Gibberings ver. CCXVII - More Mouth Than A Cow Has Cunt

[StoneHappyMonday]

Get that fuckin relapse right out of your head now Mrs. Don't waste this opportunity.

However, I'd be willing to bet the cheese off my nob that the first thing you do when you get out is score.

Prove me wrong...

You won't be.

 

[blondin]

I spent 3 months in the lovely Kent countryside in rehab costing my folks a fking fortune - took a week before I relapsed with someone I was in there with - and i nearly OD'd. What i learnt is you will only quit if you REALLY want to and it has to be for you not to make other people or person happy.

 

[Jabberwocky]

You won't be.

what makes you so sure? i have to go back to my parents, so i won't as soon as i get back unless i get my ass to Leeds.

What i learnt is you will only quit if you REALLY want to and it has to be for you not to make other people or person happy.

yeah, and thats my problem, i'm doing this cos its this or homelessness. or living with my parents.

i'm not climbing up the walls wanting gear like i was last night, but i don't really know if i'm ready to give up the dark. apparently a drug needs to comprehensively destroy me a la crack. i did my life story today and 3 people in the room fuckin cried so at least i don't feel like such a scumbag for wanting an escape

 

[StoneHappyMonday]

what makes you so sure?

Experience. This.

but i don't really know if i'm ready to give up the dark.

I'm not doing you down. But AFAIK everyone in rehab still posting on BL is not going to give up easily.

I'm not judging. I'm from the Charlie Clean school of let them eat brown and white and sky blue pink with no stigma attached. If you still want to play the game, play the game. I wish there were no stigma and we legalize the fucking lot.

Clean is a shit word. Good luck with whatever you want to be and do.

 

[Inso]

Those be some mighty fine words Mr SHM. It's that sort of out-the-box thinking that would save thousands of lives every year. Unfortunately, like with most things, the general populace is far too dense to understand it. One can dream though...

Good luck chinup, I'd echo that and say don't log onto Bluelight for a while. It's HR here but there's plenty of triggering posts akin to pictures of a big burger, they cause one to salivate at the prospect.

 

[Jabberwocky]

fair enough SHM. well i gotta hold out hope cos things got shit pretty quick and can only get shitter.

and thanks INSO- i don't really find it triggering, but have realised i should probably stick to my rehab thread in sober living and this gibbering thread.

had a truly shite day anyway and just want to disappear forever.

 

[Buspersons Holiday]

had a truly shite day anyway and just want to disappear forever.

Still thinking of you chinup, just feel too inarticulate to comment on your situation at the moment
Hope tomorrow is better & you feel like sticking at least one tentacle out of your shell

 

[blondin]

JUst concentrate on engaging in group and thinking about life without dope. Is it a 12 step place?

 

[Inso]

fair enough SHM. well i gotta hold out hope cos things got shit pretty quick and can only get shitter.

and thanks INSO- i don't really find it triggering, but have realised i should probably stick to my rehab thread in sober living and this gibbering thread.

had a truly shite day anyway and just want to disappear forever.

You can do it girl

 

[pinkpapaver]

You won't be.

Every Mondays a happy Monday here.

 

[pinkpapaver]

Am personally finding that pods are the answer. Closest thing to the real thing and blocks cravings to some extent.
Subutex are a weird weird tablet. I do not like nor trust them. Drug treatment services are shit for they offer only methadone and subs. They should be treating like with like.
That's if you just want to do it in the community as it were.
You've got to change all your habits, redress the balance in life. Replace what you love with the other things you love... Like in my case music, gardening, sport, being kind, having a laugh, listening to the wind on an autumn day, exercise, sport and exercise. They do work. That's where the pods come in good. They do away with the tight muscle feeling. The constant need to yawn and stretch.

 

[pinkpapaver]

Experience. This.



I'm not doing you down. But AFAIK everyone in rehab still posting on BL is not going to give up easily.

I'm not judging. I'm from the Charlie Clean school of let them eat brown and white and sky blue pink with no stigma attached. If you still want to play the game, play the game. I wish there were no stigma and we legalize the fucking lot.

Clean is a shit word. Good luck with whatever you want to be and do.

Yes, beautiful words. They give us shit substitutes and criminalise us for seeking a little warmth and comfort from the beautiful poppy.

 

[Limpet_Chicken]

Loginnotsecure-is that a repost? or something you actually did yourself?

Because that is fucking DISGUSTING behaviour. Jesus christ, have you no compassion? no shred of humanity left in whatever vestigial, shrivelled little thing you call a soul?

Stealing a specially adapted wheelchair from a disabled girl, whilst she screams in anguish, knowing that she needs it to live her life? what the fuck kind of subhuman piece of trash does that? picking on the most vulnerable like that because you think it FUNNY? you are damned lucky I was not that girl's father. I'd not have stopped, and I would have stamped on your face until your brains spattered the pavement and defaecated on your spasming, convulsing, twitching near-corpse before you died.

