I've been reading and really need some advice from you guys - this seems to be the only thread that matches my situation. I NEED YOUR WISDOM OR I'M GONNA PUT A GUN TO MY HEAD!!!!
I broke my foot and they put me on *snip*. I think it is oxycodone. Someone said Oxycontin. I don't think it makes a difference does it? Anyway, the pill says *snip* but everything is in Chinese because I work in China. I started getting off and then I get hit by a goddamn car (I am a foreigner in Beijing - dangerous ass city) and tore my rotator cuff. They sell the *please stop posting Pill IDs in your threads. This is your final warning* over the counter here for dirt cheap. I was at 20 pills a day. Then I heard it was killing my liver so I discovered "cold water extraction" which only allowed me to do 50MG in one damn drink and my usage doubled. I have backed off the CWD just because it is wasteful and barely a buzz.
The brace is off and I'm done. I should only have residual pain from the surgery and the physical rehab is fine. I was a gym rat weight lifting monster a year ago. The broken foot then the surgery now have me where I have to keep oxy and valium by the bed and wake up 2 times a night and need to take 5mg valium and 10mg oxy to fall asleep. Every 4 hours the pain comes back.
I have no emotion but anger. Nothing makes me happy at all. My guitars, my art, my gym, I am kicking my girlfriend out because I just want to be the fuck alone. I want to stop and there is no joy in my life ...except right after a workout. But that ends up causing muscle pain and that pisses me off, I cold water 10 oxy and then I'm not pissed off. I'm not happy but I don't want to punch someone in the face.
I hate myself and I hate everybody around me. I gotta quit and I have the taper set up. Here is where I am at. - I am at 20 pills a day. I have the next 15 weeks laid out. I drop from 20 to 18 to 16 to 15, 14, 13...pills per day . I have each week and each day laid out in bags. There is no gap, every day is perfectly set to go.
Then I heard about suboxone. They sell that shit like candy here too. So I bought 50 .5mg suboxone. As for benzos to sleep through the WDs I can anything I want and as much as I want, that isn't an issue. Getting off the benzos after I get off the Oxy will be the bitch. I will deal with that later. I want off the pain pills. But now I'm reading that if I take the suboxone I may not be able to get off of that.
I have one break coming up. I teach and have a LONG VACATION - I have paid vacation coming up - 8-9 WEEKS PAID VACATION TO CLEAN UP. How do I do this?
I can use the 8 weeks from now to the vacation to get my oxycontin down, but at what point can I safely stop taking oxy and go to suboxone?
How much of the suboxone should I take?
How long should I take it?
I feel like I have a stash here big enough to taper down a goddamn army but I have idea how to use it.
I guess my question is 3 points: First of course does it matter if it is oxycontin or oxycodone? I think its oxycodone.
1) Over the next 8 weeks how low should I try to get my daily oxy intake down to? I am in residual pain from the surgery and the ONLY time I am happy is right after I go to the gym and work out. For about 2 hours I feel no pain and love life. Then the anger and pain comes back. I keep weights and elastic straps around and I blind message therapists are dirt cheap here so full one-hour body messages every day will be used to help with the muscle pain. I always feel happy after I exercise. I make myself do it. Hurts like hell but emotionally I am human for about an hour every time I stretch, lift or use the straps. If I could put a bed in a gym I would do it. Weight lifting is the only thing that actually takes away the pain and the emotional pain...the constant seething anger.
2) How do I start suboxone? I have 5 bags. Each bag has 10 pills. Each pill is .5mg. Do I just cold turkey Oxy one day, take a suboxone and ....what? What will happen? It will block any oxy so I can't back out. I have no clue what happens when I make the switch
3) How long do I do the suboxone? How do I not end up addicted to that?
I have all the tools, time, money, drugs....but I have no idea how to put it together. I have this gift of 9 damn weeks to clean out, but I am in China. I can't go to a doctor or seek help. Nobody understands, I have no friends and am scared shitless. I just want it to stop. Oh GOD I want it to stop. I crank up my Godsmack at the gym and sing "I don't know how to love, I just know how to live, all I feel is hate, will you forgive me." and think this is the rest of my damn life.
PLEASE will someone tell me how they would put all the pieces of this puzzle together?
All I have now is little pill bottles with times on them and at 9, 12, 3, 6, 9 and then midnight before bed. Each bottle has rotating 2 and 3 oxycontin in them and rotating 2-3 valium in them. I also keep two pill bottles with 2 oxy and 2 estazolam (weaker benzo) by the bed in case I wake up sweating so I can make it through a night. All of this just to feel not pissed off. I never get a buzz.
If you had 9 weeks and all the oxy and suboxone you needed...how would you stop if you were at about 20-25 5/325 oxcyontin pills per day?
Please guys...I will follow advice like a dog a leash here. I had no idea what I was getting into. I have a great career, a 25 year old hot Chinese girlfriend who worships me, I only have to lecture 3 days a week and get paid out the ass just to show up. I should be in fucking heaven. I was. Then I met the 512 monster and all happiness has been sucked from my life. I am lucky that my life is so easy that I can live like a king working 6 hours a day 3 days a week. Yet I find no pleasure. I want my life back. Any advice?