Extremely heavy DMT trip,what to do?

[pmoseman]

How do YOU know that I don't know that he doesn't know?

 

[afer]

All of my breakthrough level DMT trips begin with the thought "what the hell have I done to myself, fuck drugs man!"
Nevertheless, they all end in the state of utter awe and immense gratitude for what I have been shown.

By mentioning this I just wanted to stress that one's attitude to experience can change drastically in no time. No matter how badly you now want to crawl back in the comforting cocoon of mundanity, there are chances you will reconsider your stance sooner than you think.

 

[phuckingnutz]

How do YOU know that I don't know that he doesn't know?

How do you know that I don't not know that you don't know that he doesn't know...?...ya know?

"OOH OOH this is fun daddy...can we do it again?"

...and then you say: "I don't know!"

 

[pmoseman]

 

[Goddess Mode]

No no man I'm not offended by the trip...i was always loving and caring.Most people here believe I'm an ignorant idiot but I'm not, I know tons of stuff,believe me.Dmt somehow showed me that my infinite thirst for information is, like,unwanted?

What was it about knowing everything that made you uncomfortable?

 

[pmoseman]

Unwanted by whom?

 

[chicken hoagie]

Interesting to see someone else has experienced this. After caning too much acid when I was about 18 I experienced exactly what you describe above. I even went to the doctor, convinced I was suffering some sort of depression. This was about 20 years ago though and they didn't dish out antidepressants like they do nowadays so didn't get given anything to help with it. It then took about a year of staying off all drugs completely for me to get my "normal" head back on.
I've not had acid since, although have tried and enjoyed a wide selection of other substances.
Recently I've been wanting to give DMT a bash, but if there's a danger that it could bring these type of negative post-trip feelings back then I don't think I'll bother. By the way, I wasn't someone that ever really suffered from bad trips. At the time they were all great fun.

Fucking crazy. Getting on and reading this kind of blew my mind for a second. Didn't think anyone could possibly have a similar experience to what I had but good to know I'm not alone. Took me about a year also, although the struggles of life will always try to fuck me and I self-medicate with a peach or two of xanax every other day or so, work sucks so on and so on..but all in all, I don't feel that anything bad was brought from it long term. I feel like I have accepted it for what it is now and moved on. I KNOW with my own eyes and mind that I do view the world "different". But not physically, just metaphorically. I actually feel as though it's the reason I've been able to delve myself so deeply into science again and understand it..as before, in high school it was impossible to understand or take interest to. So I will say psychedelics have in the very least, resurrected a passion for me to take up schooling and learning some chemistry or pharmacology again. My girlfriend is also getting into psychology her freshmen year of college, and me never taken a real psychology class, just from doing internet research I know the subject better than her right now! Hah! It's crazy how one day you can just start to feel passion for something that you never thought you would take passion in. Amazing actually. I give my first mushroom and LSD trips credit for that enthusiasm. But I give good ole cannabis the credit for giving me the open mind to want to try mushrooms and LSD.


and for DMT...phew....

Tried it one time but roasted the bowl too much and fucked up inhalation.

never got the chance since but....boy i did get a body rush. It was strange. I wan't to try it, but I don't..

Honestly, that's probably why I feel for SoonAJunkie so much on this one...I would probably feel the same way after a DMT blast. lol


Oh, and my trips we're all great for the most part too. Actually all of my other 5 acid trips we're absolutely, insanely amazing. The hardcore 18 hour trip wasn't all bad either. Just beyond words intense. Almost couldn't tell the difference if my eyes we're open or closed at times from the warping blast of the rainbow matrix in my vision and my two 100+ lbs dogs surfing in the tidal waves of grass in my backyard(thought that shit was an ocean and so did my buddies lmfao). My other buddies who took just a half of those sweettarts asked me and my buddies I tripped with how we could even handle it because they could barely handle the halves they took(and these we're the fuckers who sold it to us).

hahaha..ahhh fuck, good times.

 

[SoonAJunkie]

What was it about knowing everything that made you uncomfortable?

