal, to leave Finnish soil, in order to fight in a foreign war, they do not have to know.

I lost the literally biggest God damn crush i have ever had. Ever. And i am 40 years old already. I am having beer and cigarettes here. And my eyes are sweating. Because Finnish men DO NOT cry, especially when they are needed in war zone.

I apologize for everything i ever said and did. I am absolutely disgusted by myself. I absolutely loathe myself. I have completely failed, as a feminist, as a strong supporter of women's rights. And as someone who wants to please women. All women. Worldwide. All the time. I failed. I apologize. Please do not remember me with hatred. Please do not remember me at all.

It is so lonely here. Maybe i should call this home but... just a place i pay rent monthly of... So i am allowed to stay here. I have never felt "at home" anywhere. Ever. It is lonely and dark here. Can someone talk with me? About anything. Your call, your decision. But i would like to talk. About literally anything. Tell me about the weather going on in your area and what you ate for lunch? Tell me anything. What drug(s) are you currently on and does it feel pleasant? Anything. It is so lonely here. I apologize. Thank you for letting me share.

May God bless Ukraine and the Ukrainian people. May God bless us all.

With respect towards every Bluelighter
-Your official loser and a motherfucking idiot. Me.

Hey hon. Really sorry you are feeling so bad. And you ARE NOT a loser or an idiot. Do you want me to put this thread in The Dark Side.?

It's fine here....but I'm not sure many people read threads in the new member intro.........but lots of people read TDS. You might get more support and someone to talk to over there more quickly than here.

Either forum is fine with me......whichever you want.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@Nurse Ratched

I think that is a great idea. I like you.

And you are a mod and everything. For that reason, i thank you. You support Bluelight, and bluelight has a valuable purpose. The most valuable, from a substance user viewpoint.

Please, move the thread to TDS. I browse that place a lot anyway, for obvious reasons.

By the way, please do not feel sorry because i feel bad. I deserve this pain. So for that reason, never feel bad for something which is entirely right and justified.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

NMI to TDS per ghostie.

 

[Jabberwocky]

NMI to TDS per ghostie.

Much love That was a SUPER COOL move! Genuine kindness. That shit is getting pretty rare these days... almost extinct... Now i want to tattoo "NURSE RATCHED RULES!" to my forehead.

Post #100. With this username. I used to be Ghost fart. Then i wanted Jabberwocky to swallow my account, and Jabbie did. I fell into a personal crisis (how surprising...) Because a Lady said to me, that i am not a real man. Because i made a suggestion, i emphasize a SUGGESTION that she would not use fentanyl. I do not like the fentanyl pandemic. I wish that hardcore opiate users would have access to real and pure heroin instead. And uhh... that hurt. If you are a feminist. If you love women, all women, who ever existed, who exist now, and who will ever exist well... then that shit hurts. I am talking about as real pain as real pain gets.

Post #100 dedicated to God.

Post #100 dedicated to all Female humans.

Look at Finland, please. Look at my mindset, please. Look at my brain, please. It is all here now. ALL! :