Ending a 5 year relationship with opiates.

I know you responded on Shady's thread not too long ago, but was wondering how you were doing? Starting to feel back to normal yet?
 
yeah i feel pretty normal. cravings haven't really been hitting me and everything has been pretty good.

im getting some odd body pains. my neck is still kinda fucked as its been for about 2 weeks now and i have some pain in my right lung right now and cant breath deep.

energy has leveled off. i wake up around 11 or 12 noon and by 7-9 im pretty damn tired with some leg pains. i get tired at work and motivation is hard to come by. i expected this though and for the most part things are better. i feel more emotion, more talkative, etc. my drinking has went down seriously since being on suboxone. i drank a lot on suboxone. now i drink maybe a beer or scotch or glass of wine over a period of 2-3 hours and thats about it for the night. still smoke weed to help with sleep although i can sleep for 8 hours now where 5 days ago i was lucky to get 5-6 hours.


when i wake up tomorrow ill be at day 23. things are good. i feel like i've posted this same stuff so many times in many different threads, andi know i have but what the hell right?
 
That's so good to hear, Larson! Really great that things are improving generally too (more talkative, less alcohol etc) as well as the worst of the physical symptoms subsiding. I'm so happy for you, major congrats :D <3
 
Excellent you're sleeping so good Larson. Used to take me anything up to 3 weeks before I could sleep at all. Was always the killer for me. The energy levelling off is I think actually a good sign. Your Noradrenaline goes high as you're detoxing. It's stimulating. That it's levelled off is a sign that your body's coming back into some sort of balance. Will take a little while yet most likely to come properly right and you might find you're very up and down energy level-wise, but you're about there man.

The smokers cough is to be expected. Opiates suppress the cough reflex. Your lungs have probably got a good bit of cleaning to be doing.

Have you given any thought to things that will help you with the psychological cravings and help prevent relapse? If you're finding you've too much time on your hands consider Naltrexone maybe, or getting some help from NA just to kill an hour here or there and put some support in place.
 
Am going through some pretty serious cravings atm I think only because of how good I've been feeling lately.

And I'm going to be 100% real with you right now I do not have a single tip for you that I think will do shit for you.
Well except really for one very important "tip", DO NOT FUCKING USE. I have been obsessing about that warm vitality opiates give especially with the weather being as cold as it is and it is hard as fuck sometimes to deal with and that is just the simple reality of it.

So like I said keep your eyes open, let the craving spin in your head a billion times a minute and shake your feet, shake your hands, play with your hair, bite your nails, feel akward, feel uncomfortable, feel restless, DEAL with it, and DO NOT look at drugs, tempt yourself into situations that expose you to triggers, just fucking stay put untill that shit passes lol. Because that is precisely what I am doing right now. I am smoking a bowl and just focusing on morning. Maybe if I make it till then the shit will go the fuck away.

And one more thing, opiates can suck a fart out of my ass.
 
Fucking spot on man, you're doing amazing. A real inspiration to everyone here. I'm sorry I can't be of much help, as dealing with cravings was never really my strong spot either but I can say this. It won't be worth it to give in. The few hours of pleasure you may get are nothing compared to the endless regret you'll feel afterward. 23 days, man. 23 fucking days. In a week it'll be a month. I KNOW you don't want to throw that away for a stupid craving. Stay strong, stay distracted, stay stoned, stay in bed, do whatever the fuck it takes and just let that shit pass like bojangles said. Keep it up man, one day at a time.
 
tbh the 23 days have been pretty easy. i really haven't had a craving in awhile. i think being on suboxone so long not feeling a damn thing helped with that. i had more cravings on suboxone about 6-7 months into it then i have now. my girl was away though and i was house sitting for my aunt at that time and did end up using. ended up nodding out out back smoking and burning a hole in my fuckin pants. i never told her i was but i remember how it made me feel. ti was an alright feeling, but i had serious anger and rage going while high on it. like real serious. i also had too much energy to really lay down. i nodded out after i smoked weed.