It was like my brain couldn't handle that knowledge, cause it wasn't human knowledge... Weird stuff,it's like ending your life cause life is about exploring, and when you feel so complete,you feel like being on top of Maslow's pyramid, actually above the top.I feel insane from time to time. I feel like I am not a human anymore,that's why I'm seeking ignorance. Dmt ended my relationship with psychedelics I guess.I need ignorance just because I wanna find myself again, because man I lost him, I miss old me. Dmt changed my perception of reality so much that it's unpleasant. It popped the bubble that contained my safe and human life and opened a door to the cosmos.It was nice but it makes me feel not normal, it's like I'm constantly tripping without visuals.My friend who has broken through on dmt told me that he didn't want his trip to wear off but I was begging god to end it.

 

[THCified]

I haven't taken DMT itself (or the pure freebase DMT) but that pre-made blend called Changa, a mixture of specific herbs infused with DMT. The one i was experimenting with was fairly potent and even though i knew that one should always start low with this substance and never head straight to breaktrough-levels, i couldn't get comfortable with it, so i stopped my experiments.

This being said, i'm still interested in DMT itself because i know there's something more to it which i want to explore, but i never found the courage and interest of doing so.

But i can tell you that i experienced exactly what you did, but not after taking DMT but when taking Mushrooms, in fact after taking them for the very first time in my life. It was not only a hefty dose but also in a setting that couldn't have been worse, with people of which i know now were morons. They knew i never had taken Shrooms before but regardless let me take them under such inappropriate circumstances, so needless to say what followed soon after ingestion inevitably crushed me... or everything - my beliefs, my mind, myself - really everything that made me the person i was up to that point!

Even ten years afterwards i had some, even though mild, aftereffects like strongly diminished sociability and the like. And it was only after me, trough somewhat strange circumstances, feeling a growing urge to do Shrooms or LSD (i.e. a heavy psychedelic Substance) again, which then confronted me with above said situation, finally resolving what was buried deep within me all the time - and even though it wasn't my intention to 'heal' myself, it's exactly what happened.

I don't advise that you do the same, but this was what happened to me and what i wanted to share. And keep in mind how much time had passed until i took a Psychedelic again - which i, from said day on, even can enjoy when doing occasionally.

One thing everyone must know before doing a heavy psychedelic Substance is, that there's never just a good, but also a bad Side to it - like we see it when looking at the Yin/Yang.

 

[Goddess Mode]

It was like my brain couldn't handle that knowledge, cause it wasn't human knowledge... Weird stuff,it's like ending your life cause life is about exploring, and when you feel so complete,you feel like being on top of Maslow's pyramid, actually above the top.I feel insane from time to time. I feel like I am not a human anymore,that's why I'm seeking ignorance. Dmt ended my relationship with psychedelics I guess.I need ignorance just because I wanna find myself again, because man I lost him, I miss old me. Dmt changed my perception of reality so much that it's unpleasant. It popped the bubble that contained my safe and human life and opened a door to the cosmos.It was nice but it makes me feel not normal, it's like I'm constantly tripping without visuals.My friend who has broken through on dmt told me that he didn't want his trip to wear off but I was begging god to end it.

Alright, well forgive if I make any rash assumptions here, as I'm going to be extrapolating from my own journey in this response. Feel free to correct me on anything afterward. Just based on what you said here, I have to ask then, is it actually the gaining of knowledge that bothered you or just the loss of yourself at the core, by whatever means? Allow me to clarify here.... It sounds to me as though you have just experienced very strong ego loss in which you weren't able to let go, which can be a harsh ride. I feel that the feeling of knowing everything is a reflection of this.... This is how I've been viewing it lately. As human beings, we have one ultimate purpose in this life: continue stimulating the reward centers of our brains. Every single thing that we do, no matter how complex and intricate it gets due to the situation, can in some way boil down to this. Sex, love, drugs, food, exercise, fantasizing, making friends, going outside, using the bathroom, using the internet, seeking fame, power, money, success, or even just new information... and not only those, but even developing a personality, learning to interact with the world and use language, and avoiding death at all costs... yes, all of these serve this one final purpose. Keep the good feelings flowing. Now, you could look at it a little deeper than that and try to say that this actually serves its own purpose - to support the survival of the species - but even this can prove to be flawed, such as when massive drug-induced dopamine rushes start to become preferable to sexual acts.... The universe may have its own plans, but for us, it really is just about the next hit to our brains.

