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Fuck Me. Kill Me.

I didn't write this for feeling this is not about love,
this is a plaintive plea for something of
a little importance to succumb my ever never-loving
taste for the feeling of my ashes in a vase;
to have them scattered to the wind. but in death there's no release
for it is only life’s twin; bleak moon and janus-faced.
and as long as i hurt on this god-forsaken earth
i will not venture this familiar pain
for some terrible new curse.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Nice @ keeping and waffle :)
Click to expand...

thanks man, and yeah waffle's one blew me away
i feel like we should make a little bi-monthly bluelight writers zine and show case the talent we've got coursing through these forums,
someone pm me if they're interested :)
 
Broken bones
Fractured dreams
Break me.
Crushed skull.
Bruxism.
Shattered consciousness.
Take me
Desecrate my foundation
Dismantle my core
As i have done your civilization
Deconstruct the mind
Wander in psychosis
Nullify my spine
Falsify the prognosis
Doses of pain administered
By the minister of sinister
What the fuck is the Devil?
Level the commissioner
Summon our Amoral God
To completely annihilate me
I have been hearing sick voices in my head lately
I must be destroyed
Ingest this colloid
And enter the void
Fuck me. Kill ME
 
"I don't want to live anymore!"
The raspy, mental echo reverberates.
Echolalia.
The crushed essence of my soul percolates
Mashed through the mesh of sanity
Misanthropy misinterpreted as vanity.
Berate me.
Permanently sedate me.
Incinerate me.
I hate me more than you hate me.
Fuck you.
Fuck you for allowing me to resist
I detest any reason to exist
Contested with seasons in the abyss
Misfiring dendrites add to the perplexity
I dislike when your types get next to me
Who are You, yet What am I?
There is no registry
I long for the implosion of the universe
And summation of totality
Bloodletting for this curse
To Erase my mental faculty.
"Drink this water"
"Eat this bread"
Just blow off my fuckin head
I don't give a shit anymore
What's in store for me? I implore.
Tore down the veil of illusion
Now left with this societal skeleton's intrusion
"Is there a definitive answer to why?", I cry.
My reply:
"I just want to die"
Fuck me.

KILL ME
 
Broken bones
Fractured dreams
Break me.
Crushed skull.
Bruxism.
Shattered consciousness.
Take me
Desecrate my foundation
Dismantle my core
As i have done your civilization
Deconstruct the mind
Wander in psychosis
Click to expand...

short and sweet beginning to this piece; I espeically love the bolded 2 lines
 
MissBehavin'_416 said:
Damn Waffle! What disturbed you so much?
Click to expand...
Where to start?
Allow me to explain this pain that runs thru my veins
To my blackened heart
Apart from the useless instinctual drive to survive,
That forces one to strive thru this life
Our Amoral God contrived
I am sickened by the human experience and interpretation
Exile me from this planet
I'll behold its obliteration in veneration
I want to indiscriminately kill
I cannot describe the intensity of this FIRE I feel
Still i pretend to enjoy this sentience
Disguise the vehemence and
Menacing thoughts of spilling blood of alleged innocents
Conceal the rage of aversion
THE BLOODTHIRSTY MINION is kept in a mental cage and distracted with sexual perversions
Diversion's effective until the emergence of sobriety
Variety of ruminations inspire me
To release this fiery fury inside of me
When do I submit to the voices?
I hate my memories
I hate these choices.
I grind my teeth in distaste
Why am i a part of this place
In this state of disgrace?
Respond with a metaphorical pun
If i could, I would engulf the Sun
What the fuck am i doing here?
Prolonging my death,
It appears.
Years have led to this
Yes This feeling of nothingness
This. Dismissed.
Just give me bliss.
The world is not right.
I really fucking just hate life's plight
Something FUCKING KILL ME
WHAT TO DO WITH THIS RAGE?!!!
IT HAS USURPED MY ARTISTIC EXPRESSION AND BECOME ME. I ALWAYS FANTASIZE ABOUT KILLING UNTIL I AM KILLED. I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING. NONE OF THIS SHIT MATTERS. MICROSCOPIC ASTRAL DUST IN SPACE. FUCK YOU. FUCK EVERYTHING. FUCK ME. KILL ME.
 
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd?
I am screaming but I cannot be heard
What is the word - absurd??!!❕❕❕❕❕❕❕
 
Have you visited any pretty ladies in white coats recently? I think antidepressants could do you good.
 
Waffle Sock said:
"I don't want to live anymore!"
The raspy, mental echo reverberates.
Echolalia.
The crushed essence of my soul percolates
Mashed through the mesh of sanity
Misanthropy misinterpreted as vanity.
Berate me.
Permanently sedate me.
Incinerate me.
I hate me more than you hate me.
Fuck you.
Fuck you for allowing me to resist
I detest any reason to exist
Contested with seasons in the abyss
Misfiring dendrites add to the perplexity
I dislike when your types get next to me
Who are You, yet What am I?
There is no registry
I long for the implosion of the universe
And summation of totality
Bloodletting for this curse
To Erase my mental faculty.
"Drink this water"
"Eat this bread"
Just blow off my fuckin head
I don't give a shit anymore
What's in store for me? I implore.
Tore down the veil of illusion
Now left with this societal skeleton's intrusion
"Is there a definitive answer to why?", I cry.
My reply:
"I just want to die"
Fuck me.

