For me, the seizures are variable in occurrence, its just that my primary anticonvulsant, I use chlormethiazole, because I just love the stuff generally, its my favourite downer, well, barbital (NOT phenobarb, I do, actually, MEAN barbital, as in veronal, 5,5-diethylbarbituric acid) was lovely too, but the kinetics are way iffy. Can build up and build up in the body due to its mental long half life. I forget how long now but its not hours, its days. Plus theres a couple of other iffy things about it. One is that tolerance to the euphoric, sedating, anticonvulsant effects etc rises, but the lethal dosage never rises with barbiturates, its kinda...set, at something like twice the barb-naiive/nontolerant level for heavy euphoric effects.
I once got hold of a bit more than an ounce of lab grade (not a 'RC' research chemical, but an actual research chemical, a PH buffer from a microbiology/biotech lab, went predictably mental with it, knowing I could taper myself off because I had so much of it, something like 40g IIRC, but I by bad chance, got arrested and remanded, after ODing, ending up in the ICU, almost died several times-stroke-did die and got resuscitated, because it had built up in my system, and I had been proper munted 24-7, absolutely caning everything from the barbital, to moggies, to toking away at a few oz of skunk, to some hash, whippits by the crate, yopo snuff, diethyl ether both inhaled and drinking it mixed with vodka, diisopropyl ether, as well as a mix of diethyl and diisopropyl ether, in the form of my signature cocktail, the Manhattan Project, which is the care+ or Bell's brand codeine linctus, the sugar free orange one is NOT for this cocktail, it tastes utterly vile to begin with, faux orange, whilst the correct two brands are flavoured/preserved with chloroform. This is first poured onto the bottom of the glass, mixed with a little freshly squeezed lime juice, then a mixture of tesco own brand dirt cheap lime soda, no substitutions allowed, it has to be tesco own brand cheapo stuff, it sounds crap but it isn't and it works perfectly for the Manhattan Project. This is then added to vodka, strength to taste, and carefully layered over the thick codeine linctus&fresh lime juice and bits of lime pulp, the grated off zest is saved to top it off. Ice cubes, or better yet, fragmented, smashed up ice is added to the vodka and lime pop layer, floating above the dense codeine linctus with CHCl3, and finally on top, in a suitable container, that is both light and will not melt, is poured some diethyl ether, freshly distilled, without peroxidation inhibitor (although a common inhibitor, BHT is actually often found in comestible products so probably won't be harmful at the traces used to inhibit the ether turning into an incendiary bomb thats touchier than a prostitute with mange who has a muff full of bulldog ant and her clit covered in those little prills of caustic soda or caustic potash, and in the case of the peroxidized ethers, will go off at the slightest provocation, or even no provocation whatsoever. But I prefer uninhibited diethyl ether, freshly distilled under a current of nitrogen or pad of argon as inert gas, after being sparged with same. Diisopropyl ether can be used too, or a mixture of the two, and then this is floated in a wee cup, of lightweight, non-dense plastic, floated on top of the Manhattan Project, in the manner of a jagerbomb.
As for the barbital, it got me, I got jailed due to a paramedic with a thing for being a filthy dirty fucking rat bastard snitch, just because he heard that I had in my ownership, in the lab, some red phosphorus. There was a combined porcine, army, and EOD team major shitstorm, I got forced through the court system in fullblown unmedicated DTs, as bad of the DTs as you can possibly comprehend, and then worse by a thousandfold. God it was hideous, and I had barely the ability to breathe let alone defend myself, and the duty solicitor both did not give a twatting piece of dried out hobo-shite, totally CBF presenting and working on a defense, just basically stood by and let things go. Then I was remanded, still in massive, massive massive awful DTs, didn't even know food had been thrown in through the jail cell flap and left there. Came round eventually after I'd stopped hallucinating, to see all this nasty ass mouldy former 'food', and I at that point was so starved that I literally looked like a concentration camp victim liberated from Auschwitz, looked like a skeleton, a famine victim from ethiopia only white. I am astonished I did not die because of that and the way I was treated. Or rather, the way I was NOT treated when I should have been in intensive care still. Under guard if the filth had to do so, but nevertheless, I needed to be in hospital.