The ego is the system that your brain has put in place to keep these drives alive. The way I see it, it runs on an inverse relationship to your level of fulfillment for these basic drives. That is to say that the more your brain is satisfied that it already has the things it is wired to seek out, the less that it will feel that your ego is a process which is necessary to continue supporting. However, while it sounds very simple when put that way, the impact that it can have on consciousness is severe.... Because it is our egos which focus on that next hit, it is, as I said, through them that we develop our individual personalities. Without our egos, all we are are just blank human beings floating through a void, not feeling any need whatsoever to explore reality. But the fact of the matter is that we can still exist and be perfectly fine without our egos (or with just a tiny shred of them, as to be totally without it would equal unconsciousness, though still safe), as longas it doesn't last so long that we starve or something (which psychedelics never do of course).... But the fact that we are so strongly tied to our ego is what makes people freak out and associate a loss of ego with the loss of their own life. We all know that a trip in which you experience your own death can cause ego death along with it, but that's not the only way to experience it.... Staying alive is only one small function of the ego, which is an extremely complex thing. The focus of your ego will depend largely on your own personality. In my case, I tend to have a pretty sexualized mindset.... The more I lose my ego, the more my hallucinations generally become structured in such a way as to stimulate my libido, and that then too lowers my brain's need to support my ego as I become more and more satisfied with my current state.

The notion that life is about exploring and seeking new information is, like sexuality, something that everyone can also relate to in at least some way. If this aspect of your ego is one of the more strongly embedded parts in the way that you view yourself as an individual, it is logical to think that it may also come into play when something such as a psychedelic acts to simulate a situation in which your brain's needs are being fulfilled, which is what I personally believe that they do, in addition to other things of course. But it's important to remember that your ego can still attempt to sabotage you if you're strongly tied to it.... It's important to remember that the intense hallucinogenic state that generally accompanies psychedelics is intrinsically tied to your imagination, which (like I said with fantasizing) is another aspect of your ego, which means that they can actually intensify that aspect of yourself. Because of that, if you allow yourself to worry about losing yourself because of the way that people often identify themselves with their ego, the trip can become very negative and overwhelming. The delusions created by the ego in order to sustain your existence blend with the brain's newfound lack of drive in a way that makes you interpret them as things such as death. In your case, the way that you relate gaining that infinite knowledge to ending your life would be the perfect example. That would just be the part of yourself that your ego at that time thought it grab on to most strongly in order to resist what was happening to it, as futile as it might have been, and that resistance despite futility could definitely be what's left you in this sort of defeated mindset.

The funny thing about psychedelics (maybe not "ha ha" funny) is that in relation to "the fear", the reason it's given such a shallow name is because it really doesn't go any deeper than that. There isn't truly anything to fear, it is simply the emotion itself. People who are able to realize this in these intense moments and completely let go of any and all attachments to their egos are able to detach from these normal processes and simply let the full effect of the psychedelics' simulation without delusions getting in the way, and with this feeling of complete fulfillment of drives allowed to flow freely comes to feelings of universal peace and love that people describe. All you have to do is remember that experiencing these things is not equal to dying, and that life will continue to go on and be as beautiful as ever afterward if you don't let yourself get lost in the haze. In fact, what you'll tend to find if you really looked around is that those people can accept their loss of self in these moments come back with an even greater appreciation for it, because you are given a new chance to view it in its most raw and unbiased form, rather than as something which you need to sustain your existence. Perhaps if you were able to go back into this state but this time you were able to let go of your need to find information as being necessary to your life, you would realize that being in this state is not actually losing yourself at all, and you might be able to come out of it with an even greater appreciation for that aspect of yourself as well? Now, I'm by no means telling you to just dive right back into tripping, or that it will be easy.... Psychedelics may open the door, but ultimately it's up for you to walk through it. But if you truly want to get over these negative feelings inside yourself, I would think that this could be one true way to do it....

A relative once told me about a friend who he would trip with on LSD back in the '60s. He said that one weekend he came to him and told him he felt really shattered and broken after his last strong trip, like a part of himself was just missing now.... My relative told him not to fear, and that it would be okay; they would simply go out into the ether together next weekend, find him, and bring him back. They ended up going out into the mountains to trip together that weekend, and sure enough, he was back to his happy old self afterward.

