@James Peach
You still alive?
Please update us on your situation.
I am terrified for you brother.
How is it going?
I became homeless my mother agreed to help me house me if I didn’t use until I found roommate. I just couldn’t stabilize, quit gaba, and not give into craving. I nodded out with my phone open unlocked. She grabbed it and read all the messages between dealers and how much I was spending. She found a gram of fetty and threw it in the toilet and bam I go from complaining about not stabilizing inside a comfortable apartment to freezing cold December nights in my car. That made it worse and I used more I got involved with this strange group of people cause my dealer had to turn himself into rehab or jail from getting busted. I had to resort to this awful paranoid group that use meth, fent, and Xanax and sit around nod out or tweak out paranoid at you. I couldn’t bear it and I missed the clinic on Saturday which every week they give you take home for Sunday cause it’s closed. I missed that day they’re only open 5-9 am. Never doing that again. I slept like a week in the car and then got motel 6 and the feeling of that comfort in that motel broke me down…
I’m ashamed to post this but it’s true. I broke down before having to clock out my room and called my mom crying like a baby. I’m 29 and it’s so shameful calling like that as a grown man. I really couldn’t stand being in the car again. I guess it took a bit of jail and a bit of homelessness to tap out and hit rock bottom. Plus that group I found for my new connection was awful I can’t be around paranoid white kids inbtheir 20s playing with guns acting stupid I’m good. It’s the reality of my addiction I hope anyone reading this will realize how stupid my decisions were knowing full well I gotta find a roommate. We had set dates by November 24th, then December 1st, then she lost it and I really had it so great. Now I’m thankful for warmth and housing.
My parents put some money together and gave me $1k for roommate, but I have to make car payment insurance and phone $600+ I have to work and earn asap. I know I am lucky and people will talk shit maybe say people don’t get as many chances as I do. I get it now. I will never fucking put myself in that car again.
Not to mention the relationship with my family now. My dad financed the majority of the $1k and to give that to a drug addict and trust them not to spend even $100-200 on a sac, but he did and said if I used it for drugs he’d break my legs. I hope I look back at this thread and see progress.
I just got approved by my friends home owners association he owns a big house and rents out rooms for $1k a month. Im typing this after waking up sleeping on the couch first night.
The clinic nurse actually cared about me. She saw I missed some days and I was surprised she cared enough to ask me how I was and to stay out of trouble, and gave me a fist bump. Little things like that really do help. I’ve literally blown all my chances with my family and the clinic it feels like. I dosed about an hour ago I’m at 135 mgs. I drank 70 extra mgs at 2 am so I’m surprised I’m not nodding at 200+. My tolerance is crazy I don’t get it. Feels like only smoking fent gets me well.
I’ll keep things updated I appreciate everyone. I won’t fuck up my life further. I deserve a good life. We all do. Like my clinic doctor said “you haven’t killed anyone right? You haven’t shot or hurt anyone? So you deserve a good life”
Thanks guys