KILL ME
Click to expand...

bolded parts are amazing IME

especially "misanthropy misinterpreted as vanity", that's such a lovely line, it reeks of professionalism

Waffle Sock said:
Where to start?
Allow me to explain this pain that runs thru my veins
To my blackened heart
Apart from the useless instinctual drive to survive,
That forces one to strive thru this life
Our Amoral God contrived
I am sickened by the human experience and interpretation
Exile me from this planet
I'll behold its obliteration in veneration
I want to indiscriminately kill
I cannot describe the intensity of this FIRE I feel
Still i pretend to enjoy this sentience
Disguise the vehemence and
Menacing thoughts of spilling blood of alleged innocents
Conceal the rage of aversion
THE BLOODTHIRSTY MINION is kept in a mental cage and distracted with sexual perversions
Diversion's effective until the emergence of sobriety
Variety of ruminations inspire me
To release this fiery fury inside of me
When do I submit to the voices?
I hate my memories
I hate these choices.
I grind my teeth in distaste
Why am i a part of this place
In this state of disgrace?
Respond with a metaphorical pun
If i could, I would engulf the Sun
What the fuck am i doing here?
Prolonging my death,
It appears.
Years have led to this
Yes This feeling of nothingness
This. Dismissed.
Just give me bliss.
The world is not right.
I really fucking just hate life's plight
Something FUCKING KILL ME
WHAT TO DO WITH THIS RAGE?!!!
IT HAS USURPED MY ARTISTIC EXPRESSION AND BECOME ME. I ALWAYS FANTASIZE ABOUT KILLING UNTIL I AM KILLED. I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING. NONE OF THIS SHIT MATTERS. MICROSCOPIC ASTRAL DUST IN SPACE. FUCK YOU. FUCK EVERYTHING. FUCK ME. KILL ME.
Click to expand...

the bolded parts spoke very strongly to me

it's definitely the most perfect embodiment of the suicidal/homicidal ideations I have been experiencing in my dreams and waking life during the acute withdrawal/PAWS from buprenorphine

I've tried so many times to write something as concise and accurate to my emotions and thought patterns, in these last few months, and I feel I've failed, or possibly gotten close but this takes the cake IME

thank you for sharing this waffle
 
Last edited:
I am flattered by your commentary. You are definitely an inspiration. When I first saw your posts (albeit random outbursts of vitriolic fervor indicative of torment) in TL, I thought "holy shit! I feel that guy." TBH i was a bit comforted to realize that I am not a lone sufferer. I feel this pain and torment as well and it is very real. A summation of my life has led to this. So much shit. No one can truly understand. No one can be ME to truly understand these thoughts/emotions, so when I write, I try to give you ME 100% to capture the essence. I get so heated sometimes during the introspective expression, that I feel like writing may segue into physical destruction abruptly thereafter retrieving and consolidating these caustic feelings I mask. I believe I illustrated this in the recent writing.
 
Wow guys this has not only touched me deep but has left me in a state of awe
 
Waffle Sock said:
I am flattered by your commentary. You are definitely an inspiration. When I first saw your posts (albeit random outbursts of vitriolic fervor indicative of torment) in TL, I thought "holy shit! I feel that guy." TBH i was a bit comforted to realize that I am not a lone sufferer. I feel this pain and torment as well and it is very real. A summation of my life has led to this. So much shit. No one can truly understand. No one can be ME to truly understand these thoughts/emotions, so when I write, I try to give you ME 100% to capture the essence. I get so heated sometimes during the introspective expression, that I feel like writing may segue into physical destruction abruptly thereafter retrieving and consolidating these caustic feelings I mask. I believe I illustrated this in the recent writing.
Click to expand...

You will love my novel <3

Can't wait to hear from you after you're back from ban
 
Ban me
Ride my impaler
Ban me already
I'm a failure
Look me in my eyes
Feel the pain of my demise
Disguised in silent cries
Surprised I'm still alive
Ban me
Cut me
Ban me
Crush me
Grab me
Ban me
Hold me closely
Eyelids heavy
Slowly OD
I am ready
Ban me
Ban me
 
thenightwatch said:
Ban me
Ride my impaler
Ban me already
I'm a failure
Look me in my eyes
Feel the pain of my demise
Disguised in silent cries
Surprised I'm still alive
Ban me
Cut me
Ban me
Crush me
Grab me
Ban me
Hold me closely
Eyelids heavy
Slowly OD
I am ready
Ban me
Ban me
Click to expand...

Very heart-felt and close to the spirit of the internal voice; thank you for sharing TNW <3
 
Floccinaucinihilipilificate me
Ride my impaler
Floccinaucinihilipilificate me already
I'm a failure
Look me in my eyes
Feel the pain of my demise
Disguised in silent cries
Surprised I'm still alive
Floccinaucinihilipilificate me
Cut me
Floccinaucinihilipilificate me
Crush me
Grab me
Floccinaucinihilipilificate me
Hold me closely
Eyelids heavy
Slowly OD
I am ready
Floccinaucinihilipilificate me
Floccinaucinihilipilificate me
 
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