The you that you know has not been lost, he is only hiding out of fear of being lost. Anxiety is a self-perpetuating system. All you really have to do is let go.

(I hope that all made sense....)



Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream....
It is not dying.... It is not dying....

Lay down all thought, surrender to the void....
It is shining.... It is shining....

Yet you may see the meaning of within....
It is being.... It is being....

 

[chicken hoagie]

Ending a trip and leaving feeling unsatisfied or damaged, perhaps really means that one needs to go back and enter the void again to look for the answers? It seems as though bad trips leave many people feeling strung out until they have another trip that re-enlightens the ego....


Hmmm

 

[ComfortablyNumb95]

Alright, well forgive if I make any rash assumptions here, as I'm going to be extrapolating from my own journey in this response. Feel free to correct me on anything afterward. Just based on what you said here, I have to ask then, is it actually the gaining of knowledge that bothered you or just the loss of yourself at the core, by whatever means? Allow me to clarify here.... It sounds to me as though you have just experienced very strong ego loss in which you weren't able to let go, which can be a harsh ride. I feel that the feeling of knowing everything is a reflection of this.... This is how I've been viewing it lately. As human beings, we have one ultimate purpose in this life: continue stimulating the reward centers of our brains. Every single thing that we do, no matter how complex and intricate it gets due to the situation, can in some way boil down to this. Sex, love, drugs, food, exercise, fantasizing, making friends, going outside, using the bathroom, using the internet, seeking fame, power, money, success, or even just new information... and not only those, but even developing a personality, learning to interact with the world and use language, and avoiding death at all costs... yes, all of these serve this one final purpose. Keep the good feelings flowing. Now, you could look at it a little deeper than that and try to say that this actually serves its own purpose - to support the survival of the species - but even this can prove to be flawed, such as when massive drug-induced dopamine rushes start to become preferable to sexual acts.... The universe may have its own plans, but for us, it really is just about the next hit to our brains.

The ego is the system that your brain has put in place to keep these drives alive. The way I see it, it runs on an inverse relationship to your level of fulfillment for these basic drives. That is to say that the more your brain is satisfied that it already has the things it is wired to seek out, the less that it will feel that your ego is a process which is necessary to continue supporting. However, while it sounds very simple when put that way, the impact that it can have on consciousness is severe.... Because it is our egos which focus on that next hit, it is, as I said, through them that we develop our individual personalities. Without our egos, all we are are just blank human beings floating through a void, not feeling any need whatsoever to explore reality. But the fact of the matter is that we can still exist and be perfectly fine without our egos (or with just a tiny shred of them, as to be totally without it would equal unconsciousness, though still safe), as longas it doesn't last so long that we starve or something (which psychedelics never do of course).... But the fact that we are so strongly tied to our ego is what makes people freak out and associate a loss of ego with the loss of their own life. We all know that a trip in which you experience your own death can cause ego death along with it, but that's not the only way to experience it.... Staying alive is only one small function of the ego, which is an extremely complex thing. The focus of your ego will depend largely on your own personality. In my case, I tend to have a pretty sexualized mindset.... The more I lose my ego, the more my hallucinations generally become structured in such a way as to stimulate my libido, and that then too lowers my brain's need to support my ego as I become more and more satisfied with my current state.

The notion that life is about exploring and seeking new information is, like sexuality, something that everyone can also relate to in at least some way. If this aspect of your ego is one of the more strongly embedded parts in the way that you view yourself as an individual, it is logical to think that it may also come into play when something such as a psychedelic acts to simulate a situation in which your brain's needs are being fulfilled, which is what I personally believe that they do, in addition to other things of course. But it's important to remember that your ego can still attempt to sabotage you if you're strongly tied to it.... It's important to remember that the intense hallucinogenic state that generally accompanies psychedelics is intrinsically tied to your imagination, which (like I said with fantasizing) is another aspect of your ego, which means that they can actually intensify that aspect of yourself. Because of that, if you allow yourself to worry about losing yourself because of the way that people often identify themselves with their ego, the trip can become very negative and overwhelming. The delusions created by the ego in order to sustain your existence blend with the brain's newfound lack of drive in a way that makes you interpret them as things such as death. In your case, the way that you relate gaining that infinite knowledge to ending your life would be the perfect example. That would just be the part of yourself that your ego at that time thought it grab on to most strongly in order to resist what was happening to it, as futile as it might have been, and that resistance despite futility could definitely be what's left you in this sort of defeated mindset.