i just remember being on suboxone so long and not telling her i got high made me feel like shit and the high wasn't worth it. it also brought back the feeling i had when i was constantly using. the horrible feeling when i ran out, the energy to run around in such a fucked way, nodding out laying there eventually while still awake enough to see what i was doing, smoking non stop, constantly wanting to be higher, etc. it wasn't a nice feeling really and the guilt lingered there the whole time. plus the rage fit!! it was brutal i wanted to go punch something in the face every minute! i did get angry fits but nothing like this time. i started it at work too and was pretty brutal to my co workers.

that was awhile ago though. it is passed. at the time i figured oh well i can use then go back to suboxone in 24 hours. thats what i did but during the high i was contemplating getting it the next day. afterwards though when i thought about it i realized im done with that. i cant be doing it anymore. so i kept on suboxone until i felt i was ready to come off, tough it out, and get it done. so many times before i thought i cant do this anymore, but i really wasn't tired of it, so i eventually relapsed. i was also around other people who used so it wasn't a good recipe. those other times weren't very long either. certainly not as long as this time.

so yeah, rambling again. i dont hang around painkillers anymore and really have no access to them. i know that can change in a minute but i also know i cant do it one time. even fi i do the consequences of that one time could fuck me.
 
Yeah, you have no idea (actually I'm sure you do, but figure of speech haha) how often I think about doing it again, just once. It's something I believe every addict has to go through. The delusion that you should reward yourself for being clean for X amount of time by doing the drug you just spent so much time quitting. It makes no sense, yet we all do it. Hell a lot of the time, I won't lie, I get by telling myself I'll reward myself with a taste sometime in the undetermined future. Really not a healthy way of thinking but whatever gets me through the day. You just have to realize the cold hard truth, with people like us, there's no such thing a "just once" anymore. We threw that option away a longtime ago.

I feel like a hypocrite though, as I'm sitting here writing all this shit about what not to do when I've done it all and even worse, I don't know what the future holds for me. I give advice as best I can to others but I don't listen to a word I say myself...
 
I've been reading and really need some advice from you guys - this seems to be the only thread that matches my situation. I NEED YOUR WISDOM OR I'M GONNA PUT A GUN TO MY HEAD!!!!

I broke my foot and they put me on *snip*. I think it is oxycodone. Someone said Oxycontin. I don't think it makes a difference does it? Anyway, the pill says *snip* but everything is in Chinese because I work in China. I started getting off and then I get hit by a goddamn car (I am a foreigner in Beijing - dangerous ass city) and tore my rotator cuff. They sell the *please stop posting Pill IDs in your threads. This is your final warning* over the counter here for dirt cheap. I was at 20 pills a day. Then I heard it was killing my liver so I discovered "cold water extraction" which only allowed me to do 50MG in one damn drink and my usage doubled. I have backed off the CWD just because it is wasteful and barely a buzz.

The brace is off and I'm done. I should only have residual pain from the surgery and the physical rehab is fine. I was a gym rat weight lifting monster a year ago. The broken foot then the surgery now have me where I have to keep oxy and valium by the bed and wake up 2 times a night and need to take 5mg valium and 10mg oxy to fall asleep. Every 4 hours the pain comes back.

I have no emotion but anger. Nothing makes me happy at all. My guitars, my art, my gym, I am kicking my girlfriend out because I just want to be the fuck alone. I want to stop and there is no joy in my life ...except right after a workout. But that ends up causing muscle pain and that pisses me off, I cold water 10 oxy and then I'm not pissed off. I'm not happy but I don't want to punch someone in the face.

I hate myself and I hate everybody around me. I gotta quit and I have the taper set up. Here is where I am at. - I am at 20 pills a day. I have the next 15 weeks laid out. I drop from 20 to 18 to 16 to 15, 14, 13...pills per day . I have each week and each day laid out in bags. There is no gap, every day is perfectly set to go.

Then I heard about suboxone. They sell that shit like candy here too. So I bought 50 .5mg suboxone. As for benzos to sleep through the WDs I can anything I want and as much as I want, that isn't an issue. Getting off the benzos after I get off the Oxy will be the bitch. I will deal with that later. I want off the pain pills. But now I'm reading that if I take the suboxone I may not be able to get off of that.