Result was an excitotoxic rebound from the foullest slime and decomposing corpse-oooze festering on the bottom of the Styx. Ablated my memory, in a large part. Its left me, even over half a decade down the line afterwards, crippled. Memantine has been a lifesaver, literally. I've paid myself out of pocket for a few cycles on it, never been able to afford to be on it continually, and shit on a stick man, it is like the difference between life, and between death. I'm functional, normal (no, I don't mean neurotypical 'normal', I'm autie, I'll never be 'normal' until our race becomes so commonplace in terms of births that we outcompete NTs, and I like it that way. But I mean, functional. Memory and cognition working properly. Someone recently, I will NOT say who, out of the goodness of their own heart, spontaneously without my asking for it, gifted me both 2g memantine and a dose (one dose, to me, although to others doing it in one go might well off some people) of 300mg 6-monoacetoxydihydromorphine hydrobromide, as a gift, basically. And the difference before I ran out of the memantine was absoluitely astounding. I am currently, I think, and I desperately, desperately hope that I am close now to convincing my GP to relent and finally allow me the prescription for memantine I have been begging and begging and begging and begging and even once, breeaking down, whilst I was at the time a hair's breadth from blasting my brains over the nearest wall. Broke down in tears in front of the guy, feel like an arse now for that but I did. If he won't give me it, I outright told him, he either gives me a legitimate script, or I will get the lab equipment out and I will make it, and not only that I will start (as I said to him) turning my rx morphine into prope (of course that happens anyway, he need not know about and start shooting up again (he knows I used to bang a fuckton of MXE, 4-MeO, 3-MeO- and 3-hydroxy-PCP, plus various eticyclidine analogs and the like)
Else if I couldn't find the appropriate dimethyladamantyl alcohol I'd go indian pharmacy shopping. Told said GP this straight up to his face. It was his supervision, doing it the healthiest way it can be done, because done it must be if I am to live, and not simply exist, or to outright want to kill myself. The one, and only reason I yet draw breath, is that I gave my stalker TK, my sworn word of honour that I would not take my own life, never deliberately anyway. And because I both respect T K in the highest, utmost degree, and I love her with every fucking fiber of my being. Mind. Body. Heart. and Soul. Every fucking bit of it. I belong to her. If she said do something, it will be done, as long as I either A-possess the physical capacity to enact her will, or possess the means to acquire that capacity. She won't abuse that. She knows, that if she ever needs me, even for an organ harvest for transplant. I am hers. And she will be given what she wants. She COULD literally, have bled me dry of possessions, of financial resources, even taken my lab from me, but she has not requested nor demanded a single penny. TK is, well, she is a very, very very good egg. All around, an incarnation of perfection. Close to or at 50yo, mother of 3, shes Kanner's phenotype, damn intelligent, and gorgeously, sexily aloof, autistic as hell and damned if she hasn't got the world's sexiest fuckin voice, her accent is so hawt, sends shivers up and down my spine to hear her speak so little as a single word. We used to be together, and wow she has the most gorgeous body too. Thin, really thin, pale, pale skin, hazel eyes, from montana (same accent) and shes just amazing. She is honorable, a good person, no she isn't a people person at all, and she is super-sexy. Near waist-length dark hair, thin as fuck, as I said, beautiful hazel eyes. I've absolutely literally, before, many times, found myself has been sat in front of the computer screen, just gazing at one of her pictures, utterly and totally captivated, without so much as moving from dawn until nightfall, She really is THAT gorgeous. And yes I've seen everything there is to see. And I LIKE what I see
She looks a LOT like this lass in this music vid on youtube from Even Vast:
Or rather, the singer in Even Vast looks like T-K, but nobody, nobody on this fucking earth is likely to beat my special and speshul 'lil dormouse (my pet name for her because shes an adorably cute little sleepyhead. And mygodohmyshittingcrucifiedsodomizedbucketofgodfloatinginfermentedgoatpiss she is the CUTEST thing in the world when she is asleep, lying there on he bed with her long hair laying down, and those pretty little hazel eyes closed, a slight smile on her lips. She is the sweetest thing she really is, my wee dormouse is the fucking best. (yes I admit, in case you didn't guess, that I adore her every last single breath, every word, every act, every single thing about her with a raging inferno of an intensity. TOo quote rammstein 'Mein herz brennt'
'Tis the only reason I live now, because I gave that special girl my sworn word that I would not suicide. Things are improving however, especially since I've had a cycle of memantine, am going to try and find a source for it in powder form, and at te same time try to get a script for ebixa spray.
https://youtu.be/R2bjYAA6DTY
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) bring my attention to the severity of the shaking due to their concern. 