The funny thing about psychedelics (maybe not "ha ha" funny) is that in relation to "the fear", the reason it's given such a shallow name is because it really doesn't go any deeper than that. There isn't truly anything to fear, it is simply the emotion itself. People who are able to realize this in these intense moments and completely let go of any and all attachments to their egos are able to detach from these normal processes and simply let the full effect of the psychedelics' simulation without delusions getting in the way, and with this feeling of complete fulfillment of drives allowed to flow freely comes to feelings of universal peace and love that people describe. All you have to do is remember that experiencing these things is not equal to dying, and that life will continue to go on and be as beautiful as ever afterward if you don't let yourself get lost in the haze. In fact, what you'll tend to find if you really looked around is that those people can accept their loss of self in these moments come back with an even greater appreciation for it, because you are given a new chance to view it in its most raw and unbiased form, rather than as something which you need to sustain your existence. Perhaps if you were able to go back into this state but this time you were able to let go of your need to find information as being necessary to your life, you would realize that being in this state is not actually losing yourself at all, and you might be able to come out of it with an even greater appreciation for that aspect of yourself as well? Now, I'm by no means telling you to just dive right back into tripping, or that it will be easy.... Psychedelics may open the door, but ultimately it's up for you to walk through it. But if you truly want to get over these negative feelings inside yourself, I would think that this could be one true way to do it....

A relative once told me about a friend who he would trip with on LSD back in the '60s. He said that one weekend he came to him and told him he felt really shattered and broken after his last strong trip, like a part of himself was just missing now.... My relative told him not to fear, and that it would be okay; they would simply go out into the ether together next weekend, find him, and bring him back. They ended up going out into the mountains to trip together that weekend, and sure enough, he was back to his happy old self afterward.

The you that you know has not been lost, he is only hiding out of fear of being lost. Anxiety is a self-perpetuating system. All you really have to do is let go.

(I hope that all made sense....)



Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream....
It is not dying.... It is not dying....

Lay down all thought, surrender to the void....
It is shining.... It is shining....

Yet you may see the meaning of within....
It is being.... It is being....

wow, great post.

 

[Goddess Mode]

Much appreciated, ComfortablyNumb95.

 

[SoonAJunkie]

Alright, well forgive if I make any rash assumptions here, as I'm going to be extrapolating from my own journey in this response. Feel free to correct me on anything afterward. Just based on what you said here, I have to ask then, is it actually the gaining of knowledge that bothered you or just the loss of yourself at the core, by whatever means? Allow me to clarify here.... It sounds to me as though you have just experienced very strong ego loss in which you weren't able to let go, which can be a harsh ride. I feel that the feeling of knowing everything is a reflection of this.... This is how I've been viewing it lately. As human beings, we have one ultimate purpose in this life: continue stimulating the reward centers of our brains. Every single thing that we do, no matter how complex and intricate it gets due to the situation, can in some way boil down to this. Sex, love, drugs, food, exercise, fantasizing, making friends, going outside, using the bathroom, using the internet, seeking fame, power, money, success, or even just new information... and not only those, but even developing a personality, learning to interact with the world and use language, and avoiding death at all costs... yes, all of these serve this one final purpose. Keep the good feelings flowing. Now, you could look at it a little deeper than that and try to say that this actually serves its own purpose - to support the survival of the species - but even this can prove to be flawed, such as when massive drug-induced dopamine rushes start to become preferable to sexual acts.... The universe may have its own plans, but for us, it really is just about the next hit to our brains.