I have one break coming up. I teach and have a LONG VACATION - I have paid vacation coming up - 8-9 WEEKS PAID VACATION TO CLEAN UP. How do I do this?
I can use the 8 weeks from now to the vacation to get my oxycontin down, but at what point can I safely stop taking oxy and go to suboxone?
How much of the suboxone should I take?
How long should I take it?
I feel like I have a stash here big enough to taper down a goddamn army but I have idea how to use it.

I guess my question is 3 points: First of course does it matter if it is oxycontin or oxycodone? I think its oxycodone.

1) Over the next 8 weeks how low should I try to get my daily oxy intake down to? I am in residual pain from the surgery and the ONLY time I am happy is right after I go to the gym and work out. For about 2 hours I feel no pain and love life. Then the anger and pain comes back. I keep weights and elastic straps around and I blind message therapists are dirt cheap here so full one-hour body messages every day will be used to help with the muscle pain. I always feel happy after I exercise. I make myself do it. Hurts like hell but emotionally I am human for about an hour every time I stretch, lift or use the straps. If I could put a bed in a gym I would do it. Weight lifting is the only thing that actually takes away the pain and the emotional pain...the constant seething anger.

2) How do I start suboxone? I have 5 bags. Each bag has 10 pills. Each pill is .5mg. Do I just cold turkey Oxy one day, take a suboxone and ....what? What will happen? It will block any oxy so I can't back out. I have no clue what happens when I make the switch

3) How long do I do the suboxone? How do I not end up addicted to that?

I have all the tools, time, money, drugs....but I have no idea how to put it together. I have this gift of 9 damn weeks to clean out, but I am in China. I can't go to a doctor or seek help. Nobody understands, I have no friends and am scared shitless. I just want it to stop. Oh GOD I want it to stop. I crank up my Godsmack at the gym and sing "I don't know how to love, I just know how to live, all I feel is hate, will you forgive me." and think this is the rest of my damn life.

PLEASE will someone tell me how they would put all the pieces of this puzzle together?

All I have now is little pill bottles with times on them and at 9, 12, 3, 6, 9 and then midnight before bed. Each bottle has rotating 2 and 3 oxycontin in them and rotating 2-3 valium in them. I also keep two pill bottles with 2 oxy and 2 estazolam (weaker benzo) by the bed in case I wake up sweating so I can make it through a night. All of this just to feel not pissed off. I never get a buzz.

If you had 9 weeks and all the oxy and suboxone you needed...how would you stop if you were at about 20-25 5/325 oxcyontin pills per day?

Please guys...I will follow advice like a dog a leash here. I had no idea what I was getting into. I have a great career, a 25 year old hot Chinese girlfriend who worships me, I only have to lecture 3 days a week and get paid out the ass just to show up. I should be in fucking heaven. I was. Then I met the 512 monster and all happiness has been sucked from my life. I am lucky that my life is so easy that I can live like a king working 6 hours a day 3 days a week. Yet I find no pleasure. I want my life back. Any advice?
 
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yes that is perc. and yes the amount of tylonel in those pills is killing you. are you sure they are .5 suboxone? or do they say 2.0/.5mg on the bottle? if they do then it is 2 mg.

me personally if i was really sick of it i'd just toss the oxy out. suboxone will keep you going forever if you want and there is no sickness since it lasts so long. only thing is you'll still be numb emotionally but you wont be so angry i dont think. tbh maybe just try to do it in 1 month. '

to do this you'll have to be in withdrawal. toss your oxy out, wait 12-24 hours (you REALLY need to be in withdrawal) and then dose 2 mg suboxone. you let it dissolve under your tongue. wait an hour or even a day after dosing that. you'll feel shitty no matter what when you make the switch and it will last a couple days probably. i would say dont go over 2mg since you have a pretty low habit and dont want to be stuck on suboxone.

basically get as low as you possibly can as fast as possible. jump to 2mg, deal with 2-3 days feeling weird, then when your stable after a week or so drop to 1.5, 1.25, 1, .75, .5, .4, .3, etc. you may have to crush and snort it or just crush it and dissolve in water to get a good dosing. it doesn't have to be perfect either. i didn't taper that way i just dropped .5 at a time and didn't notice it. but you want minimal pain so that part is up to you.

jsut want to get as low as you possibly can. you dont wanna be teaching while withdrawaling. dont put it off. your mind may change in a week and you'll feel its not so bad being on oxy, so take advantage while you can and while you have 9 weeks off.
 
