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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

EADD Heroin discussion v.21 -- Big shout out to kkattastic :)

fightingthetoot said:
Gear never leaves my thoughts. Its literally the first thing that's in my head. And if I don't use, even if I don't feel WD I am in a stinker of a mood generally just hate life and everyone. But a toot sorts all that then am sound with every cunt moves mountains for ya, but not if I don't have gear first. I know you've been off it so I am asking does it ever stop? Do you ever stop thinking smack as soon as you open your eyes? I can't see an end to it, I can't help but do it every fucking morning.
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the only thing that stopped me was waking up after dreaming of scoring,as i usually did(still do sometimes),to see a locked,steel door.
I needed that cos all the voluntary inpatient or community based detoxes,i failed.I would hit the hard rattle,pack my shit and leave.
I needed someone/something to take that control from me
But I still often dream about gear,scoring and even people that are long dead
 
kkattastic said:
But I still often dream about gear,scoring and even people that are long dead
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I have had a few dreams in which I scored some gear, but then never managed to smoke any of it for some reason -- could not find any foil, lost the gear, found it impossible to roll a tooter, or something else equally bizarre and improbable.
 
Allein said:
These have absolutely no recreational value at all, I was on Venlafaxine for sometime, it may be an effective antidepressant for some people but other than that and those effects take many weeks of daily use to become apparent it has no positive effects.

Bin them.

Just a quick link for info
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Sorry to be an absolute anti-HR cunt and anti advise but I necked 3 of them as you do, I was feeling great for about 4 hours then I had 3 days of absolute HELL, never felt so bad. I know this is a HR form but sometimes gets the better of you, should have listened, well the rest have been binned. Felt horrific, horrible "medicine", never ever again, felt inhumane. I cant believe they are prescribing these to people if they are..
 
AndyNRTH said:
Sorry to be an absolute anti-HR cunt and anti advise but I necked 3 of them as you do, I was feeling great for about 4 hours then I had 3 days of absolute HELL, never felt so bad. I know this is a HR form but sometimes gets the better of you, should have listened, well the rest have been binned. Felt horrific, horrible "medicine", never ever again, felt inhumane. I cant believe they are prescribing these to people if they are..
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They save lives, they're generally considered to be the strongest antidepressant on the market and get results in the most treatment resistant of patients and psychotic depression.

Not every tablet with a psychoactive effect is going to feel recreational. If you had just spent the last month lying silent and starving in a dark room with no reason to live you may have had a different experience.
 
Chances are slim then. I can change my kit addiction to a valium one, bad idea as I end up both like I am now again. All about deceding what one is worse, finacally its smack, everything else it is the valium.

Last few days I have just been buying tenner bags, size and qaulity is bang on, but he also does valium. Tenner a box too, as you can guess it gets messy.
 
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to be honest mate, why are you forcing yourself to choose between habits?

whenever ive ct'd off street gear, yes, ive found that having alot of benzos on hand can be helpful at times, but ultimately they havnt alleviated my withdrawal symptoms, one rattle i did at my cousins in dublin saw me taking up to 10mgs of clonazepam on at least 3 days (thats supossed to be = 200mg diazepam according to ashton but a little more of that at the end) - i did go through periods of stupified sedation but it did nothing to quench my thirst for gear, my restless achy legs etc. They didnt even help me sleep.

But once clean why would i want to use benzodiazepines every day? Ive been taking the piss lately especially with the clonazolam and flubromazolam - i have 7 different benzos (2 pharms, 5 rc's) at home at the moment and ive taken some most days over the past month, stupidly keeping the rotation to the strongest ones (f-pam,f-lam and c-lam) - while im still gettting on ok with the flubromazepam and clonazolam im not getting even a quarter of the effect now from the flubromazolam after only 5 uses over 2 weeks - its almost like its so strong a couple of blasts on it has permanently made me tolerant of them.

Im rambling now but my point is that if i keep this up, ill be tolerant to all of the benzos i have, with tolerance comes withdrawal symptoms and once in benzo withdrawal no amount of brown is going to help, same as when the benzodiazepines didnt help my heroin wd.

Im a heroin addict, and as stupid and insensitive as this sounds i would rather deal with that than have a benzodiazepine dependance, which sounds like the least rewarding habit of them all, only with the added bonus of going through the longest, most unsettling and potentially life threatening withdrawal syndrome if you ever run out or decide to quit ct

fightingthetoot - all im asking is about the logic of 'commiting' to one habit or the other.
I relate to alot of what you have said about your obsession with gear and there are few days where i go without brown without having a benzo on top of my methadone in some misguided way to increase my peace.
I have a heroin habit, largely under control through my mmt, but the only substitute for my current intake would be detoxification from opiates, and my benzodiazepine use should be for anxiety control (i do have a regular legitimate diazepam prescription for this purpose).