The ego is the system that your brain has put in place to keep these drives alive. The way I see it, it runs on an inverse relationship to your level of fulfillment for these basic drives. That is to say that the more your brain is satisfied that it already has the things it is wired to seek out, the less that it will feel that your ego is a process which is necessary to continue supporting. However, while it sounds very simple when put that way, the impact that it can have on consciousness is severe.... Because it is our egos which focus on that next hit, it is, as I said, through them that we develop our individual personalities. Without our egos, all we are are just blank human beings floating through a void, not feeling any need whatsoever to explore reality. But the fact of the matter is that we can still exist and be perfectly fine without our egos (or with just a tiny shred of them, as to be totally without it would equal unconsciousness, though still safe), as longas it doesn't last so long that we starve or something (which psychedelics never do of course).... But the fact that we are so strongly tied to our ego is what makes people freak out and associate a loss of ego with the loss of their own life. We all know that a trip in which you experience your own death can cause ego death along with it, but that's not the only way to experience it.... Staying alive is only one small function of the ego, which is an extremely complex thing. The focus of your ego will depend largely on your own personality. In my case, I tend to have a pretty sexualized mindset.... The more I lose my ego, the more my hallucinations generally become structured in such a way as to stimulate my libido, and that then too lowers my brain's need to support my ego as I become more and more satisfied with my current state.

The notion that life is about exploring and seeking new information is, like sexuality, something that everyone can also relate to in at least some way. If this aspect of your ego is one of the more strongly embedded parts in the way that you view yourself as an individual, it is logical to think that it may also come into play when something such as a psychedelic acts to simulate a situation in which your brain's needs are being fulfilled, which is what I personally believe that they do, in addition to other things of course. But it's important to remember that your ego can still attempt to sabotage you if you're strongly tied to it.... It's important to remember that the intense hallucinogenic state that generally accompanies psychedelics is intrinsically tied to your imagination, which (like I said with fantasizing) is another aspect of your ego, which means that they can actually intensify that aspect of yourself. Because of that, if you allow yourself to worry about losing yourself because of the way that people often identify themselves with their ego, the trip can become very negative and overwhelming. The delusions created by the ego in order to sustain your existence blend with the brain's newfound lack of drive in a way that makes you interpret them as things such as death. In your case, the way that you relate gaining that infinite knowledge to ending your life would be the perfect example. That would just be the part of yourself that your ego at that time thought it grab on to most strongly in order to resist what was happening to it, as futile as it might have been, and that resistance despite futility could definitely be what's left you in this sort of defeated mindset.

The funny thing about psychedelics (maybe not "ha ha" funny) is that in relation to "the fear", the reason it's given such a shallow name is because it really doesn't go any deeper than that. There isn't truly anything to fear, it is simply the emotion itself. People who are able to realize this in these intense moments and completely let go of any and all attachments to their egos are able to detach from these normal processes and simply let the full effect of the psychedelics' simulation without delusions getting in the way, and with this feeling of complete fulfillment of drives allowed to flow freely comes to feelings of universal peace and love that people describe. All you have to do is remember that experiencing these things is not equal to dying, and that life will continue to go on and be as beautiful as ever afterward if you don't let yourself get lost in the haze. In fact, what you'll tend to find if you really looked around is that those people can accept their loss of self in these moments come back with an even greater appreciation for it, because you are given a new chance to view it in its most raw and unbiased form, rather than as something which you need to sustain your existence. Perhaps if you were able to go back into this state but this time you were able to let go of your need to find information as being necessary to your life, you would realize that being in this state is not actually losing yourself at all, and you might be able to come out of it with an even greater appreciation for that aspect of yourself as well? Now, I'm by no means telling you to just dive right back into tripping, or that it will be easy.... Psychedelics may open the door, but ultimately it's up for you to walk through it. But if you truly want to get over these negative feelings inside yourself, I would think that this could be one true way to do it....

A relative once told me about a friend who he would trip with on LSD back in the '60s. He said that one weekend he came to him and told him he felt really shattered and broken after his last strong trip, like a part of himself was just missing now.... My relative told him not to fear, and that it would be okay; they would simply go out into the ether together next weekend, find him, and bring him back. They ended up going out into the mountains to trip together that weekend, and sure enough, he was back to his happy old self afterward.

The you that you know has not been lost, he is only hiding out of fear of being lost. Anxiety is a self-perpetuating system. All you really have to do is let go.

(I hope that all made sense....)



Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream....
It is not dying.... It is not dying....

Lay down all thought, surrender to the void....
It is shining.... It is shining....

Yet you may see the meaning of within....
It is being.... It is being....