<we don't allow any sourcing here on BL. Additionally, we won't (and can't, identify pills for you- OverDone>


I can't post attachments. I created an email with a picture of the pill they said is .5 Shafi films | buprenorphine HCl sublingual tablets. I would be grateful for anybody to take a look and tell me if they have seen that pill before. Chances are it was made in Phillipines, Hong Kong or India. I have tried for HOURS and cannot find a single pill site in Chinese or English that has a picture of this pill. Just like the DDK, this site just has stuff I can't find other places. Under "brand" it says "triazolam" but I think that is a translation problem. I can always to go to SITE DELETED and they also have the legit suboxone. Also COD. I've heard they are less seedy.

<again, we can't identify pills for you - OverDone>

Again confirm, I can spend the next 2 months cutting down but at any point in time if I just decide to quit I can get 2mg of suboxone a day you can cold turkey oxycodone? That seems unreal. If I get my dose down to something more reasonable can I get by with a lower size dosage of suboxone? That would cost me about <no pricing -- OverDone> if I could do it in 14 days. My oxy runs <no pricing -- OverDone> a day. Am I wrong on this .2mg means I take 10 pills thing?

God I am green. I feel like an idiot asking these questions but I would spend the money if I could literally just STOP the oxy and taper down 2 weeks a little less painfully on the suboxone. That is worth <no pricing -- OverDone> or so. Is that a reasonable estimate? How bad will it hurt? I have read about PAWS....that scares me too. I have some triazolam back up so that no matter what happens I can be asleep in an hour if anything overtakes me. I am just so damn scared. Way in over my head.

<again, we can't identify pills for you - OverDone>

<nope -- OverDone>

SO REALLY - I CAN GO COLD TURKEY FROM 100MG OF OXYCODONE A DAY TO BUPRENORPHINE - WHICH IS SUBOXONE - RIGHT? All the sites say taper your pain killer down to as low as possible. That first step scares the shit out of me. And if these are .2mg then I am going to have to eat 10 of them to get 2mg. MAN - that is an expensive way down. That is about <pricing - OverDone> a day. It would literally be cheaper to do methadone. But that would be like putting out a match with fire hose wouldn't it?

<again, we can't identify pills for you - OverDone>


Thanks for the reply Larson. Sorry to lay all these questions on you but I've spent weeks reading posts and can't find a thread that I feel really matches my situation. I just need someone with some smarts, not so stupid teacher who went from protein drinking, egg white and oatmeal diet with some beers to strung totally out on something I know nothing about. Everybody says 'jump" to this safety net of suboxone and I don't even know if what i Have IS that safety net. So ya, little stressed out.

Peace man. Thanks.

<this post broke many of our Guidelines found in the BLUA as well as TDS specific Guidelines. I decided to edit your post as opposed to just UA'ing it but please take the time to be very familiar with what is and what is not allowed on our site. Thanks. - OverDone>
 
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you should go from the oxy right to the sub. thats what it was made for. just make sure your in w/d before you take the suboxone.

now about those pills, i dunno. i've only seenthe orange suboxone but i think subutex is white. different between the 2 is subutex isn't really prescribed and i think you can get high on top of it? not sure.

really the best thing would be switch to sub. if it really is that expensive then maybe sweat out a day or 2 and take like mg and see how you feel and then drop to 1 mg gradually over a week or 2.. suboxone is some potent ass shit.

imt not sure about those pills andthat site though, never ordered pills online.
 