Ps: back to my pedantic views on ashton equivalency - IMO and that of other users AND health professionals 0.5mg clonazepam is = 7.5mg diazepam not 10
 
although i have my clonaz presribed by the doc,it doesn't seem to be as strong as the ones i used to buy from india
now i don't use the clonaz but buy generic xanax from serbia
 
oh it is so hard! today, no money no company aching limbs sneezes and coughs and mind games. I know that it would be over in a couple of days but \I look at the world and prefer it in soft focus. Iam scared of what Iculd be without heroin fucking amazing but I'm not mad ambitious coz I know it's a lie. The poppy tea is a great thing . fucked off my script cos of the farce of daily pick up putting extra strain on my life being expected to turn up at the chem every day while I wassick with shingles was worse than getting there after work. I don't want to line their pockets any more at all. Couldn't have proper convos with my dw cos I had to lie all the time due to their needing to inform the local authority about me and thus jeopordise my employment. They would rather me committing crime to feed it than working. Everything is a farce.
 
anyone hear from louie? I could do with taunting him about the mighty villa's win over the loathesome Liverpool fc. :D
 
I feel your pain, fucking brutal isn't it. Yesterday I had no money either, went OTT at the weekend and left myself skint and rattling yesterday. And it was really bad rattles again. I switched from my gram man to tenner bags the gear was better so it was worth it till yesterday/this morning. Was using the tenner man from wednesday a few bags a day at least. OTT friday and saturday. Yesterday wasn't that bad, but I woke up at 2am and couldn't sleep again. Went to my mums at 7 seen my brother leave for work, he probs knew I was rattling, fuck him though. Usually the tenner man is up real early, but couldn't get him trying like mad, rattle was murder, txt my gram man he said he was away picking up an hour, 40 mins later I text and say still on time? He txt back saying something came up didn't know how long it would be, the fucking prick. Rattling really bad by then full blown. So, I end up treking into town and got half g for 20, good gear, my man let me have a little toots in his so I wasn't as bad coming home. Got a little bit left n thatll be me for the day. Tomorrow is start of court for myself, really didn't want to start this with a habit looks like I am. Tomorrow is going to be hell. Fuck life, when its bad its fucking bad alright.
 
fightingthetoot said:
I feel your pain, fucking brutal isn't it. Yesterday I had no money either, went OTT at the weekend and left myself skint and rattling yesterday. And it was really bad rattles again. I switched from my gram man to tenner bags the gear was better so it was worth it till yesterday/this morning. Was using the tenner man from wednesday a few bags a day at least. OTT friday and saturday. Yesterday wasn't that bad, but I woke up at 2am and couldn't sleep again. Went to my mums at 7 seen my brother leave for work, he probs knew I was rattling, fuck him though. Usually the tenner man is up real early, but couldn't get him trying like mad, rattle was murder, txt my gram man he said he was away picking up an hour, 40 mins later I text and say still on time? He txt back saying something came up didn't know how long it would be, the fucking prick. Rattling really bad by then full blown. So, I end up treking into town and got half g for 20, good gear, my man let me have a little toots in his so I wasn't as bad coming home. Got a little bit left n thatll be me for the day. Tomorrow is start of court for myself, really didn't want to start this with a habit looks like I am. Tomorrow is going to be hell. Fuck life, when its bad its fucking bad alright.
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keep us posted on how you got on in court
do you have your bags packed and ready?
or is that a long way off yet?
sounds like it's gonna be tough going to prison with your habit.you should probably see the doc and get a 21 day detox or even a maintenance script,whichever they offer you(depends on which prison you go to)
 
No my bags are packed just yet. I was in and out today, it was put back a week today because a crown witness has changed her story. Said she was forced into saying things happened different than they did. Now she's told its puts me in a different postion for my defence, which is self defence I was attacked, I was the victim to start with.

Back on gear, today the tenner man didn't have, so I had to go to town before court, the boy I seen yesterday didn't have owt, so it was round the corner to another 10bag house, I knew they'd have but usually shit bags, and shit gear. Today the bag was bigger than usual, thinking because other boy has started it literally a few doors up. But the gear had a burnt taste of it, its was okish took my rattles away and felt a little buzz for a wee while, maybe I am just kidden myself too though. Fucking murder though, I wouldn't even ask to have a toot in that house, so I went to morrisons to have a smoke, the mens toliet was fucked, so it was the disabled one for me. Sitting with a suit on having a toot in a disabled toilet, para as fuck to be honest lol this gear game is murder, get sick of it fast. Can see the benzos making a come back big style to get off the gear isn't great but right now seems like I need drugs, obviously if I go to jail I will have no choice, but at least it looks like I will get back on subs before then.
 
