@James Peach
You still alive?
Please update us on your situation.
I am terrified for you brother.
How is it going?
I became homeless my mother agreed to help me house me if I didn’t use until I found roommate. I just couldn’t stabilize, quit gaba, and not give into craving. I nodded out with my phone open unlocked. She grabbed it and read all the messages between dealers and how much I was spending. She found a gram of fetty and threw it in the toilet and bam I go from complaining about not stabilizing inside a comfortable apartment to freezing cold December nights in my car. That made it worse and I used more I got involved with this strange group of people cause my dealer had to turn himself into rehab or jail from getting busted. I had to resort to this awful paranoid group that use meth, fent, and Xanax and sit around nod out or tweak out paranoid at you. I couldn’t bear it and I missed the clinic on Saturday which every week they give you take home for Sunday cause it’s closed. I missed that day they’re only open 5-9 am. Never doing that again. I slept like a week in the car and then got motel 6 and the feeling of that comfort in that motel broke me down…
I’m ashamed to post this but it’s true. I broke down before having to clock out my room and called my mom crying like a baby. I’m 29 and it’s so shameful calling like that as a grown man. I really couldn’t stand being in the car again. I guess it took a bit of jail and a bit of homelessness to tap out and hit rock bottom. Plus that group I found for my new connection was awful I can’t be around paranoid white kids inbtheir 20s playing with guns acting stupid I’m good. It’s the reality of my addiction I hope anyone reading this will realize how stupid my decisions were knowing full well I gotta find a roommate. We had set dates by November 24th, then December 1st, then she lost it and I really had it so great. Now I’m thankful for warmth and housing.
My parents put some money together and gave me $1k for roommate, but I have to make car payment insurance and phone $600+ I have to work and earn asap. I know I am lucky and people will talk shit maybe say people don’t get as many chances as I do. I get it now. I will never fucking put myself in that car again.
Not to mention the relationship with my family now. My dad financed the majority of the $1k and to give that to a drug addict and trust them not to spend even $100-200 on a sac, but he did and said if I used it for drugs he’d break my legs. I hope I look back at this thread and see progress.
I just got approved by my friends home owners association he owns a big house and rents out rooms for $1k a month. Im typing this after waking up sleeping on the couch first night.
The clinic nurse actually cared about me. She saw I missed some days and I was surprised she cared enough to ask me how I was and to stay out of trouble, and gave me a fist bump. Little things like that really do help. I’ve literally blown all my chances with my family and the clinic it feels like. I dosed about an hour ago I’m at 135 mgs. I drank 70 extra mgs at 2 am so I’m surprised I’m not nodding at 200+. My tolerance is crazy I don’t get it. Feels like only smoking fent gets me well.
I’ll keep things updated I appreciate everyone. I won’t fuck up my life further. I deserve a good life. We all do. Like my clinic doctor said “you haven’t killed anyone right? You haven’t shot or hurt anyone? So you deserve a good life”
Thanks guys
and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers! I have never had to deal with Fentanyl addiction, bc the few times I accidentally did it I didnt enjoy it, so I cant completely understand how you feel but I can definitely imagine. I deal with an oxy addiction and its been really hard for me. In only 24 and honestly since I was 11 I've never really been sober except for when I was pregnant for 9 months. It's always been some kind of drug I'd be into for the time being. But since I started Oxy it's been real hard to kick. I know Fent is a lot stronger but have you tried Kratom out at all? That's what helped get me clean this last time. I've gotten clean from Oxy 2 times and the first time I used gabapentin so when I relapsed and tried to get clean again I couldn't understand why the gabapentin wasnt helping me get clean. But I finally realized it's because I thought taking something to help with the withdrawals would get me clean but in reality you have to want it mentally with everything in you. There is no easy way out. You HAVE to suffer to get clean. But just remember one day at a time. You deserve sobriety and happiness just like anyone else but you have to believe it. I thought I hit rock bottom the first time I got sober. But when i relapsed and got sober the 2nd time was even worse of a life I was living than the first time. I always tell myself "My worst day sober will always be better than my best day high". Just try to keep your head up and remember that you can move past this dark time in your life. This isnt permanent. And reality is, relapsing is a part of addiction sometimes. Try to get yourself to hate everything about getting high. Dont try to glamorize being high or miss the high. I believe in you and wish you well! This is my first response or comment ever so I apologize if I come off as rude or invasive or anything. I just want to give you positive feedback to your story!