Hi Walter,
I've been lurking on the site for years, but just signed up to reply to you. Wow man, those sites are really crazy! They're so blatant about selling date-rape drugs (based on the pics). I'd be wary of anything you get from them. The pills with the squares on it can't be commercial. There would have to be some identifying numbers or letters to be 'real'. I would go with your gut and use the more trusted seller. They appear to be .2 mg bupe, which may be legit. Bupe is sold in some countries in .2 and .4 mg doses for pain under the brand temegesic. You need to be in at least minor w/d before taking the bupe. I would recommend waiting until you can't stand it any longer and try a single .2 mg. Let it dissolve under your tongue and wait at least an hour to make sure there are no ill effects. If all is well after an hour, I would take another 4 which would put you at a total of 1mg. Bupe is a lot stronger than most people realize and this will knock out a considerable amount of the w/d. I would then take 2 pills (.4mg) every hour until you feel right. Again, bupe is really really strong, and imo, most drs over prescribe it. Coming off a 240mg oxy habit, it only took 2mg for me to get to normal.

Another reason I wanted to post, was to ask you about the anger. You've mentioned it several times and I'm a little concerned for you. Anger is not a very common side effect of opiates - actually the opposite is true. At least for me, they chill me out and I don't care about anything. I wonder, since you've been getting these from these shady places, do you think it's possible they have some other ingredient that could be causing the anger? Maybe some type of steroids or uppers?

Keep us up to date and let us know how everything is going. I wish you the best!
 
Another reason I wanted to post, was to ask you about the anger. You've mentioned it several times and I'm a little concerned for you. Anger is not a very common side effect of opiates - actually the opposite is true. At least for me, they chill me out and I don't care about anything. I wonder, since you've been getting these from these shady places, do you think it's possible they have some other ingredient that could be causing the anger? Maybe some type of steroids or uppers?

Keep us up to date and let us know how everything is going. I wish you the best!

yeah those sites are fucked lol porn and illegal pills.

but i disagree with the anger thing. me and everyone i know got very very irritable on opiates. its a very common side effect. i personally could be super calm and relaxed on them but then something would set me off so it was a 100% turn around in a minute.

i found that lower doses that didn't really get me that high would get me very irritable. higher doses where i'd nod out would have me more relaxed and not caring but lower doses gave me tons of energy and i got super irritable.
 
but i disagree with the anger thing. me and everyone i know got very very irritable on opiates. its a very common side effect. i personally could be super calm and relaxed on them but then something would set me off so it was a 100% turn around in a minute.

this has been my experience as well.. snapping over little things that normally wouldn't bother me much or at all.
 
Just so you know, OxyContin does not contain APAP. Any pill that is "5/325" is not OxyContin, but Percocet.

OxyContin contains oxycodone. Percocet contains oxycodone and APAP (Tylenol). Again, OxyContin is a formulation of oxycodone.
 
Anger might be resulting from months of never reaching deep sleep. If you are waking up every 3-4 hours aching for a pill then I can't imagine you ever hit level 4 recovery sleep. The only time I sleep long enough to feel the healing power of sleep is when I take a about 10mg of valium. But then I sleep into WD and at about 8 hours I start having horrible nightmares and wake up in WD. Before dosing myself into 6-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep I will take 15-20 pills and do a cold water extraction and filter out the APAP and put it in the fridge. Then, when I wake up I can down the heavy dose of oxycodone and in about 30 minutes I am not in panic. If I spend that 30 minutes doing stretches and lifting weights and pushing every muscle - especially the still aching rotary cuff where I had the surgery, it seems to go deep into my body and I am new man for about a day. The hate goes away. I am irritable when my levels get to low and that builds over the course of days into hatred. I haven't been self aware enough to keep a diary of my time and actually verify that the waves of hatred correlate with sleep deprivation. The benzos cause bad time management and I should keep a diary of my time and look for patterns. This is my most educated guess.

I WANT TO THANK THE MONITOR FOR CLEANING THIS POST INSTEAD OF DELETING IT. I FOUND AN URL REMAINING AND CLEANED UP OTHER RULE BREAKERS. SORRY - MY FIRST POST BUT NO EXCUSE FOR NOT READING THE RULES.

I am using them to get off drugs, not on drugs and do not promote them. Despite their evil they have medicine that can heal me. Who needs ether? Has anybody here heard of DDK? They must be lab rats. Either they were helping Michael Jackson get a good nights sleep or they are helping rapists. That was reckless and I want to thank the monitor for not yanking my post. That was very decent of the site and this place has good people.

