If the benzos are making you blackout, then stop being an idiot and take a lower dosage that is appropriate for social anxiety. They are definitely the most effective class of drugs for treating anxiety, opiates and alcohol are a close second. Weed is HORRIBLE for me, it elevates my anxiety 100x. I just don't smoke much at all anymore.. and if I do, I make sure to either have been high on opiates, drunk, or have a benzo to pop right before or after I smoke to let me somewhat enjoy the high. I don't know why, but I was an everyday smoker for years, no problems whatsoever. I went through daily life, took care of everything, and was a very normal and functioning person.. but after those 3 years, these last 3 years its nothing but a huge spike in anxiety when I smoke (unless I've taken something to counteract the anxiety, then I can enjoy the weed like old times)..
So yeah, apparently something in my brain chemistry changed to make me become super anxious when I smoke.. The only thing I could guess is that around the time I began getting the anxiety spike from smoking was around the time when I began using opiates semi-regularly/then developed a huge habit shortly thereafter which lasted for a couple years.. Maybe that habit changed my brain chemistry and is the cause for the anxiety from smoking.
This is my stoty as well, pretty much word for word.
As far as responding to the OP:
The drugs you mentioned are Benzodiazepines, not barbituates (as someone else mentioned already). Doctors will commonly try to prescribe SSRIs which are mainly anti-depressants, and they also try to prescribe anti-psychotics as well. I guess if they script them out so commonly it must work for some people, but does absolutely nothing for me but make me feel empty and shitty and depressed. I have pretty bad anxiety myself, and the only things that truly actually help my anxiety (rather than just cover it up or allow me to hide from it like I do with alcohol and opiates) are benzos.
When it comes to Benzos they pretty much all work great for me, but I prefer Lorazepam (generic Ativan) the best as it works pretty strong but isn't as sedating as Valium or Xanax (idk how else to word it, it makes you less loopy, the same reason that people who try to use them to get high don't find ativan as recreational as xanax or valium). It is fast acting, can (and should) be taken on an as-needed basis so you don't have to worry about taking pills every day multiple times a day, and you don't have to wait for them to build up in your system to start working. I find that there are little side effects when taking something only a couple times a week as needed when compared to drugs that you have a constant stream of in your system because you take them every day. I think it's really nice to only have to take them when you feel the need. I'd rather try to live life and deal with my problems without relying on prescriptions, but for the times it gets out of hand I can pop a benzo and be back at baseline in a couple minutes. Even if I am in the midst of a huge panic attack that is so bad its about to damage my heart, I dissolve a pill under my tongue and quickly go back to normal. This allows me to live without fear of attacks and greatly reduces my anxiety solely on principle. It allows me to enjoy life more which once again makes my anxiety even a little bit less.
A lot of people are afraid of taking benzos because they can be physically addictive and the withdrawals are just as dangerous as alcohol w/d. But just because you take them once in a while does not mean you will become addicted. Like any other drug, you will become physically dependent after longer periods of constant use. If you take them multiple times a day every day for a few weeks, you will begin to become slightly addicted. It becomes dangerous when people binge and take large doses recreationally for a while and then abruptly stop. If you are taking normal doses according to your script you will be fine. Especially if you're only taking them as needed in small doses a few times a week (like before social situations or wherever you're prone to having issues, or what I do just as a way to stop a panic attack if you feel one coming on) you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Your body can't come to depend on something that it is not expecting to have a constant supply of on regular basis.
If you are having memory loss or feeling "fucked up" from thewm then you are simply taking too high of a dose. I have seen doctors prescribe nutty doses, you do not need a whole 2mg xanax just to maintain daily function. I usually take .25-.5mg (for xanax, double the dose for ativan because it's equivelant 2 to 1) and will only take larger doses if I am having a hardcore panic attack that is physically harming me (sometimes I'll get a heartrate of 190+, loss of feeling in limbs, unable to breathe, etc) and I need to kill it quick. Especially if you are a small person, your body doesn't need much for this stuff to work. I don't see why people like to try to get a "high" from benzos because I agree, falling down stairs and blacking out is not a fun time. But if used in small doses as needed for legitimate treatment of anxiety I couldn't ask for anything better. It's frustrating because I can not get a prescription of my own, if I come out and ask for it doctors assume that I am just drug seeking, my extensive knowledge about pharms does not help my case either. Unfortunately this just means a bunch of prescriptions for shit that doesn't help so I have stopped trying the new meds they keep suggesting and rarely go back to the doctor. I have to buy all of my anxiety medication illegally so I don't always have them on hand, and often I have to settle for something other than ativan which doesn't work as well for me (but beggars can't be choosers). If you have (or are able to have) a legitimate prescription for them, you've got a golden ticket. Just try taking a much smaller dose and I'm sure it will help.
I understand you were asking for another alternative, but I have nothing better to suggest that works as well as benzos or even close to it. If you truly do not like them then that is your choice, but I think you may just need to give them another chance. You've got a great tool there to help, it's a shame to see them kicked to the curb over an incorrect dose.
Good luck with your anxiety, and figuring out a good solution. I know how much it can suck, I feel you. Even if you can't get to the bottom of the issue and resolve it I hope you find something that helps.