Seems every shotter in hackney has got class gear - same as the asian folk in east london dont know how long it will last maybe the 'glut' we are always told about has made its way to the uk???
 
never heard the saying glut before, i take it it means good. i just dont really get ote of benzos even tho i only take them with gear. I dont feel much differant compared to gear alone. qualitys dropped a tiny bit round my way last few days, still good just nott as gud. might check sum1 else next time, see whats floating around with other pepes
 
Scored monday, still good. Made sure i got my methadone down me at 9am, scored and saved the bags till bedtime. 4 bags had me nodding inand out untill 5am, leaving me with serious dead legs from constantly coming too in lotus-type positions.
 
I always end up taking 5-6 hours to watch a movie as i drift in and out of a gauch, rewind -watch-conk out - repeat. Picked up some teeth sticking good stuff smornin - same as before, very light almost white and .2 will drop yer chin.
 
do any of u ever wake up with a hurting tongue after nodding cus ur teeth have been biting down too hard for to long i assume an cut off the blood supply, it can feel really weird, or wake up mmove your arm and its totally numb and floppy. Can be quite scary sumtimes
 
Lot of times I wake up in the morning and my jaw is sore! Like under my teeth its weird, and sore. I don't know if its because when I am tootin' a lot I clinch my teeth together I don't notice when I do it. Only know about it when I wake up in the morning and usually a smoke takes it away. So I asumme its gear related.

Today I had to go get a tenner bag from the team who are always there, and got, but the gear is shite. They only manage to punt the stuff because where they are located and every knows them, they know its shite to but when your on a rattle it does. It does take away the rattles but you will spend a fortune trying to use it to get out ya tits. They have made the bags bigger because just a few a boy has moved in who's doing 10s, and 20s, 20s being a half gram and he also does valium, actavis 5mgs. But yesterday morning he was all all out, and today when I went he wasn't in, and I was down at 10 to 9 because I was on a rattle, so had to settle for the other teams gear. Took my rattles away. That's about it. So an hour ago I phoned my gram man and got one off him. I was/am still pished at him for fucking me about the other day, its very unlike! But I believe he done that because I hadn't scored off him for 6 days. But I was getting dyno tenner bags, and he does me no favours its all cash, and cash talks. But you know what people are like get the hump because you go else where, there is always a reason we go else where. I asked him did he fuck me about on monday because I didn't score off him for a few days. He obviously denied it. He was here in 10 mins when I phoned today though. So got that G and have had a decent took off it, and fuck me you see the difference between the pony stuff from this morning. After having the good stuff.

I got in touch again with my drug worker, I need to wait up to 21 days but I will be getting subs again. I can't say I will give the gear up forever, I just can't admit that I will never have gear again after I am back on subs that thought its just too much. I change my mind hourly about gear, but I need to use the subs for a little while to trying and regain some grip of my life, its going down hill fast now. Its cauing too much shit with the burd. I never have no money doesn't matter how much I make, all goes on gear. I want a break at least. So I will use subs, and top that up with benzos. Subs take away all the reasons I use gear for there are great for that. And I just feel normal. Ad say it makes me feel just like smoking one tenner bag does. No way near even a touch of being out my tits, but no anxiety, can actually face people etc. The way a little toot does. And I will just use benzos on top to give me a 'dunt' because as sad as it is a do feel like a need a drug, and smack is becoming a too big a problem just now. Although benzos will take there place it is cheaper, and I have finally discovered the magical RC benzos out there.

Gonna have me a few more lines, and a joint of really light polm, wonderful hash. This stuff gives the best homegrown a run for its money. Though I do have a bit for a joint or 2 of nice stinkywink there too, I will keep that for bed time. A joint and bong before lights out.


Hope y'all corndawgz be smokin well today,
 
''''yep numb end of tongue where iv'e been biting down on it - also have badly blistered my nose before when smoking as so out of it cant feel the flame or see the foil clearly : (
 
As for that sore jaw,I spent years grinding my teeth in my sleep.I fucked up all my upper teeth like this and have had them all removed.Now my lower teeth are safe because i can't grind them anymore.I don't know if it was the gear that made me grind my teeth or if it was just a stress thing.But I know it's common amongst heroin users.
 
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