Awesome post.It was truly accurate!You know,after the trip I just felt that psychedelics are useless for me...I achieved what I wanted, I lost my ego.For a month now I'm struggling to get it back again,I loved it and I didn't know why I wanted to kill it.My trip was so intense and heavy that I lost reality for 15 minutes and have been tripping for 40 minutes.I guess it was more than 100mg which I inhaled all at once.This shit was so bad,I was in VERY deep depression for 10 minutes after the trip,I was thrilled.It took me to the planes of non existence and showed me, maybe,what's death like?but It was actually positive on the long term.Now I'm off drugs and I guess I'm done with psychedelics in general.I also want to improve my life,be more social,be healthier.But the ego loss is still there,it comes from time to time.
My summary is that ego loss is not something everyone would like to experience

 

[Goddess Mode]

I'm glad you liked it. :D Well, whatever you choose to do, if you can acknowledge everything I said in that post then I think you'll be on the way to getting back to your old self eventually one way or another. I mean don't get me wrong, I doubt you'll ever forget this experience... but you'll adjust, as we living organisms do. Your ego may have died in the moment, but as I said, it's not lost. What I said about just having to let go applies to whether you take psychedelics again or not - what ultimately matters is that you can detach yourself from that fear, not whatever experience is able to instigate it. I do think that a strong positive trip could achieve it if you needed it, but it can also be done by just staying calm and being true to yourself about your situation.

I actually used to have a lot of anxiety that came as a result of tripping as well, and for a long time I was sure that I had pushed myself so far that the fun-loving, social person who I used to be was being chipped away more and more with each trip, because I liked the escape but was in no kind of proper mindset to keep using the experiences positively. Eventually it got to the point where I just felt like a shell of myself, and I had to stop tripping for years. Not exactly the same as your situation, but related of course. I thought, after all this there's no way I'll get back to normal... and the longer I believed that, the longer it lasted. The only thing that actually turned me around in the end, with the help of staying sober and not just keeping myself in the haze, was to realize that my mind is stronger than some drugs. The drugs themselves aren't even anything special at all on their own - our brains are the sole things that makes them do what they do. Our brains are wired to be SO incredibly durable and sturdy despite being so malleable at the same time.... There is truly very, VERY little that they can't recover from that isn't directly quite toxic. But in the case of DMT, nothing was destroyed or altered... different processes from normal were just activated. Remember that the ego loss you experienced was something that your brain did in response to the presence of DMT, but which it has always had the capacity to do regardless. And without the DMT being present anymore, your brain chemistry returns to its normal routine, thus allowing you to reintegrate into reality. The only thing remaining is the psychological impact that the trip has had on you.... Your ego programming itself is already back in full force, it's just that that memory is preventing you from letting it your full expression of your ego. So ask yourself, why be bothered by a memory?

As soon as I realized that the only effect that my negative trips were having on me was the way I reacted to them and not any true lasting effect of the drugs themselves, I began down the path which has led me to where I am. I went from panic attacks, social anxiety, and feeling like I had lost myself, to being exactly back to where I was before but even more confident. I'm even tripping as much as I was before, only now all of my experiences are incredibly profound or at least healing. In fact, in the meantime as a part of this recovery process I have overcome more issues in my life than I could have possibly imagined. As you are also heading down a path of better living, I can only imagine that you are opening up the gates for yourself to follow this same kind of recovery process as well, as it seems you're already getting started. I think all you need to remember is that the experience was just that - an experience - and it has not changed who you are at the core, and you can find yourself again. And ego loss may be tough for some, but do remember too that *everyone* will experience it when their time comes.... Maybe now you'll just be a little more prepared for that moment.

 

[chicken hoagie]

Very good stuff. Couldn't have said all of the above any better. Even I enjoyed the read.


Maybe some of us on this forum should take up on their own writing hobby eh?

 

[Goddess Mode]

Thanks again. :D I'm happy you guys all liked it.... It's based on a lot of what I've been going through lately.

 

[SoonAJunkie]

Fuck psychedelics man
I'm not touching them again.That dmt trip was my last. I AIN'T EVEN GONNA TOUCH WEED AGAIN.Thisshit is getting worse and worse day by day,I feel dead.I have fcked my mind up,what the hell is going on with me...
Ego death was something I should pay in order to love life again.Even though I feel dead, my love on life got greater.I want to FEEL ALIVE.
The ego is still dead though....
Sorry for the f word but I can't express it another way

 

[phuckingnutz]

Are you doing ANY drugs at present?

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Intense DMT trips are the best.