And then mocking her after, here, you can't use drunkenness as an 'excuse' (and no, it isn't a fucking excuse to begin with!. That is just abhorrent, repugnant behaviour. You don't need that wheelchair. (although if you survived, had I been her father, you'd certainly need one for the rest of your life, unless doctors find a way to repair critical spinal injuries), the most it could be to anyone other than that poor, poor lass, is a mere TOY!

Do what you can to redeem yourself. Put up posters saying it has been found. And have the honour, when returning it, to confess to having been the thief. And I swear to god, if a reward was offered by them, and you were to take it, I will do everything I can, to hunt you down, I can't say what I will do after finding you, it'd get me banned for life. But rest assured, I will do it.

That girl, she NEEDS that equipment, I can see, from the control pad, that she is dependent on it for movement of her own volition. She needs it every moment of her entire life.
Do you really want to be the sort of sub-human, worthless piece of trash who steals from the most vulnerable, for mere 'amusement'? who takes from a special needs girl something she needs to have her quality of life? tell me...would you have walked up to that poor girl, and battered her, whilst she sat in that chair, and thrown her into the gutter? no, you wouldn't. You are a spineless, gutless coward and without honour.

Redeem yourself. Make and put up those posters for it's return to her. And when you do, ring that doorbell, and bow on your knees. BEG her for permission to raise your head and to plead for her forgiveness. ON. YOUR. FUCKING. KNEES.

And don't you even DARE look her in the eyes, unless she does indeed grant you permission to beg her forgiveness. Because you are barely even fit to bow to her. Let alone speak in her presence.

If you don't, then you are the most disgusting kind of spinless, gutless coward.

There is more honour in that girl's little finger, than your entire family for ten generations will ever know. Just think yourself lucky I was neither her father, or a bystander. Because you would not have posted that shocking of cowardice, much less mocked her or laughed about it. People without tongues or vocal cords don't laugh.

She screamed in anguish and rage, are you surprised? you'd scream if I knew where you lived. Although not for long. As it wouldn't be where you lived any more. It'd be where you were found, dead.

I might call myself a spazz. Other auties and aspies do, to each other, plenty often. But we own it. You have no right to speak so. Not one scrap of one, not unless told by someone you may.

You fucking make me want to vomit blood down your throat.

 

[Jabberwocky]

JUst concentrate on engaging in group and thinking about life without dope. Is it a 12 step place?

no- nor is it abstinence only so they're not telling me i can't have 1 or 2 drinks occasionally. i might learn the hard way that i can't. i'm over 2 weeks clean off everything now, it never occurred to me that that was possible, though last week i was proper losing my shit. though i've taken to thieving teabags from NA cos even the tea is decaf and fuck that.

You can do it girl

thanks. i hope so cos i don't want to go back to what i was. i've got a lot of work to do. turns out i've got issues...

 

[Jabberwocky]

also i'm learning loads of mad stuff here that makes me make sense to myself. like it turns out if you're subjected to prolonged verbal abuse in childhood, you're going to find listening hard, cos you learn not to listen as a defence mechanism.

 

[Inso]

Stoned like it's 2003 here.

Hope things going well chinup.

 

[pinkpapaver]

Yeah, is all some kind of shadow work.

 

[afctu]

I don't really do drugs anymore other than a cheeky toke with my mate once every few months as i'm all grown up now :D but every once in a while (roughly yearly) i get a sudden to urge to get twisted off my face on MDMA-like substances whilst home alone. Usually i have an immensely enjoyable night doing weird and random things around the house and the next day i feel like I've got the urge out of my system and i'm fine again for the foreseeable future.

So this urge arrived around about Monday of this week and I've spent all week getting in touch with some old sources and looking forward to getting smashed on Saturday night, home alone as the mrs has gone away for work.

Saturday has arrived. It turns out nobody i know can get MDMA or Meph anymore and i find myself sat at my laptop ranting on Bluelight instead, thinking about what could have been. I've been offered Coke and (wierdly for the first time -) Acid, but im afraid only MD and Meph does the job for me. (And 6apb but i presume that doesn't exist anymore either).

What a disappointment! Looks like ill have to set-up on the DN and plan for another weekend.

 

[KingOfWessex]

I'd swap my Nan's pelvis for a bag of mephedrone.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Hey FUBAR

I just spotted that you're a moderator!!

Nice one. I'm really pleased about that- I know you know your stuff but more importantly I have confidence that you'll be fair.
It's great news for the site. Imo there's some terrible moderators on this site who are less than helpful and bring a lot of unnecessary negativity....I was going to give a shout out to the mods I think do a great job but realised that would be negative and shit stirring in its own right.

Thanks for the vote of confidence Bob, means a lot.

However, It does mean I'm going to have to be a little more responsible and less irreverent - but only over there. I've reserved the right to still be a cunt in EADD