So, based on the advice I am getting, I need to stock up on legit suboxone. Make sure that I have enough to reach 2mg in a day. Wait until the WD is really hurting - push the WD boundary to its limit and then start to let the suboxone melt under my tongue starting at about .5mg and work my way up to where the WD from the oxy goes away. I can do this at virtually any level of oxycodone. So long as I have enough suboxone to ride out the WD period of the oxycodone I won't have overwhelming misery from stopping the oxy. BUT....if I enjoy the suboxone and keep taking it beyond its intended purpose I have just found a more expensive addiction. So after about 7-10 days I should taper down off of the suboxone at a rate that I find comfortable.

Is that the general consensus? I don't have to worry about getting down to only taking 5mg of oxy a day.

As I was putting together my 15 week - 1 bag per day taper down package I was laughing at the idea that a single 5/325 oxycodone would ever make a difference. That was when I started researching suboxone. My girlfriend is leaving but promised to drop me off my daily package on her way to work. Obviously will power and the desire to quit is my only hope given the absolute open availability of the drug. I used to drink wicked but quit because it blew my pancreas and I nearly died. I can drink a couple of beers but it scares me and I don't drink - even though it is all around me. So I have been addicted to alcohol, wanted to quit and quit. Zakk Wylde said he went cold turkey on booze last year when he had blood clots and had to take blood clot thinners. I still think he replaced and I guess this suboxone is a replacement. But so long as I don't let myself get addicted to the suboxone you guys really think I can go from over 100mg of oxycodone a day to nothing with suboxone. If you say so I will do it. I will go to the other site and buy about 10 days supply of the real thing - something in a box with label, but I will spend the money to do this.

I was told if something seems too good to be true it probably is. This feels like it is too good to be true. But I came here because I see a lot of people with good hearts and I thank you all deeply for taking the time to give this loser some of your time and advice. I don't feel alone today. This is truly the first time I haven't felt, as Jim Morrison said "Jumped, humped, born to suffer - made to undress in the wilderness" - getting addicted in China with nowhere to turn feels that way. Thank you guys - I am headed to class with some hope today.

Any further advice, opinions or corrections on my understanding of the switch to suboxone are truly welcome. Thank you site monitor for not yanking my post. Peace all - you're good people.
 
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You can delete it yourself, man. Take some initiative, the mods have a lot of work to do. :)

Edit: I had to click out of curiosity, but jesus that looks sketchy o.o
 
I had many replies - don't want to mess up the site so will summarize in one post

To Villian and Larson0 -

Ya Larson0 - I should not have used superlatives like "never" - there are days when the morning dose is a high. After that one wears off you never get it back, no matter how much you take. This is when the rage sets in.

Villian - This is where what you said matches perfect. I am taking the pills to feel nothing but normal, I am working so I can't be drinking CWE so I have a stomach ache from the APAP and my muscles ache and that is when I could snap over the smallest things.

Crazin61 - My biggest fear was what to expect from the BUPE - your input is priceless and took a lot of mystery out of the process for me. I don't have the willpower for a 15 week taper down. I need CUT THE CORD and you convinced me it can be done. Your email was a game changer.

I have to ask, IT REALLY DIDN'T HURT? I remember the first time I tried to just stop. It was 4am and I was unable to sleep. My girlfriend came in to talk to me and just having her in the room felt like a threat. I couldn't understand a word she was saying - I was just confused, scared and having someone even in the room with me was a horrible experience. I didn't even try sleeping that night - I told her I felt sick and said she should go to be so she doesn't "catch my sickness" and she bought it. I started popping pills until the terror went away. When I was up to dosage I felt perfect. Even with no sleep I had a great day because the WD was so horrible that getting the drug back in my system felt like I had been cured of cancer. That experience scared the hell out of me and I have not been able to face the idea of quitting since.

Could you detail out your BUPE experience more detail? What level were you at? There had to be some discomfort. I am most interested in any stories like yours - what to expect as I make the leap. That step is scaring me and the more I know the better.

shady - thanks for advice. Wasn't aware I could edit. I am truly a green lighter. You are right - monitors need the help. Done.
 
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